I like to masturbate with my numchucks. (2177 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.25 on 66 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Apollo (View user info) at 2008-10-06 13:23:42 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/119147
"Nnnngggg.....ngggggg....Jeanne, jeanne, JEANNE!"
Tighter and tighter the numchuck chain was pulled around his penis. His toes curled in delicious agony as Jeanne's jaw swelled in his mind.
After a few frenzied moments his 'roid shrivelled penis coughed its genetically dead sperm with, it must be said, rather disappointing force.
Real men wipe it off their chin.
Wanting to save the kitchen paper for his Swanson Meal For One*, and he'd loaned his ubersite sock to Sicosemen, the throws of passion had left only his favourite t-shirt to absorb the rancid 'untersperm'.
He pulled his crusty boxershorts up.
Sated.
But not for long. He was on an up curve from the 'roids and his mountain bike sure was looking pretty.
User Reviews
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-10-26 15:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Apparently Bristol City are the best team on the face of the earth.
OoooOOOh Trundle OOoooH Trundle.
We have Trunaldo lalalalal Trunaldo lalalala
he's big fat and round
can never pronounce a noun
Trunaldo oooOOoh OOOooh
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-10-26 11:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Might be tempted to put a tenner on Liverpool. That was a great performance.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-09 08:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-09 08:04:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drunk me equates your head with the boss from super metroid.
It's a giant brain, and I think a dinasaur eats it. Or the other way around.
EIther way fuck you.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-10-08 22:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-10-07 16:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-10-07 16:23:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pickled finish cabinetry is so 1995
***
Making air-cabinets since 2008
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-10-07 14:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I mean, like.... now.
Orphelia....
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-10-07 14:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey.....
Orphelia......
Can I.....
eat your baby?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-10-07 11:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU'RE ALIVE
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-10-07 11:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-10-07 10:35:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So old
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-10-07 10:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-10-07 02:46:53 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Orphe
Did you perhaps do a search for gestational diabetes or subscribe to something dealing with it? If so, your IP may have been captured.
At any rate, so sorry to hear about the G.D. That can be a bugger. I used to do 1 hour, 2 hour, 3 hour, 5 hour G.D. tests on our pregnant clientelle. My ladies used to tell me, "Forensic, I'd kill for a damn brownie!"
"So sorry, hon. You can do it, girl! Just a few more months."
--------------------------------------------------------------
I didn't search it but I since found out someone else did on my PC.
I'd kill for some sweeties but I don't want it to continue after the birth so I am being extra good. Neither do I want a fat baby with crap lungs.
:)
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-10-07 03:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i shot a best ever 88 a few months ago
-----
hhahahhahahahhaah
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-10-07 02:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i mean, wheres the challenge?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 22:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
to be fair to the builder Orphelia, most people want to punch you in the face.
In coitus or otherwise.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-06 21:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-10-06 21:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Orphe
Did you perhaps do a search for gestational diabetes or subscribe to something dealing with it? If so, your IP may have been captured.
At any rate, so sorry to hear about the G.D. That can be a bugger. I used to do 1 hour, 2 hour, 3 hour, 5 hour G.D. tests on our pregnant clientelle. My ladies used to tell me, "Forensic, I'd kill for a damn brownie!"
"So sorry, hon. You can do it, girl! Just a few more months."
So sorry, hon. You can do it, girl! Just a few more months.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-10-06 20:04:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I once went out with a body builder who used steroids, he punched me in the face during sex once so I chucked him.
Will someone please tell me, I have been diagnosed with gestational diabetes, no big deal, I haven't told anyone, my family etc, it ain't worth it, so... How the fuck do I open my spam email to find several diabetes mailshots addressed to me??? I haven't looked it up on a website, I already know everything, so how do these buggers know?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-10-06 19:47:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At any rate, good to know you and the Jewess are ok, which is the most important thing.
Insurance will sort out the rest.
Good to have your assholish presence back!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 19:08:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lol
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-10-06 18:59:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmong.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-10-06 17:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd love to see the aftermath picture of oatmeal and his black eye after he tries actually using them
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2008-10-06 17:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Molestorific!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-10-06 15:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Those stains must have happened when he took in more than a mouthful.
SWALLOW, DON'T SPIT, OATHY.
You fucking tool.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-06 15:26:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Were the arrows pointing to the cum stains purposefully made to look like negro cock? If so, +2.
I enjoy attention to detail.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-10-06 15:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bret,
You are in a kitchen with cum stains on your best t-shirt holding nunchuks stretching your neck to hid the fat and you are correcting my spelling.
LOL
Submitted by stucker (user info) at 2008-10-06 15:17:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go back to mindless mediocrity, Sicosemen.
It seems that's the only thing you can do without failing or propagating an STD.
Submitted by weather (user info) at 2008-10-06 15:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh snap! Apollo just gave the most serious burn in the history of losersite.
Stratus.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 15:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
on the interweb?
yes, of course.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-10-06 15:01:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thats true, inion was lurking
Submitted by stucker (user info) at 2008-10-06 15:01:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So effectively insulting me (a meathead idiot with no friends) trumps writing in correct English?
Wow. Priorities, I guess.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bret,
You are in a kitchen with cum stains on your best t-shirt holding nunchuks stretching your neck to hid the fat and you are correcting my spelling.
priorities old chum, priorities.
Apollo ' Better Than You' 88
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ahem
'hero' turtles EI.
Don't want to scare the kids.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well i'm scarred.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:43:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and teenage mutant ninja turtles, apollo
Submitted by stucker (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:41:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While we're nitpicking, it's 'throes', not 'throws' you illiterate skunk.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oops
not being a complete and utter loser I have had little to no exposure to 'nunchucks' outside of bret's loserdom, that napoleon movie and south park.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The only other people I've seen fucking with nunchucks outside of a Bruce Lee movie are my Poor White Trash neighbors... the guys who can't get jobs because they can barely speak or write English (they are white and English is their first language).
That picture is just... there are no words.
Is oathmeal the son of pinheads?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They're called nunchucks*, numbnuts.
*from nunchaku.
Submitted by stucker (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol!
I'm a woman!!
Oh the pain of your insults!
And thanks for the offer to 'push on my adam's apple', but I'll respectfully decline your intensely homoerotic offer, thankyouverymuch.
And that goes for Shlongy's, too.
That's preemptive.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not much room round the roid inflated neck there though is there Bret old egg?
if you had an adams apple you fucking woman, it'd be pushing right on it.
Submitted by stucker (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:20:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For the record, the 'semen stains' are really bleach spots from when I wore that shirt cleaning my bathroom.
I for one can fit a t-shirt over my head to put it on.
I can only imagine the difficulty YOU have trying to do the same, Jaime.
Submitted by weather (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:13:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Apollo > Jack McCallum on the dreaminess scale but not as an author.
Submitted by stucker (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:10:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-10-06 11:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
are those a pair of SKIDZ pants?
_____________
Yes.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i shot a best ever 88 a few months ago, then got a bad case of the shanks and even carded 110+ which i've not done since about week 4 of my golfing 'career'.
Not played since.
Went to the range the other day and was hitting fine, still fading too much but right up at my standard, you know?
Going out on Friday, will see how it goes.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think next year may be at Quail Hollow - outside of Cleveland, Ohio.
It's where we held the first TWO Squeezer Opens, 20 years ago. This course/resort hosts a Nationwide Tour event but I'll tell you what...based on how I played for 4 days, the LAST thing I'm thinking about is playing golf. For a long time.
I think I hit 8 fairways in 4 rounds. The driver was about as bad as anyone could possibly hit it.
No idea why. Everything else was fine.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, is richie sucking his double chin in?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:56:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
will you be going next year?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:55:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you try selling that to the jew.
right love, sorry there's no power and the house is fucked, i'm off golfing with my mates.
I did however manage to fuck of to the UK for a week.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You could have hit up strip joints with nitty...Your loss!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was a good reason to LEAVE the area.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep going up...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
JIC...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oops....Forgot how wonderful this post was.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hurricane Ike happened old egg.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What happened to your Myrtle Beach trip, Shaky?
Just got back last night. Great courses...great host...unfortunately really horrible golf.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:41:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We should all be grateful for your return!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:41:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
This is the best thing on the site in weeks.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:39:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oooohh, it's CRUMPLING TIME!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't believe there are people who still think that being able to use nunchucks makes them a certified bad ass.
But, I'm proven wrong.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:30:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
love how oatmeal RAGES AGAINST THE MAN AND THE MACHINE but has a fucking starbucks mug on his revolting counter top.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pickled finish cabinetry is so 1995
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-06 13:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*TM Shlongy