Advice (1036 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.99 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by darko (View user info) at 2008-07-28 03:24:57 EDT
Don't date a girl who owns a dog. Chances are she lets her dog sleep in bed with her. Sure she'll lock the dog outside the first few times when you go to have sex, but then she'll just get lazy and leave the dog in the room. Then when you go to have sex with her, the dog will either start attacking or the dog will sniff/lick one of your respective butts. And the sniffing can be just as bad with the dogs cold nose.
Now a girl who owns a cat, that's the girl you want to sleep with repeatedly and date. She might leave the cat in bed with them, but what the fuck is a cat going to do? I'll tell you what, the cat will raise it's head lazily, look at both of you, judge you harshly, and then jump off the bed to either leave the room or hide in the closet. Granted cats are jerks and will walk all over you while you sleep, but it still beats dog tongue on your ass.
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-08-17 06:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had some whatgrass the other day steve and thought of you
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2008-08-17 05:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey I'm not dead.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-08-16 11:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-08-14 19:00:43 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It seems like just yesterday you were being threatened with expulsion
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-07-29 09:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I am totally pro-meow-meow.
Submitted by SilentRenegade (user info) at 2008-07-29 00:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... i loled... good show... pussy with pussy makes for great videos...
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-07-28 22:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You like a dog's tongue in your ass?
Then you get the dog's shit in there, too.
I'm not so keen on mixing dog shit into my own assblender.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-07-28 22:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i think the exact opposite
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-07-28 21:56:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate all animals when doing the nitty gritty...
They're fucking creepy and they just STARE at you.
If they're not staring you know they're jealous cuz they want to sex you up...
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2008-07-28 21:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-07-28 19:59:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not allowed to have pets.
:(
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-28 19:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cats will claw your feet off and attack any moving lumps under the duvet.
Pets in bed are gross!
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-28 18:34:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-28 13:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-07-28 10:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Excuse me sir, your seat belt seems to be broken, what do you suggest i do?"
"I suggest you stop being such a faggot"
=============================================================
ahahahahahahahahahaha
one of my favorite lines of all time.
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Is it from 'Old School'?
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-07-28 14:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-07-28 14:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
obviously you've never had your ass tongued by a dog.
what?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-28 13:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-07-28 10:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Excuse me sir, your seat belt seems to be broken, what do you suggest i do?"
"I suggest you stop being such a faggot"
=============================================================
ahahahahahahahahahaha
one of my favorite lines of all time.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-07-28 13:36:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-28 06:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think letting any kind of animal sleep in ones bed is rather revolting.
Ugh.
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Even stuffed animal?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-28 11:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
true.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-28 11:35:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm with a dog lover, we've been together for about 6 months and I can safely say (except for one occassion) the dogs always sleep downstairs.
Her Aunties dog did lick my ass while i was banging her once, early on in the relationship, more funny than anything though.
It would be shit to have them upstairs at night, we have a stairgait like you use for babies to keep them downstairs. We rarely let them up.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-28 11:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would rather have the wet nose in the ass.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-07-28 10:59:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
sage advice from a wise young man
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-28 10:51:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You don't want to know what lurks in your bedsheets.
No matter what.
Doesn't matter if you just washed them, have no pets, and vacuum every day. There are things that exist all around, and all over you constantly.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-28 10:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-28 15:40:40 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
... so anal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anal?
*faints from sudden displacement of blood to an Olympian-sized boner*
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-07-28 10:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Excuse me sir, your seat belt seems to be broken, what do you suggest i do?"
"I suggest you stop being such a faggot"
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-28 10:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-28 12:22:09 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-28 06:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think letting any kind of animal sleep in ones bed is rather revolting.
Ugh.
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Get a piece of clear cellophane tape and a microscope. Pull the sheets to expose your mattress top. Apply the tape, sticky side down, remove, and place on the microscope, sticky side up. Look through the microscope and prepare to run screaming into the night.
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I know all about those mites and stuff, I am cool with that. But pet hairs and smell? Ew.
I may just do the sticky tape thing anyway. My mattress is supposed to have anti allergen/dust mite qualities.
And I hoover it every time I launder the sheets (once a week).
I am so anal.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-07-28 10:34:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-07-28 09:36:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-28 09:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
filename
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-07-28 09:04:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-28 08:44:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
budweis is a south czech town. very picturesque.
it is the only remaining state owned brewery with 80% of production going export.
i like the normal stuff (non export).
the exported stuff is heavier (more alcohol and fermented malt) - longer shelf life.
its OK, but always sits in my gut like a rock. it goes well with roast pork, steak or any meat type meals.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-07-28 08:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I disagree!
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-28 08:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-28 06:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think letting any kind of animal sleep in ones bed is rather revolting.
Ugh
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funny, heard the same thing a coupla days ago.
then i slept in the living room
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-28 08:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
skrap.
rode for 3 hours yesterday.
in fact even blew the head gasket which is made of some sort of lead mesh.
lucky it happened a km from home.
czechvar is budvar.
budvar in german budweis
it's the real budweiser, from the town of budweis.
my greatest apologies, man.
i owe you a case of the stuff for almost a year.
it's in my dining room set under piano
i used to have kids there throwing stuff on the floor and getting peanut butter on the keys, but now i sit there alone, piano moot in silence.
therefore i announce to all the unseen faces here on uber that the box o beer is on it's way to florida. enjoy it, as it all i have to keep me company.
it has the big four in it, much of which you can probaly source there anyway, but what the hell.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-28 08:03:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Granted cats are jerks and will walk all over you while you sleep, but it still beats dog tongue on your ass.
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Speak for yourself!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-28 07:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-28 07:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
even total strangers here don't care that i'm depressed.
mope, mope, mope
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I care. Get on your bike and ride it off. No, wait: first answer my question, then ride it off. Ever heard of/had Czechvar? It purports to be from your neck of the woods, and to be a 'premium' beer.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-28 07:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
even total strangers here don't care that i'm depressed.
mope, mope, mope
Submitted by Desz (user info) at 2008-07-28 07:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because it is true
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-07-28 07:24:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
filename
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-28 07:22:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-28 06:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think letting any kind of animal sleep in ones bed is rather revolting.
Ugh.
-----
Get a piece of clear cellophane tape and a microscope. Pull the sheets to expose your mattress top. Apply the tape, sticky side down, remove, and place on the microscope, sticky side up. Look through the microscope and prepare to run screaming into the night.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-07-28 07:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It tends not to matter. Animals love me.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-28 06:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was supposed to be a 2.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-28 06:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I own a cat. My flatmates have engaged a coup to get her out of my hands. I'm not the nuturing type I guess.
And to avoid pet problems, meet someone and check into a motel for the night. Not only will the check-in guy look at you like you're a cheap hooker, you can use all the hot water you want!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-28 06:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think letting any kind of animal sleep in ones bed is rather revolting.
Ugh.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-07-28 05:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was covered in two movies.
The first was K9, in which Jim Belushi merely got up and kicked the dog out when it got in the way.
The second was 40 Year Old Virgin, in which Seth Rogan described an occasion when he felt a dog edge up behind him during intercourse and decided to "play through" as the duffers say.
In both cases the guy got off. Seems like you can't lose with either decision.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-28 04:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry for shitting on your post.
it's because im depressed
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-28 04:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck im depressed.
i wish i was gay, it could be a hell of alot easier.
if a guy pissed me off i just punch him out.
we have a fight, duke it out like men and then all is OK.
just the buttfucking part would be gross.
fuck im depressed...
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-28 03:47:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seems smart advice.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-07-28 03:40:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, I'll write that down.