How to Piss Off a Lifelong Friend: (459 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.75 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by max lieberman (View user info) at 2008-11-02 09:00:02 EST
If you've ever been to Midtown in Houston, it's a mixture of pretty old and new. What I mean by that is it has four-story apartment buildings with swimming pool courtyards and first floor shops. These are of course right next to 150 year old homes in "Freedmen's Town" where they sell crack with zest and the infrequent gunshot. Needless to say, it's a pretty dramatic mixture of black and white.
It's 4 O'clock in the afternoon and I'm getting into my Izuzu Vehicross parked across from a bar in Midtown. There is a black guy with a cane who appears to be blind but I can't tell if he's just doing a bad impersonation of Eddie Murphy in trading places. He claims to be completely lost but his eyes do appear to have a little bit of cataract type substance. Me being overly cautious, I stay a good distance from him and ask him where he's going.
He's feigning being terrified and keeps walking toward my voice and I keep backing away so as not to get stabbed if this is a robbery. He swears he's lost and I don't know if I believe him or not. A little Chevette pulls up and a slightly chubby chick gets out and tries to drag him into her car after listening to his story. She shoots me an evil glance as though I'm the biggest asshole in the world. Something is not right and I can feel it.
I'm trying to tell her he could be asking her at any second if she's a size about a size14 but she doesn't get it. I grab her arm and we argue as the blind dude swings at me and accidentally hits the girl with the cane. He's crying, she's crying and bleeding profusely from her forehead, and I'm saying fuck it and going back to my car since she's refusing to listen to reason.
I copy down her license number to see if the car shows up on the news but forget about it after she's gone.
Flash forward 4 years to me getting back to the US for some well needed R&R and going to one of my best friend's weddings as one of the groomsmen. The flight lands at IAH and she's coming to pick me up solo. I've never met his fiancée but she's supposed to have a sign with my name on it.
I can just make out the scar on her forehead as she recognizes me before I can comprehend why she's swinging away at me. I book a flight and am on my way to Ibiza before she can be bailed out of jail two days later, missing the wedding. She apparently has a bench warrant for an unpaid ticket in Oklahoma.
Needless to say, she fucking hates me, I don't hate her, but my friend is lost forever. They refused the balcony cruise I bought them to the Caribbean for the honeymoon as well but at least Carnival is allowing me to go when I get back from Iraq.
Come to think of it, I've only ever been to one wedding in my life. I'm taking that buddy to Subic Bay in February since his marriage turned to shit. He's apparently one of my only friends and I didn't even get to be an usher.
I think I'll get some new friends if I ever get back to the states. Mine suck.
User Reviews
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-11-03 07:31:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why does everyone hate you so much?
Submitted by hellish (user info) at 2008-11-02 21:57:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-11-02 10:19:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You can't get any good friends when you're a shitty tipper, max.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-11-02 09:49:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ONE. 1. UNO. Post a day. No more.