Dear Sage (1222 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.05 on 64 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by S.I. Co. (View user info) at 2009-04-06 10:51:36 EDT
While a mouth is a great place to put a penis I must offer an apology for soliciting "mouth massages" last night. I would firmly like to believe that our friendship is more than just me trying to get my dick sucked and believe that I was not thinking properly last night. Also, I'd like to clear up any missed notions. Sometimes, when I say "suck my dick" that is a polite way of telling you to shut the mother fuck up you talkative bitch. Last night, however, when I asked if you "would like to suck my dick?" I was indeed soliciting a mouth hug.
I apologize sincerely for the confusion. I would like to blame it on the excessive amount of beer intake or the roundabout metric ton of weed I smoked yesterday but I'm a stickler about being in control of your actions, high, drunk, or just normal. No, I didn't need the second case or 18th beer, or the 17 one hits, or the gravity bong hit...I just didn't need that many, anyway.
While I probably wouldn't have remembered your sloppy hummer I can assure you with 100% certainty that it would have had zero meaning. I know that is preemptive but I know how girls are. You guys suck one dick and you want a boyfriend. I think that is selfish and unprofessional if you ask me. I think I was just being lazy last night. You putting my penis in your mouth was a lot more easy and convenient for me than turning a porno on, waiting for all the 1-800-CUM TITTS advertisements to cycle through, and manually stroking my penis.
In short, I'm sorry.
Please accept my apology.
S.I. Co.
p.s. That counts for any errant text messages requesting my penis be sucked that went out as well.
And now to really seal my apology, a Black Throated Blue Warbler for you!
User Reviews
Submitted by 8bithero (user info) at 2009-04-20 12:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You'll always be MY favorite, Sico. :)
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:39:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sage, some light for you as to not appear too amused: http://www.ubersite.com/m/121779#2882106
Poor red has an incomparable ability to have the most unoriginal shtick on this site.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Redskies amuses me, even though it's at the expense of Sico.
It's ok, he's laughed MANY times at MY expense.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-04-08 09:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"All of your writing is tragically boring and typically shitty. Thanks for not letting me down as I didn't read past 2 sentences. "
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-08 05:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-07 13:43:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're welcome sluts.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-07 13:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I am above this kind of infantile talk but. I'm just popping in quick so you kids will know I'm hip and not above posting with the little people of this site.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-04-07 09:15:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-04-06 08:14:58 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lock eyes from across the room
down my drink while the rhythms boom
take your hand and skip the names
no need here for the silly games....
the video for this song is very funny, and as has already been said, mouth hug is very comical.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-07 08:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha @ Crystle...kindly note that I personally never said that it was "unprofessional"--S.I. Co. did. I was quoting him, dear. :)
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-04-07 02:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wonders why she doesn't make lists, below.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2009-04-07 00:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
um, isn't it only unprofessional if THAT is your profession? I didn't know accounting 101 included a crash course on penile handling/ball counting. Apparently the 'spread sheets' aren't the same in your course as the ones in my office.
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Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 09:04:18 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While fellatio is certainly enjoyable for all parties (at least when one of those parties is me), and while you may deem it "selfish and unprofessional", there is nothing inherently wrong with only wanting to perform such an act on a man who wants more than a convenient beej or lay.
Submitted by AyeCarumba (user info) at 2009-04-06 19:24:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Still yawn
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 16:24:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's also a pretty bird but I did like the Black Throated Blue Warbler.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-04-06 16:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 13:07:10 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahaha, or perhaps a Swallow would have been more fitting.
~~~~~~~~
* SIGH *
Perhaps a Tit Mouse then?
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 16:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahaha, or perhaps a Swallow would have been more fitting.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-04-06 16:05:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 08:46:25 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tis precisely why I left promptly after said request. I understand the influence many beers/hits of weed can have on a man, and I therefore accept your humble apology.
Pretty bird. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You seem to be a gracious person to accept this apology.
I am surprized the bird was not a Blue Footed Booby.....
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-04-06 15:46:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-06 15:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This icarus user sure knows how to put people to sleep. NOOB!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-04-06 14:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-06 14:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who spends 5 minutes typing out a review that boring?
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No one's listening. Take it to twitter, ghetto trash.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-04-06 14:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-06 14:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who spends 5 minutes typing out a review that boring?
======================
Not I, you're not worht the effort of more than no comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-06 14:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who spends 5 minutes typing out a review that boring?
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2009-04-06 13:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmm, look at those eyes. He's trying to hypnotize me, but not in the
good Las Vegas way.
-- Homer Simpson
Mountain of Madness
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-06 13:53:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BURN!!!!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-04-06 13:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dear Existence,
Now that I've apologized to the one person consistently desperate/naive enough to associate with you outside this farce, I'd like to make a broader apology to homo sapiens and primates in general.
First off, I continue to exchange oxygen for co2; a crime considering that even with the double-whammy alcohol and genetics threw my brain, I still could have found a way to assist evolution via asphyxiation or the venting of a major artery.
Also, I continue to drag down the collective IQ of the continent like a speed chute on a stock car, and continue to provide and audience for Jeff Foxworthy copycats, to say nothing of Nascar, reality television and the other sundry vehicles contributing to the lowest common denomination of my country. I also continue to inundate the internet with the trivial and mundane details of just how fucking boring and stereotypically typical I am.
My bad, really.
Please believe that while I am incapable of being anything other than a boring herpes scab, I am doing my utmost to find a way to terminate my existence. It is very difficult when you only have two synapses and one is easily distracted by shiny things.
Yr Pal,
Simon
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-06 13:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
apparently my cum tastes like coffee, i say apparently..........
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-04-06 13:41:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-06 13:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I took two foot long, picture worthy shits today and am kind of mad that I retired posting pictures of my poop.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 13:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont mean I actually have a chance at winning, nerd. I simply mean my bracket wasn't ENTIRELY ridiculous.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-06 13:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are not in the game you menses clot. Somebody else with more points than you has Michigan picked thereby declaring your pick null and void (like the space between your ears). Eat a popsicle, dummy.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 13:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still in the game...GO MI State, woooooooooo!!!
I'll be wearing green tonight fo' sho'.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:46:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How special do you feel when you google "double dutch rudder" only to find yourself laughing?
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:42:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I take it that you saw "Zack and Miri make a porno"?
If so Kevin Smith totaly hooked up Jason Mewes.
In the deleted scenes his sex with Katie Morgan is five times as long.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:41:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You must have a small dick if it could still fit in her mouth with all those giant teeth.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is exactly the type of activity that all Lab Technicians engage in on a regular basis.
Why would anyone hang out with sage anyway, unless you were getting horsey-head?
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TROOPER
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V
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:29:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha!! http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dutch+rudder
And no, I think introducing your penis to our friendship isn't such a great idea.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Cock snot" and "dick loogies" as well as any other euphemism likening semen to snot or loogies or the like make swallowing sound extremely unappetizing.
Personally it's less clean up, in my opinion. No towel necessary, etc.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you put the porno in can I get a dutch rudder too?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What is wrong with you people? Does this look like the type of post to be talking about sucking dick loogies out of skin straws and shit?
Find a post about sucking cock for that shit.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:23:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
S.I. Co.: I think you ate asparagus...I know I ate some of it...and yes, the food was impeccable. I'm sorry I didn't get to try some of your chicken.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sgt...its only bad when you think about it.
When you dont have much time to react because it's mingling in your mouth with the taste of your own tears from being activated by your gag reflex from attempting to swallow a cock, it's not so bad. ;)
Truly it depends on the man's diet, as well. So long as they eat fresh fruit and vegetables on a daily or near daily basis, semen can be sweet tasting, kind of like cantaloupe or something.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
from what I hear, the ladies enjoy jizz after their man has been eating melon.
Juicy Fruit cum FTW!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:19:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My jizz tastes like whatever your imagination wants it to be. I thought asparagus made jizz taste better. Did I eat asparagus yesterday? I remember there being food...and it was good...and know my bro made some...and I made some before that...but don't remember asparagus.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jizz in general sounds gross.
That being said, asparagus jizz sounds completely and utterly horrifying.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:13:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time I'll put the porno on for you. :)
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Suck my dick!
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While fellatio is certainly enjoyable for all parties (at least when one of those parties is me), and while you may deem it "selfish and unprofessional", there is nothing inherently wrong with only wanting to perform such an act on a man who wants more than a convenient beej or lay.
Also, jizzum doesn't taste so great when you've just eaten asparagus. :(
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-04-06 11:48:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I really did used to rate you positively. I'm sure of it.
Then again, you didn't always post mindless, dumb shit.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-06 11:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tis precisely why I left promptly after said request. I understand the influence many beers/hits of weed can have on a man, and I therefore accept your humble apology.
Pretty bird. :)
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-04-06 11:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hugging is for fags.Mouth-hugging is for big-mouthed fags.
Give teh horse a break.
Submitted by AyeCarumba (user info) at 2009-04-06 11:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yawn.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2009-04-06 11:36:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice warbler.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-04-06 11:24:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-04-06 11:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. You too MWG.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-04-06 11:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lock eyes from across the room
down my drink while the rhythms boom
take your hand and skip the names
no need here for the silly games
make our way through the smoke and crowd
the club is the sky and I'm on your cloud
move in close as the lasers fly
our bodies touch and the angels cry
leave this place go back to yours
our lips first touch outside your doors
a whole night what we've got in store
whisper in my ear that you want some more
and I
JIZZ IN MY PANTS
This really never happens you can take my word
I won't apologize, that's just absurd
Mainly your fault from the way that you dance
and now I
JIZZ IN MY PANTS
don't tell your friends or I'll say your a slut
plus its your fault, you were rubbing my butt
I'm very sensitive, some would say that's a plus
Now I'll go home and change
I need a few things from the grocery
do things alone now mostly
left me heart broken not lookin' for love
surprised in my eyes when I looked above
the check out counter and I saw a face
My heart stood still so did time and space
Never felt that I could feel real again
But the look in her eyes said I need a friend
She turned to me that's when she said it
Looked me dead in the face, asked "Cash or Credit?"
And I
JIZZED IN MY PANTS
It's perfectly normal, nothing wrong with me
But we're going to need a clean up on aisle 3
And now I'm posed in an awkward stance because I
JIZZED IN MY PANTS
To be fair you were flirting a lot
plus the way you bag cans got me bothered and hot
please stop acting like you're not impressed
One more thing, I'm gonna play by check
Last week - I saw a film
As I recall it was a horror film
Walked outside into the rain
Checked my phone and saw you rang and I
JIZZED IN MY PANTS
Speeding down the street when the red lights flash
need to get away need to make a dash
A song comes on that reminds me of you and I
JIZZ IN MY PANTS
The next day my alarm goes off and I
JIZZ IN MY PANTS
Open my window and a breeze rolls in and I
JIZZ IN MY PANTS
When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of sixth sense I
JIZZED IN MY PANTS
I just ate a grape and I
JIZZED...IN...MY PANTS
JIZZED...IN...MY PANTS
Ok seriously you guys can we...ok...
I JIZZ RIGHT IN MY PANTS EVERY TIME YOU'RE NEXT TO ME
AND WHEN WE'RE HOLDING HANDS ITS LIKE HAVING SEX TO ME
YOU SAY IM PREMATURE I JUST CALL IT ECSTASY
I WEAR A RUBBER AT ALL TIMES ITS A NECESSITY
Cuz I
JIZZ...IN...MY PANTS
(I jizz in my pants, I jizz in my pants, yes I jizz in my pants, yes I jizz in my pants)
yes I JIZZ...IN...MY PANTS
(I jizz in my pants (AKIVA!), I jizz in my pants)
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-04-06 11:06:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For the words "mouth hug"
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-04-06 11:04:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I broke my wife's vagina again, so I'm getting lots of mouth-hugs now.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-06 11:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dont misunderstand me, I'm not saying you did this intentionally for the heat, but the heat is an end result.
You are just so popular.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-06 11:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so you arent 'hung like a horse', you just want to be 'blown by a horse'?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-04-06 11:00:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
bestiality eh?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-06 10:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How dare you suggest that I'm going for heat here Sarge. I'm just offering a sincere apology. For fucks sake, who gives a warbler as an apology gift that isn't serious!?!
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-06 10:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S. I get a feeling that this post is gonna be most heated by midday.
Any of these "sico and sage" posts are like watching a volcano before it blows. The heats gonna happen. Just a matter of time.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-06 10:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its so fun when Uber people know each other in real life.
+2 "mouth hug"