How to run away and lock doors (1220 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.92 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by orph (View user info) at 2008-06-10 10:30:56 EDT
I'd been pretending to be myself for so long, I forgot who I was.
All the roles and tasks and tags and labels that had been assigned to me felt faked.
Was I this child's father, this woman's husband, an employee, a boss, a team player? I'm not so sure.
What is DNA really? I can't see it, how do I know if it exists? Can they really ever prove it is mine?
What is this ring on my finger? A sign of contentment, or a chain that can never be fragmented by the ever piling minutiae of daily life.
What is a job? I turn up, they pay. That is all.
There's no I in team apparently. To be a member negates the individual. It's a whole big sum of the parts type deal.
The only thing I'd really ever wanted to do was meet the girl, run away and lock our doors, live in ignorance and never have to watch the neighbours cat, or meet for lunch with friends we keep because we can't find a strong enough reason to dump them. We'd be happy in our slice of paradise. That would have been some kind of life.
But I got up every morning, selected the face for the day and read my lines with differing levels of enthusiasm. I played my part. It's pretty much a walk on, walk off role.
*
'You playin?'
'What?'
'I said are you in?'
'Yeah, I'm in, but maybe I'm not playin.'
*
Take it all the way back to the beginning. It's easier that way. Start from the start and nobody gets confused. People hate chopping and changing, mixed up continuums and metaphors. It all began at the beginning.
Forcing my way out from my foetal prison is the first thing that happened. I was none too pleased but when you gotta go, you gotta go. I've been looking forward to being old ever since. Being old is the part they give you when you no longer care anymore - don't give a fuck, a care, or a fart for nothing and anything.
I had to wait for that to happen, and live the life that blocks everyone from living.
*
'Check.'
'Check.'
'I'll raise you two lightweights.'
'Flip 'em over.'
*
School is a place where they give you education. Education is something they do to you. It starts the role ball rolling. I was educated, educated real nice. I got so damn educated I could see what in fact they were doing to me. Education is something they do to you. Thinking is something you can work out for yourself.
*
'Too steep for me. I'm out.'
'Get the fuck out of here. What's this, I'm out, eh?'
*
I went to college and I never went to college. I got there, enrolled, bought books and never went to college. It was the best time of my life going to college and not going to college. Free time was thinking time. Much better than a higher, or a further, or a better education.
I played sports and lost myself in a team.
I met girls, and then I met girls that turned into women, and then they turned back into girls.
I made friends, the type I knew I'd keep as I knew I'd never find a way to dump them. I mourned all those future lunches.
But I never went to college.
*
'What's the blind?'
'Fuck off with what's the blind? You know the blind bitch, now ante up!'
'Well, am I big or little?'
'Jesus H. Christ!'
*
Married when I wasn't looking. Don't ask me how it happened.
I - don't - know.
I told you I wasn't looking. By the time I did look up, I had two kids I didn't know, and liked even less, and a wife who'd bagged and sagged.
Stereotypes.
That is what the fuck had happened. I'd become a fucking stereotype wage-slave. With two kids and a wife I kiss on the cheek every morning, and huddle away from in bed every night. Its bliss. At least they tell me its bliss.
I'm not so sure.
We never lock the doors and never run away. I feed the cat from across the street on the weekends, and never sit down in the afternoon due to lunch dates with friends we keep because we can't find a strong enough reason to dump them. This is my slice of paradise. It's some kind of life.
*
'You playin?'
'What?'
'I said are you in?'
'I'm in. I can't leave, so I've got to be in.'
*
So chronologically speaking, this is the end. Like that word? You get that when they educate you.
It's not too long to wait to get old. What's a few decades of pretending to be yourself? I can wait, play the role, and act the part.
Being old is the part they give you when you no longer care anymore.
It's a walk off role.
User Reviews
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-06-11 17:07:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just slit my wrists, but the fake "I don't really want to die" kind of way. I'm sure someone will find me soon.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-06-11 14:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-06-10 12:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2
But dear god, I hated the first line.
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it was pretty bad eh.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-06-11 09:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done
Submitted by Off_The_Wagon (user info) at 2008-06-11 03:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was irked by the grammar in the beginning.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-06-11 02:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nicely done
Submitted by Majik_Marker (user info) at 2008-06-10 18:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking beautiful.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-06-10 18:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-06-10 17:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-06-10 15:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-06-10 15:22:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-06-10 14:18:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
orph
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-06-10 13:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmm
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-06-10 12:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2
But dear god, I hated the first line.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-06-10 12:53:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-06-10 12:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-06-10 11:37:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-10 11:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and Method go ride your shitty Wal-Mart tricycle you ugly ape.
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Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-10 11:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by tloshjohnson (user info) at 2008-06-10 10:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
big fat ginger fuck below.
______________________
Pussy alter above.
-----
Kismet, Fate... call it what you will.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-10 11:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and Method go ride your shitty Wal-Mart tricycle you ugly ape.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-10 11:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by tloshjohnson (user info) at 2008-06-10 10:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
big fat ginger fuck below.
______________________
Pussy alter above.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-06-10 11:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-06-10 11:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And so it goes.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-06-10 11:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Always worth reading.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-06-10 11:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oathmeal is built like a lava lamp
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-06-10 10:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
+2
Submitted by tloshjohnson (user info) at 2008-06-10 10:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
big fat ginger fuck below.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-10 10:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a saying:
"You only age when you choose to."
I think it's pertinent here.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-06-10 10:48:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-06-10 10:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-10 10:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Dude, I want to be your friend.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-10 10:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Suitably depressing.