THUPA: At First (489 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: thupa
Rating: 1.68 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by beeltea (View user info) at 2008-12-18 03:48:39 EST
Clara is a really fine girl,
I just met her outside
and she would be happy to meet you
to discuss the days' latest events:
over tea,
or coffee,
or whiskey...
But...
All the while I can see she wants a cigarette;
yet she doesn't ask for one.
Why not?
Clearly she sees the square bulge in my shirt pocket
She knows I've got 'em.
Why doesn't she ask me?
She won't.
Clara won't admit to being addicted.
She's not addicted to anything.
She isn't cynical about anything, either.
She's got it all under control.
Meanwhile, I tell her;
The oceans are drowning us
The earth is crushing us
the air is choking us
She just laughs that all off
and I sit there,
like a frustrated schoolchild
wondering what life would be like
If I had never noticed
that at first,
She just wanted a cigarette.
User Reviews
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2008-12-19 18:38:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-12-19 16:17:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-12-19 13:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i have nothing to say to you.
you are dead to me.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-12-19 02:08:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fine
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-12-19 00:48:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bear-leigh
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-12-19 00:28:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When I realized how the last couple of days were going to go, I thought I'd probably have to forfeit. But this was a solid piece and you deserved an opponent who posted.
I like this sort of piece. It's simple, conveys a moment or two in time, and leaves a little for thought- all good.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-12-19 00:27:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
take this, nancy!
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2008-12-18 20:31:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool!
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2008-12-18 14:43:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-12-18 14:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
like the ending
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-12-18 14:06:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i'm with Skrap on this one
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:49:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Offspring (user info) at 2008-12-18 09:51:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-12-18 09:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-18 07:00:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is one I'd like to hear read aloud, to better understand how you heard it in your head when you wrote it.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-12-18 07:59:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad you didn't write in a rhyme scheme or any of that crap. I was afraid I would be the only one.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-18 07:00:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is one I'd like to hear read aloud, to better understand how you heard it in your head when you wrote it.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-18 05:53:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment