Berty's hilarious outing (1902 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 114 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Berty (View user info) at 2008-06-16 06:56:32 EDT
(Inspired by: http://www.ubersite.com/m/117214 & public transport)
The other day I was outside looking at people on the bus whilst I clutched my Plastic Bag and I noticed a girl who got on who was neither pretty, nor old, nor accompanied by a gentleman.
She was, to be honest, very unapealing. She also looked very sad.
As the bus trundled along its route, I wondered whether she'd ever been loved or happy and what her life was made up of. Whilst she was not old she was certainly not ageing backwards.
Ageing backwards is impossible.
So it occurred to me that if she was unhappy, had never BEEN happy, that she never, ever, ever, would be happy ever. Still, whilst she would manufacture her own anxieties throughout life she would never have to deal with trust issues or the preassure of achievement or Complex Social Situations or anything to do with shared home life.
Like wife battery.
So she could eat as much as she wanted because she'd never have to fear things like getting fat or dying in her 70's or being told by her peers that she is revolting. She could wear special clothes to be Unnoticable and she'd never have to worry about people calling her boring behind her back. She could spend an entire weekend on her own watching television and not showering at all.
Really, when you think about it, she is indestructable. Like a ghost.
Then she got off the bus and waddled down the town high street towards her lair in obscurity, flanked by shiny women and men with square heads and short sleeves; all of whom were jabbering in code about things I would never understand. Perhaps I could gain a small measure of her power by moving to a country where nobody speaks English? Then I would be invincible. I like pork pies though. It would have to be a country with pork pies.
This rules out Israel.
User Reviews
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-06-25 15:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-19 15:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-18 12:58:17 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Israely women are hot though.
Although, thinking about it, I've been led to believe that Israely blokes are absurdly macho which would make the working environment tiresome.
_----------__________-------
BREAKING NEWS!
When I made this assertian I was thinking of Italians! In reality I know NOTHING about Israely menfolk.
Certainly a lot less than I know about their laydeeeees.
---
I FUCKING KNEW IT!
Anti semite
plus 52% of italian's take it up the arse
------
there is a porn called assraelis. it's israeli girls taking it in the butt. jews getting porked basically.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-19 15:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK01f5_aKY4
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-19 15:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-18 12:58:17 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Israely women are hot though.
Although, thinking about it, I've been led to believe that Israely blokes are absurdly macho which would make the working environment tiresome.
_----------__________-------
BREAKING NEWS!
When I made this assertian I was thinking of Italians! In reality I know NOTHING about Israely menfolk.
Certainly a lot less than I know about their laydeeeees.
---
I FUCKING KNEW IT!
Anti semite
plus 52% of italian's take it up the arse
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-19 15:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been tooling about on http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=1 today, and therefore I must inform that it's your fault I haven't finished my work.
Submitted by AyeCarumba (user info) at 2008-06-19 03:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to take a couple of busses in the morning to get to work, so this strikes a bit of a chord.
Really enjoyed this post Berty.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-19 02:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jeez Loki, I don't ACTUALLY ride the bus. I'm not that much of a loser.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-06-18 22:15:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-06-18 22:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like you hair.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-06-18 19:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
can't you just plug into an ipod and ignore everything like everyone else on the bus?
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-06-18 09:17:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-18 07:58:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Israely women are hot though.
Although, thinking about it, I've been led to believe that Israely blokes are absurdly macho which would make the working environment tiresome.
_----------__________-------
BREAKING NEWS!
When I made this assertian I was thinking of Italians! In reality I know NOTHING about Israely menfolk.
Certainly a lot less than I know about their laydeeeees.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-06-18 04:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2008-06-17 15:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think he lived in Peckham.
You could go live there.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-06-17 14:58:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh berty - you should post AND review more often.
gold below (All of 'em)
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-06-17 14:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for the link Shadow, I am chuckling.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-17 14:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I do try, you know.
Circe has actually owed me a sandwich for about a year and a half.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-17 14:08:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-17 13:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Women can't drive. Nor can Asians, although for far different reasons.
You can't drive because you have a vagina and that 1.) makes you too emotional to handle any situation outside of the kitchen and 2.) prohibits you from operating any type of 'heavy' equipment. It can't be helped, sadly.
__________-
Wow. Just, wow.
It's a shame this post has collected a day or two of dust, I imagine the uber ladies would have quite a chuckle at this.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-17 13:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Women can't drive. Nor can Asians, although for far different reasons.
You can't drive because you have a vagina and that 1.) makes you too emotional to handle any situation outside of the kitchen and 2.) prohibits you from operating any type of 'heavy' equipment. It can't be helped, sadly.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-17 12:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey now, I had one accident in seven years. I know PLENTY of young men who've taken out multiple vehicles before hitting age 21.
That's why boy's insurance is higher :P
Submitted by Mr_Trollope (user info) at 2008-06-17 11:55:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pckaw
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-17 11:54:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bum-toucher below...
AND above.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-17 11:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
In that case
emo with giant eyebrows below.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-17 11:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the answer is No
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-17 11:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dick below
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-17 11:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
average woman incapable of driving below.
Do below jokes ever get old? Ever?
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-17 11:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Picture in a few days, I'll need a ride back there since I crumpled my car.
I miss my car :'(
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-17 11:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously though, could you take a photo of it and email it to me? I'd like to placate my ego.
yeastmonkey.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-17 10:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Women want me, pastries want to BE me.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-17 10:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Last week whilst in Old Ellicott City (see what I did there?) I was in a bakery and found a pastry that reminded me of ol' Berty's camwhore.
How weird is that?
Side note: It was a Red Velvet cupcake.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-17 10:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-17 10:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
He is every bit as real to me as you are berty.
Even more so as he has functional legs and what not.
-----------------
I can sympathise with your mad thinking, Doody, but the last time anyone went that road; Kaelic told everyone there was a dying child called Hannah and set up a paypal account for donations. Fucking raked it in, he did.
Took money off of gullible folks like you.
Danger_Ranger is not real. Saying Danger_ranger into a mirror 3 times will not make him real. making a wooden effigy of him and going to bed wishing for him to be real will not make him real.
Danger_Ranger is a myth, pretend.
I, however, am a real person. With real feelings and a real disability. So watch it, or I'll sick the government on you.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-17 10:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
He is every bit as real to me as you are berty.
Even more so as he has functional legs and what not.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-17 10:04:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Danger Ranger isn't a real person, Doodles. I think he's Sphagnum's alter.
90% of women say that being penetrated by Berty, strapping both into his wheelchair and then thundering down those steps in Philidelphia what were in 'Rocky' is "the best thing".
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-17 09:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
On a side note, I enjoy your sense of humor very much.
Not like danger-Ranger cunt that he is. Where has he been hiding anyway?
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-17 09:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-17 05:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-06-17 04:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I often sit and watch people and wodner about their lives. This woman was probably just having a bad day and you have made her out to be a rather sad little creature. I bet she is a complete minx in the sack, next time ask her out and you will see that I am right!
------------------
what.
okay, you need context. Yes, this post is largely about assumptions and also a bit about projection. The amusment stems from the narrators description of another person based on nothing, which creates the impression that the narrator is describing themself.
However, the initial line describing the subject:
"She was, to be honest, very unapealing. She also looked very sad."
Is designed to invite the reader to fill the portrait with the face of an undesirable, unhappy woman from their own experience; hence the vaugeness in the description that simply highlights two characteristics.
Thusly the reader goes through three stages: First using the structure of the piece and their own imagination/experience to unconsiously create the framework of the gag, secondly the gag itself of all these incredible assumptions being drawn from bugger all that cast the narrator in a dim light and finally a moment of self realisation.
Mixed in with all of this is the authour's unique literary style; a kaleidascope of anarachronisms, whimsical sentance structure and deliberate highlighting of key elements of the subtext that can turn even the most mundane of subject matter into a pleasing journey. Unfortunatly the authour's ramshackle planning and meandering style can cause frustration, particularly in longer pieces, and the repetetive use of aliteration and rule of three can cause the tone to become thoroughly monotonous.
Planning and proofreading would improve the authour's approach to literature enormously and one hopes these are traits he shall acquire with age. Untill then we shall have to jealously hoard these small nuggets of impressive work the authour has crafted before sabotaging them with their impatience and lack of attention to detail.
---
Berty trying to make up for penis size above.
I bet that is how noonie made you cry after only being with her for five minutes. That or your crippledness makes you unable to get it up, like joe from family guy.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-06-17 05:40:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-06-17 03:32:24 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have lobeless ears.
---
Me too!
...wanna hook-up?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-17 05:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-06-17 04:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I often sit and watch people and wodner about their lives. This woman was probably just having a bad day and you have made her out to be a rather sad little creature. I bet she is a complete minx in the sack, next time ask her out and you will see that I am right!
------------------
what.
okay, you need context. Yes, this post is largely about assumptions and also a bit about projection. The amusment stems from the narrators description of another person based on nothing, which creates the impression that the narrator is describing themself.
However, the initial line describing the subject:
"She was, to be honest, very unapealing. She also looked very sad."
Is designed to invite the reader to fill the portrait with the face of an undesirable, unhappy woman from their own experience; hence the vaugeness in the description that simply highlights two characteristics.
Thusly the reader goes through three stages: First using the structure of the piece and their own imagination/experience to unconsiously create the framework of the gag, secondly the gag itself of all these incredible assumptions being drawn from bugger all that cast the narrator in a dim light and finally a moment of self realisation.
Mixed in with all of this is the authour's unique literary style; a kaleidascope of anarachronisms, whimsical sentance structure and deliberate highlighting of key elements of the subtext that can turn even the most mundane of subject matter into a pleasing journey. Unfortunatly the authour's ramshackle planning and meandering style can cause frustration, particularly in longer pieces, and the repetetive use of aliteration and rule of three can cause the tone to become thoroughly monotonous.
Planning and proofreading would improve the authour's approach to literature enormously and one hopes these are traits he shall acquire with age. Untill then we shall have to jealously hoard these small nuggets of impressive work the authour has crafted before sabotaging them with their impatience and lack of attention to detail.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-06-17 04:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I often sit and watch people and wodner about their lives. This woman was probably just having a bad day and you have made her out to be a rather sad little creature. I bet she is a complete minx in the sack, next time ask her out and you will see that I am right!
Submitted by Mr_Trollope (user info) at 2008-06-17 03:35:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-06-16 18:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Has anyone else noticed that Oathmeal is a fuckwit?
Yes?
Years ago?
Oh.
---------------
Who cares??
oh sorry did I butt in on your own conversation?
weirdo
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-06-16 23:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
America has the best of everything.
If one can afford it.
The general standard of things is often lower though.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-06-16 23:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i've been told, several times, that i have good-looking junk, even when it's angry
it's prolly cause the rest of me is a little dinged-up
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-06-16 22:32:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have lobeless ears.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-06-16 19:28:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://joshmillard.com/garkov/
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-06-16 18:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Has anyone else noticed that Oathmeal is a fuckwit?
Yes?
Years ago?
Oh.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2008-06-16 17:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shoulda talked to her...now you'll wonder "what if". DO IT NEXT TIME!
Submitted by Charlton_H (user info) at 2008-06-16 17:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not an outing if everyone already knows you're a fag.
Galatians 6:13
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-06-16 16:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Israely women are hot though.
***
it's that special joo-skin, it's like butta
plus, in the clinches, they start muttering, or screaming, that Hebrew talk
and damn, that's Hot!
Submitted by MackTuesday (user info) at 2008-06-16 16:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oops, I meant to give you a 1.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-16 16:39:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I, for one, enjoy the usage of "whilst."
Most especially when the rest of the piece does not employ similar verbiage. I like it when it seems anachronistic and/or out of place.
But hey, that's just me. What the hell do I know?
Submitted by MackTuesday (user info) at 2008-06-16 16:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was interesting. I've had thoughts like this before while people-watching.
But please, please, please, don't ever say "whilst". It's archaic and stilted, and "while" means precisely the same thing.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-16 15:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Having been on the road in America for a week, I can say these things:
1. Wisconsin smells funny, and there are no black people, which I find terrifying, being a city dweller
2. Wisconsin does in fact have delicious cheese.
3. Michigan is one poor-ass state. The upper peninsula has more abandoned buildings than occupied ones. If you think the US has an empire of wealth and education, you should look REALLY CLOSELY at the middle.
4. There is an interesting and pleasant town in Ohio. I know, I was surprised too.
5. Pennsylvania is much too large to be an east-coast state. We should cut it up a bit.
6. Chicago is lovely, if overpriced and yuppie.
7. The entire state of Indiana is one corn-colored blur.
Having been to seven other countries I can say that the US isn't bad, but I'll take Germany any day. Not the Czech Republic though, no thanks. Japan was pretty sweet. Crap highways though.
I'm going to the UK next spring, and I intend to deliver a full report comparing and contrasting our nations. Maybe. You know, if I remember to.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2008-06-16 15:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
does anyone know what movie this is?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSoQxZJONNA
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-16 15:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great shirt wearer below
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 14:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:44:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do I look like the kind of man who would own a loud or obnoxious shirt?
Well, I don't.
Perhaps we can pertition PolyamorousAJ to send one to me.
-------
i completely beg to differ on that.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113419
---------------------------------------------
That shirt is awesome. It is possibly the most awesome article of clothing that I own.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-06-16 14:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-16 14:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Education wise we have four of the top five universities.
America's public education is shit though.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-06-16 18:53:36 BST (#)
Ranking: 1
and since when does french = asian?
---
since they lost to the Algerians.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ever since the French started pulling out their dicks in Indochina.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
and since when does french = asian?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:53:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Noonie below.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:44:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do I look like the kind of man who would own a loud or obnoxious shirt?
Well, I don't.
Perhaps we can pertition PolyamorousAJ to send one to me.
-------
i completely beg to differ on that.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113419
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:47:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty, you are far too endearing to actually insult anyone.
That said, your comments are like little tufts of cotton: Even at their most MENACING, they're still harmless and soft.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's just all so stereotypical though, so base and vulgar. Both in terms of your chosen details and as an overall excercise.
There are lots of actually splendid things about America and also many splendid people but you belittle both with your boorish tirade, not to mention yourself. America is a land of diversity and secrets, of high art and low art, of wealth and tremendous poverty; all of which can be celebrated.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eh, it's more about putting the US before England more specifically, which is really fucking easy to do, as can be seen through this little exercise here.
Also.
London. What. The. Fuck.
What a fucking wastebasket of a city. Just sayin'.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:25:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus Oathy, you're not doing a very good job of bigging up the US. You want to leave that to Stabkill, he's well good at it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Honestly don't like macdonalds. I'd much rather have a nice italian pizza.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:20:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep talking shit, pussy.
It just eats you up that AMERICAN English is becoming the world standard for language, doesn't it?
It's true. We're writing the book on how to communicate.
NOW STFU AND GO BACK TO PLAYING SOCCER LIKE A GOOD COUNTRY.
Submitted by Thestral (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:18:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Admit it, redskies.
You REALLY want a Big Mac right now, don't you?
-----------------------------------------------------
I'm on your side with this one, but Big Mac's are foul. In fact, 98% of fast food is foul.
The special sauce?
Mayonnaise that's been left in the sun...
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Employment = intelligent? Worked at many burger bars recently ginge?
And GDP is like turnover. A better measure is profitability.
Or the living standards of the country.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Admit it, redskies.
You REALLY want a Big Mac right now, don't you?
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:04:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
- We're more efficient and more educated than you are (do a comparison, you'll see I'm accurate here)
----
Link your source please.
__________________________________
From http://www.photius.com/rankings/economy/unemployment_rate_2008_0.html :
90 United Kingdom 5.40
91 Namibia 5.30
92 Burma 5.20
93 Ireland 5.00
94 Estonia 4.70
94 Australia 4.70
95 United States 4.60
(unemployment links to education AND efficiency)
And have a look at this, from http://www.photius.com/rankings/economy/gdp_official_exchange_rate_2008_0.html (GDP ranking, my barometer for economic efficiency) :
3 United States $13,750,000,000,000
4 Japan $5,103,000,000,000
5 Germany $3,024,000,000,000
6 China $2,879,000,000,000
7 United Kingdom $2,472,000,000,000
BUWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA
Owned.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 18:02:09 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Redskies, check it out:
- We're the most powerful nation in the world, by ANY measure (except an economic one but WHO CARES ABOUT MONEY)
---
Like a fat kid with a hefty punch. Waddle off now. Waddles.
- Our chicks are hotter than yours
---
Meh. I've seen plenty of pretty women in every country. 'cept Germany.
- Our food is better than yours (which doesn't say much but anyway)
---
You have bigger PLATES. And more chicken in breadcrumbs.
- We're more efficient and more educated than you are (do a comparison, you'll see I'm accurate here)
---
More educated? America uses multiple choice tests. The sure sign of rote based education.
- We've a MUCH, MUCH higher GDP than your country AND we somehow manage to even make better movies, write better stories and do better drugs.
---
GDP means nothing.
Better stories? What? You do realise I'm English right? That means I have Shakespeare and Dickens on my side.
Feeling inferior yet?
---
Not at all.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:04:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
- We're more efficient and more educated than you are (do a comparison, you'll see I'm accurate here)
----
Link your source please.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Redskies, check it out:
- We're the most powerful nation in the world, by ANY measure (except an economic one but WHO CARES ABOUT MONEY)
- Our chicks are hotter than yours
- Our food is better than yours (which doesn't say much but anyway)
- We're more efficient and more educated than you are (do a comparison, you'll see I'm accurate here)
- We've a MUCH, MUCH higher GDP than your country AND we somehow manage to even make better movies, write better stories and do better drugs.
Feeling inferior yet?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-16 13:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A spectator? I see...
Well, that's put me in my place. Why any moment now I'll re-evaluate my life and start listening to the opinions of a steroid abusing chicken feed salesman with delusions of adequacy.
Never ginger people though. Sub. Human.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:58:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 17:55:45 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
And you're a weak, pasty foreigner whose understanding of America is limited to BBC broadcasts and TMZ.com.
---
What's to understand? 150 years of squabbling over black people and as much inbreeding as your dungaree wearing cousins can stand. Well done on Family Guy though - cultural high point for your nation.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's not forget, redskies, that you're a talentless spectator. A lifeless, vapid little stain.
Me?
I crumple.
THERE'S A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And you're a weak, pasty foreigner whose understanding of America is limited to BBC broadcasts and TMZ.com.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a faggot who, judging from a cursory glance at your 'writing', are in no position to critique spelling OR any other component of literature.
And you don't have to 'let' me do anything. I'll do it any-fucking-way.
---
Shut up ginger, you whine like a mule.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 14:16:24 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
You write well and this was pleasurable to read however I question your use of the words 'whilst' and 'ageing'.
The latter is not a word I'm afraid, and the former is simply an annoying replacement for 'while'.
---
Shut the fuck up seppo. The day I let America try and dictate spelling is the day I forget that you lot elected George W Bush.
_____________________________________
You are a faggot who, judging from a cursory glance at your 'writing', are in no position to critique spelling OR any other component of literature.
And you don't have to 'let' me do anything. I'll do it any-fucking-way.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 17:50:20 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Israely women are hot though.
Although, thinking about it, I've been led to believe that Israely blokes are absurdly macho which would make the working environment tiresome.
---
*Points to Natalie Portman*
*lifts up her ear muffs to reveal her lobeless ears*
*recoils*
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Israely women are hot though.
Although, thinking about it, I've been led to believe that Israely blokes are absurdly macho which would make the working environment tiresome.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didnt read it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:47:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really good by the way.
I could never move to Israel, unless it was to open an ex pat cafe specialising in bacon butties with brown sauce.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 14:16:24 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
You write well and this was pleasurable to read however I question your use of the words 'whilst' and 'ageing'.
The latter is not a word I'm afraid, and the former is simply an annoying replacement for 'while'.
---
Shut the fuck up seppo. The day I let America try and dictate spelling is the day I forget that you lot elected George W Bush.
Twice.
dduuurrrrrr urrrrrrrrrr urrrrrrrrr spackers! urrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrurrrrrrrrrrrrr
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:44:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do I look like the kind of man who would own a loud or obnoxious shirt?
Well, I don't.
Perhaps we can pertition PolyamorousAJ to send one to me.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-06-16 12:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, "Hawaian" shirt does not have to be taken literally. I see it as a biblical analogy.
You mean to tell me that you do not possess a loud and/or obnoxious shirt that can be used as an analogy to Electro's kick ass vacation shirt? If taken literally, it would mean contacting poor Electro and asking him for his shirt. Ethics prohibit me from doing so. If you want to get that mean, we'll have to ask Method to do it.
See? This is why no one should take the bible, and other so called 'holy books' literally. If we did, Electro would not have his shirt.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-06-16 11:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What more can I give you? Do you actually want me buy a mouse and train it to hit a sleeping cat with a tiny, mouse sized, hammer?
--------------------------------------------------------------
+2's for life if you can manage that one. Though don't try that shit with Chairman Meow, he brought home yet ANOTHER full-sized rabbit today. I often wonder if it's possible that he's higher on the food chain than myself, and if he's plotting to eat my face one night as I sleep.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 10:16:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am actually Asian, Doodles, I'm just surprised you can spot the difference.
If I didn't claim to be black though I'd be just an individual rather than being able to stand (metaphorically speaking of course) next to Kracka as the Uber Black Community.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-06-16 10:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My m1|k5h4k3 br1n65 4|| 7h3 b0y5 70 7h3 y4rd,
4nd 7h31r |1k3
17'5 b3773r 7h4n y0ur5,
D4mn r16h7 17'5 b3773r 7h4n y0ur5,
1 c4n 734ch y0u,
Bu7 1 h4v3 70 ch4r63
1 kn0w y0u w4n7 17,
7h3 7h1n6 7h47 m4k35 m3,
Wh47 7h3 6uy5 60 cr4zy f0r.
7h3y |053 7h31r m1nd5,
7h3 w4y 1 w1nd,
1 7h1nk 175 71m3
[Ch0ru5 x2]
|4 |4-|4 |4 |4,
W4rm 17 up.
|4|4-|4|4|4,
7h3 b0y5 4r3 w4171n6
My m1|k5h4k3 br1n65 4|| 7h3 b0y5 70 7h3 y4rd,
4nd 7h31r |1k3
17'5 b3773r 7h4n y0ur5,
D4mn r16h7 17'5 b3773r 7h4n y0ur5,
1 c4n 734ch y0u,
Bu7 1 h4v3 70 ch4r63
1 c4n 533 y0ur3 0n 17,
Y0u w4n7 m3 70 734ch 7h33
73chn1qu35 7h47 fr34k5 7h353 b0y5,
17 c4n'7 b3 b0u6h7,
Ju57 kn0w, 7h13v35 637 c4u6h7,
W47ch 1f y0ur 5m4r7,
[Ch0ru5 x2]
|4 |4-|4 |4 |4,
W4rm 17 up,
|4 |4-|4 |4 |4,
7h3 b0y5 4r3 w4171n6,
My m1|k5h4k3 br1n65 4|| 7h3 b0y5 70 7h3 y4rd,
4nd 7h31r |1k3
17'5 b3773r 7h4n y0ur5
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-16 10:06:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 10:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course I'd be killed; I am black. The Spartans wuz all aboot killing da' bruthas.
On account of their all being RACIST DUPPYMEN.
*complicated hand gesture*
---
Of course you aren't really black.
Black people are very athletic, very ignorant or very fat.
Movies tell me so.
You, however are none of these and thusly are white.
Or Asian.
Possibly latino.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-06-16 10:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 07:07:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If I got laid on the weekend then I would still be getting laid right now. I never make decisions that I regret.
Superman is immune to everything, Batman is rich, Green Lantern has his ring and I have this.
---
Wow.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 10:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:49:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
In ancient Sparta you would have been killed as a baby.
They don't allow cripples.
I know this because I saw 300, a movie, and like previously stated movies are real.
I, on the other hand, would have killed the lion and made a nice robe from it because my body is perfectly able.
-------------------
Of course I'd be killed; I am black. The Spartans wuz all aboot killing da' bruthas.
On account of their all being RACIST DUPPYMEN.
*complicated hand gesture*
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:58:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well done, berty.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:53:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Forensic, I live in the UK and I am extraordinarily poor because I do not live on benefits.
Of course if I lived on benefits I would be as poor as I am now but a lot less terrified. Also I would be selling converted Range Rovers to people for big money.
In any case; all of my money goes into my Escalade fuel bill and leaves no room for awesome shirts.
Perhaps you could buy me one?
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:49:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
In ancient Sparta you would have been killed as a baby.
They don't allow cripples.
I know this because I saw 300, a movie, and like previously stated movies are real.
I, on the other hand, would have killed the lion and made a nice robe from it because my body is perfectly able.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:43:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:28:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ageing backwards is impossible
Merlin aged backwards.
They're also making a movie about a man who ages backwards.
Movies are real.
Ergo, you lie.
-----------------------------------------
RACISM!
Just as our boy from Nazereth proper kung fu'd the shit out of the merchants in the temple, I shall kung fu the shit out of you!
Only I am in a wheelchair so my kung fu will be in the form of a subpeona tied to a half brick hurled from the open window of my Escalade. Then I shall bounce the hydraulic suspension up and down on your front garden whilst saying things like "this is whut yo' get, bitch" and "uh huh! Yeah!".
Also you should be extra careful because 'front garden' MAY be a euphamism!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-06-16 07:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Maybe I'm just weird.
===
I can perfectly relate to everything you said. For as neurotic as I can be, I'm also a shoulder. I don't think that's weird at all.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 06:38:14 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh man, I guess I could have worn a hawaian shirt and told you what flavour ice cream I like.
----
I must say, I'm picturing this and deriving much humour from it.
That said, Berty must now recreate the infamous Electro Hawaian shirt photo and post it on Ubersite.
I mean we ALL would like to see this, yes?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:34:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Mr_Trollope (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty is very capacious , far too multifarious for ubersite.
----------------------
I'll have you know that I am both very slim and also operate from a permanent position of total, unassailable, truth in all of my endeavours.
I am like Jesus in many ways, only considerably less usefull at parties.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:28:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ageing backwards is impossible
Merlin aged backwards.
They're also making a movie about a man who ages backwards.
Movies are real.
Ergo, you lie.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:21:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice work berty.
especially liked the whole weekend watching telly bit.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:16:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You write well and this was pleasurable to read however I question your use of the words 'whilst' and 'ageing'.
The latter is not a word I'm afraid, and the former is simply an annoying replacement for 'while'.
---------
Troof
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:16:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You write well and this was pleasurable to read however I question your use of the words 'whilst' and 'ageing'.
The latter is not a word I'm afraid, and the former is simply an annoying replacement for 'while'.
Submitted by Mr_Trollope (user info) at 2008-06-16 09:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty is very capacious , far too multifarious for ubersite.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-16 08:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*gasp*
Slander!
Submitted by tloshjohnson (user info) at 2008-06-16 08:35:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty you are entirely the wrong sex for FJ to give you a decent score.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 07:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh man, I guess I could have worn a hawaian shirt and told you what flavour ice cream I like.
Or maybe I'm not funny any more? Maybe I am no longer relevant?
Perhaps I was never funny or relevant. Perhaps it has all been a consipiracy of good manners that has built illusions atop of false impressions. That'd be pretty unpleasant.
I could certainly then qualify for a job that is hilarious but has to be performed with no humour whatsoever though; like a man who's job it is to tell people they are going to die of rectal cancer or an abortionist.
A door closes but another opens! It is like an infuriating puzzle!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 07:32:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-16 07:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Left searching for the hilarity promised in the title.
-------------------
Israel? Pork pies? the hilarious metacomic at the bottom?
What more can I give you? Do you actually want me buy a mouse and train it to hit a sleeping cat with a tiny, mouse sized, hammer?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-16 07:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Left searching for the hilarity promised in the title.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-06-16 07:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
my wife calls the "the world's shoulder" because it seems everyone feels comfortable talking to me and I feel comfortable giving advice or opinion. She once asked me how I knew the things i knew about human interaction and I thought about it for a minute and said I learned it all by watching, in life I am a people observer. From the interaction between a mom and child or two random people having a random conversation in a random place about things I don't know....I may find myself lost on a walk simply because I wanted to follow a person or persons to see exactly where their path was leading.
Maybe I'm just weird.
Submitted by Mr_Trollope (user info) at 2008-06-16 07:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 pussy
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 07:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It is not much of a superpower, I'll grant you, but it does mean I will never go to prison except in a case of mistaken identity.
This is one of the reasons I wear my hair long and my trousers tight.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-16 07:07:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If I got laid on the weekend then I would still be getting laid right now. I never make decisions that I regret.
Superman is immune to everything, Batman is rich, Green Lantern has his ring and I have this.
Submitted by tloshjohnson (user info) at 2008-06-16 07:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is this an admission that you got laid this weekend Berty?