Fragments of Memories (1862 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.73 on 95 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Pentameter (View user info) at 2008-12-09 11:14:07 EST
I flip through the channels with Kaiser curled up and laying across my feet. He loves winter because it's the only time he's allowed to do that sort of thing, to be snuggly and cuddly and have all that physical contact he likes from me. Kaiser is my wife's dog and for the most part he's always under me when I'm trying to do something, like carrying a pot of boiling water to the sink. But tonight I'm cold and lonely and he's here, and we're happy.
There's nothing on. Nothing's ever on. By now I should know that there's not going to be anything on television when I wake up in the middle of the night. Sometimes I think about staying in bed but my brain oozes out over the pillow as I think about work, the check engine light on my dash, the flour I forgot at the grocery store, the balance in my checking account. It's a new wrinkle every night.
So I keep pressing my thumb on that button, hoping to find something to watch. I love infomercials but I've already seen all of them multiple times. I was intrigued with the Shamwow guy at first but even he got annoying. "We can't do this forever," he says and I agree. No, Mr. Shamwow, we can't do this forever.
I trip over America's Funniest Home Videos on WGN. I sit up and rub my hands together because I love this shit. Kaiser doesn't even move. I love watching people fly off of their motorbike and then face plant in a bush. I love seeing a kid smack his dad in the balls with one of those huge red plastic baseball bats. And man do I love watching people crank someone in the face when they're aiming for a piñata. It's the little things.
I'm leaning forward, trying hard not to burst out laughing so that I don't wake Sue. I'm not going to want to deal with her angry glares in the morning. I just want to drink my coffee and go to work. I pat Kaiser on the head and kind of marvel at just how funny this episode is when I see her.
I see Kelly.
She's sitting on a lawn chair and looking over her shoulder at the camera. I look at the timestamp on the bottom of the screen and it reads JUN 14 1994. That was right after we graduated from high school. It looks like her backyard of their summer home at the lake. Did she have a party and not invite me? I hear a male voice and it must be her Dad that's talking to her because she's really not paying attention, she's waving him off with her left hand. She always said she hated him. I've moved to the edge of the couch.
Someone falls into the lake and she throws her head back and laughs, the lines of her face tangled in a mess of joy. Then, she lifts her eyes and looks right into the lens, her smile wide and bright. She even lifts her eyebrow a little bit like she always did when she was feeling mischievous. The clip stops and that stupid ass Tom Bergeron is back on screen.
I grab the remote and drop it on the floor, startling Kaiser. He looks at me and then puts his head back down. I look up at the steps and hope that Sue didn't hear. Then, I rewind the clip once. Then twice. Then one hundred more times. I pause it on the image where she's looking right into the camera, right into my eyes. I think about the time I saw her in the supermarket about a week before they found her hanging in her shower. She was looking at the back of a cereal box when I saw her standing there. I whispered, "Kelly," and pushed my cart into the next aisle.
That moment was one of the only ones I've ever regretted. I should have said something to her, at least said hello. I really should have apologized. But what kind of person apologizes to someone over a box of Rice Krispies in the supermarket? She had every right to be angry at me after what I did.
I look at her face on screen and realize how much of her I had forgotten. There was the time I slipped her a note before third period and Mr. Hastie read it in front of the entire class, and man, everyone called me Pookie Bear for the rest of high school. "I think it's cute," she said with a wink.
I think about that time we went to the local donut shop for "just a coffee." It quickly turned into the two of us in the back seat of my beat up Ford Bronco. Her lips looked like cherries that were ripe and ready to burst. I ran my thumb over them and they were so soft, her breath so hot on my fingertips. I kissed her, sliding my tongue into the warmth of her mouth. She made me dizzy.
And then, there was the day. I was drinking coffee on my way to work when my cell phone rang. I checked the number and it was one that I'd never seen before, so I didn't answer. About a minute later, I had a message, so I dialed my voicemail.
"Hey buddy. It's Chris. Uhhh...I need you to call me dude. It's really important."
"What the hell?" I asked as I dialed his number back.
"Tommy, is this you bud?" he asked.
"Yeah Chris, what's up? I haven't heard from you in a while."
"Are you driving dude?"
"Yeah."
"I need you to pull over."
"For what? It can't be that big of a deal."
"Just pull over dude."
"Ok man, I'm off the road. What's the story?"
"They found Kelly last night. They found her hanging in her shower dude. She was still breathing when Mike found her but she didn't make it. She's gone buddy."
At first, I felt numb. "Ok, ok," I said.
"We wanted to tell you. We wanted you to hear it from someone who cares about you."
"Thanks for calling," I said. I hung up the phone and punched the steering wheel. My throat choked with tears. A few hours later a police officer knocked on my window. When I didn't show up to work they called Sue, and when she said I had left hours ago she called the police. I left my car there and he drove me home. I stayed in bed for three days.
Those feelings are rushing back and my throat is burning. It's getting tighter by the second and I can't breathe. I put my hands out in front of me, looking for something to hold onto but there's nothing there and I fall to the floor. Kaiser comes over and licks the salty tears from my face. I don't even stop him.
"It's ok buddy," I say as I glance back up at the screen. "I never should have lied to you. I'm sorry." I say to Kelly. This is the only time I can tell her. This is the only opportunity I can look at her and say it to her face. She's never coming back.
I stand up and smooth my clothes. I grab the remote and rewind the clip back to the beginning and let it run, then I drop the remote to the floor. I ask, "Kelly? Kelly can I talk to you?"
She waves her hand over her left shoulder. She isn't paying attention to me.
I say, "Kelly, I want to apologize to you. I'm sorry for everything I did. I'm sorry for the lies. I'm sorry for everything. I never meant to hurt you."
She throws her head back and laughs.
"I mean it Kelly. I'm sorry. Can we be friends again?"
She lifts her eyes and looks into mine, her smile wide. So wide, her eyes shining brighter than they did before. She raises her eyebrow as she looks at me. Kaiser looks at me and raises his eyebrows too. He side steps around me and stands on the remote. The television turns off, and she is gone. She's never coming back.
User Reviews
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-04-23 22:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SullyThePirate.at.gmail.com if you don't want to post the info here.
Don't worry I won't try and woo you or any shit. I'm aware Donkey is tossing it in you these days.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-04-23 22:25:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Technically cliche, but what isn't? I found this very touching and well-written so it was like if Kaufman was put in charge of writing the screenplay of a Lifetime movie. In worser hands this same story would've been steaming shit.
You don't post much anymore. I looked a little ways down the comments and noticed you mentioned you're being published by the spring of '09. Do you have a book out now?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2009-01-11 13:19:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I *heart* Lucy.
-Dave
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-12-13 18:06:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-12-13 18:06:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Offspring (user info) at 2008-12-12 12:53:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So what did he do to her that was so bad?
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2008-12-11 12:08:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2008-12-11 09:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-12-11 06:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2008-12-11 06:36:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why I love On Demand.
I always watch something from History or discovery channels when there is nothing on late at night.
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Whow, my friends who all have televisions do as well! It must be the pretty pictures of whales.
Very soothing.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2008-12-11 06:36:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why I love On Demand.
I always watch something from History or discovery channels when there is nothing on late at night.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-12-11 06:31:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-12-10 20:55:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-12-10 20:55:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2008-12-10 20:48:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You buried the lead.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2008-12-10 18:49:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thi is actually very well done. It's to be published, you say? Good for you.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-12-10 17:50:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read it. Maybe I'll get an alter to.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-10 13:44:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-12-10 13:26:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to go, Pent!!!
Change of subject; Indo, could you please 'splain why you look like a 70's porn star?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/120130
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Because I don't like how porn stars today shave their body?
That was taken when I worked on an offshore rig in Egypt that had the threat of Toxic gas (SO4) leaking out. I showed up with a goatee, but couldn't get the gas mask to get a seal with all the facial hair. I figured why not keep the moustache, because I would probably never again grow one, and I could pose in cool 70's karate/porn movie stances.
Here is the full picture
http://www.ubersite.com/m/108712
More recent picture of my Mug with "regular" hair.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111011
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-12-10 13:28:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
or explain why muddy/bamf looks like a greek god in hiding
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-12-10 13:26:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to go, Pent!!!
Change of subject; Indo, could you please 'splain why you look like a 70's porn star?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/120130
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-12-10 13:16:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so much sexual tension in here
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 13:09:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I never said I cared about either but you wouldn't shut up so I just kept running with it.
And by the way, his original comment was how hastily you typed your reply and dropped the -2. He was making fun of your horrible spelling and grammar because honestly dude, what you wrote the very first time was almost unreadable. You were the one who kept coming back for more.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-10 13:03:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 12:45:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Because once I figured out that you had the emotional maturity of a three year old I figured I could get a little heat out of it. And I did. Thanks.
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So you don't care about the opinion of people on-line, but you desperately care how much heat you get? That makes sense.
And talking about sany vasginas on the internet may be a little immature, of course your husband hit the ground running with comments like that.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 12:48:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-12-10 12:42:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol @ method
what happened to 79?
---------------
80 was a good year too, no? My 79 streak fell apart recently.
*weeeeeeeeeeeeeeps*
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-10 12:46:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-10 11:53:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Of course, he states that he basically doesn't "Believe" in art as a whole.
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Lay of the drugs lunchbox.
I don't believe in the state subsidising losers to sit around and pretend that they are creating somthing special.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 12:45:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-10 12:33:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
My opinion isn't worth a damn, but you keep responding to my opinion, and are offering to send me copies of your "publication" to change my opinion?
-----------------------
Because once I figured out that you had the emotional maturity of a three year old I figured I could get a little heat out of it. And I did. Thanks.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-10 12:42:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 12:16:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just trying to prove a point about my supposed poor writing to an anti-intellectual. I'll never speak of it again.
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Anti-intellectual?
I didn't realize the bar for how pro or anti-intellectual you are is set by how you rate crappy vingettes.
Maybe I can redeem myself by getting disability and quitting my job to free up time so I can self publish horror stories?
Or better yet I could offer to send you some of my stuff that was published, THAT I GOT PAID FOR!
Or maybe I just won't get a sandy vagina because random people on the internet don't say they think highly of me.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-12-10 12:42:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol @ method
what happened to 79?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-10 12:33:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 11:55:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Make sure you send me your address so I can send you the copy of the publication it'll be published in the spring of '09, which by the way, paid me for my work. I can't mention their name here but I can send you the link and you can send them your rousing tale of your hatred of contractors. I'm sure they're looking for a page turner like that one. Only an ignoramus would say that Hamlet would be dumb if it weren't well acted. You sound like quite the intellectual.
And, my husband didn't log in to stick up for me. He checks Uber everyday and like me, thinks it's hilarious to start internet fights with people like you who think their opinion is worth a damn.
------------------
reading comprehension isn't your strong point, is it? I didn't say "Hamlet would be dumb if it weren't well acted" I said if I saw someone acting out a scene with no context it (the scene, not Hamlet) would be dumb. Big difference.
My opinion isn't worth a damn, but you keep responding to my opinion, and are offering to send me copies of your "publication" to change my opinion? I wonder how you react to opinions you think are important.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 12:16:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-12-10 12:14:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ooooohh no, nooooo way man, we don't have room for ANOTHER published internat author on ubersite. Two swelled heads is more than enough!
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Just trying to prove a point about my supposed poor writing to an anti-intellectual. I'll never speak of it again.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-12-10 12:14:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ooooohh no, nooooo way man, we don't have room for ANOTHER published internat author on ubersite. Two swelled heads is more than enough!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 11:55:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-10 11:07:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 08:32:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Indo, I really hope Santa brings you lots of those little cardboard books where it says a word and then shows you a picture. Seems like those are appropriate to your reading comprehension. I'm pretty sure that's what my real life actual husband was trying to say.
If you need to be spoonfed don't read my stories.
-----------------------
What the fuck are you on about?
This story (which barely qualifies as one) is all spoon feeding, or more accurately cramming some emotion down someones throat in complete absence of purpose, reason, character, etc.
If I saw some Kenneth brannagh acting out the "bounded in a nutshell" scene from hamlet by itself I could appreciate it because he is a good actor, and I know the play. However if I had never seen, or wasn't familiar with Hamlet it would be pretty dumb, but still well acted. So what we have with your story is a dumb scene, and even if it were well written (it isn't) that wouldn't be enough to carry it.
----------------------
Make sure you send me your address so I can send you the copy of the publication it'll be published in the spring of '09, which by the way, paid me for my work. I can't mention their name here but I can send you the link and you can send them your rousing tale of your hatred of contractors. I'm sure they're looking for a page turner like that one. Only an ignoramus would say that Hamlet would be dumb if it weren't well acted. You sound like quite the intellectual.
And, my husband didn't log in to stick up for me. He checks Uber everyday and like me, thinks it's hilarious to start internet fights with people like you who think their opinion is worth a damn.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-10 11:53:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-12-09 17:40:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
We don't know what he did to here, we don't know how long afterwards she died, and this asshoole likes america's funnies home videos?
Worst story ever.
____________________________________________________________________
It's called a snapshot story. It's about feeling and the moment. The intent is to have a quick, visceral reaction. You don't need an exposition/climax/resolution like every fifth grade English teacher outlines.
_________________________________________
Indo can't wrap his head around something like that. He has the imagination & creativity of a brick.
Of course, he states that he basically doesn't "Believe" in art as a whole.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-10 11:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-10 11:17:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 08:32:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm pretty sure that's what my real life actual husband was trying to say.
------------------
Oh Noes!!!
I might have to have my real life <wife to> log in to get my back!!!
damn.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-10 11:17:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 08:32:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm pretty sure that's what my real life actual husband was trying to say.
------------------
Oh Noes!!!
I might have to have my real life log in to get my back!!!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-10 11:07:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 08:32:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Indo, I really hope Santa brings you lots of those little cardboard books where it says a word and then shows you a picture. Seems like those are appropriate to your reading comprehension. I'm pretty sure that's what my real life actual husband was trying to say.
If you need to be spoonfed don't read my stories.
-----------------------
What the fuck are you on about?
This story (which barely qualifies as one) is all spoon feeding, or more accurately cramming some emotion down someones throat in complete absence of purpose, reason, character, etc.
If I saw some Kenneth brannagh acting out the "bounded in a nutshell" scene from hamlet by itself I could appreciate it because he is a good actor, and I know the play. However if I had never seen, or wasn't familiar with Hamlet it would be pretty dumb, but still well acted. So what we have with your story is a dumb scene, and even if it were well written (it isn't) that wouldn't be enough to carry it.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 09:00:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-12-10 08:40:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 08:23:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm petty too!
---
Always knew you were, Princess.
-------
Looks like you have me all figured out, gutter whore. Shouldn't you be sucking some diseased cock or drinking a million beers so that people will want to be around you? Must be a slow night for you.
Get the fuck off my post.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-12-10 08:40:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 08:23:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm petty too!
---
Always knew you were, Princess.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-10 08:32:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Indo, I really hope Santa brings you lots of those little cardboard books where it says a word and then shows you a picture. Seems like those are appropriate to your reading comprehension. I'm pretty sure that's what my real life actual husband was trying to say.
If you need to be spoonfed don't read my stories.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-10 07:47:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-12-09 22:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwa ha ha @ below. Someone sure is bitter. I'm sure if Ghola or some other female wrote this you would be all over it. I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion, no matter how much it is based on prior arguments over politics and personal pussy bleeding.
-----------------
I thought Pentameter was a chick.
I think for the most part I have rated her political posts higher, but sorry I don't keep my Uber score card handy. I don't think you will see me comment on any of the "flash fiction" type stories because generally I think they are all garbage, ones that lack basic story building even moreso. And when I stumble on one and read it i will rate accordingly.
Funny you should bring up pussy bleeding when you get a sandy vagina because I didn't rate something your internet girlfriend wrote high enough.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-12-10 07:13:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm petty.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-10 06:21:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sensational. You made this wonderfully emotive.
Here are my notes: I'd like to see more of the relationship between the husband and his sleeping wife, and also have a little more information about what the guy did to the dead girl.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-12-10 05:59:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Grandiose!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-12-09 22:45:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We had to use the word "dickety" cause the kaiser stole the world "twenty".
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-12-09 22:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwa ha ha @ below. Someone sure is bitter. I'm sure if Ghola or some other female wrote this you would be all over it. I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion, no matter how much it is based on prior arguments over politics and personal pussy bleeding.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-09 21:39:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-12-09 17:40:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's called a snapshot story. It's about feeling and the moment. The intent is to have a quick, visceral reaction. You don't need an exposition/climax/resolution like every fifth grade English teacher outlines.
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This is the literary equivalent of watching emotional "highlights" from Lifetime Movie Network specials.
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-12-09 21:39:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow that was amazing. I normally don't like sad little stories, but this fantastic.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-12-09 20:50:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
splendid
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-12-09 20:30:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You better change your user name to Pentameter80 or there is going to be hell to pay. Hell!
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-12-09 17:54:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I do so enjoy your writing.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-12-09 17:46:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
little balled fists fighting for honor
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-12-09 17:40:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
We don't know what he did to here, we don't know how long afterwards she died, and this asshoole likes america's funnies home videos?
Worst story ever.
____________________________________________________________________
It's called a snapshot story. It's about feeling and the moment. The intent is to have a quick, visceral reaction. You don't need an exposition/climax/resolution like every fifth grade English teacher outlines.
Asshoole.
And I thought I had horrible spelling. You must have been in a hurry to dish out that -2, buddy.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-12-09 17:28:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Read, thank you.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-12-09 17:04:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-12-09 16:44:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-12-10 06:44:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why I hate to lose touch with old friends. For fear something tragic happens and I never hear about it.
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??? That's just morbid.
Good story.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-12-09 16:42:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice to see you do more than just read on here, Pentameter. Try and post more often, hmmm?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-12-09 16:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Highly enjoyable.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-12-09 16:16:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf, i'm not reading all that.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-12-09 15:41:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah sure. why not?
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-12-09 14:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-12-09 14:44:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why I hate to lose touch with old friends. For fear something tragic happens and I never hear about it.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2008-12-09 14:27:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ass
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-12-09 14:27:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank You
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-09 13:35:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:28:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Overall, very good.
But how would one go about hanging oneself in the shower? The curtain rod certainly couldn't support the ~100lbs or more of an adult.
A minor thing, but it struck me as strange.
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I knew someone who hung herself from the showerhead thing. I should have stated that. Good catch.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-09 13:23:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Fuck... this ruled.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2008-12-09 13:09:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent, as per usual.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-12-09 13:03:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-12-09 12:51:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-12-09 12:42:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-12-09 12:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-12-09 12:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good work. I liked it.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-12-09 12:17:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-12-09 12:11:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-12-09 12:06:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:58:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute. You're a chick. Writing as a dude.
That's just fuckin weird, man.
============
I think that about you all the time
--
You think I'm a chick? What's your deal?
==========
hey you're the one acting like a dude.....I don't have a deal
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-12-09 12:09:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2008-12-09 12:01:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do 'Thriller'!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-12-09 12:06:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:58:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute. You're a chick. Writing as a dude.
That's just fuckin weird, man.
============
I think that about you all the time
--
You think I'm a chick? What's your deal?
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2008-12-09 12:01:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:59:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
O.G.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:58:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It had nothing to do with him. She was a Bengals fan.
sigh
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:58:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute. You're a chick. Writing as a dude.
That's just fuckin weird, man.
============
I think that about you all the time
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute. You're a chick. Writing as a dude.
That's just fuckin weird, man.
Submitted by RestrictionsApply (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:50:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:45:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:45:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:43:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PEOPLE!!
tomorrow shall see the start of a brave new era!!
EI does MSPAINT, a comedy tale within a one frame MSPAINT drawing
involving your NEW hero
JESSE The ELEPHDOG!!
are you readyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:41:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
beautyfull sadness
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:37:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yozz has no comment at the moment. Please hold.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
We don't know what he did to here, we don't know how long afterwards she died, and this asshoole likes america's funnies home videos?
Worst story ever.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:28:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Overall, very good.
But how would one go about hanging oneself in the shower? The curtain rod certainly couldn't support the ~100lbs or more of an adult.
A minor thing, but it struck me as strange.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:28:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:27:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Love your stuff. Well done.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Huzzah!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:25:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:22:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, excellent and hurty.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:20:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
come on....its fucking holiday season
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-12-09 11:14:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't call it a comeback. I've been here for years.