My Summer Project (727 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.69 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ilikesteak (View user info) at 2008-11-20 13:01:24 EST
I'm trying to build a shrink ray. It's not going to be on the molecular level, where the entire subject is made smaller, just a beam of some sort to make things tiny.
Why? Because most things are better when they're smaller. Regular and king size candy bars don't taste nearly as good as bite size, but people buy them anyway because they're bigger. Everybody loves babies, because they're small enough to carry around, but as soon as I see some fat guy on the street, I'll start making jokes. I've never seen an Olympic runner bigger than an average seven year old.
Sure, there are things that shouldn't really be smaller, like boobs or midgets. And matchbox cars. Those are already tiny. If you make small things smaller, it will kill it to death. Which would mean that it'd be a death ray.
I'm trying to build a death ray from a shrink ray. It's not going to be on the molecular level, where the entire subject dies, just some sort of beam to kill stuff.
Why? Because most things are way better when they're dead. Ponies are definatley more awesome when they're dead, because then ghosts and zombies can ride them, and I'm pretty sure that zombie ponies will start the apocalyse. Zombie ponies would be our new work force, because they can be taught to count with their hooves, and that's better than most illegals we hire, because I don't have to speak another language to communicate with them, and everybody speaks pony.
Sure, since it was built from a shrink ray it won't work on really big things, like boobs or Godzilla. Godzilla is immune from the effects of the shrink ray, but it'd probably sting a little. That'd mean that I only built a sting ray.
I'm trying to build a sting ray from a shrink ray converted into a death ray. It's not going to be on the molecular level, where everything stings at once, just some sort of beam to make something sting a lot.
Why? Because I don't feel like walking up and pinching you on the arm or neck. Sure I could, but you're really far away, and pinching people seems slightly creepy. It doesn't strike fear into the hearts of mankind like it used to. Essentially, I'm trying to build a Rube Goldberg style machine that gives the same effect as being pinched, without actually pinching people.
So far, I've got a mason jar full of pissed off bees (shaken every half hour, and kept fed by some honey in the bottom of the jar), most of a mailbox from that jerk that lives down the street from me with the fence who keeps stealing my hockey pucks, cat shavings, some pipes from a construction site that they clearly weren't going to use anyway, a Jr.handyman tool kit, and like seventy dollars that I made mowing lawns last summer. I'm not really sure what I need, or how to build it, but I've got all summer ahead of me.
I promise not to use it to pinch you if you help.
User Reviews
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-11-26 02:13:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2008-11-21 16:42:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-11-21 00:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2008-11-20 20:53:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Zombie ponies ftw.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-20 17:20:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You lost me at zombie ponies but this, "Those are already tiny. If you make small things smaller, it will kill it to death. Which would mean that it'd be a death ray." made me smile.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-11-20 17:14:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:10:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
somebody is watching episode 1 next door and that binks motherfucker is driving me nuts.
Submitted by Biteme (user info) at 2008-11-20 15:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2008-11-20 15:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://technabob.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/01/rubberband_machine_gun.jpg
rubber band gun.
If I were you I'd build one of these: http://www.cosmosmagazine.com/files/imagecache/feature/files/RobotWoman_IS000003519760X.jpg
you seem to have enough parts to do so.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-11-20 15:05:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why? Because most things are better when they're smaller.
...
That's not what she said?
*confusion-fusion*
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-11-20 14:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-11-20 14:39:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 14:26:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Regular and king size candy bars don't taste nearly as good as bite size, but people buy them anyway because they're bigger.
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this is true and it boggles the mind.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-11-20 14:19:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Zombie ponies
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-11-20 14:12:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:51:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-11-20 18:37:36 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like ilikesteak.
Submitted by VengefulDaddy (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:47:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This brought back fond memories about the last time I was killed to death.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:43:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:34:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I had a Sting Ray. Then I saved up my chore money, sold the Sting Ray, and bought a Cotton Picker http://www.antiquewhs.com/2005012.jpg
Coolest bicycle evar.
********************************************
I remeber them as a kid.
antiquewheels?
****weeps****
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like ilikesteak.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:34:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I had a Sting Ray. Then I saved up my chore money, sold the Sting Ray, and bought a Cotton Picker http://www.antiquewhs.com/2005012.jpg
Coolest bicycle evar.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:29:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:22:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was so boring that I didn't even read it.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:22:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One time, I ate a corndog at the state fair and got diarrea. True story.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:13:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm hungry
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:06:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds promising.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:05:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Make me a corndog ray.