So help me, if that car alarm goes off again I will knock on every door in this complex until I find the culprit. (1439 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.79 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Thomas R. Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2008-11-09 00:34:51 EST
This is a boring Saturday night. I just got off work and everyone I hang out with is already out...most of them are 25 miles away in Bowling Green. I could drive down there tonight and I would probably have a good time, but I am not going to do that...which leads to the second reason boredom has taken up residence in my apartment: I am broke. As hell. I am broke because I tend to spend money on ridiculous things. You know, things like food, a six pack of Smithwicks, or even the two new front tires I purchased yesterday afternoon (because some heaping tablespoon of ass in a neon green vest whose best friend may or may not be an orange barrel decided not to pick up a few screws off of the road).
So yea, I'm bored. Bored and tired from work. Tired as in, "I don't feel like putting on pants that don't have a drawstring," but not quite tired as in "ready to crawl into my racecar bed and dream about random, incredibly bizarre shit...like being chased by a clown riding a giant chicken while my second grade teacher Ms. Coleman watched with an odd grin on her face." As such, I'm sitting on the couch, drinking one of the Smithwicks out of a coffee cup (because all my other dishes are dirty and the stupid bottle opener broke the neck of the bottle) and typing with no real purpose while I debate whether or not to watch Revenge of the Sith for the third time this month. Be honest, at least two of you read that, threw your arms out to your sides and screamed "NOOOOOOO!" It's totally ok...you probably did a better job than Hayden Christensen.
Speaking of Hayden Christensen, have you noticed that he's Anakin Skywalker in every movie? If you're a huge Star Wars fan it's kind of cool...especially when he's in a movie like Jumper. Because let's be completely honest here, even though Samuel L. Jackson may be a Bad Motherfucker (it's written on his wallet, for God's sake), he is himself in every movie. Logically then Mace Windu was just Sam Jackson with a glowing purple stick right? So then what does that make Jumper? Star Wars Episode 3.5? Star Wars Episode 3 -- The Director's Cut? And what happens in Jumper? Anakin beats Mace again!! But really, you KNOW that has to eat away at SLJ! 15 years ago he was going to walk the earth like Kane and now he's repeatedly getting his ass kicked by some kid with wavy hair who looks like he should be trying to slip a roofie into some girl's drink at a frat party? Really? Yes? Whatever. Fuck you George Lucas.
But back to the whole point -- I'm bored and I'm on my couch...and every few minutes some asshole's fucking car alarm is going off. The first nine times (yes, nine times) I thought someone may have been in the parking lot bumping a car to mess with someone in an apartment, so I went out there to see if that was the case, and the lot was emptier than Sarah Palin's head (OMG! TOPICAL HUMOR! ROFL!). But I eventually figured it out. Someone in an apartment is setting off their own car alarm to...I can't really even come up with a good reason. It's not funny. It's not the Fourth of July! It's just ridiculous, and I am seriously considering going door to door to find out who the fuck is the culprit.
Pointless? Yes. Helpful? Not really? Entertaining? Probably not. But still, it was nice to post again.
User Reviews
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-11 18:39:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sadly enough I haven't been to a game at PBS since 2002. And yes, I forgot how to read.
BTW, hopefully you'll have a whole lot of time to see Marvin...especially in the fall/winter months of next year.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-11-11 17:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope...Not RADIO announcer...Stadium PA announcer. I thought that you went to the games.
In your absence, did you forget how to read?
Looks like after this season, I'll probably have more time to pal around with Marvin.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-11 17:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is his first name Dave? If so, I like him. His analysis is usually excellent.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-11-11 15:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Tommy Boy: I've played a little golf the last month or so with the Bengals stadium PA announcer, who "commutes"...No names, but you probably know who he is.
Just saw him yesterday here in HHI, in fact.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-11-11 14:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just saw this.
I didn't even KNOW you didn't tell me how how you think I am. NOW, I'M EVEN MADDER. FUCK.
Actually, I was just being bitter...I was in between bowls. That's all. :) I gave you points and everything...and I dont care if you dont think I'm hot...plenty of people don't think I'm hot. Everyone has their own taste. Shit...if I were a dude I would think I was good looking but I'd go for a redhead.
Have a nice day.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-11 14:19:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LOL.
It seems someone is pissy I didn't stumble overmyself in a desperate effor to tell her how amazingly hot she is like so many of the people on here, and resorts to the lamest possible comments (specifically "get a life") one could resort to online.
Where the fuck are Method and Caul? Those two carry around flame throwers like proper villians. You, on the other hand, are holding two rocks trying to get a spark to ignite.
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2008-11-10 23:30:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Suck my left nut to make the right one jealous.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-11-10 16:28:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here are some points. Go forth and get a job and a life and stop bitching.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-10 15:49:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
V8 Splash went very well with the vodka. It was damned delicious, as a matter of fact.
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2008-11-10 09:22:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Apple juice and vodka go very well together.
Set fire to the car. One of our fucker neighbours house alarm went off every fuckning day when I was on off work studying. I really regret not breaking into the house and randomly stealing stuff out of spite for their fuckheadedness
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-11-10 02:37:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
They've left the window open on their car, and it's an air-pressure-switched alarm.
You should help them out by filling the whole cabin with shaving foam. The alarm will stop, and they can leave the window open!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-11-10 00:25:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Toledo. City Motto: "Yeah, well, fuck all y'all."
Gotsta respek dat.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 23:04:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes...yes I am.
Submitted by nick44 (user info) at 2008-11-09 22:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
25 miles from bowling green. You are in shithole Toledo.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 16:52:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Can you expect it? Jesus Christ, are you kidding? Mark it down. Go to Vegas RIGHT NOW and place a wager, because it is going to happen.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-09 16:48:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
oh...it's little tommy sorrell!
welcome back, you fucking little girl! can we expect a lot of bitching and pissing and moaning over shit grownups don't give a fuck about, i.e. your usual m.o.?
just kidding, welcome back.
homo.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 16:30:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The standard most def. has not improved. If anything it may have degenerated. I'm sitting here watching football and dreading going into work in the freezing rain.
Who are all the alters now?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-11-09 16:13:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
actually i'm a big fan of your fun with email series
glad you're back TS
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-11-09 16:13:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you think i'm kinda hot
that's kinda hot
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-11-09 15:58:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 18:17:17 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-11-09 10:05:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What made Tommy Sorrell come back to Uber at random on November 8?
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boredom
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What made Tommy Sorrell leave Uber at random on November 9?
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Oathy and Sico and their plethora of alters
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Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-11-09 15:57:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, that was harsh.
You must have been bored and desperate to end up back here.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-11-09 15:57:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I notice the standard hasn't improved.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 13:17:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-11-09 10:05:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What made Tommy Sorrell come back to Uber at random on November 8?
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boredom
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-11-09 11:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-11-09 10:41:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'll tell you why they are setting it off over and over again
they have fallen and cant get up and can only reach the car keys
they are laying in the floor in agony hoping that someone will hear their cries for help or failing that investigate why the car alarm keeps going off
perhaps summon law enforcement to take a look.
seriously
call the cops and lodge a noise complaint
if they are hurt you are a hero
if not then you get some quiet and the offending ass gets a ticket
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-11-09 10:13:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way, while we're here does anyone know anything that goes well with vodka that's not OJ, Red Bull, or alcohol poisoning?
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Back-seat sex at the drive in movie theater, late returns home, smelling each other's breath to see if your parents will know you've been drinking, and covering the odor of alcohol and oral pleasures by eating some beef jerky.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-11-09 10:05:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Great answer from Lungfish, by the way.
What made Tommy Sorrell come back to Uber at random on November 8?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-11-09 09:58:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way, while we're here does anyone know anything that goes well with vodka that's not OJ, Red Bull, or alcohol poisoning?
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Loose women, The Buzzcocks, and driving off-road through the desert at night. And beef jerky.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-11-09 09:48:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way, while we're here does anyone know anything that goes well with vodka that's not OJ, Red Bull, or alcohol poisoning?
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beef jerky
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-11-09 01:25:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
coke or diet coke go with vodka
welcome back
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-11-09 01:01:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:47:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just make yourself a makeshift bloody mary
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Fuck that. You shouldn't make a bloody mary unless you have a fucking scale and a medicine dropper. I made one that was so vile I nearly puked from the first sip.
I kept drinking it, though, because I didn't want to waste the alcohol.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 01:01:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Indeed, sir.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2008-11-09 01:00:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope. Not kidding. I've got a friend Seann who goes there quite a bit so someimes I tag along. Small world.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're kidding me. I go to Doc's all the time with my friend Michelle. She's a hardcore regular.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:58:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh. I go to Doc Watsons over there sometimes but too far to drive when I get blurry eyed. I'm off Secor Road myself.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:56:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I live right off Glendale in Toledo.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:55:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, BG sucks. Come up to the north end up Toledo and we can get wasted at a bowling alley or something....
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:54:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Be a man and out a brick through his back window, I'll contribute $10 towards you doing this, if you have paypal
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:50:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck it, I'm not willing to render even a sip of either useless.
I may, however, go to Steak and Shake. When I say I'm broke I mean "not willing to spend the gas to get to BG and back" along with "not crazy about spending money on shots and beer when I have them here for free." Not "living in a van down by the river like Matt Foley" or "eating top Ramen, writing rap lyrics and hoping for a miracle while I ride the bus to my job at the metal stamping factory." Yea. GO FUCK YOURSELF EMINEM.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:47:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just make yourself a makeshift bloody mary
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:46:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sadly I do not. I have V8 Splash and more Smithwicks.
I wonder what would happen if I mixed the Vodka with the Smithwicks....
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:45:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cranberry juice with a hint of pomegranate juice if you have it
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2008-11-09 00:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way, while we're here does anyone know anything that goes well with vodka that's not OJ, Red Bull, or alcohol poisoning?