Zombie Post Thanksgiving (703 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.36 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (View user info) at 2008-11-27 08:51:13 EST
I often hear people trying to give me information. This is dangerous, as my mind has a finite amount of space and I am quite sure if I learn anything new I will have to remove something to make room. Like my memory of third grade.
Regardless, lots of people think it makes them look more important if they try to jam personal information down my throat, and this is never more apparent than at Thanksgiving.
Forget the fact that everyone tries to tell me what they feel is going great in their lives, assuming I have some sort of internal organ that quivers with excitement when I hear about your new job or the fact that you grunted out another child into the cold, vast world.
Well I don't.
That organ doesn't exist, it just doesn't. Neither does Santa, nor the Easter bunny. And somewhere with them is my enthusiasm about how fucking grand your life is going. I like my living arrangements and my life. Sure the car thing is temporary, and yes I would prefer if my storage unit had climate control, but I am lucky enough they are letting me live in it anyway, so why should I complain?
To get back on point, or to get more to the point, or rather to meander around to the point, or to point out the point that I want to meander to through all these other various points, my point is that I think people are always thankful for the wrong things.
So let me give the biggest thing we are all thankful for. Ready?
I am thankful that a class four zombie outbreak hasn't wiped out humanity.
Let's all nod in agreement, that is the trump card of thankfulness. I just won the thankful game.
Now we all know that zombies exist, and many of us have encountered them in our day to day lives.
And it is at this time that people try and give out their many useless bits of information on food items that only get used once a year. Like their recipe for stuffing or how to properly heat a large avian so that others will enjoy eating its dead flesh.
Well screw that, the only recipes you need are ones for the coming apocalypse.
So this is your chance, share your recipes that will help you survive the coming storm. Talk about your favorite liquor you would put in your Molotov cocktail. Talk about the battle plans for your house to withstand a drawn out zombie siege. Talk about your recipe for running into the wilderness and surviving until humanity (hopefully) rebounds back from the edge of extinction.
Below is my favorite recipe.
Happy Thanksgiving.
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Special Zombie Pipe Bomb:
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YOU WILL NEED:
1- Metal tube (Not plastic)
A handful for ball bearings or steel pellets
Black powder
Detonation cord
A working fire alarm.
Duct tape
Instructions:
First, clear out your pipe of any obstructions. If there is anything inside you may end up blowing yourself away rather than legions of the undead. Secure two end-caps and duct tape one end shut very firmly. The trick to building this is NO SUDDEN MOVEMENTS.
Pour in a small amount of black powder, followed by ball bearings, followed by black powder, then more ball bearings. Continue this until you have layered the entire pipe, but you need to have black powder at both ends. Very important.
Now, take the unsecured end-cap and puncture a hole in it big enough for your detonation cord. Thread it through and attach it to the open end of the pipe leaving about two inches exposed. Duct tape it down, and when I say duct tape it I mean to make it secure you may need to duct tape the whole device from top to bottom.
Now, the special flavor to this device. Take your fire alarm, carefully strip out everything inside. Fire alarms are mostly wires, and this will serve you well. Use tape to keep the battery attached to the whole contraption and string the guts of the fire alarm around one end of the pipe bomb. Be sure to take note of the smoke sensor, as it is critical you have access to it.
Use:
Zombies are attracted to noise, and unfortunately this is NOT a fast sling like a grenade, but the pay off can be extreme. As you go to light the fuse, put your match or lighter underneath the smoke sensor for a moment until the fire alarm goes off. Now this is the dangerous part, this will attract all zombies in the nearby area towards the fire alarm, and that is when you light the pipe bomb, hurl it as far from you as you can and run the other way.
The zombies will be attracted to the high pitched squeal of the alarm and shamble towards it, where they will all be blown into zombie hell.
Congratulations, you are one step closer to surviving a post-apocalyptic scenario! Thank me later.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-11-30 11:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read it, but the picture kicked ass.
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2008-11-29 13:42:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-11-27 18:33:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-11-27 17:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
When dealing with zombies, you just can't go wrong with hydrogen peroxide.
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Like you have any clue what hydrogen peroxide REALLY is, you brainless fuckstick!
Gimme the chemical formula, asswipe. Don't look it up.
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Peroxide means 2 O, correct? So to balance that you would need 2 Hydrogens... H2O2.
I took chem 4 years ago, so forgive me if I am wrong.
By the way, I don't think knowing the chemical formula has anything to do with knowing what it is.
I know what gasoline is, and I haven't the slightest what its chemical formula.
C6H12O6 is glucose. Doesn't tell me anything about what it is, does, or means to life on this planet.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-27 23:51:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-11-27 19:25:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2008-11-27 17:43:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Army of Darkness is a boyish celebration of fantasy violence.
======================
So is this post
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2008-11-27 21:58:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2008-11-27 18:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Someone has been playing Left 4 Dead.
ahahaha.
that game does look cool tho
Submitted by Obi-wan (user info) at 2008-11-27 19:34:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Pipe bombs would not do too much to a zombie except shread its legs.
Might be lucky and have a ball bearing go in its head but not likely.
Come on i assume you have read Max Brookes Zombie survival guide he explains grenades and stuff are rubbish
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-11-27 19:25:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2008-11-27 17:43:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Army of Darkness is a boyish celebration of fantasy violence.
======================
So is this post
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-11-27 18:33:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-11-27 17:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
When dealing with zombies, you just can't go wrong with hydrogen peroxide.
==================
Like you have any clue what hydrogen peroxide REALLY is, you brainless fuckstick!
Gimme the chemical formula, asswipe. Don't look it up.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2008-11-27 18:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Someone has been playing Left 4 Dead.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-11-27 17:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
When dealing with zombies, you just can't go wrong with hydrogen peroxide.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2008-11-27 17:43:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Army of Darkness is a boyish celebration of fantasy violence.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-11-27 16:17:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Husqvarna says Hi BITCH!"
How's that?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-11-27 16:15:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First thing I'm going to do on Z day is cut off my hand and replace it with a chainsaw. Second thing is buy a book of one-liners.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-11-27 15:21:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2008-11-27 12:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ball bearings wont do fuck all to a zombie. You need to have loads of metal shards of at least neck width in a barrel and a huge explosion in open space to have an explosive hoard wipeout. Like the alarm idea. Attach one to the barrel in market swuare or something and remotly detonate when theres a deacnt hoard
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-11-27 12:16:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm baking a cake. It'd probably kill a zombie.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2008-11-27 11:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Put your helmet back on, Corky.
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Submitted by BigBuffty (user info) at 2008-11-27 11:45:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i bet you suck zombie cocks... and swallow
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2008-11-27 11:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's my favorite zombie weapon recipe:
Napalm for the Undead
5-10 gallons of gasoline, depending upon how much you'll need
1 huge bag of styrofoam peanuts
-> any styro will do, actually and you're going to need a ton of it.
1 gallon diesel fuel or kerosene in a separate can
assorted glass bottles and rags
2 lighters
In a large tub, mix the gasoline with the styrofoam. It takes a few minutes for the foam to break down, so just fill the tub with peanuts and come back later. Repeat this process, mixing each batch of styro thoroughly with the gas until it has the consistency of pudding. Gas will break down an insane amount of foam (after all, it's mostly air), so plan your materials carefully. Transfer the thick mixture to your bottles, filling them about 2/3 of the way. Soak your rags in the diesel/kerosene, wring out the excess and stuff them into the openings of your full bottles, making sure that the top is sealed tight.
Light, fling at hordes of the undead and repeat. The less volatile fuel oil on the rags won't whoosh with fire and burn you like gas-soaked rags will.
The napalm will stick to anything, including glass, burn for a ridiculous amount of time and release horrid, noxious fumes and smoke.
Have fun!
Submitted by angrydrunk86 (user info) at 2008-11-27 11:21:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 anything on zombies. i am actually playing left for dead right now and honestly i cant wait for the zombie horde. if i'm not one of the unfortunate i think it'll be a blast killing thousands of zombies by any means necessary.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2008-11-27 11:19:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-11-27 10:38:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I suspect that pipe bomb recipes, functional or not, aren't going to set well with the mgmt. Could this be the next post 8800?
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HAHAHAHA.
No.
No you obviously haven't googled "Pipe Bomb". This is nothing. Nothing more than useful anti-zombie public information. It will protect you and your children.
And yes L4D is brimming out of my ears at this point.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-11-27 10:38:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I suspect that pipe bomb recipes, functional or not, aren't going to set well with the mgmt. Could this be the next post 8800?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-11-27 10:17:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
luv them zombies
Submitted by AyeCarumba (user info) at 2008-11-27 09:59:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Too much L4D? Me too.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-11-27 09:12:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I completly own zombies with my laser
in halo i mean
by zombies i mean the flood.