My Adventures of Stealing from Wal-Mart or The Rules and Misadventures of a Ganking King (785 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -0.12 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tigre (View user info) at 2009-04-08 14:40:11 EDT
I know that there are a fair number of you uberites out there that steal, and I'm here to tell you that it is in fact okay- so long as it's done at Wal-Mart.
Now, I've always believed and lived by the idea that hard work, time, and dedication will bring about a positive karmatic response. I've also held that Wal-Mart is a terrible, evil corporation and they must be stopped.
For the past few years, I've been casually shoplifting at my local Wal-Mart. Everyone does it, especially all the cool kids. I started out shoplifting however not like most kids. I was trained by some of the best. Thats right. The Pros.
First off let me tell you that shoplifting from Wal-Mart is cake. Generally unless you live in the inner-city you can steal with nobody ever having seen you. Not to mention that you can essentially shoplift anything you want.
The first rule of stealing is to always understand your environment. This means understand what type of establishment you're stealing from, what kind of people work there, their attitude, and what their assets protection (or AP) may be like. When you have a general understanding of this, you've created a solid base. This proves helpful in not only lowering your anxiety and stress levels to look less suspicious but it also will tell you if it is safe to steal from the store you intend to.
The second rule is always scope, or have a solid scope working for you. This is where 90% of all shoplifters get caught. They know the environment, know the people and the risk. They simply do not know where they are. When you scope out a store, it isn't necessary to scope the entire place, but I recommend 1/3 of the store in the area you intend to rob. Figure out who the managers are, where they are, and if they're paying attention. Second start watching for employees in general. As a rule of thumb, most associates hate Wal-Mart and they do not care in any way if you're stealing from them. Never take a chance, treat every associate like they want to bust you.
The cameras in every Wal-Mart I've heard of has post-frame imaging, basically they see you in five second intervals, and they see you after you've already done what you're doing, not at that very moment. Also the quality on the cameras is so terrible it is rare that Wal-Mart security footage is ever used in court because perpetrators cannot be identified. On top of all this Wal-Mart has a known tendency for only using one tape- and reusing it everyday.
Always pick a good time to steal. The worst time you could ever steal would be sunday afternoon. There are two to three times the number of normal associates in the store, and it's packed full of old people and folks coming back from church who would be more than happy to have you arrested for your sin. My advise is avoid Sunday entirely.
You're no doubt wondering when the best time is then? 2 a.m. on a Tuesday night. Tuesday is generally a slow stocking night. They've recovered from the weekend on Monday and they're generally focusing on grocery stocking. Wal-Mart workers on third shift also generally take their breaks between 1:30-2:30 and 2:30-3:30. A majority of on-store stockers will be on break on the second break hour. You thought the store was empty at night? See how empty it is when you cut the staff in half.
Now, a pressing question; where do you go and how do you steal the booty you've gathered up? You have a couple of options really. You can do it safe and take it into the bathroom, cut open the packaging and either take out the RFED(the white/black strip that gets you busted going through the doors) or just take the merchandise you're taking. But if you're like me and you don't use what you steal but rather sell it you want to keep everything intact to preserve the value. How do you do it?
It's simple, you deactivate it. Heres how;
Most Wal-Marts have a sporting goods section close-by to their electronics section. Usually right next to one another. At night, it is generally one person that covers both areas (or in some cases even more, I've seen one person forced to cover sporting goods, auto, electronics, and fabrics). We know that electronics is a hotspot (also known as action alley), and sporting goods is slow at night. So naturally the associate will be guarding the goods in electronics rather than anywhere else.
Sporting goods generally carries things that requires its own register, mainly for firearms or at the least ammunition. While the register is often disabled, it is still on and active. This in mind we assume the most important thing is also active: the deactivator. If you can walk around the counter to pretend to look at guns or ammo do it. See if there is a small set of keys inside a small white or gray box. Generally with a green light, located under the deactivator. This is something most associates never think about, so it stays on when the register is on. Which is 24 hours, this is walmart folks.
So bring a plastic Wal-Mart bag with you, deactivate your stuff (it's going to feel like it sounds loud, but it's not I promise you. There will be a beep, but if you have a scout, scope, or wingman they can tell you 8 feet away you cannot hear the beep. You're just nervous, trust me). Put your goodies into the bag in a closed in location and walk out of the open doors. Even if an associate watches you the entire time, they cannot stop you if the detectors do not go off. Keep in mind some items are double tagged, such as Kodak Cameras. The main box has one (keep in mind the detector pieces are always right by the barcode) and there is one inside the smaller white box that the camera is held in.
Your other option of going home with your booty? Just walk out. After 10 P.M. Wal-Mart will close one set of doors. The lights are dim, the step sensors are deactivated, and one must wait for morning to use them..or do you? These doors are never locked. It's the law. They will open if you pull them apart.
If you have a cart full of stuff or just a handful of expensive stuff this is the way to go. If you're there at 2 am, there is a chance the cashier (who may be the only one up front) is in electronics helping that person when they're on break. Even if they're not, they're closer to the open doors on the opposite side. So even if they did happen to hear the low beeping there isn't enough time to get you. Coupled with the fact that a majority of folks working there don't give a rats ass about the place, we can safely assume you will be getting out of those doors with your shit.
I always recommend having a getaway driver if you are intending to take expensive loot. I'll explain why later.
Also, you must keep in mind that sometimes people will be heroes. They will try to stop you, and they will try different things. Some will only shout, some wont even follow. On rare occasions they will physically touch you to restrain you from leaving. That shit does not happen with me.
In my personal opinion, if you're going to go in and come out large, be prepared to fight for what you're taking. If you're not willing to punch somebody in the face or crack a kneecap don't do it. If you walk through the doors and they go off, keep fucking moving. Don't stop. Don't turn around if somebody yells at you. Keep moving and move fast.
Once you're out those doors you're safe. Nothing can happen to you. Getting out the doors is the scariest part, but sometimes an associate will follow you outside to stop you. They might even chase you. That's what happened to me last night.
The past few months I've been stealing really heavy. During black Friday I stole 12 ipod touches, a 120 classic, 120 zune, Sony PSP, a shitload of dvd box sets, and a 320gb ps3. It was a lot of shit. Since then I've made a steady living selling my stolen wares, all of which is in original packaging. My rule of thumb to my clientèle is half of the retail cost. If you want the dual brand dvd/navigation headunit and it costs $600, I'm going to sell it to you in the exact same condition unopened for $300. Catch me on a good day and I'll even install it for you. I don't do payment plans and I don't have layaway. This cost ration encourages me to steal high end, like the $300 sony blu-ray player I got last month. It's $100 more than the next lowest which means $50 more for me. On the flipside, it's much larger than the other one. You have to weigh the circumstances.
Last night I was picking up an order. It was a dvd player with two screens in the headrest I got paid for. I was just picking it up. I immediately was glad to see electronics was clear, so I found some blu-ray dvds (for the same person I got the player for earlier). I go to the car section to find an associate stocking car supplies. I strike up a conversation with him, shooting the shit. I've got two blu-ray dvds in my hands and he doesn't ask me to pay for them. I know of the guy, one reason I hit Wal-Mart Monday and Tuesday is because otherwise a particular manager works that will watch you and bust you hard.
I wait for him to leave, but I feel suspicion growing. I tend to feel people out, see what they're about and how crooked they're willing to go. I asked him if he needed any auto-body work done. He said he did, and I said it could be done for free for an associate with a blind eye. He got mad at me, it was time to go.
So I grabbed the nearest most expensive radar/laser/lidar detector (retail $200 even)and I make my way to pets. You might say to me,
"Tigre, how do you get those LOUD devices off? The spider thingys that wrap around the item?" Well, I'll tell you it's simple. Every one of those wrap-around devices can off. The trick is pulling both the front and back up to one corner. The cords will slide through and allow you to manipulate the cords off of one corner so it slips off. My average removal is about 3-6 seconds for any given item.
So I slip it off, steal some minor things for my brothers cat (we were getting high later, I wanted something to amuse us. Every time I go to steal I bring back something for the cat. Lately it's been those foldup play cubes you tie together to make a clubhouse. He loves them.).
So I'm holding blu-ray dvds, a cat toy and this detector. I go to the pharmacy section and see two stockers. One is distracted, and the other one is walking far away. I wait until shes at the other doors and I foolishly make a bolt for it. Bad move.
Before you ever leave, make sure you have a clear path. Walk down the main isle and make sure nobody is around or watching. It was my luck that an associate late to take lunch was leaving (2 am is good because everyone is at lunch. If you go at 1:30 you can get caught because people leaving or coming in will see you). I walk though and hear,
"Hey! Sir!" I almost shit my pants. I run to the doors, fling them open and hear "Stop! Get him! Hes getting away and hes stealing!" I look around and my brother is nowhere in sight. Hes to have the car running and ready to go. I'm ready to fight the guy chasing me, though I haven't yet turned to look at him. I'm about to dash for the nearby fields with I see bright lights to my left. He was literally parked in a culvert next to the doors. I run over, the guy reaches out and gets my jacket in his hands.
This is the point I yell at him and he must really see my size because he absolutely reconsidered after I said, "You wanna be a hero today?!" coupled with the fact that he wasn't expecting a getaway car, we was in a bit of shock. We sped out of there faster than my brother has ever driven before so he can't catch the plate. We drive to a nearby development and catch our breath and switch seats. My brother can barely focus on driving after the initial adrenaline pang. I personally have long since come down (about a minute after the incident) and am perfectly fine.
The guy trying to stop me I later learned was a nice black guy named Anderson that nobody expected to chase after me. Whether or not he got my plate number I don't, but I'll always remember that "What the fuck?!" look on his face as my grand am roared to life to pick my up at literally the last possible second.
Then again I would have beat the shit out of his scrawny ass if he wanted to stop me. But I digress..
I hope everyone will be responsible with all that I've taught you and use it properly and to the best of your advantage. Wal-Mart is a crazed, evil corporate machine and it must be stopped. We must do our part to bankrupt them as quickly as possible, with no heart or regard for anything but ourselves.
Viva la resistance
Fight the machine
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-04-16 01:19:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
YOU HAVE REMARKABLY GOOD GRAMMAR AND DICTION FOR A NIGGER
Submitted by beckig1983 (user info) at 2009-04-14 18:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Judgement (user info) at 2009-04-13 16:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-04-10 17:27:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Amusing
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2009-04-09 13:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2009-04-09 11:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Explain to me why Walmart is bad? Why is it worse than Sears?
_______________________
Or Costco, for that matter. Good question. From what I've read, most people take issue with WalMart because of their "interesting" HR policies. Sure, some are mad about unions, but not all.
Here's a "for instance". Consider WalMart and Costco, two large, discount stores. Costco has HR policies in place which result in Costco offering health insurance to 90% of its employees. WalMart offers coverage to ~45% of its workers and the coverage is famously bad (or inadequate). In fact, a WalMart standard operating procedure is to refer its employees to certain federal health care programs that they qualify for due to the very low wage WalMart pays them. So, for all practical purposes, Walmart is using federal tax dollars (through public health care programs) to subsidize the health care of it's (fairly large) workforce.
As a result, Walmart can clear 5% margins and still charge less than Costco, which has margins around 2.1%. They can do this because, in a very real sense, the american taxpayer is bearing much of Walmart's health insurance costs, while Costco is paying for theirs out of their bottom line. Good for Walmart, good for its shareholders, sucks for its employees and sucks for the taxpayer.
On the other hand, Walmart does have very low prices. The segment of society that benefits most by this is the poor since the poor must spend a larger percentage of their income on essentials. So, you can't say Walmart's all bad, because their low prices really do help to improve the standard of living of many of this country's poor. Either way, Walmart is a very interesting subject.
[Note: The numbers cited above came from the third edition of "The World is Flat" by Tom Friedman, a very interesting book I'd highly recommend.]
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-04-09 12:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2009-04-09 11:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Explain to me why Walmart is bad? Why is it worse than Sears?
The average shop owner is making a larger mark up on the same items they sell at Walmart because they have to. Would you be as outraged if another business owner opened up next door and had a better business model and put them out of business?
If Unionization is the issue then I would argue that the intention of creating unions in the US has been completely twisted and gone way beyond its original purpose.
They are estimating that 50% of Union construction workers will be out of work by this summer. Why is that happening? There is still construction going on in the city. $$ Independent construction companies can price these jobs at a fraction of union costs. They can cut their labor costs by making salary cuts, why would that be considered wrong? Is it far more noble for a company to have no work and lay people off than it is to cut pay? Unions cannot and will not renegotiate contracts to make themselves viable in a more competitive market. They use strong arm tactics that are less and less useful as building owners make it clear that they will no longer tolerate this type of activity.
Why is capitalism on a large scale so much more reprehensible than an individual practicing these same economic initiatives?
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Any construction work performed for a government entity (federal, state, county, or local) is required to be paid using extremely over-inflated, union-controlled, federally mandated prevailing wages.
Take the unions out of the picture and construction will come back. Heck, take prevailing wage laws away, and bye-bye "decaying infrastructure".
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-09 12:25:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2009-04-09 11:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Explain to me why Walmart is bad? Why is it worse than Sears?
The average shop owner is making a larger mark up on the same items they sell at Walmart because they have to. Would you be as outraged if another business owner opened up next door and had a better business model and put them out of business?
If Unionization is the issue then I would argue that the intention of creating unions in the US has been completely twisted and gone way beyond its original purpose.
They are estimating that 50% of Union construction workers will be out of work by this summer. Why is that happening? There is still construction going on in the city. $$ Independent construction companies can price these jobs at a fraction of union costs. They can cut their labor costs by making salary cuts, why would that be considered wrong? Is it far more noble for a company to have no work and lay people off than it is to cut pay? Unions cannot and will not renegotiate contracts to make themselves viable in a more competitive market. They use strong arm tactics that are less and less useful as building owners make it clear that they will no longer tolerate this type of activity.
Why is capitalism on a large scale so much more reprehensible than an individual practicing these same economic initiatives?
=================================
I love you.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-04-09 11:53:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
tigre...aren,t you that unfunny guy everyone hated back then?
spacing, fucktard
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2009-04-09 11:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Explain to me why Walmart is bad? Why is it worse than Sears?
The average shop owner is making a larger mark up on the same items they sell at Walmart because they have to. Would you be as outraged if another business owner opened up next door and had a better business model and put them out of business?
If Unionization is the issue then I would argue that the intention of creating unions in the US has been completely twisted and gone way beyond its original purpose.
They are estimating that 50% of Union construction workers will be out of work by this summer. Why is that happening? There is still construction going on in the city. $$ Independent construction companies can price these jobs at a fraction of union costs. They can cut their labor costs by making salary cuts, why would that be considered wrong? Is it far more noble for a company to have no work and lay people off than it is to cut pay? Unions cannot and will not renegotiate contracts to make themselves viable in a more competitive market. They use strong arm tactics that are less and less useful as building owners make it clear that they will no longer tolerate this type of activity.
Why is capitalism on a large scale so much more reprehensible than an individual practicing these same economic initiatives?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2009-04-09 10:16:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2009-04-08 21:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you're more full of shit than my colon after all-you-can-eat wings
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-04-08 19:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2009-04-08 18:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Illegibility due to formatting incompetence.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-04-08 18:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Can't wait until all the cool dudes who shoplift end up crying here...
http://www.expertlaw.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=98
Submitted by TLawrence (user info) at 2009-04-08 18:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I steal groceries.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-04-08 17:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh believe me, I'm ALL about stealing from Wal-mart. But this post was far too long winded, and poorly written for me to give anything better.
Submitted by captainrads (user info) at 2009-04-08 17:33:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was actually pretty entertaining, and I somewhat relate. Though I don't steal a lot(just gum, its really all I need), my brother steals constantly...and we both love getting high. It does suck that everyone on this site is so damn hung up on the formatting of this post, if you would quit bitching and deal with it maybe you might be entertained.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-04-08 17:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
v
v
v
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2009-04-08 17:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The ONLY way to boost is to buy the item (worth at least $300 or more) (stocked at least 4 or 5 deep) walk out of the store WITHOUT getting your reciept checked (NOT going to tell you how) and then go back in and out of the store again and again until your fucking legs get tired or they run out of the item and then go back in and return the original item to get your $ back.
Fuck the sensors (if you're too retarded to remove them or you're in a hurry to get to your connection to buy the dope) because you made sure the original checker remembered you when you went thru HER line.
Have more than 1 car in parking lot to stash the "goods"
"Excuse me sir, I've got you for commercial burglary"
"FUCK YOU! I got a reciept"
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-04-08 17:18:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a fucking idiot. And learn to use the fucking enter key.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-04-08 17:00:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Now we know where you work.
(Yeah, you're the 'cool' guy stealing stuff, not the useless associate who can't do shit to stop it.)
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2009-04-08 16:56:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet. Well you've inspired me. IMA DO IT!
UBERSITE MAKES A DIFFERENCE!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-04-08 16:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Happy Passover!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjIFc6YjyE8
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-04-08 16:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-04-08 16:30:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-04-08 15:36:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Big ugly block of text.
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Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what redskies said.
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Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
can't read this. Please use the return key.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-04-08 16:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I read part of it. I won't comment on your formatting - see below for that.
I saw a guy once who had left his car running in the parking lot of a Zellers, went in and filled a basket with shit, tried to leave, and was chased out of the store by security. He opened up his door, attempted to fling the basket into the car but missed (his bounty smashing into the side of his car and falling to the ground haha), jumped in, and drove away.
The security guard caught up a moment too late and grabbed onto the side mirror of the car and actually allowed himself to be dragged for a little while before the mirror snapped off. It was an interesting thing to see at 9am on a hungover Saturday on a coffee run.
I just stood there with my sunglasses on and stared, said 'huh', and got my coffee.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2009-04-08 16:15:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
WTFINRAT.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-04-08 15:36:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Big ugly block of text.
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Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what redskies said.
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Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
can't read this. Please use the return key.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-04-08 15:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Crime is cool.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2009-04-08 15:23:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I braved it all. Anybody who plans on stealing from Wal-Mart NEEDS this post.
Also what about food? Does food have a marker on it too or can you just zoom right outa there with the perishable stuff?
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All food is safe, including crab and meats. I like to go to the deli during the day and get a pound or two of expensive meat and just slip it under my shirt or in my jacket.
I know a woman that would take tons of bags, get her food and go to clothing to pack it up. She'd walk out and nobody would think a thing.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-04-08 15:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Unreadable, but I think what you're saying is basically "If someone else has more than you and you don't like them, it's OK to just take what you want from them." You'll make a fine Democrat one day, provided you don't try that shit at my house first.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2009-04-08 15:17:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I braved it all. Anybody who plans on stealing from Wal-Mart NEEDS this post.
Also what about food? Does food have a marker on it too or can you just zoom right outa there with the perishable stuff?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-04-08 15:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, that's way more than I plan to read, however:
I worked at Wal-Mart once, for a few years, and know all the ins and outs. Most employees not only don't care if you steal, but actually steal themselves.
If you choose a time to go, go during a Wed. evening around 6-7pm, when it's usually fairly busy, but is in between the shift changes at 5 and 9. In this magical time-frame is when 75% of the employees working are under the age of 21, and of the other 25% the only 3-4 who care are the supervisor on duty, and the 2 bitchy cashiers at the main/return desk.
The best seasons are Fall and Spring, when seasonal items are kept fully stocked on shelves, and therefore provide ample areas to pack things away, but aren't so seasonal like Christmas when they hire extra personnel and security.
Security in Wal-Marts is fairly lax. The first one at the place I worked at got fired, because as a 55 year old overweight and rather ghastly looking woman, she decided to squeeze the ass of a 16 year old co-worker. They aren't hiring detectives here, just whoever applies for the job.
Not only is security lax, but it often spends so much time on internal "investigations" and spying on their own employees that only the most prosperous of Wal-Marts would hire another to actually patrol the store posing as customers.
Last but not least, NEVER use the dressing rooms or bathrooms. You get suspected of theft by entering either of them immediately.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what redskies said.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
can't read this. Please use the return key.