Omega version 2.0 (538 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.65 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FALLEN (View user info) at 2009-04-08 11:55:09 EDT
We meet.
It's interesting, mildly entertaining conversation. She seems to like talking to me. Why wouldn't she? I'm cute, funny, and intelligent.
I ask her for her phone number. I come across as nice enough, and I wouldn't mind seeing her again and hanging out. "Why the hell not?" she seems to think to herself.
Digits in hand, SWEET!
I'll call her...I always do with every chick I meet, really. She's the right balance of aloof and interested, and good looking enough. She smiles a lot, with lots of teeth, LOTS of teeth.
I'm not really into her as much as she thinks though, we barely know each other.
I text her two to three days later, asking if she has plans for the next night. She says yes...but mentions that she's free the night after that.
Give me a break.
When a girl is never available spontaneously, it totally comes across as desperate. I ask her if she wants to go meet me for dinner at an Italian restaurant. Broads LOVE Italian food, I don't know what it is about them. That's fine with me because it's cheap enough. There is no way I'm spending good money on a god damned steak, until I know she's going to eat sausage, if you catch my drift.
I agree to meet her there at 7pm.
Women need time to come home, feed the cat, pretty up and change into something presentable. I can't stand a woman that wears her work clothes out on the town.
I get there at 6:35 to scope out the rest of the crowd. If things don't turn out well here I'll have the coat check girl all lined up. She's sitting at a table by the bar, facing the door. She looks anxious like she's afraid I won't show up.
I get a smile and a hug, and she expects me to say something entertaining. I don't, I let her soak up my awesome as she stares at me.
The waitress comes by to take our food order. I suggest splitting a dish, because those thighs of hers are looking a little thick. I would have gotten her own plate had I known the way she was going to inhale the pasta. Damn she can eat. I figure I'm doing her a favor but I know she'll just hit the drive thru on the way home anyway.
Assuming I don't close the deal, which I can tell I will.
I look at the time. We keep having good conversation. She smiles and is hanging on my every word.
Our food finally arrives and there is of course a song and dance about an extra plate and silverware. She eats her food as quickly and politely as possible, Christ you think she hangs around with all guy friends the way she tore through that food. No doubt in a hurry to get back to my apartment.
I get another drink for us both and she goes off to the bathroom. Just as well, the waitress was checking me out every time she was at the table.
On the way there an old woman trips and falls. She just gawks a bit and walks around them. What a horrible bitch. She should have helped her, but she had enough people around her. What the hell is that about? I'm having second thoughts about this broad.
She drinks her Captain and Coke quickly and looks at her watch and back up at me. "I actually have to leave here soon..." No doubt shaken by the vision of that old lady being her future.
I look around for the waitress, and she brings us our check. I pay for it all because that's how I roll.
She says "thank you" and "I had a great time" as I walk her to her car. The rest of the walk is silent. She parked far away because she's too impatient to find a fucking parking space. I get a quick peck on the lips and a "call me!" as she smiles and drives off.
Don't hold your breath, baby.
I head back inside for another drink just as the coat check girl is coming out. We spend the rest of the night fucking each others brains out while making fun of the dead fish I wasted diner with.
Chicks can be so brutal.
I sent a few texts the next day to no response, figuring I'd give her another chance to empty my beanbag before sending my patented "this is the last time I'm going to text you...if I don't hear back, I'll get the message."
They usually feel bad and text you back. I tell her "thought we had a lot in common and that we could have fun getting to know one another".
She didn't respond.
It's just as well; I ended up banging our waitress from the other night too.
User Reviews
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-01 17:47:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MINE was better!
Submitted by Judgement (user info) at 2009-04-13 16:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-04-10 16:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Homer: I'm just a big fool.
Karl: Oh no, you're not!
Homer: How do you know?
Karl: Because my mother taught me never to kiss a fool!
Simpson and Delilah
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-04-08 19:19:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-04-08 17:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-08 16:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-04-08 21:31:05 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
cerise?
fine
cerise it is.
-------
Like my heart for you :)
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-04-08 15:50:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Enter a comment here
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:32:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I see what you did here.
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:02:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep your cerise hat on, will you.
All fun and games FALLEN
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you took the time you would be able to see the "we met" line was copied from sages post.
that's what makes it a PARODY.
I took her post and rewrote SOME of the lines.
not all of them.
your continued lack of understanding is why you were dubbed Doosh-bag.
how it became an anti-yank whine is beyond me
***cough***
asswupedinrevolutionarywarystillbitter
**cough-cough**
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FALLEN
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:22:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Obama who?
Obama'd yo momma.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i might just be that douchebag. wow, awesome comeback. you dont think my title might have been the slightest bit sarcastic? wait, im dealing with mostly yanks, so no, of course you dont see anything else but whats forcefed you. CHANGE IS GUD. I LUV OBAMA BECUZ HE LIKES CHANGE. CHANGE.
aside from that 'we meet' is shit. accept it and move on.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Naw, sage is too much of a douche, and she just might explode herself if there are anymore of these.
=====================
let the carnage begin!!!! http://www.ubersite.com/m/121785
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:11:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"I've seen better"
MINE.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:10:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
god your right, I bet there is a user her that composes first lines so powerful that NO ONE could write like that.
Naw who could be that much of a douchbag?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:08:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
first lines are so important. its the first impression, the glance across a crowded room, and you start with 'we meet'.
come on.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Naw, sage is too much of a douche, and she just might explode herself if there are anymore of these.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:04:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the day is still young, someone might make it three times
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad my original post was inspirational enough to be parodied not once, but twice.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:59:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FALLEN
Damn Sage, you're a fuckin' heartbreaker.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought about doing this too, good job man.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:57:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this would have been up first but some people work while ubering.
its weird how like the other post was.