Secrets, Girls and Necklacing (964 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Berty (View user info) at 2009-04-02 05:25:31 EDT
When I was a kid I was terrified of people. People get passionate about stuff. They shout. Wave their hands in the air. There was a boy at school who came from South Africa. He told me about Necklacing; when you get a car tire, put it round someone, fill it with petrol and then set it on fire. He told me that they did that to people who didn't like Transformers.
I didn't like transformers. That boy taught me about the importance of secrets and lying. It wasn't until I was much older that I learned about sincerity. I can't remember the exact moment or what it was but it was definitely television. It was probably Dick Van Dyke. Dick Van Dyke also taught me that liking a girl meant telling her your secrets.
It sounded like a nice idea, but I was sceptical. I talked to a girl about Necklacing. She said she'd like to do it to another girl who's name I couldn't remember even then. Then she told me that if I told anyone what she said that her dad would take me away and put me in a cupboard forever; he was allegedly a police officer so it seemed perfectly plausible.
All the books I read at the time were by authors like Enid Blyton and they (and of course Dick Van Dyke) would tell me about how people with secrets got Found Out and receive Come-Upance (Necklacing). So I figured it was best not to have any secrets.
Social Awkwardness is a funny old thing. One can find any of a myriad of imaginary reasons for why one is the way one is, but at the end of the day the way one is is the way one is. That is probably defeatist but people who struggle against their nature are called losers, and with good reason.
When I was a child I confused Secrets with Truth. Truths are what we are and whilst we can choose what is and is not true about ourselves, the more frequently we change those Truths, the more meaningless they become.
All people live in a state of perpetual terror of being found out and receiving Come-Uppance. Thus we tell lies rather than Truths about ourselves to one another. That was why that girl talked about Necklacing that other kid; not because she wanted to but because she thought that was what she was supposed to say, after all that was the context I had established.
If we didn't lie to ourselves and each other, school would just be all the kids being given knives and told to kill each other. The survivors would then be told they had 2 years to fall in love. After two years those who had failed would be put up against a wall and shot with a machine gun. Really, the alternative to sincerity is much more humane.
Dick Van Dyke was totally right about girls & Secrets though.
User Reviews
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2009-04-03 16:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-04-03 12:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-03 05:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-04-03 02:29:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a friend from Cape Town and he tells me stories, like yours with the tire (he didn't call it necklacing though), that make me feel sick. He also said that, upon visiting/moving to Canada, he was blown away by the fact that we have open yards here because all the homes and estates there are surrounded by barb-wired walls.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-04-03 02:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2009-04-03 00:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-04-02 19:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonder who thought of putting tires around people and burning them alive?
Burned at the stake meets Goodyear.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-04-02 18:23:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't imagine how you'd fill the tire once it was around someone.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2009-04-02 18:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-04-02 02:50:55 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Dick Van Dyke was totally right about girls & Secrets though."
I stopped reading after that.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-04-02 16:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
>>One can find any of a myriad of imaginary reasons for why one is the way one is, but at the end of the day the way one is is the way one is. That is probably defeatist but people who struggle against their nature are called losers, and with good reason.<<
Right. Because humans are intrinsically incapable of change. This is why no one has ever, upon retrospection, cultivated a skill, altered their behavior, and why nothing notable has ever happened at any time throughout the history of the species. Because "at the end of the day the way we are are the way we are."
Brilliant.
Further proof we'd all be better off if all 'philosophers' were loaded into a room and peppered full of grapeshot until the screaming and whimpering stops. This would not only make for excellent Youtube fodder, but also help us to conserve air, space, and bandwidth.
Baaa baaa, you weak-willed douchenozzles.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-04-02 16:04:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate everyone and everything, and yet I'm perfectly happy. Explain that, Jean-Paul Sartre.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-02 15:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-04-02 14:00:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-02 09:43:14 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-04-02 11:55:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
on the contrary, people who give in to their natures are generally losers.
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Bah, what do they know? Personally, I think your general loathing of humanity and fascination with menstrual blood is healthy.
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well berty's nature is divine. some of us need to really really deny our natural tendencies for the good of all mankind or at least ourselves and our neighbors.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2009-04-02 15:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you don't have to go against your nature to change..you just have to figure out how to use your nature to your advantage. lying to yourself is probably easier, though. it's just a matter of believing your own bullshit..most people are exceptionally good at that.
ps. i love you.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-04-02 15:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-04-02 15:44:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty is a whole lot deeper than most of Uber, and I believe he would be a lot of fun while slamming a few pints. By a lot of fun I mean, "Holy shit, what the fuck does this genius mean?"
Great post, Berty.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-04-02 14:00:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-02 09:43:14 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-04-02 11:55:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
on the contrary, people who give in to their natures are generally losers.
===
Bah, what do they know? Personally, I think your general loathing of humanity and fascination with menstrual blood is healthy.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-04-02 13:56:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good show, bertros, i approve of this post.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-04-02 13:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-02 12:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-04-02 12:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-04-02 11:55:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
on the contrary, people who give in to their natures are generally losers.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-04-02 11:55:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
on the contrary, people who give in to their natures are generally losers.
Submitted by secret_of_nimh (user info) at 2009-04-02 11:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-04-02 09:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The South Africans really do stuff like that too. Only to the blacks but.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-04-02 08:54:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-04-02 08:53:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2009-04-02 08:19:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey uber isn't shit this morning. wtf.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-04-02 08:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Praise Britain
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-04-02 08:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's a suspicious overabundance of quality posts on the front page. Highly suspicious.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-04-02 08:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One can find any of a myriad of imaginary reasons for why one is the way one is, but at the end of the day the way one is is the way one is.
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Yup, that about sums it up.
Submitted by paranoiadestroya (user info) at 2009-04-02 07:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT YOU RESIST, PERSISTS
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-02 07:14:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhh a highly successful ubercon full of promises to attend, extensions and what happens?? no one turns up.
Thats what us English do best, blah, blah blah, actually, no, cant be bothered , oh i forgot, nevermind.
ahhh well, who can blame us, were just not that bothered. at least we dont all jump into bed together and get violent.
ENG GER LAND
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-04-02 07:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pride's for puffs
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-04-02 06:11:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dunno, I did my usual lame trick of promising to go and then bailing. I'm sure it was orgasmic though.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-04-02 06:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-02 05:49:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did the Ubercon go ahead? Was it magical?
~~~
Um...it was the night of Ireland winning the Grand Slam... I was painted green and running round the local streets shouting WOOP WOOP!
I kinda missed the ubercon... sorry Apollo.. :-(
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-04-02 06:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-02 05:49:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did the Ubercon go ahead? Was it magical?
~~~
Um...it was the night of Ireland winning the Grand Slam... I was painted green and running round the local streets shouting WOOP WOOP!
I kinda missed the ubercon... sorry Apollo.. :-(
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-04-02 06:10:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-02 05:49:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did the Ubercon go ahead? Was it magical?
~~~
Um...it was the night of Ireland winning the Grand Slam... I was painted green and running round the local streets shouting WOOP WOOP!
I kinda missed the ubercon... sorry Apollo.. :-(
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-04-02 05:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Dick Van Dyke was totally right about girls & Secrets though."
I stopped reading after that.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-02 05:49:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did the Ubercon go ahead? Was it magical?
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-04-02 05:48:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...and if you tell anybody I said that, I'll set your face on fire.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-04-02 05:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One can find any of a myriad of imaginary reasons for why one is the way one is, but at the end of the day the way one is is the way one is
--
This sentence sounds like a roadie soundchecking.
One. One. One. One. One..... Two.... Onetwo.... OneTwo... One.