Self delusional homecoming (758 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.59 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ilikesteak (View user info) at 2008-12-30 05:32:38 EST
I am tired of my self-delusion. Do not mistake this as me growing weary of my delusions of grandure, self-importance, talent, and genious among other delusions I don't mind having. I mean quite literally that my philosophical and intrinsic identity is not the one currently taking residence in the form which I assume to be my body.
The last I can remember "me" being in here was at seven years and eleven months of age. As far as I can tell, I had developed a grand plan, set up defaults, rules, and an autopilot, and left. I can't remember any of the plan until the next step comes up. There isn't a trace of the last part of what I did, most likely so that I can't assemble the parts and figure out the end result based on known event-values. The only reason I have gotten this far into "my" mentality is based on who I was, like I used to be the bomb, but now I'm just the radiation.
There was a gradual decline between eight years and ten years and six months. I assume this was me packing and leaving. The massive decline between ten years and six months and seventeen years is what I assume to be the autopilot acquiring "human" parameters, the defaults changing accordingly with the situations encountered in the beta testing. I can only describe it as going from OpenOffice to Notepad for the personality impaired. From then on, I've been re-adjusting and photoshopping over to fine tune the fuzzy bits.
My only concern is that I'm not really me. I know that everything I do between the parts of my plan exist only to burn time between the next action, and what I do in between is of little to no consequence, but I want to feel like what I'm doing means something special, and that my current autopilot self will still be of use or at least kept as a monument. I know that I'll be coming back soon enough, because I'm getting a taste of the old way, which I can only take as me phoning ahead to say I'll be home for dinner.
User Reviews
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2009-01-02 22:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Aim lower.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-01-01 23:07:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-01 21:10:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 you were the first person i ever talked to on gabbly
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-01-01 11:59:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
happy new year steaky steakity-steak.
do you even eat steak anymore? You sound like a goddamn hippy vegetarian.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2009-01-01 01:10:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
happy new year
:D
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-12-31 22:53:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
happy new year, steak
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2008-12-31 22:43:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
slightly interesting.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2008-12-31 18:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I mean quite literally that my philosophical and intrinsic identity is not the one currently taking residence in the form which I assume to be my body."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hate it when this happens....
Good luck.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-12-31 15:13:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
happy newyear, steak. Stop making sense. Nonsense rules.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-12-30 21:01:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah well, life's a bitch and then you die.
Submitted by ColchesterDr (user info) at 2008-12-30 16:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And grandeur.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-12-30 16:14:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rub dirt on it.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-12-30 16:13:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I absolutely fucking love the fact that you misspelled genius.
Submitted by ColchesterDr (user info) at 2008-12-30 16:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-12-30 14:56:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can be me for a while if you like, I could do with a break.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2008-12-30 14:09:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Skate it off.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-30 13:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-12-30 13:03:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-12-30 11:35:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The "you" that is yourself is a compilation of personality traits, quirks that you found amusing in others, education which actually led to common sense in practice, and popular culture that has sunk into the deep recesses of your mind throughout the years to the point where you're no longer certain if you is you, or if you are........Batman?
Oh, and occasionally I find that some people's egos contain trace amounts of actual faith and spirituality that was not inserted via mind-programming through the church/state, or their parents/relatives who pushed them into religious buildings on a weekly basis. This should be taken as a sign of hope that perhaps there really is a god. It could also be a sign that these people have deep seated psychological problems usually associated with schizophrenic type disorders.
My prognosis for you, is that you'll be fine, and in a few more years, you'll have forgotten all about this silly little self-examination. Besides, didn't you join the military? Stay there long enough, and just put a "little" faith in their system, and that problem of self-awareness and conscientiousness should dissappear accordingly.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-30 10:30:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-12-30 08:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Troof, below
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-30 06:38:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The time arrives when you begin to do things you must do but perhaps do not wish to do. Clean your room, mow the lawn, whatever. Making a mental separation the two concepts eases the burden of the less-desired things. As time passes, the number of things you must do but that are not fun likely increases drastically and the convenient mental separation grows wider and wider. The key is to find a way to use the things that you enjoy doing to provide the benefits that the things you do not enjoy doing gave you. Some people find this quickly, as it seems you may be on your way to achieving. For others it may take decades or a lifetime. Some never manage it.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2008-12-30 06:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I read this correctly, then it's exactly how I feel. If not, I have no idea what you're going through. If so, then I hope you make it because then I know I have a chance. Peace.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-12-30 05:50:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor you