Reminiscing (521 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.22 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by David Jones <davjones.at.iastate.edu> (View user info) at 2008-12-27 18:15:24 EST
I somewhat randomly had a conversation with Sideburns of old school Uber legend and it inspired me to load up Uber and check it out. It's pretty interesting reading my reviews and posts of years ago and remembering who I was back then. Amazing how much you can change from 17-19 to 23. Got to say that despite all the changes in character of growing of my person, I'm still a shit writer and so, I don't really think I'll start posting again, but is there anyone still posting here I should take the time to read?
I remember Jack's After The Pandemic series (1) as being an awesome read, as well as other writer's spin offs from that, the J-Date series from JMG (2), anything from Sideburns (3), and the sheer brilliance of Bickerstaff (4)... does anything like that still go on here? Link me up if so.
(1) http://www.ubersite.com/u/Jack_McCallum/l/after_the_pandemic
(2) http://www.ubersite.com/m/39478
(3) http://www.ubersite.com/m/43304
(4) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53824
Here's one of the maybe passably decent things I managed to write here years ago so clicking this hopefully won't be a total waste of your time if you haven't been around Uber for quite that long. I really wouldn't recommend looking into any of my other stuff, it's mostly all trash.
The Noise Was Incredible
My prized possession when I was 13 years old was a self built PVC potato gun. Nothing is more exciting as a young male than harnessing the power of an explosion.
As simple as it may seem to you, and as it seems to me even now, learning the correct way to use a potato gun was a very complex science when my friend Ben and I originally crafted our masterpiece. You see, in order to make it work right there has to be enough oxygen in the combustion chamber with your flammable material for it to fire.
We learned this the hard way.
-------
"Why the fuck is this thing not working? We followed the instructions PERFECTLY."
"This is exactly like the one Brad showed us. What the hell are we doing wrong?"
"Duh, I'll go call him."
While Ben was inside trying to get in touch with the local potato gun guru I continued playing around with our gun. I knew the problem had to be something stupid.
I only heard one side of Ben and Brad's conversation through the kitchen window.
"Hey, what's up Brad?"
-
"Yea, we finally got it all put together, but the damn thing won't shoot."
-
"We are using hairspray, just like you told us to."
-
"Oh, that makes sense -- hey man, he says there isn't enough air inside for it explode, take off the sewer cap!"
-------
Now, I have never been a very large guy, so for me to take the sewer cap off of this 4 foot long pipe I had to stand it straight up. In hind sight, placing my head directly in the path of a gun's recoil was not a brilliant move.
-------
KA-FUCKING-BOOM - I am sure the noise was incredible, although all I could hear was ringing.
The instant oxygen was allowed into the chamber the potato shot straight down into the sidewalk. Flames roared out of the back the gun, lighting my hair and shirt on fire as the recoil drove the PVC contraption directly into my face.
The force of the blow sent me stumbling backward. Unfortunately for me Ben had just opened the door to my house, and directly behind me were my basement stairs instead of a hardwood door.
Ben has described my tumble down the stairs as being similar to the time he threw his little sisters raggedy Ann doll out a second story window - although instead of red hair I had flames trailing me.
Later, after I woke up from being knocked cold, I discovered that my trusty friend had put the fire out and stopped my bleeding.
Thanks Ben.
-------
Potato Gun
Materials:
1) 3-4 foot long piece of 2 inch PVC pipe.
2) 1-2 foot long piece of 4 inch PVC pipe.
3) 4 to 2 inch PVC reducer
4) 4 inch sewer plug
5) electric grill starter
6) Assorted nuts, bolts, nails...
7) O-Zone eating hairspray
Directions:
1) Using epoxy or some other extremely strong adhesive connect the PVC pieces together.
2) Place long thin nails in the back half of the 2 inch PVC.
3) Drill 2 holes in 4 inch PVC.
4) Place a nut and bolt on one side, and insert the grill starter on the other side.
5) Make sure your bolt comes out far enough to consistently spark with the grill starter.
6) Push potato into 2 inch pipe until it reaches the nail blockade you created.
7) Put O-Zone eating hairspray into end of 4 inch PVC - be sure not to overfill, you did need oxygen inside as well - promptly close with sewer plug.
8) Push trigger.
User Reviews
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2008-12-31 22:53:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i laughed.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-12-30 11:37:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this before I started posting here, when I read every single "Best Ever" post in that category. There are a few good writers here and there, depending on what you consider "good" to be.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-28 01:50:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2008-12-27 22:31:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU SEE, DAVY JONES, PEOPLE DO REMEMBER YOU
--------------
Yeah, we remember him as one of the better guys here.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2008-12-27 22:31:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU SEE, DAVY JONES, PEOPLE DO REMEMBER YOU
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-27 22:22:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I've actually read some of your stuff and thought to myself: "Self", I thought, "it might be something to hear from this guy again. Old School Uber is of value now and then."
And now, lo and behold, here you are, another example of the non-interdependance of "old" and "awesome".
Welcome back.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-12-27 20:20:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
neither did i shlongster, but i had a bright shinny +2 left over from christmas
***
how bout them sharks?
this year, my st's have definetly improved the quanity and quality of my hole selection
god bless the nhl and it's cold venues
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-12-27 19:49:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Never heard of you.
PS. Has your complexion cleared up yet?
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-12-27 19:36:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
in my opinion jack11058 was the best of the best
http://www.ubersite.com/m/65161 is one example of his many great posts
i stopped posting when he and several others left for good
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-27 19:35:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know who you are, but that is okay.
P.S. Frank's story sucks about as much cock as method's mom.
Which is, to say, a lot.
Or inversely if I were to grade it on a numerical scale (0-100) it would be on par with the amount of sex he has had.
Which is, to say, none.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2008-12-27 19:20:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll give you a simple answer to that. Most of the users active right now don't know who any of the older users were. These guys joined long after we left. So, I honestly don't think they'd give a flying fuck about a post like that.
Just sayin'.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2008-12-27 19:15:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Someone should do a "where are they now" for like you, Loki, Loren, Jack, Lojope, youaresoghey, hidden, Habeeb, Jonukah, Tom, and so on. I looked over the front page and barely recognized any names at all.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2008-12-27 19:06:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Figured upon my return to Uber, this site would be streaming video, have RSS feeds, have a cool flash intro.
Nope.
Still old school.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2008-12-27 18:56:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Christ, typos galore in that review.
*earn your keep
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2008-12-27 18:55:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome back?!
That's not how we treat someone in the old days. You have to ear your keep 'round here, boy. You have to surpass the Sideburns' patented blowjob test.
The one where I stick my weiner so far down your throat. If my balls don't break your collar bone, you pass.
LET'S DO THIS!
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-12-27 18:30:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got a lot of positive reviews for this story that I posted in 20 parts
http://www.ubersite.com/m/109555
There's also a chance I could get it made into a graphic novel
enjoy and welcome back