Europe is Shit (509 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.77 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by max lieberman (View user info) at 2008-11-03 09:27:24 EST
I'm in Space in Ibiza with glow stick in each hand and doing my cheesy version of the Liquid Pop-Lock. People actually stop what they are doing in the immediate area and stare at me like I'm from Planet "what the fuck is that." I realize I better tone it down a bit and loose the glow sticks to the nearest untagged female.
Have you ever seen the movie "Invasion of the Body Snatchers?" There is a moment where one of the aliens realizes that the person in the crowd nearest them is still human and they stop, point, and shriek at the top of their lungs with some air piercing alien scream. Well, that's my big Ibiza moment; The moment when the people in the crowd realize they're standing near an alien. I fully expected to hear someone yell "Freak" and I reply with "I'm not a monster, I just like to dance. Leave me alone." Sob, Sob, Run away......
I'm pretty sure the only thing I was missing was a white suit, black framed clear glasses, a bow tie, and free tickets for everyone to Six Flags(one Flag).
Okay, that might be just a bit of paranoid writer embellishment but every freak has a place and mine is occupying the left side of the stairs allowing no one to pass with big arm movements. Again, this perhaps scares the European and I hadn't yet realized this was the case.
I am interrupted by an unmistakable sensation. It's known universally and completely unique and unwelcome. If it were totally quiet you would hear the noise I can only describe as, "Glitch."
I look down and sure enough, someone has left a human turd on the stairs at Space in Ibiza and I have managed to step in it. No one else has noticed, thank god, but it's messy and on the sides of my shoe as well.
Later, I was trying to imagine how the hell a turd gets on the floor at Space on the stairs. Was some girl in a mini skirt unable to make it to the bathroom? Perhaps someone with shorter trousers was squatting on the stairs and no one noticed. Was it rolled down a pants leg on the balcony above and perhaps kicked onto the stairs? Worse, was it placed there as shit-Landmine?
Luckily, I was alone (If with a group I am sure they would have said, "Expectable losses," and moved out without me). This is a horrible moment of freakish irony I can handle after being at war for 3 years. It's like a day in the park and I don't miss a beat somehow.
Just laugh it off and head for the front making the noise in time with the beat step, squish, step, squish, step squish.
I realzie only too late to fly to the Philippines and get laid that Ibiza sucks unless your on drugs or you just like to wallow in shit.
User Reviews
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-11-04 13:51:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I gave the original post a +2. But for reposting, the title and the fact that dancing with glow sticks is gayer than Brian Gay of Gaycastle (and he was pretty gay), -2.
Submitted by Jordan85777 (user info) at 2008-11-03 22:24:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
made me smile (+1)
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2008-11-03 16:49:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why'd you repost this?
Submitted by HerrSchniedelwichs (user info) at 2008-11-03 16:21:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-11-03 15:56:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you! Ibiza sucks, therefore Europe sucks?
You suck for going to Ibiza in the first place lame lord.
Fuck off and die.
-----------------------------
What this good man said^^
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-11-03 15:56:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you! Ibiza sucks, therefore Europe sucks?
You suck for going to Ibiza in the first place lame lord.
Fuck off and die.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2008-11-03 15:08:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-11-03 09:54:43 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
Tell us something we don't know.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-03 13:34:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you are very popular huh
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-11-03 10:04:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I've no idea what I'm talking about
I'm trapped in this body and I can't get out..."
~Radiohead, Bodysnatchers (In Rainbows) <-----FUCKING AWESOME ASS ALBUM.
Points.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-11-03 09:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Tell us something we don't know.