kissing and jesus (avec 15 yr old camwhore!) (3458 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.39 on 79 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by experima (View user info) at 2009-01-01 22:39:50 EST
When I was 14 or 15, I went to a boarding school. It was an ultra "Christian" boarding school in the south that was associated with Columbia Bible College.
I didn't board there, because I lived in town. I'd gone to a Christian school in town all my life and I was naturally supposed to go there, and since I lived close by, they let kids from my school attend. We were called "day students."
Columbia Bible College was known for a policy of "pink and blue sidewalks." That meant that boys and girls could not fraternize or socialize or whatever term you wanted to call it. We couldn't kiss. We couldn't hug. We couldn't hold hands. We couldn't sit next to each other without getting out a fucking RULER and having six inches between the both of us.
(insert six inches joke here.)
Me being who I am, I tried to break the rule. I was dating (passing notes to) a 13 year-old freshman called Sammy. We were quite chaste; however, Sammy really wanted to kiss me. We devised a plan that had our senior friend, Thomas, take us off campus. We literally hid in his car until he'd driven off, and then we got out, hung around Thomas a polite amount of time, then retired to a rock next to a river and kissed.
There were two rivers after that kiss, believe me. Sammy kissed like a 13 year-old, because, well, he was a 13 year-old. I was wet all over, except in the parts that count.
The second time we kissed, he did much better. We were in the library. It was a giant, well-lit (of course) library full of religious ephemera and we casually, casually, casually strode to a well-lit, but seemingly private, spot behind the stacks. Giant bookcases surrounded us, and we got up the nerve again to kiss. No drool was wasted; the kiss was mildly memorable. (Remember, I'm trying to tell the truth. Sorry, Sammy.)
What was Truly Memorable was the fact that his entire freshman floor in his dorm was in a bus waiting for him outside en route to a Junior Varsity football game. And the library was not only well-lit, but had no window treatments.
His whole class was watching 13-on-15 year-old kissing porn.
We were summarily put on "social restriction," (meaning we could not speak to each other or write to each other, etc.) "indefinitely." I still have one of the posters that were put up all over campus. It was humiliating day-to-day at school.
It irreparably damaged our relationship that year; we parted ways, and, ultimately, schools, six months afterwards.
We slept together 11 years later.
Fuck you.
User Reviews
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-01-10 21:13:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
damn
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-06 01:45:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
he was
Submitted by diavola (user info) at 2009-01-06 01:27:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that guy looks like a dork!
Submitted by diavola (user info) at 2009-01-06 01:26:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-06 01:21:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
now i feel bad for posting a picture of him looking so retarded.
we're still friends now, so i bet he'd think this was really funny actually.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-06 01:19:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
haha
no, that was in his interim 'healing' stage after boarding school. over the years, he'd send photos of himself on his oil rig in corn rows and i'd just cringe and not say anything.
by the time we reunited, he'd matured into a self absorbed prick who liked to watch himself in the mirror while we did our thing.
i kind of hated him at the time for it, but i hated the school more.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2009-01-06 01:05:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you'd fuck a dude with corn rows?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-06 00:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
just to make it clear, when we slept together 11 years later, it was like a giant fuck you to the school for making us feel so ashamed to even sit next to each other, and for publicly and humiliatingly ruining our young relationship all in the name of God. won't let us hold hands when we're kids? watch what we'll do when we're adults...ILLEGAL things in some states. yee haw motherfuckers.
and yes, he was much better looking at age 24; however, he did go through a 'white man wearing corn rows' period.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2009-01-05 17:43:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-01-05 15:10:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"13-on-15 year-old kissing porn"
-------------------
My new favouritest google search.
Apparently.
What's porn?
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-01-05 12:39:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 experima
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2009-01-05 10:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you looked like the middle sister from full house.... sexy
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-01-05 06:25:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that most girls have the same sort of story with guys they've known for years, as you get older, sex doesn't become the 'huge deal' it was when you knew each other at 14 or 15. (or 13 in your case you dirty dirty slut :)
Unless the guy is ugly. Of course.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-05 02:22:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm certain i did.
there are actually 'survivor's groups' for that school on facebook.
i have not joined them.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-01-04 20:02:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I remember you mentioning that school to me once.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2009-01-04 12:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lmaocoaster
six inches...
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-01-04 06:45:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
assuming he's not too drunk off scotch.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-01-04 06:33:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would ask for this on his most recent post but I don't think the venerable one can get to his hoverround quickly enough.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-01-04 06:29:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
it is K.D. Lang. Shlongy, being the fair player that you are, would you please have the courtesy to -2 my latest post. The A's suck.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2009-01-04 06:06:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-01-04 01:08:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You both look stoned to me, especially him. Maybe it's the high of scholastic Godliness.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2009-01-03 04:50:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So, Sammy's into auto-erotic asphyxiation?
...and he looked like such a normal boy...
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2009-01-03 04:24:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-02 21:43:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
still laughing...actual tears are forming.
"humpty dumpty looking motherfucker" kills me.
and not that i know of, re: slavic blood.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-02 21:40:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i am laughing so fucking hard at pandora's comment...poor sammy :(
hahahahahahahahaha
snark, sorry for posting a horrible picture of you and telling everyone you drooled.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-02 21:26:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-02 19:47:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if i were posting pictures of another chick and saying it was me, you'd think i'd pick one with a hotter looking boyfriend
------------------
Hey, that kid is me and I look damned hot.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-01-02 20:55:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It was probably for the best that your romantic fumblings with this Humpty Dumpty-lookin' motherfucker were thwarted. I mean, what kind of future could you have had with a guy who was born without a spine? His ribcage rests inside his pelvic bone, for Christ's sake. You, on the other hand, are adorable. I've always had a soft spot for blondes with slanty cat eyes. Slavic blood? (No, I'm not offering you a drink, I'm asking if you have any.)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-02 19:55:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha
i thought it was "kd" though...lowercase and everything
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-01-02 19:54:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"He" looks like K.T. Lang.
They probably have the same sized penis.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-02 19:47:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if i were posting pictures of another chick and saying it was me, you'd think i'd pick one with a hotter looking boyfriend
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-02 19:43:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i have a stupid internet stalker
yay
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2009-01-02 19:17:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-02 13:40:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lol@uberboard
i can't do shit around here without someone posting up there about me
-=-=-
you just now noticed that?
what did you think I was talking about last night?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-02 18:37:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way. A little bird told me that you have been posting pics of another chick on the internet and saying it is you.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-01-02 16:10:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Christian school survival.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2009-01-02 15:18:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, FUCK YOU!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-02 13:40:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lol@uberboard
i can't do shit around here without someone posting up there about me
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-01-02 13:24:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
are you canadian or something? californians don't spell color with a U. unless they've broken away from the rest of the union...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-02 12:35:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-01-02 07:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well if we all ate pickles for breakfast, the world wouldn't taste quite right.
--------------------
I would have to respectfully disagree.
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2009-01-02 12:19:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
11 years? The dude probably has a complex now and could potentially go "Bart" on you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-01-02 11:12:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Please tell me that you and Shlongy "did it" at some point in the last 11 years.
PS. You DO know that the guy in that picture with you is gay, right? Charity fuck?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-02 10:23:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
he looks like the kinda person whose spastic rubbery face i would enjoy punching.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-01-02 10:04:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Are you sure the name wasn't "sammie"
har har lesbian
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-01-02 07:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well if we all ate pickles for breakfast, the world wouldn't taste quite right.
I have no idea what I mean by that, but I did have a point to it when I started. Maybe I forgot and started thinking about pickled eggs. But then the world would taste lovely. I haven't had one for days.
Think I'm still a little caned, but whatever. Those who know me should see what I'm getting at.
That, plus I'm with rad, about taking Ubersite back. I know it's been over a year since I posted, and over two years since I posted anything worth reading, but fuck it. I'll be back soon.
With a vengeance (also I second rad with a different vengeance, but I didn't want to overstretch myself just yet).
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-02 04:41:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
15 on 13??? Unheard of older girls dating younger boys at my school apart from one boy who always seemed to bat above his league.
What was Sammy like 11 yrs later? Did time improve his technique? Did Christian school enshrine good Christian sensibilities in you or quite the contrary? I could have done with a stricter school and parents... I may not have gotten myself into so much trouble...
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:49:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yay we are still alive for one more WOO
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:48:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MERRY NEW YEAR, RADLEY
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:44:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
there that oughta do it---ubersite might not suck for five minutes now
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:41:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am injecting the chemo now doctor
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:41:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
goddammnit I am taking back ubersite and this cancer has got to stop now
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:37:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait...are ratings no longer meaningless?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:35:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lol
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:35:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:32:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This photo reminds me of Ferris Bueller's hot girlfriend sitting next to Cameron.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not really sure what the point of this is but, hooray for eleven year later monkey sex!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:16:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Christian schools? Jeez
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
-=-=-=-
really?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:32:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This photo reminds me of Ferris Bueller's hot girlfriend sitting next to Cameron.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not really sure what the point of this is but, hooray for eleven year later monkey sex!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:16:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Christian schools? Jeez
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2009-01-02 03:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lucky bastard :P
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2009-01-02 02:53:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ps: -2 die
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2009-01-02 02:52:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
that same kind of fleeting love that you have given any man you've come across (or who has come across you, if you know what I mean) which disappears just at the time he thinks you might actually feel something enough to at least say it, or better yet act it, but no---- you are just another one of those women...those harpies who feed off the attention and the constant pursuit with no end.
ps: clearly not directed at you personally, I had someone else in mind.
PPS: this whatever it was sucked.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2009-01-02 02:50:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
He looks like the dorky kid with a stutter in IT. The lil' douche from those never ending story movies. Did you ever make out on the back legs of his luck dragon?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-02 02:01:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i am who i say i am.
rad, get off my back.
phallic, i love you.
Submitted by bugblender (user info) at 2009-01-02 01:47:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I am truly disppointed you didn't give him a hand job.
what a cold bitch you were in Jr. high.
How's the whole wrinkles thing going?
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2009-01-02 01:23:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The pendant reminds me of wind chimes, native american dream catchers, and tripping.
+2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2009-01-02 00:58:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
experima has been posting pictures of another chick all over the internet and claiming to be her
okay who wrote that -- its not nice
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2009-01-02 00:54:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
you are such a fucking poseur
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-01-02 00:52:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yay
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-01-02 00:06:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-01 23:42:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wtf does that mean below?
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-01-01 23:19:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I choose to believe that you are who you say you are, experima, but if i'm wrong then you are fucking evil to post pictures of that person on here.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-01 23:03:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i didnt have that privilege till later.
they humiliated us.
for years.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-01-01 23:01:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
RE the picture: Your hands are plastered together. They are full of a huge wad of the kids cum, aren't they???
I knew it.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-01 23:00:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i love you bubba
and roadsong.
just wanted to tell a tiny true story. love you guys xx
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-01-01 22:58:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderful story
Amazing photo
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-01-01 22:57:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So, did you later fuck every fagboy you kissed?
:D
Don't get shitty with ME, honey.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-01 22:56:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
el oh el
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-01-01 22:53:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
http://www.encyclopediaofarkansas.net/encyclopedia/media-detail.aspx?mediaID=6000
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2009-01-01 22:53:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Get on Gmail sometime you wench.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-01 22:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i love you, godchicken
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2009-01-01 22:48:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Was it face in the pillow style?
Comes with free gift wrapping!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-01 22:42:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i apologise for the dodgy photo. i had no access to photoshop or, apparently, colour scans