A Penny for your Thoughts? (868 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.38 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <ejryuu.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2008-05-22 14:13:19 EDT
Pennies.
The red-headed step child of American currency. So worthless that they're not even the same color as their superior coins. If pennies were people, they'd be bla...Hispanic. Yet somehow, we all get shafted with them. You pay for a bottle of Mountain Dew and it comes to $1.16. And you know where those four pennies go? Nowhere useful, that's for sure! This is, of course, unless you happen to be one of those scary 30 year olds that live in mom's basement and have been collecting copper coins since the age of 4 until you're featured on the local news for having enough to buy a car. If any of you are reading this, I hope you're the victim of a debilitating accident and you lack sufficient penny-funding to cover the damage. You're a dick.
No one likes pennies except for the douchebag mentioned above. The consumer hates them. Retailers despise them. Banks loathe them. The only thing pennies are good for is ammunition. When you want to hurt someone but don't want to spend a lot of money. Would you rather chuck a nickel at someone's face or five pennies? I thought so. Not only are you upping your chances of doing damage, but with a barrage of nearly half a dozen projectiles, you're sure to instill more terror in your target.
That being said, my younger brother Jordan and I found a new use for the bastard coin. Pity.
One of our first attempts was the ice cream truck that existed for a few summers in our neighborhood. We'd counted out a full one hundred sixty pennies in an orange, plastic Snoopy tackle box and waited for the evening horn to sound, signaling the arrival of the dude in the white truck. When the truck was just a few houses away from ours, Jordan and I rushed out into the yard with our tackle box o' copper, sans shoes and grimacing a little at the small rocks scraping our bare feet on the ardent blacktop. The man in the truck sighed a little at the sight of the box of pennies as he began to count out, one by one the $1.60 that our total came to. He hadn't even finished before the wrapper was off of my strawberry ice cream bar but fuck him, I counted it multiple times. Where's the trust?! Operation: Penny Purge was a huge success until one of my older brothers ratted us out later that evening. Yes, we got into trouble because we bought ice cream with pennies.
Another memorable attempt to get rid of the lowest common denominator of currency was at the local drug store. A fuckton of pennies would get a candy bar. It was sort of awkward, having to ride our bikes a few miles into town with the jingling fifty plus coins in our pockets but we made it work. It was at around this time that I came to the realization that paying with pennies might not be the "cool" thing to do. People do not enjoy counting out your pennies. In fact, most cashiers tend to scowl and say bad things about your mother under their breath. With this lesson learned, my brother and I hit up the last bastion of hope. A place where pennies would be accepted, appreciated and respected as a member of the monetary coin community. The flea market.
With a bag of hopes and dreams at least as heavy as our sagging pockets, we biked to the flea market on a humid summer morning. It didn't take long to sift through most of the trash the various merchants were selling before our empty bellies began to rumble. We made our way to the Legion-ran (was it called "the Legion"? - I'm not sure. It was some club of old guys. They wore the funny hats and drove the small cars at parades) breakfast shack and ordered a few donuts. The woman behind the register looked at us with kind, old eyes and started the counting procedure that we'd seen so many times before. Using her index finger, she'd flick a penny from our stack into a growing cache of pennies closer to her, moving her mouth as she counted but never emitting any noise. I'd guess that by around the tally of seventy-five, she gave up and told us to keep our money and to enjoy the donuts.
Everyone hates pennies.
User Reviews
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-06-09 11:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+ 2 pennies
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-05-24 20:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-05-24 14:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Filename
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-05-24 14:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.s-anand.net/calvinandhobbes.html#19930221
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-05-24 13:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS. This chick is hot
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-05-24 13:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 15:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess I was digging the idea that there was an attractive 20-something girl on this site who could actually write. Lisa left a void when she stopped coming around here sober.
No matter how many fish in the sea, it'll feel so empty without me!
I'm actually not drunk on Ubersite that often, I'm just mentally retarded, plus I don't want to waste my effort on this craphole...no offense to the legendary Bart Cilfone, of course. Are you still living in Chicago, Andy? We gotta party sometime.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-23 07:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damnit creep. No need to point out my failures at this point.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-05-23 07:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought it was "quietly into the NIGHT".
But whatevs. I found a good pic of quarter juice. http://www.westlittlegiftshop.com/store/image/290k5/Refreshment_Little_Hugs_Orange_Drink.jpg
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-23 07:25:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 15:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, i cant fault you for that.
I guess I was digging the idea that there was an attractive 20-something girl on this site who could actually write.
____
AsshOly doesn't appreciate us mediocore cave dwelling old trolls. We try and write to entertain him, but noooooooo, we just get it slapped back in our pug ugly, wrinkled faces.
NO LONGER AsshOly. NO LONGER! WE SHALL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE LIGHT! YOU WILL BOW DOWN IN WORSHIP OF OUR GENERAL AWESOMENESS AND YOU WILL ENJOY IT!!!
YOU HEAR ME?! ENJOY IT!
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-05-23 07:25:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When I was a kid, penny candy actually cost a penny. I remember being 8 and feeling like king shit with a dollar in my hand. I'd go to the corner store and buy one of those Little Hugs juicies in the little plastic bottle shaped like a barrel with a tin foil top for 25 cents, one of the big frosty pops that was like the length of my arm for another 25 cents, and then make a middle aged hispanic man count out 50 pieces of assorted bin candy. That's livin' large, right there.
Here. Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHRuhF9XuCA
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-05-23 07:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-05-23 01:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-05-22 21:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hot chick
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-22 21:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know if it is the pose or what, but that woman struck me as hot at first impression even though she's only so-so.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-05-22 19:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-22 18:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, man. I just put up that picture because it's what came up when googling "pennies" and I figured if the post was shit, at least you'd have a chick on her knees with her gaping maw open as some form of redemption
men are funny.
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...in a 'stick it in you and leave' kind of way.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-22 18:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, man. I just put up that picture because it's what came up when googling "pennies" and I figured if the post was shit, at least you'd have a chick on her knees with her gaping maw open as some form of redemption
men are funny.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-22 16:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wondered why this had such a high rating until I saw the picture.
Gurlz=+2
but i knew better.
+1 for the bait and switch that made some ubermales have a moment of ghey.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-05-22 16:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a penny that has a nearly centered hole in it the size of the projectile from a .45 Winchester Magnum. It got the hole by resting on a pile of dirt and getting in the way of the projectile from a .45 Winchester Magnum I shot from my AMT AutoMag IV from about 40 feet away.
All other pennies pale in comparison.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-22 16:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-05-22 15:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Irony on uber is prohibited.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 15:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-22 15:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you drop a penny on the ground, do you even bother to bend over and pick it up?
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hell no. In fact if I ever find myself holding a penny I rifle it at the floor with scornful fury and then stomp on it several times for good measure.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-05-22 15:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Retal 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-05-22 15:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you just retal 0 me? lol
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-05-22 15:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:17:36 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was fairly boring. :(
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-05-22 15:02:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If I had legitimate potential, I wouldn't be writing here~
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 15:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, i cant fault you for that.
I guess I was digging the idea that there was an attractive 20-something girl on this site who could actually write. Lisa left a void when she stopped coming around here sober.
Somebody is setting off bottle rockets outside my window right now and is about to die slowly and painfully.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-22 15:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember buying candy three pieces for a fucking PENNY!! If you had the fortune of 50 cents you could buy a huge bagful, enough to make you and three other kids sick as dogs. Of course, folks back then made less than $1.00/hour.
If you drop a penny on the ground, do you even bother to bend over and pick it up?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darkforcesbane (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Jews don't hate pennies.
In fact, I have my pot of Jew gold next to my computer.
================
The Jews wandered forty years in the desert because someone dropped a penny.
Copper wire was invented by two Jews, fighting over a penny.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i just realized you're a guy. what the fuck man, the deception. THE DECEPTION.
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I'm sorry, man. I just put up that picture because it's what came up when googling "pennies" and I figured if the post was shit, at least you'd have a chick on her knees with her gaping maw open as some form of redemption.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
they put the price of the bus from #1 to #1.10... so i pay the 10p in pennies...
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i just realized you're a guy. what the fuck man, the deception. THE DECEPTION.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:44:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
aaaaaand it's over and i'm spent.
good post.
you're hot.
i assume that's you.
you know what i take that back. i really wish people would stop wearing those bug sunglasses. Every time I see a girl wearing those I feel deceived. I can't recognize anybody when they've got those on. A girl could be my sister or my best friend and I wouldn't recognize anything but the hair color. If you were to rob a grocery store with those things on you'd get away scot free (wtf does "scot free" mean anyway?). You remember back in the day when you'd be standing around and somebody would sneak up behind you and get on all fours, then somebody else would walk up to you and push you? That's how I feel when you people wear those sunglasses.
Submitted by darkforcesbane (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Jews don't hate pennies.
In fact, I have my pot of Jewgold next to my computer.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Paragraph 6 was headed down the same dubious path as 5 but changed direction at the end.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If I had legitimate potential, I wouldn't be writing here~
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:31:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Paragraph 5. You just finished describing the douchebag who saves all those pennies and buys a car, and then you tell us you saved a bunch of pennies and bought a snack with them. You are only a shade of the douchebag from before, but a shaded douchebag is still a douchebag.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember growing up, when the first video rental store in my town opened up, they also rented Nintendo games, and sold Marvel Comic's Cards. My cousin and I would scrape up pennies from couches, under desks, and basically claim every single one of the little copper/brass bastards and pay for whatever we wanted with them. Daily.
I later ended up working a midnight shift at a hotel with a guy that had worked at that rental store as the main employee when I was a kid.
I smoked pot and watched HBO.
He was trying to finish his autobiography on some unknown, unimportant politician from the 1800's.
We didn't get along.
Everyone
Hates
Pennies.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Paragraph 3 is on the not shabby side also. This post has serious potential.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually the second paragraph was a solid post all on its own.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:24:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This post is great if you just read the paragraphs that are one sentence long.
"Everyone hates pennies." How true that is.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:23:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I predict that, in less than a day, someone will photoshop this picture and merge it with OathMeal's latest pic, having him pretend to stick his willy in your mouth.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:17:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was fairly boring. :(
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:16:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pennies are pretty bosh