Versus (963 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.54 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Siren© (View user info) at 2008-08-18 16:23:32 EDT
I am a girl so that means 2 definite things. 1-I have a fish sandwich in my jeans and 2- I love cute cuddly animals of all kinds.
It seems that this uber site (ubersite) is obsessed with the dog vs. cat argument. Any time a post includes mention or picture of a cat, the anti-cat brigade comes out in full force to say how lame or evil they are without rhyme or reason. Puppy posts get love from everyone. I often wonder where the hatred comes from for cats. It's almost like it's the cool macho thing to say that one hates cats. I used to have a roommate that hated my cat. He is a 26 year old virgin. You can read more about him here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/98140.
So, uber, in case you've never owned a pet and you're in the market for one, you should know that relying on the opinions of reviewers from posts of cats & dogs isn't exactly reliable.
So I made this test.
1. When you have to poop, which of the following most closely describes your routine?
a. Go to designated space to drop off the kids, get rid of it, clean up after yourself in a private civilized manner
b. Whine until someone leads you somewhere appropriate, run away from drop zone (sometimes running through it) and wait for someone else to clean it up; also possibility of tasting poop after drop off.
c. Poop right where you're standing, even if it's right on someone.
2. If you're lost in the woods, you would most likely:
a. Climb a muthafuckin tree and retrieve your muthafuckin lunch!
b. Eat leaves, dirt, eventually die of malnutrition.
c. Stand around, sure that you know what your doing, then get eaten by a bear in less than 72 hours.
3. Your opinion on rape is:
a. Ummm... no.
b. I like to rape from behind in a sneaky manner; sometimes young children think I'm "dancing" with my victims.
c. Invasions of all kinds are justifiable even if the ok isn't ever given and I'll be there as long as I damn well please.
4. Opinion of Welfare:
a. If you're not handicapped, then you should be able to figure out how to survive without it. If not, tough shit.
b. Tax the rich and make them pay for my food, shelter, and health care. Everyone has a right to everything! Spread the wealth! Go communism!
c. Tax everyone but me, then I'll have a nice 4 lb. lobster on your coin.
5. Level of independence:
a. High- I can eat, groom, wander, play, survive, and poop all by myself- I need no training or direction from others. I rule.
b. Low- Will you take me for a walk today and tie me to a leash so I don't run off and get lost? Don't forget the poop bag. That shit ain't gonna pick up itself.
c. Medium- I fare pretty well, but I use other people's waste to my advantage. I eat dirty diapers, then sell my cheese to fancy French people.
6. How do you respond to people who are different from you?
a. Indifferent- You do your thing, I'll do mine. Maybe we'll hang sometimes.
b. As long as you have a treat and will scratch my head so I can remain lazy and dependent, you're ok in my book.
c. I will stomp you in the nuts.
7. A mail truck drives by your house. You think:
a. It's a mail truck, big deal. It is of no value to me because I don't need it to complete my life.
b. Gotta have it! Gotta have it! I don't know what I'll do with it once I have it, but it looks pretty and white and I could be the first one like me to sit in the driver's seat! *panting*
c. I could strip that thing and manipulate it just the way I want... chewing up and shitting out the little pieces all the way to the end.
8. Generalized view on religion:
a. Let whoever do whatever and leave me out of it!
b. I'll do whatever Madonna is doing.
c. Everyone should be Christian because it's the one and only way. Jesus was white, not brown!
9. The car of your dreams is:
a. If Buick made a hybrid- Family friendly, safe, practical, fuel efficient. Save my life, save some $, possibly save some trees.
b. A car that runs on morning dew and rainbows and looks like a vintage VW bus filled with puppies and cupcakes...and special brownies. Also, they would be issued by the government welfare system.
c. An ocean liner.
10. Assuming you are an American citizen, this November, you will vote for:
a. Nobody. I don't need a government to spend my taxes for me, set boundaries, or tell me how to live.
b. Barack-O- I love that he speaks so inspirationally; I think his charm will outweigh the fact that he has no real plan for the economy, Iraq and other foreign affairs. Free health care for all! Use fluorescent light bulbs!
c. McCain- He's the only one who supports my blood lust to obliterate the Middle East, and hopefully Mexico one day. It's just too bad Bush can't get another couple of terms.
If you answered mostly (a) then you probably understand that nobody is exactly the same, so there is no need for one person or one body of people should decide the fate of millions of people. Laws will always be broken, so the more there are, the more will be disobeyed. You are strong and independent and don't need to mooch off of other peoples' wealth or weaknesses. Get yourself a cat.
If you answered mostly (b) then you're selfish and unrealistic. You believe that everyone should do everything for you and "there should be a law for that!" All people should get government handouts even if they don't contribute to the pot of life. If everyone would just work together, the world would be happy! But you don't realize that not everyone wants the same things that you do. Lofty ideas give birth to a healthy 8 lb pile of shit. Get yourself a dog. And a backbone.
If you answered mostly (c) then you are selfish and overbearing. Everyone else's success is yours for the taking. Nobody matters but you. Yours is the only agenda. You have an unusually long life line despite the fact that you don't accomplish much in a day and you cause more destruction than good. You don't care who hates you, as long as you get what you want. Get yourself a goat.
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2009-06-20 21:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for telling me what old uber is
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-03-03 20:13:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Something mildly interesting just happened...
When I made this comment, http://www.ubersite.com/m/118200#2865953 I didn't recall that you and I had had an "exchange" the day you wrote this post. You probably won't remember it at first (or ever) either but you were very funny, I'm sure.
Anyway, at the time that you actually wrote the post I gave you an original rating of zero, then I was apparently perturbed by someone calling it brilliant and dropped a -2.
Today, I responded to one of your comments on another user's political post on *this* post so it wouldn't get completely lost in the clusterfuck that is the ubersite.com review section. Later, after checking "my uber" and being reminded of my response (the one made today), I decided to actually read the post and rate it. The post felt overwhelmingly familiar, which I ignored at first but then saw that I had rated it already.
Why was this post a 0 however long ago it was that you wrote it, yet today it was a +2?
Are the ratings as meaningless as they say!?
Should I stop typing this stupid fucking review and get back to studying for my exam tomorrow?
NO!
This sentence is spiteful.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-03-03 13:06:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I have a fish sandwich in my jeans .."
~~~~~~~
Sorry to hear this.
heh
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-03-03 12:38:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2009-03-01 14:13:31 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd also like to point out that "Obama was better than McCain" is no excuse. That makes you even more stupid. There were half a dozen more candidates on that fucking ballot. Bob Barr, Ron Paul, or you could've written someone in... we, as people, deserve better than to "settle" for a leader. Democracy fucking blows.
===
Deserve seems like a strong word...I agree with you completely but around election time I mostly kept my opinions to myself while constantly seeing/hearing the so called left and right scream at each other over "differences" that sometimes didn't even seem to exist. It seems that many people that hate the two party system either keep mostly silent about it or ignore politics completely. When you think about it, one vote for Ron Paul does not do very much if you're not talking about it, especially when the two party mentality you mentioned is so strong.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-08-21 20:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the first sentence made me eat my eraser. MY HI-POLYMER ERASER!
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2008-08-20 11:26:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.
-P
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-08-20 10:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funnier the second time
for example, why would a goat prefer an ocean liner?
I find it funny
that's all I'm saying
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2008-08-19 19:08:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like dogs a lot but I haven't had one for a while. I am thinking of getting one, maybe a Lab puppy. They are a lot of work, though. Maybe a dog pound rescue dog might be better than a puppy?
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-08-19 17:57:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Our family cat loves me. When I return home, after many years overseas, he follows me around for hours. He stays within a meter or so of me for a 24 hour period after my arrival, sort of to make sure I'm not planning on leaving again. Then he insists on spending every night on my bed. When I leave to go back overseas, he looks for me. He nags at whoever's around to open every door in the house for him, so he can check every room, to see if I'm there. When he finds out I'm not, he lies down and sleeps for a 24 hour period.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-08-19 16:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Although you ruined a wonderfully hate filled review with false accusations of whining.
I hate that.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-08-19 16:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-19 12:45:06 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Siren's rage is making me erect.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2008-08-19 12:11:12 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uh, you know I have a vag, as I blatantly described in my last post, which you rated. Don't act like you drew some intelligent conclusion yourself based on my review, you arrogant dick hair.
What makes you think this is retaliation? If I truly wanted to retaliate, it would not have been with a -1, and I wouldn't have pointed out anything positive about your post.
Your rating on my post lead me to investigate who you were. I almost gave you a +2 solely on the Rocko-watching. The fact is, the rest of the post sucked my ass, long and hard, with tongue insertion and vocalizations of pleasure.
Stop whining about a shitty -1.
=====
I love you.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-08-19 12:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have been seriously considering getting a pair of goats.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-08-19 12:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2008-08-19 09:20:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TELL YOUR WIFE TO POST, GOD DAMNIT!
--------------------
Unfortunately, my posting days on Uber are done. I've learned to protect my writing since I started grad school (go me). Plus, I posted 79 times and 79 is my number. I'm stupidly superstitious.
According to this quiz, I'm a cat person. I like commies and hate dogs.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-08-19 06:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-19 01:13:41 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
====
Simply not true.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-19 04:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pets are generally rubbish, but it is perhaps worth mentioning that cats propogate their species entirely through rape. In fact most animals do.
Really, when you think about how gross nature is, we really need to sort out killing all other living things.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-19 04:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
And the reason I like dogs is precisely that they need looking after, attention, fed, walked, etc. With a dog you get a friend...with a cat you get, well, a flatmate.
Cats just seem too independent and I kind of think, 'what's the point?' If I wanted to live with a creature that did as it pleased, ignored my instructions, and didn't really need anything...I'd get a girlfriend.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2008-08-19 01:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My sister hates cats and she's a 2 year old virgin, so that explains that.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-08-18 19:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GOAT = Greatest Of All Time
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-08-18 19:12:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I now own all 3 types. 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 ferrets, 3 extremely resiliant fish, and a pregnant pygmy goat that I'm keeping at my brother in law's house along with the family horses, chickens and rabbits.
I plan on calling her "Stump Lick'r" (gotta love the English language and it's multiple word meanings [3 here]),though Chairman Meow's original name was Anubis, so that may change also.
That having been said, I'm not particularly fond of cats, as they tend to spray shit on several walls when I'm on a 2 week vacation to the Iberian Peninsula, along with pissing on my bed, and an overall behavior pattern resembling belligerent little imps.
I'm not even going to get started with their (dogs as well) massive detrimental impact on the environment as seen from a broader view.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-08-18 19:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cats remind me of younger children, they're cool when they're your own, but they just come off as arrogant, selfish little bastards otherwise.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-08-18 18:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goat it is
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-08-18 18:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i hate cats.
i'm a 31 year old virgin
:(
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-08-18 18:22:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Smells like tuna?
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2008-08-18 18:17:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm not a big fan of cats, partly because i'm somewhat allergic and partly because they're unpredictable assholes. dogs are way more lovable.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-08-18 18:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
something actually funny around here
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-08-18 17:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always thought pearl jam was a pretty good band
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-08-18 17:10:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you trying to tell me that ubersite isn't the fount of wisdom that I thought it was?..
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-18 17:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Our cat Bear (Slayer of Rabbits, Scourge of Squirreldom, Destroyer of the Mousey Horde) was very nice to my friend's 4-year-old daughter when they came for dinner. He patiently allowed her to pet him and completely refrained from biting her face off, drooling on her, or trying to rape her as he might have done were he a dog.
Our other cat Tails (Juggler of Scorpions, Eater of Roaches) was too cool to come out. This is a behavior that is utterly beyond a dog. Dogs are simply incapable of being cool.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-08-18 16:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Surprise!
I'm a Cat Person.
...Cat People...
...
...
...
Damn.
Now I can't stop thinking about Nastassja Kinski naked.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-08-18 16:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lead salad
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-08-18 16:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You forgot to add (d) to each scenario, with (d) being "Fuck 6 black guys and light up a cigarette"
And of course, those who mostly answer (d) are Method's Mom.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-18 16:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a pretty good quiz.
Not as good as when Shlongy used to post quizzes...but pretty damn good...for a girl.
One pointer: You should have had a bonus question...something about your snizz.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-08-18 16:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ocean liner with a solid gold anchor and smokestack
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-08-18 16:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, wasn't paying attention. Meant to spell it Abigail.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-08-18 16:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had both cats and dogs. I like dogs very much but generally, I'm a cat person.
I have two right now, Tabitha (seal point siamese) and Abagail (tortoise point siamese). Tabitha greets me when I return home everyday and sees me off to work in the mornings. Abagail is a drama queen. She teases Tabitha until Tabitha body slams her, then she screams like she's being killed. She also couldn't give a shit about me. Me who provides food, water, occassional milk in a saucer, shelter, kitty toys, and a well maintained litter box. Whadda bitch.
I had a Siberian Husky who, although was a sweetie, was as dumb as a retarded garden slug. I still loved her. The fuckwad ex-husband took her with him. He never worked with her so she didn't obey him. Hahaha. Bastard.
Anyway, if someone claims to hate cats, they're a loser. If someone claims to hate dogs, they're a loser.
They're human. Why would they even spend energy on hating them?
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-08-18 16:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im killing my cat tonight!
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-08-18 16:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I answered mostly D's.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-08-18 16:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always wanted a pet goat.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-08-18 16:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2008-02-29 15:01:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love cats. I love them to death. Literally. I've killed eight cats.