My Ex-Wife Died Last Night (1178 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.36 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phuchuebuddy (View user info) at 2009-02-12 23:28:17 EST
I don't know how to feel about this one. We've been apart for a decade.
We have 3 children together (14-24 yrs old). I hated her intensely for
about the first 5 of these years. But we were married 17 years and had some
really good times.
Tomorrow is the funeral (yeah, she was a Jew) and it's gonna be weird. Her family
hates me and I expect some confrontation but I'm going anyway. Afterall she's (was)
the mother of my kids.
I'm living with my girlfriend now so there's a lot of shit that's about to come up.
Anyway, I expect no Uber-sympathy. Just want to hear your (prefferably) funny comments.
User Reviews
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-02-16 15:45:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-02-13 01:47:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*stay away lol not satay.
--------
mmmmm thai food.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2009-02-16 13:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
just remember that if her family is giving you shit it's because they're hurt and don't know how to act. be respectful and sympathetic and don't make a scene.
condolences.
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2009-02-16 13:36:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Show us pictures of the 19 y/o naked and I'll give you great advice.
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2009-02-16 13:04:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Orphilia and Fallen have the right idea.
Go to the funeral for your kids sake, and as long as you aren't their ride, if there's a reception, don't go. Don't make a scene, let her family do that, they can't blame you.
I burried my ex-wife a year and half ago, I wasn't sure how I'd feel about it. We didn't have kids and we seperated on good terms (if we hadn't gone out the night we signed the papers and got so shit faced, we'd have been going at it like rabbits.) I miss her, I think about her almost everyday at some point, some times its the good things, some times its the bad. Sometimes when I'm faced with a situation, I think about about how she would have told me how I handeled it wrong and know then that I handeled it right.
I'M FREE- I'm free,
And freedom tastes of reality,
I'm free-I'm free,
AN' I'm waiting for you to follow me.
If I told you what it takes
to reach the highest high,
You'd laugh and say 'nothing's that simple'
But you've been told many times before
Messiahs pointed to the door
And no one had the guts to leave the temple!
I'm free-I'm free
And freedom tastes of reality
I'm free-I'm free
And I'm waiting for you to follow me.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2009-02-13 17:46:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had to put her, six feet under
and I can still hear her complain.
//G-N-R---"I used to to love her"//
Condolences
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-02-13 17:40:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2009-02-13 13:05:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-02-13 12:24:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I was in that situation I'd take the advice I gave her for so many years.
Swallow and deal with it.
Sounds like you're there already.
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I figured your advice would be to get some cats or something.
____
The cat was his wife. Bitch stuck with him for 17 years and never let him consummate, hence the inappropriate racist angst.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-02-13 17:23:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i hate jews
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2009-02-13 16:46:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's kind of funny that you were married 17 years and most people on this site aren't even that old.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-02-13 15:31:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dying sucks.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-02-13 14:34:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, that still sucks, even if you hate the person now, if you've had good times with them usually those memories can't be tainted, they still make you feel good. Sorry.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2009-02-13 13:05:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-02-13 12:24:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I was in that situation I'd take the advice I gave her for so many years.
Swallow and deal with it.
Sounds like you're there already.
-----------------------
I figured your advice would be to get some cats or something.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-02-13 12:39:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My condolences go out to you and your children, and I sincerely wish you good luck.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-02-13 12:24:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I was in that situation I'd take the advice I gave her for so many years.
Swallow and deal with it.
Sounds like you're there already.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-02-13 12:00:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
least the kids are old enough to cope
and get jobs
NO MORE CHILD SUPPORT
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-02-13 10:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you seek funny comments as you still have yet to deal with the pain of your loss. Hate her? possibly, but you still loved her once, and love never totaly goes away. go have a good cry. Then quietly pay your respects and leave.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2009-02-13 09:55:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Better her than me.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2009-02-13 09:26:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2009-02-13 04:11:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU'RE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--------------------------------------
I gotta admit, that's what I was thinking.
FTW
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-02-13 08:16:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Bang the corpse...so you get her one last time.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-02-13 08:06:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd say go and pay respect.
Wear an SS uniform, FTW.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-02-13 07:59:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's something funny: Start apartment-hunting because you're about to get dumped by your girlfriend who doesn't was a couple kids around the house.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2009-02-13 07:42:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You lucky mother fucker...
Submitted by Shallabow (user info) at 2009-02-13 07:00:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Get completely smashed before the funeral service, then if you're given an opportunity to say anything, spend as long as you possibly can detailing the kinkiest details of your sex life with her.
Be sure to mention that one or more of your children were broken-condom kids.
Godspeed.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2009-02-13 06:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This post looked like a poem, but then it wasn't.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-02-13 05:25:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-02-12 23:46:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You want funny comments about this?
Dude.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-02-13 04:56:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
feed on her matza
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2009-02-13 04:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Marge: It was a beautiful wedding. I've never seen Selma happier.
Homer: That reminds me -- Troy said something interesting last night
at the bar. Apparently he doesn't really love Selma and the
marriage is just a sham to help his career.
A Fish Called Selma
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2009-02-13 04:11:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU'RE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-02-13 04:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm really in the mood for some satay skewers.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-02-13 02:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by phuchuebuddy (user info) at 2009-02-12 23:39:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah, she had a massive heart attack and my 19 year old daughter found
her cold on the couch. DOA at the hospital.
===
is your 19 yo daughter hot?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-02-13 02:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I call that one thing...
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2009-02-13 01:55:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
don't bother reading the british frump's essay. walk in, shout "NEEDS MORE RAPE", then leave. subsequently pissing into the in-laws' gaping mouths is optional.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-02-13 01:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why not contact the parents before the funeral, explain you want to be there for your kids.
If there is any sign there may be a problem, don't go. Just be close at hand for your kids, but if you really think something may occur, don't go.
For anything, do you really want the memory of saying goodbye to mum clouded with you punching out grandad?
In truth, I found your 'I'll be going whatever' comment a little selfish. You gave up the woman ten years ago, what is important now is her offspring and her family. You don't really figure
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-02-13 01:47:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*stay away lol not satay.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-02-13 01:45:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, RE the family. Do you honestly think they will choose their daughters funeral as the time to confront you? No one expects to ever bury their own children, age regardless.
Do you not think they will remain dignified throught the event as a mark of respect to their dead daughter?
Perhaps, at the most, they may give a funny look or pass quite comment but don't you think they will be concentrating on saying their final farewells rather than picking a fight with a man their daughter split from ten years prior?
Did you make her fat and clog her arteries? No, so shut up.
If you REALLY believed they were gonna start something, you'd satay away. Way to go to make her death all about you.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-02-13 01:41:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Speaking from experience, it really sucks when your kids parent dies purely because no matter how much you may have disliked them or thought they were utter twats, it's still hard on the kid, even if that kid is now an adult.
In a way, the break up of your relationship lead you to mourn her years ago already but her offspring will be feeling the full effect of their tragic loss. My advice is to concentrate your efforts into help them greive.
For the daughter who found her, thats extra tough on her, she may be experiencing feelings of guilt, indeed all of them may also feel anger at their mother as bizarre as that sounds. You really need to look out for them and suggest counselling.
Sorry for your loss, it doesn't matter how acrimonious the split was, it's got to have been hard on you.
Just take each day at a time, thinking further ahead is futile.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-02-13 01:23:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
bring a boom-box to the funeral and play: cattle-call by Eddy Arnold?
or, my personal favorite: "Heavy Fuel" by Dire Straits
Submitted by phuchuebuddy (user info) at 2009-02-13 00:11:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ALL CAPS
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-02-13 00:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HOW DOES ONE MOST CLEARLY EXPRESS INDIFFERENCE?!
Submitted by phuchuebuddy (user info) at 2009-02-13 00:04:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You'll be the first to find out if it's contagious
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-02-13 00:02:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
CAUSE OF DEATH:
Nigger dick.
I hope it's contagious.
Submitted by phuchuebuddy (user info) at 2009-02-12 23:54:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, man
Submitted by esceptico (user info) at 2009-02-12 23:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ehhmm... so sorry?
The important thing are your children here.
Submitted by phuchuebuddy (user info) at 2009-02-12 23:50:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, just don't expext any mercy on this site
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-02-12 23:46:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You want funny comments about this?
Dude.
Submitted by phuchuebuddy (user info) at 2009-02-12 23:39:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah, she had a massive heart attack and my 19 year old daughter found
her cold on the couch. DOA at the hospital.