rewrite (305 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.87 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by loveinbrevity (View user info) at 2008-08-14 10:38:13 EDT
"Babe", he heard Ally call from the next room of the apartment.
Their apartment was nice enough for two kids fresh out of college. The furniture was modest yet presentable. The decorations were tacky but not gaudy. The whole apartment looked as though someone attempted to replicate a page in a pier one catalog by using items from Target, Wal-Mart, and Ikea.
"Babe", Ally called again growing slightly annoyed. He put down the anthology he was studying, stood up, closed his eyes, sighed heavily and met Ally in the next room.
She smiled at him brightly and lovingly when he walked in. Ally is a fairly pretty girl. She isn't plain, yet her looks are subtle. She is the kind of girl you didn't realize was pretty unless you looked twice. Her features are soft, her skin is pale, and her hair is long, smooth, and red. It falls softly around her face accentuating her soft blue eyes. Her lips are thin and her teeth were big. Her big teeth however only added charm and character to her otherwise unremarkable face.
He responded to her smile with a blank stare. They have been together for just over six years. They had started dating in high school and kept going right through college. Upon graduation they decided to move in together. Ally was all he knew of love. He is fond of her; he could remember a time when he was passionate about her. There was a point in his life when he loved her air of sophistication; she was always more mature than the other girls her age. As they grew older her air of sophistication became more easily mistaken for conceit. He maturity kept her from the bar hopping club scene; she was always above that. When he was younger he loved that about her. He found the girls who were into that scene to be vapid and shallow. Now that they were out of college her maturity was beginning to appear more mundane.
He continued to stare at her blankly.
"Well..." she said to him appearing slightly irritated.
"Well what?"
"What do you think?"
"about what?"
"Hello!?!" She said exasperated as she waved her hands erratically in the air.
"I give up. What am I supposed to notice?"
"That painting your mother bought us. I hung it up on that wall. What do you think?"
"I am studying for my GMAT. The picture looks fine. Please don't bother me again unless it's important."
"Ok babe. I'm sorry."
He went back to the next room feeling slightly defeated. He reopened his book and starred at the page. His eyes were scanning the lines but he wasn't reading the words; he was off in thought. Ever since high school he had a plan, a road map for the direction in which his life would lead. He knew which school he was going to attend, what his major was going to be, and where he would apply for a job. He knew the neighborhood in which he would buy his first home and he knew Ally would be his wife. At the age of 24 his life was headed in a definite direction with an inevitable outcome. Only now he suddenly began to doubt himself. He was itching for spontaneity. He knew that if he didn't shake things up now. His life would turn out exactly as he planned.
It was time to shit or get off the pot. If he decided to stay with Ally he would eventually have to marry her, have kids, and get a job and a two car garage. If he left her now he had no clue what would happen. The thought of leaving Ally scared him. He wasn't worried about having trouble with women. Women have always been found of him, they treated him as though he were child with special permission to lick the frosting off a freshly baked cake.
At this very moment he had reached a fork in the road and didn't have time to contemplate the decision. He was overwhelmed with a sense of urgency. He had to decide right now. He could hear Ally yammering away on the telephone in the other room; she was on the phone with her mother; the conversation was benign. He got up, walked to the door, grabbed the handle and paused. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and turned the handle and walked to the room Ally was in.. He stood silently in the doorway. She had her back to him, but she could sense his presence. She turned around and could see the urgency in his face.
"I have to go Mom." She hung up the phone.
"What's up?"
"We need to talk."
"It's the darn picture. You know if you didn't like it you could have just said something. I'll move it. It's not a big deal." She began to take the picture off the wall
"It's not about the damn picture. Sit down."
Ally raised an eyebrow and shot a quizzical expression at him. She took a few steps backwards and sat in the computer chair; she crossed her legs nervously
"Well what is it then, what's wrong?" His expression was unyielding. He was a man on a mission. He stood with his legs shoulder length apart. He puffed out his chest, his broad shoulders were back and his head was held high. His fists were balled and held at his hips. He began to pace the room.
"Ally, do you love me?"
"Of course I love you. What kind of a question is that?"
"No." Exasperated, he clapped his hands and dropped them back to his side.
"No, do you really love me or are you just comfortable?"
Ally opened her mouth to answer but was quickly cut off.
"I love you, but I'm tired of dicking around. I feel trapped. I need to leave but it's not because I don't love you. I need to leave because if I don't leave now I never will. And I'm only 24. Don't you feel like we haven't done shit with our lives? All I know of the whole world is that shitty college and you. I have to do more with my youth. I know we have been happy, but I suddenly feel like I'm settling. Not that I'm settling for you. You're great, but I feel like I'm settling on this life because some Gatsbyesque American dream bullshit. I have to get out. Don't you get it? I 'm leaving you and I have to do it right now."
He stormed out of the room without giving Ally a chance to reply. He didn't even pause to look at her face to see her reaction. He grabbed a duffle bag and started to pack his essentials.
"All I need is a few things; I can come back for the rest when she is not around."
He was opening and slamming drawers grabbing fistfuls of clothing. He walked towards the front door with his duffle bag in his hand. As he was about to leave, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and dropped the door handle. With his head hanging low he walked slowly back towards the room where he had left Ally. He peered into the doorway to see her still sitting in the chair where he had left her. She was starring at the corner just to the left of where he stood. Her face was expressionless. She became aware of his presence and very slowly her eyes made their way from the corner of the room to lock with his; they began to fill with tears.
"If you're going to go, go." She said calmly and blankly. The tears began to roll silently down her face.
He didn't move.
"What do you want from me? If you are looking for me to try and stop you, you can just forget it. You obviously made your decision without even thinking of me." She broke eye contact with him and looked at the floor. There was dead silence for about 20 seconds. When she looked back up again the tears had stopped flowing from her eyes. Her sadness had been replaced with anger.
"Get out, and don't you dare come back. When you realize that you have made a mistake don't even think about trying to come back to me. Good luck finding someone else to put up with your garbage."
He stood unmoving in the doorway. She got up from the chair and walked steadily towards him. She was six inches away from him. They're eyes were locked. Her brows were furrowed and her lips were pursed. Her red face was radiating heat. Her breathing was hard and steady, her whole body was tense. He opened his mouth as if to speak. Before he could say a word, Ally slapped him across the face. He took a few steps backwards out of the doorway. She slammed the door.
He could hear Ally weeping from inside the door. Instinctively he wanted to break the door down to console her. He shook it off and ran to the front door. He opened the door and flew down the steps. He fiddled with his keys and got into his car. He sat in the driver's seat turned on the ignition and backed out of the driveway.
User Reviews
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2009-02-04 16:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-14 10:54:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Needs some paragraphs dude.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-08-14 10:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
needs 40 lbs of rape and a camwhore
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-08-14 10:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
LOL, LMAO, ROTFLOL, GTFO, STFU, WTFINRAT, NMR, IDK MY BFF JILL?
Submitted by bullslinebacker (user info) at 2008-08-14 10:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
N.M.R.
Needs more rape.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-08-14 10:45:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Try again.
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2008-08-14 10:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Y HALO THAR
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-14 10:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
GBOT, WTFINRAT, etc.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-08-14 10:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ENTER IS THE BIG FUCKING BUTTON ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE KEYBOARD BETWEEN SHIFT AND BACKSLASH YOU FUCKING DOLT