SPT: Berty Considers Proper Food (728 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.67 on 57 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Berty (View user info) at 2009-04-30 04:21:03 EDT
Alright, so, here's something I've been thinking about: If you were to eat a lot of ice cream, and I mean A LOT of ice cream, let us say you eat nothing but ice cream for, I don't know, lets say for a week. So, you've eaten nothing but ice cream and I should say it is all vanilla, there is no maple syrup or sprinkles or anything but ice cream. What would your poop look like? What would it feel like? Would it taste light and fluffy? Would it even still be poop as we know it or would it be somehow purer?
Now, this is the good part, imagine we can make Proper Ice Cream™ which contains everything you need to live as a healthy Adonis and makes your poop this refreshingly scented and easily passed material that just makes your anus feel like it has been wrapped in a blanket by the tenderest mother. Also you would be able to just eat ice cream all the time. Forever.
With such pristine and perfect bowels, imagine how much beer you could drink without waking up the next day feeling like a used tampon that has been dipped in battery acid.
User Reviews
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-05-03 21:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I made this point to a friend of mine. Only we used macaroni and cheese.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-05-01 14:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That is interesting.
Submitted by paranoiadestroya (user info) at 2009-05-01 11:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ice cream apparently has a low glycemic index. But I don't think a dairy product is the correct vehicle for nutrients.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-04-30 22:49:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
2 Girls 1 cup?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-04-30 22:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-04-30 08:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-04-30 08:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-30 04:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just makes your anus feel like it has been wrapped in a blanket by the tenderest mother.
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There is a way to do this already - eat vegetarians.
if you only ate female vegitarians would that make you a vagitarian?
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Aprecio la posición de su dispositivo de cogida del viento.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2009-04-30 15:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
just go to ice cream city in japan..sea urchin ice cream..mmmm
http://www.happyjappy.com/other/offbeat/weird_ice-cream.html
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-04-30 12:17:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me want some General Tso's Chicken, which is what I believe "Proper Food" to be.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-04-30 11:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant to type coils in the booooowl
:(
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-04-30 11:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
inion already said it. First you'd get lose stools, then it would be runs.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-04-30 11:30:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
coils in the boil. mmmm mmm
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-04-30 11:20:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and would it come out in soft, liquid curls into perfectly-shaped coils in the boil?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-30 11:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NO ONE watches A porn. christ getting through a whole thing would kill most people.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-30 11:03:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know what you meant inion...I was saying that they WOULD know some actresses who were meeting your requirements.
I have never watched a porn but if I ever chose to, it would CERTAINLY NEVER star an uber user and you'd likely be freed from your job long before 8/20 if that were the case.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-30 11:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i don't think it takes much imagination though
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i was referring to putting the person in a receptacle to let the feces buildup to attract insects.
reminded me of the blowfly girl http://rdk.homeip.net/blowfly_girl/
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true. and ew.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well I sincerely hope all your Plans work out the way you hope them to, Katy. :) Seriously, best of luck to you! You seem to be losing interest anyhow especially since you're gleaning the likes of uber for new "actresses". On second thought though, that's not a bad idea, what with the myriad sexual deviants here. <3
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no i was trying to find names of current relatively mainstream performers that were redheaded or pierced. ONLY ONE OF YOU WAS FUCKING HELPFUL THOUGH. i don't really want to contemplate uber users doing porn :(
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i don't think it takes much imagination though
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i was referring to putting the person in a receptacle to let the feces buildup to attract insects.
reminded me of the blowfly girl http://rdk.homeip.net/blowfly_girl/
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well I sincerely hope all your Plans work out the way you hope them to, Katy. :) Seriously, best of luck to you! You seem to be losing interest anyhow especially since you're gleaning the likes of uber for new "actresses". On second thought though, that's not a bad idea, what with the myriad sexual deviants here. <3
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ha
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
currently, if things go according to The Plan. i get to stop professionally watching porn around august 20 of this year.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i don't think it takes much imagination though. if you eat too much of most fruits it gives you the shits. there's not enough fiber to offset the mostly water and fructose content in a lot of fruit, especially berries. if you had an entire liquid diet (like babies) it would also give you the shits. regardless of how solid ice cream is at the time of consumption, at room and body temperature milk is a liquid.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha! Misfire, but probably true nonetheless.
That was jokingly directed at inion.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Needs to lay off watching the hard-core stuff for a while, below.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My shit tastes like ice cream.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_torture_methods_and_devices
here ya go caul. :D
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:37:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scaphism
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holy fuck...did persians have the internet?!
they had A LOT of fucked up imagination. o_O
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you'd have diarrhea for a week. vast quantities of sugar + milk = the shits.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scaphism
just ask persians.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
forest talk lol
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-04-30 10:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
maple syrup on ice cream is nice. better than chocolate in fact.
maple flavored ice cream (with nuts) is excellent too.
I LIVE IN A MAPLE WORLD!
the price of maple syrup has skyrocketted and there is increasing maple theft! :-O
http://foresttalk.com/index.php/2009/03/31/maple-syrup-theft-a-problem-in-quebec
as you can see, there's a lot of action in canada!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-04-30 09:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
echo
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-30 09:51:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maple syrup on vanilla ice cream?
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-04-30 09:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MAPLE SYRUP ON ICE CREAM??
ackkkkk
you crazy foreigners!!!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-04-30 08:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-04-30 08:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-30 04:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just makes your anus feel like it has been wrapped in a blanket by the tenderest mother.
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There is a way to do this already - eat vegetarians.
if you only ate female vegitarians would that make you a vagitarian?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-04-30 08:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Igh, I hate the fact that I'm agreeing with Sico. But it can't be helped. You're a pretentious twat.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-04-30 08:38:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Who the fuck is Berty, and why does the world in general care?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-04-30 08:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-30 04:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just makes your anus feel like it has been wrapped in a blanket by the tenderest mother.
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There is a way to do this already - eat vegetarians.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-30 08:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This came off as a acne ridden preteen with the over-usage of "so" and comma not to mention how utterly inane the content is.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-04-30 06:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We're not Ethiopians, Bertleby.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-30 06:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wasn't it <click> <click>?
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-04-30 06:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's not even right, dingbat.
Your sister is your mother,
your uncle is your brother,
You all fuck one another,
The Norwich family, da da da da <clap> <clap>
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-30 06:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shut it farmer boy
your father is your mother
your sister is your brother
you only fuck each other
the norwish family
lalalala
lalalal
lalal
lalal
lalalala
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-04-30 06:17:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that from all the coal you eat, Taffs?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-30 06:10:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i shit out diamonds
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-30 06:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not round these parts, me duck
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-04-30 05:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's not slang for kebabs then?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-30 05:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fat inhibitor ie you eat fat you are gonna shit yourself
i just lose weight the old fashion way eat less more exercise.
and inject skag.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-04-30 05:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Christians have the runniest bottoms of any world religion.
Think it's something to do with the eating the body of Christ thing. It's basically a weight loss Diety supplement. (hooohooo!)
What's alli?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-30 05:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-30 09:53:53 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Does that stuff work or would it just turn you into a skinny fat guy?
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lol
it works 'cos you are too scared shitless to eat anything i imagine
gimme a kebab with extra grease
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-04-30 05:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have minty poop, from swallowing chewies.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-30 04:53:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does that stuff work or would it just turn you into a skinny fat guy?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-30 04:47:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-04-30 09:42:56 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha! Berty has got a runny bottom.
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He is on alli.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-30 04:46:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dervel! That is a medical condition that affects me only on Sunday mornings.
Perhaps praying would help. Do Christians have these woes?
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-04-30 04:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha! Berty has got a runny bottom.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-30 04:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously though, being a vegitarian doesn't seem like it would do much for the old bangalore belly. Surely the only real method towards health is to stop using your body as a filter for gallons and gallons of lager?
Or does eating asparagus render you immune to everything?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-30 04:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scatology, ice cream and ablutional benefits aside; what are your reactions to the concept of Proper Food™ in general?
Do you think it is the best thing ever or an abomination? Bear in mind that I am person who feels a roast dinner could be put in a blender and drunk with a straw to enhance efficency.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-30 04:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just makes your anus feel like it has been wrapped in a blanket by the tenderest mother.
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There is a way to do this already - become vegetarian.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-30 04:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
do you eat poo?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-30 04:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why is the lady in the picture wearing two joints of ham?