Its not the beard that makes me look fat. Its the fat in my face that makes my face look fat!! (997 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 0.14 on 64 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Burt (View user info) at 2008-07-29 09:19:50 EDT
User Reviews
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-03 18:10:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2008-07-31 08:35:52 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by BurtBurt (user info) at 2008-07-29 14:35:30 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
No chance, M&S is for pretentious little tarts, so you probably fit right in.
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funny, the one i frequent is crammed full of old people. I mean OAPs.
It is like shopping with the living dead.
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You should scream "I see death people" while you are there
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I would but they are old, they wouldn't hear, not even those wearing aids.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2008-07-31 03:35:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by BurtBurt (user info) at 2008-07-29 14:35:30 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
No chance, M&S is for pretentious little tarts, so you probably fit right in.
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funny, the one i frequent is crammed full of old people. I mean OAPs.
It is like shopping with the living dead.
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You should scream "I see death people" while you are there
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-07-30 01:38:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Have I ever mentioned the guy at work whose cheeks hang lower than his chin? Someday I will.
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-07-29 21:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha I imagined Fat Bastard's voice reading this.
-2 you made me Jones for Tim Horton's.
+4 I just got a $1350 scholarship. Shazam!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-29 18:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
skrappy, could it not be the same guy who posted the pics originally??
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-29 18:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
+1 for effort, the post sucks and i always start at -2 and work my way up. A pessimist you see, everything is shit until it proves me otherwise.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-29 14:34:39 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING makes me sicker than watching, and listening, to a fat person eat.
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Really old ladies with loose denchers chewing. The sound makes me want to vomit. Also, fat people with blocked noses are worst than just fat people.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-07-29 18:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The only items that appear to be edible are the oranges and banana
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-29 17:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.flickr.com/photos/apple_danish/
-2 Plagiarism Makes The Baby Jebus® Cry©
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-29 17:10:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that was prettttttty dumb, DR, even for you
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-07-29 17:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that wasn't an earthquake experiment that was somebody dropping your granite inscribed birth certificate.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-29 16:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fat doesn't even begin to describe you, Ted.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-07-29 16:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
laughed, thanks
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-29 15:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha this was brilliant. I'm hungry now. For baked beans. and Bacon.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-07-29 15:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I laughed.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-07-29 14:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BREAKING NEWS:5.8 magnitude earthquake reported in Southern California. (CNN)
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-07-29 14:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you fat cunt.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-29 14:45:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
holy FUCK an earthquake just hit
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-29 14:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*RALPH*
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-07-29 14:14:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-29 14:06:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
there is nothing in the world grosser than, *shudder*, meat pies...
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blood sausage?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-29 14:06:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
there is nothing in the world grosser than, *shudder*, meat pies...
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-29 13:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:45:27 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.flickr.com/photos/apple_danish/
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So, you're just another unoriginal, plagiarist douche.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-29 13:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.flickr.com/photos/apple_danish/
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i would like to be breastfed by orphelia. yes i would.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:49:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Great pastry pics.
Britain should stop its pathetic attempts to emulate American food, like pizza, and stick to kidney pie, pork fat, and spotted dick.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 english breakfast picture made my mouth water
-2 you took pictures of pastries all day long and posted every single one of them
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Insert a smutty comment about me having something very tasty to nibble on...
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and still hungry
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:29:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oooh, good, I like to bet wet and creamy. It is my favourite pastime.
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holy fuck i'm horny now
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious.
Well done.
You fat fuck.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:29:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oooh, good, I like to bet wet and creamy. It is my favourite pastime.
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hehehe you said creamy Beavis
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
perverts!!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:29:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oooh, good, I like to bet wet and creamy. It is my favourite pastime.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:28:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, i'll spread some cream all over your body alright. hot, sticky cream...
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-29 17:14:13 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
holy fuck this makes me hungry.
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Spread that cream over my body and you'd feel starving.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tee-hee
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-29 12:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy fuck this makes me hungry.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-07-29 11:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2008-07-29 11:16:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
porkpies FUCK YES!
slimfast FUCK NO!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-29 11:05:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My favourite part of this was the pizza slice song.
"Pizza slice, pizza slice,
You are fucking nice
Pizza slice, pizza slice nice and big
Scoffed it in 2 seconds cos I'm a fuckin fat pig"
I wonder what tune it is supposed to be to. And I wonder if he hums it while he eats.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked how it started off funny but then grew progressivly more obsessive and worrying.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:30:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was weaker than Shlongy in a preschool arm wrestling contest, you can do better than that.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:24:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, I still don't get it.
If you mean that I get my hair cut at this place ( http://www.lemontree.com ) then WOW WHAT A ZINGER.
I'd rather spend $15 on a quick high-and-tight as opposed to letting my fat Greek aunt Daphne have a go at my dome with her K-mart scissors and Dep hair gel.
Faggot.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:21:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
lol
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes Ron Howard, shitty Lemon Tree haircut, look it up
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
'lemon tree haircut'?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:19:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Kettle below.
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Dude you look like a fat, stumpy misproportioned ginger midget with a shitty lemon tree haircut, you have NO room to talk
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You and Scourge would get along swimmingly.
You're both grotesquely fat individuals with tiny penises and poor writing skills.
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Is there some club on uber that I am not aware of for individuals with these characteristics?
Submitted by hsimah (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
God-damn I am hungry.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to be old so that I can smoke a pipe without looking ridiculous, go to sleep at 9pm without anyone accusing me of being an 'old man', shake my fists with rage at passers-by and fart without shame.
I also want an unhealthy whisky dependency and a wife that wears ridiculous, zoo-themed fleeces.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, when I grow old, I want to wear such fleeces as that old lady.
I want to 'not care' so much, that I can wear a Garfield emblazoned sweater at 55 at not care I am too old.
I want to wear fleeces with giant bamboo eating pandas adorning the front, side and back.
Or wolves.
Or a pride of lions.
I want to wear flat, comfy shoes in colours that match the fleece. And plastic beads to tie it all together.
I can't wait to be old.
*older*
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Kettle below.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-07-29 10:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
omfg you are so vile
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You and Scourge would get along swimmingly.
You're both grotesquely fat individuals with tiny penises and poor writing skills.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am so not hungry anymore.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by BurtBurt (user info) at 2008-07-29 14:35:30 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
No chance, M&S is for pretentious little tarts, so you probably fit right in.
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funny, the one i frequent is crammed full of old people. I mean OAPs.
It is like shopping with the living dead.
Submitted by BurtBurt (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No chance, M&S is for pretentious little tarts, so you probably fit right in.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING makes me sicker than watching, and listening, to a fat person eat.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Greggs is ok, but M&S is superior in everyway.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, why on earth do you put fondant icing on a danish??
That, my friend, is NOT a danish.
Submitted by BurtBurt (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF is wrong with Greggs? Greggs is the best!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I LOL'd.
At you, not with you.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
man, -1 for the work, but your content is for shit.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think El is from Bristol. Do you know him? Are you related?
greggs. TUT.
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
For effort