A Good Day To Die (821 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.3 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RoadSong (View user info) at 2009-01-01 19:47:07 EST
I dove off of a raft that was out in the middle of the wild Poplar River on a secluded part of the Lakota Reservation up by the Canadian border near Wolf Point Montana.
When I dove into the water, I twisted my neck. I had already injured it a few days earlier when the door of the camper shell fell on me.
When I hit the water I was totally paralyzed, I could not even move my lips to call for help. {nobody would have heard me anyway - the river bank was too far away}
I was floating with just my nose above water and I knew it was my time to die so I started singing a death song in my heart and giving thanks for all the blessings I have had in my life.
I have seen almost everything I wanted to see, and done about everything I wanted to do.
I was feeling blessed because it seemed like a good day to die.
The water was just starting to enter my nose and I was still paralyzed, when what do I see?
A big Black Lab swimming my way, she had come from the direction of the beach and was swimming strong, straight for me.
My lips were not able to form words, but I started trying to tell her to "GIT" because I have had big dogs try and climb up on me in deep water so they could save themselves in their panic.
Even if it was my day to die, I did NOT want to drown with some dog sitting on my head and pushing me all the way under.
No words would come out of my mouth and I was still unable to move, I watched in horror as she churned closer.
Soon she made eye contact with me. Instead of climbing on top of me to save herself, she swam a circle around me and pressed her shoulder against me as if she were waiting for something.
She floated next to me for a while and then she spoke.
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~ Cortex X Cortex Hookup - user level green ~
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"Grab hold of my collar"
I could not.
She continued treading water.We were facing the beach and the few people who were there looked like small dots..
Soon she said more forcefully "GRAB HOLD OF MY COLLAR!"
I realized it might not be my day to die after all. I managed after a few tries to make my fingers form a claw and hook onto her collar and I pulled myself onto her back.
My weight on her back submerged her, but she just started swimming underwater!
When she surfaced she was swimming strong straight for the river bank.
She pulled me six feet up onto the sand and sat by my side while I coughed and puked up river water.
When I managed to sit up after a few minutes, I looked around and saw a young man nearby.
I asked him if this was his dog and he said "We are together".
I asked him her name and told him she had just saved my life.
He just shrugged like it was no big deal and started to walk away.
I called to him and asked him what her name was.
"Lady" was his reply.
If you are ever in Wolf Point Montana be careful, the Poplar River will take you down.
User Reviews
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-11-07 13:25:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Was just looking at this post and realized that my formatting does not suck so much now as when I posted this. My lackkacomma and nospacin are improving also....
Still have bracketlove.
Thanks to all that leave constructive comments. Comments that point out mistakes in my writing and punctuation are always welcome.
{this post linked to "Asian Massage" because my photo is here}
psst
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2009-02-19 22:25:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
to protect my puppies from being kicked, I too will -2 the crazy
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2009-02-19 22:20:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You make me want to kick puppies.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-01-04 03:26:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-01-02 12:21:09 PST (#)
Ranking: -1
This would have been better if you left out the Vulcan mind-meld bullshit and just said that the dog dove down and hooked your hand in his collar. Also: research paralysis if you're going to make it so great a part of your story. Worth reading, save the brackets. I understand poor formatting and using brackets where parentheses should be is your schtick, be ye alter or be ye no. That's all good, but it catches the eye and takes the reader's mind off the story while they figure out why you didn't use the proper punctualtion, realize that you used the wrong character on purpose, decided that doing so was annoying, and then rereading the sentence to get back on track. Thus,
you're putting up a roadblock to getting your story through.
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I came here to learn how to format and be a better writer and your comments are helpful.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2009-01-02 17:06:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You look like you drool quite a bit but's that's OK cause I like a little glob on my knob like butter on a cob as you hob bob and sob while do'n your job
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-01-02 16:42:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I read the first sentence...and decided it blew.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-01-02 16:13:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read the first sentence...then decided not to read anymore.
Points, because my laziness doesnt mean you deserve anything less.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-01-02 15:21:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This would have been better if you left out the Vulcan mind-meld bullshit and just said that the dog dove down and hooked your hand in his collar. Also: research paralysis if you're going to make it so great a part of your story. Worth reading, save the brackets. I understand poor formatting and using brackets where parentheses should be is your schtick, be ye alter or be ye no. That's all good, but it catches the eye and takes the reader's mind off the story while they figure out why you didn't use the proper punctualtion, realize that you used the wrong character on purpose, decided that doing so was annoying, and then rereading the sentence to get back on track. Thus,
you're putting up a roadblock to getting your story through.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-02 14:31:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2009-01-02 08:36:43 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-01 18:54:08 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
godchicken tastes like walnuts
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2009-01-01 18:49:35 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Experima tastes like Cashews.
how do you know?
a peanut told me
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-02 14:14:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
EmissionImpossible tastes salty
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-01-02 13:52:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-01-02 10:49:05 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-01-02 04:45:46 PST (#)
Ranking: 1
It's never a good day to die.
BTW, are you squirrel? (I don't think the styles match, so i'm wondering about it.)
Happy newyear & blue below.
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I am a flatliner and in my case the big "D" {death} was not what I expected.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-01-02 13:49:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-01-02 04:45:46 PST (#)
Ranking: 1
It's never a good day to die.
BTW, are you squirrel? (I don't think the styles match, so i'm wondering about it.)
Happy newyear & blue below.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes indeed my mother named me squirrel. {for good reason I suspect - heh}
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2009-01-02 11:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-01 18:54:08 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
godchicken tastes like walnuts
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2009-01-01 18:49:35 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Experima tastes like Cashews.
how do you know?
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-01-02 07:45:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It's never a good day to die.
BTW, are you squirrel? (I don't think the styles match, so i'm wondering about it.)
Happy newyear & blue below.
Submitted by bugblender (user info) at 2009-01-02 01:44:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What about the Waves?
You didn't even mention color once.
Fail
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-01-02 01:11:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-01 20:02:36 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, your whatshername crazy lady from old pulseHEAD.
i had a suspicion that was the case.
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I am many things and have been many things.
Posting on that site was a lot of fun for a while.I had just gotten my first computer and digital camera and I wore them both out during the year I posted there.
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-01-02 00:03:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
thank you sir, for a slightly entertaining story.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-01 23:02:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, your whatshername crazy lady from old pulseHEAD.
i had a suspicion that was the case.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-01-01 22:55:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This is terrible.
You could write a whole story about all the information you packed into the first sentence.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-01-01 22:09:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Women are like walnuts, men are like cashews. BOTH ARE FUCKING NUTS, OK??????????
Sheesh!!!!
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-01-01 21:58:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2009-01-01 18:49:35 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Experima tastes like Cashews.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
mmmmm Cashews.
Raw Cashews are favored by certain people who outlive all others in the US.
{Guess who?}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOT THE DREADED ZERO TAUNT!
eek
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-01 21:54:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
godchicken tastes like walnuts
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2009-01-01 21:49:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Experima tastes like Cashews.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-01-01 21:48:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2009-01-01 18:20:55 PST (#)
Ranking: 1
I noticed a rating you left that you've lurked here quite awhile and finally signed up to get some commentary on your writing.
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~ Cortex X Cortex Hookup - user level green ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This. This is bad. The transition from being slightly mystified by a dog to this, and then back to this dog somehow talking to you, it clashed badly. Computer talk to mysticism doesn't blend well.
Note that you couldn't have known the dog was a "she" until _it_ spoke in your head with a feminine voice. Watch your gender use.
I suggest instead a paragraph to replace that ~~~~~~~~ section. Describe the feeling of a connection. Describe a little better how the dog seemed to be "with" you as you floated. That way the shift to talking to the dog doesn't seem so abrupt.
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I will study your comment.
Thank you.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-01 21:44:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i heart godchicken so hard <3
i gave you a 2 because i like you for some reason
even though you give me ones and zeroes
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2009-01-01 21:20:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I noticed a rating you left that you've lurked here quite awhile and finally signed up to get some commentary on your writing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Cortex X Cortex Hookup - user level green ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This. This is bad. The transition from being slightly mystified by a dog to this, and then back to this dog somehow talking to you, it clashed badly. Computer talk to mysticism doesn't blend well.
Note that you couldn't have known the dog was a "she" until _it_ spoke in your head with a feminine voice. Watch your gender use.
I suggest instead a paragraph to replace that ~~~~~~~~ section. Describe the feeling of a connection. Describe a little better how the dog seemed to be "with" you as you floated. That way the shift to talking to the dog doesn't seem so abrupt.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-01 21:00:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-01-01 20:44:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wha??
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-01-01 19:53:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I let the last .gif slid.
no longer