ADD09 - Black-Throated Wind (595 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.9 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JesterLilt (View user info) at 2009-01-28 12:26:17 EST
You closed the door gently behind you, as though you didn't want it to make a noise. As though you didn't want to upset me any further. And I died a little inside, following you in my mind like a child. Now he'll be down the bottom of the garden. Now he'll be getting into the car. I finally managed to unseal my lips, heard myself choking, sobbing. Felt the tears spill down my face. Now he'll be driving out the street. Checking his rear-view mirror. Thick smog coughing from the exhaust. Turning the corner. Gone.
You said you 'weren't ready'. There were things to do that didn't include me. You knew I wouldn't find the strength to change your mind. All I could do was listen to your excuses and look at your face with one thought whispering through my mind:
You were leaving me.
You said you were going to 'hit the road'. As if you were tired of this life already; and you didn't care where you went. After a while I lost you even in my mind. Couldn't imagine where you were. I forgot your face. But the pain and the loneliness remained, and the question - why was I not enough?
Where are you my wandering love? Lost? Do you ever think of me? Do you have any regrets? Or perhaps you found what you were looking for on your tarmac journey, our time spent and barely remembered. Like autumn leaves in the spring.
You were everything I wanted. I couldn't imagine a day without you by my side. But you thought you had something to prove. Not to me you didn't. You thought you had something to find. I was discarded. And now the road is your partner, your friend. The one you whisper your secrets to on cold lonely nights.
Do you love the road winding idly, carving a path through the country, so uncaring, so stark? You must have some stories to tell. The things you've seen and the people you've met. I must seem so bland and tasteless by comparison. Maybe I always was...? I think of you lost in a bright light subterfuge camouflaging a sinister urban wilderness or looking at the stars, an altogether different universe than the one you shared with me.
The days creep by. The questions grow louder. I thought the pain would numb after a while, that the missing piece would eventually fill in. Then I could be whole again. Instead there are just memories...the night we met in the blues bar. As blue as my sapphire dress. The way we talked and eventually danced until closing. From that night on I was yours forever.
It pains me to admit that I'm still waiting for you to come back. Wherever you are, you'll somehow bring yourself home to me, won't you? Please tell me you won't spend the rest of your days on the roadside, in black-throated wind.
Word count = 493
User Reviews
Submitted by madisonlouis (user info) at 2009-03-18 11:56:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by scary_sammy (user info) at 2009-03-13 09:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by hellish (user info) at 2009-02-01 08:25:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-30 03:28:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh you are sooo delicate! +2
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-01-29 11:15:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-29 10:37:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you mean to tell me you don't come here for the quality prose, poetry and whatever else? This is a serious writers forum you know.
Offspring.
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Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-01-29 09:14:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
OK...I'll be nice. Who are you playing against and I'll go -2 their shitty story, too.
hahahahaha
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-29 10:57:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i hear its much like the above photo, banjos hole that is
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-01-29 10:49:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The showing of hole is the only thing that could possibly save this relationship...and I'm not sure that that would even help.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-29 10:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
do i sense some flirting here?
or just a cry of
'show me your hole dullard'
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-29 10:37:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you mean to tell me you don't come here for the quality prose, poetry and whatever else? This is a serious writers forum you know.
Offspring.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-01-29 10:27:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
JUST TELL ME THE FUCK YOU'RE UP AGAINST.
I'll even it out. I'm certainly not going to go read through a bunch of shitty stories to find out who.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-29 09:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah Shlongy, I've no doubt you'll happen upon it in your own good time and then you'll drop another one of your diamond encrusted reviews we all know and love.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-01-29 09:14:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
OK...I'll be nice. Who are you playing against and I'll go -2 their shitty story, too.
I used to enter competitions- the -2's flowed onto my posts like puss from your gash.
Quit whining.
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2009-01-29 08:22:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-29 03:41:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I refuse to bite shlongy but I will say you shouldn't mess with competitions. I'm enjoying this one and if I go out of it because you drop me an undeserved -2... well it's just not very nice, is it you old troll!
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Waaaaaaaahh!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-01-29 08:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Really well done. Excellent use of a difficult title
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-29 03:41:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I refuse to bite shlongy but I will say you shouldn't mess with competitions. I'm enjoying this one and if I go out of it because you drop me an undeserved -2... well it's just not very nice, is it you old troll!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-01-28 19:40:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Word count: -2
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-01-28 19:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for the protip. Are you suggesting my abilities are less than phenomenal? Gasp.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-01-28 19:00:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
actually they're not.
people who have been banned have no ratings
you sure think you know how this here ubersite works just cos you can program a script, huh?
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-01-28 18:36:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why so mean, Doodles? Oh wait, lawl.
You know that doesn't effect you right? Alters' ratings are useless.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-01-28 17:43:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S.
how's the triple ban going linus, you faggot
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-01-28 17:43:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I here your fellow street walkers call YOU "black-throat" because you really take it like a champ
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-28 17:11:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-01-28 17:11:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2009-01-28 13:45:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very unoriginal use of the title but ok otherwise. I might rate differently later.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-28 13:13:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
works for me.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-01-28 13:02:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice play on the song.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-01-28 12:54:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-28 12:36:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, it's a take on the GD song and I'm glad you noticed because I'm guessing the majority of the folk here will not know it's a song and this was an attempt at the other side of the lyrics although I don't think this is even a millionth as eloquent as that.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2009-01-28 12:34:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is very much a +2-worthy take on the GD song, or else you got incredibly lucky. Either way, well done.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-28 12:33:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm out for the night T and I know your genius is extra special but I aint going to see it today...
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-01-28 12:32:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My genius can't be rushed, so I'll make it later.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-28 12:30:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you like Flash?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-01-28 12:29:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmm-hmmm.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-28 12:29:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You'd best make it soon as I'm about to head home.
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-01-28 12:28:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Posting soon.. maybe.