WLGF... Peaches (716 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.11 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shadow (View user info) at 2008-06-27 15:24:43 EDT
Thomas sat beneath a low window sill. He had his back against the wall, eating the less-than-rotten part of a mostly rotten peach. He put it down in frustration; the over sweet flavor of the peach flesh was ruined by the bitter smell of the fetid parts. The wall's eggshell paint had peeled away years ago, leaving the wood and plaster skeleton of the house exposed. Tina walked on a slant as she entered the room from the hallway, and shut the door.
"Why are you eating that? It's rotten, all of the fruit is rotten." Thomas looked at her, and sighed turning away.
"It reminds me of you, then." Tina frowned.
All around the old house peach trees had grown. Years passed by, and their roots had tangled beneath the stones and pavers. The roots had pushed the foundation up on one side, and pulled it down on the other. Eventually the house would be upside down.
"Rotten fruit isn't good for you." Tina offered, leaning on the wall for support.
"There is nothing else to eat." He dropped his head. "How long have we been here?" Tina tilted her head, squinting as if reading the the dates from the bones of the house.
"A day, I think."
"I think it's been a century." He stood, leaning toward the pushing roots. "Why can't we leave?"
"I don't know." She shifted herself onto the adjacent wall, and leaned toward the pulling roots.
"The peaches are rotting."
"I can smell them."
"I think we're rotting, too."
"I think we were peaches. I think I was a peach that dreamed it was a girl."
"All I wanted was to be near you. Look what a mess we've made."
The two of them slid together, across the inclined floor. The house shook. Not just the house, the roots shook. Not just the roots, the trees all twined and tangled shook, and peaches fell all around. Some bounced into the house, bruised and saddened. Some rolled away, as far away as they could go.
"I think we can stay here for a little longer," Tina began, "as long as we have peaches to eat."
"No, I think I'm quite done with peaches." Thomas kissed her, and walked out through the crooked door.
User Reviews
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-04 06:38:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-22 15:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's a tip:
Go to the ladies beauty store (bear with me a moment), find the bodywash/shampoo that smells like cookies (preferably the oatmeal cookies) and use it.
Women will walk up to you all day, sniffing the wonderful scent of delicious baked goods. Whilst they take in your charming aroma, you invite them out for coffee and whatnot, and they'll be right in the mood to give you the date because they're all excited over your yummy smell. What goes better with cookies than a nice cup of coffee? Latte perhaps?
This works. I have seen it work, and I personally guarantee its effectiveness.
-----------------------
So you equate cookies with masculinity?
I don't know though, making yourself smell of cookies in order to trigger some manner of pleasant memory which one would then build some manner of sexual relationship upon just seems a little bit like trickery to me. I may as well buy a KGB primer on indoctrination or take up habits of relentless, agressive, bullying and physical/psychological abuse in order to pummell women into a position of helplesess.
Cookies and rohyphenol are all very well for an evenings fun but it takes being able to operate a Black and Decker 4 in 1 multi sander to build a relationship that lasts.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-01 05:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like shadow.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-07-01 00:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very ghola.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-30 14:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is it really necessary to quote oneself? Couldn't you just copy/paste the sentence?
OH, I see what you did there; you're trying to show that you've said it before, will say it again, illustrating that we sophomoric uberers have, once again, missed your memo. AGAIN we have failed to deliver quality entertainment the likes of which you, in your infinite interweb wisdom, can enjoy. Our weak shenanigans and lack of originality have failed you, the user.
FLOGGINGS ALL AROUND!!!!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-06-30 03:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-06-27 11:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If I wanted to read pre-pubescent level bullshit, I'd read a ghola post.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-06-29 12:15:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm. He should have shot her in the back of the head when she looked away and skullfucked her.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-28 15:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by tloshjohnson (user info) at 2008-06-28 14:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by tloshjohnson (user info) at 2008-06-28 14:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have to agree with HBTS.
The only question I have been asking myself about this whole WLG shit is 'why?'
Circle seems to have answered that point of this post.
Mostly I think it's people sucking up to someone purely because the Shlongmyster thinks she's cool.
Still, at least she doesn't get all bent out of shape over it.
It's pretty embarrassing to watch (in my opinion) all these people trying to emulate mediocre writing.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-06-28 12:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/117389#2734870
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-06-28 00:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PEACHES COME FROM A CAN
THEY WERE PUT THERE BY A MAN
IN A FACTORY DOWNTOWN
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-06-27 19:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I, of course, loved this...
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-27 17:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah, I kinda missed the mark. It's not as easy as you might think.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/117386 was fairly stellar, though.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-27 17:01:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not enough idiocy.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-06-27 16:55:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not weird enough.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-06-27 16:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad, but like Kaos's too coherent, and just not weird enuf.
Now pay attention:
"I was sitting in my sink on a Friday afternoon. It was hot, but I wasn't sitting in the sink because I was hot, I was sitting in the sink because the badgers had me cornered there."
(credit to Ms w/guns)
Friggin Awesome.
You start out nice and oddball like that and then dive straight into the darkest sickest corner of your psyche.
The badgers hate you
They represent your mother who never loved you
Or your father who used to molest you
They want to rape you, or cut you, or give you a "hot lunch"
The badgers turn into a 1954 Studebaker Starliner that whacks you on the head, abducts you and takes you to Whicita, locks you it's closet and makes you its love pig, feeding you only macaroons...
You get the idea. Above all - _it can't make any sense at all_
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-06-27 16:19:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Show me your peach, Toots!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-06-27 15:46:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-06-27 15:44:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOO 2!
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-27 15:40:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A little hastily written maybe, but it achieved the desired effect.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-06-27 15:39:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is almost spot on.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-27 15:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hmmm.
I think I like Kaos's better.