TruberSex '08 - Ten True Snippets of Sexual Disaster. (1083 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.86 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (View user info) at 2008-05-22 10:58:49 EDT
Disclaimer: Some of the below is pretty disgusting, for that I apologise; sadly, it's all true and even years of therapy will not help me, or you, recover.
1
I used to have really long hair that I dyed black, I looked like a fucking idiot, and I still do, so who cares? One night I was fucking this girl, Yvonne, in my romantic candle lit flat (I never paid my electricity bill and was cut off). The following took place, mid coitus:
"Uh, baby? You're on fire!"
"You're goddamn right I am, you love it!"
"No, seriously, Andy, you're hair is on fire."
"What? SHITFUCKARGHOHMYGODIJUSTCAMEBUTFUCKI'MONSHITTINGFIREHELPME!!!"
At that point she threw a glass of water over my head and we carried on.
2
I kind of have a thing for older women, my ex was four years my senior, and before we got together I had a string of brief encounters with women who were considerably older. One particular memory is of a woman in her 30's, I forget her name, but not the filth we got up to. Seriously, this woman was into anything and everything, we practically had an orgy once, it was fucking mental and really good fun.
One night we went back to her flat after an evening of drinking and one thing led to another and I'm fucking her from behind up against her kitchen wall. Things were progressing pretty normally until,
"Fuck my arse you dirty little boy!"
"What?"
"Fuck my arsehole with your hard cock you little piece of shit!"
"Um, OK."
And I did.
3
When living in Glasgow I ended up hanging out with a large group of people who had moved from Poland. One of them was a transvestite, and a damn convincing one. I didn't actually know until a bunch of us had spent the night at a house party; in the morning I went through to take a leak and there s/he was, simultaneously soaping tits and cock. Worryingly, I felt a stir in my trousers, so I pissed in the kitchen sink.
4
I had sex with my second cousin. She's French and really hot. I am not ashamed.
5
One of my exes really had a thing for violent sex. She liked the whole biting, punching, hard fucking thing and while it was enjoyable, it kind of took it's toll on me and we broke up after a while. One particular night she hit me so hard that I smashed my head off the wall and was knocked clean out. When I came to she told me she'd ridden me until she came and then sucked me off. I was kind of gutted as she didn't blow me all that often.
6
I had a threesome with an ex and another guy. The men didn't actually fuck, but our balls did touch once. Was that gay?
7
I had a threesome with the same ex and another girl. It was really great, I've got to say there's nothing like having a girl sit on your face while another rides you silly. It was a great night, boobs and vajayjay all over the place and in the morning, they told me they wanted to do it again. Without me. Whores.
8
They say that all is fair in love and war, but certainly not when you wake up and find that the sweet innocent girl you thought you were defiling turns out to have stolen your phone and cash. She was nice enough to leave me my bank card and a note with her number on it. To this day I'm not sure if that was supposed to be ironic, but I've got to admit, it did make me laugh.
9
I took a graphic design class at a small school near LAX. It was awesome and I met this goth chick who was the same height as me, which was cool, but irrelevant. One night we decided to go out with friends to a now defunct club called Orion in downtown Los Angeles for some funky partying. The club in question had sofas in a dark corner of a cavernous venue and we had a seat there.
Darkness, music, drink and drugs led to a pretty intense session of making out, culminating with her sitting on my lap, facing away from me with my dick inside her. We barely moved, but after about five minutes I felt her start to clench around me and knew that she was having an orgasm. This pushed me well over the edge and I had one of the most powerful orgasms of my life. That was one of the most bizarre and awesome things that has ever happened to me in a club. Carly, if you ever find this, call me.
10
I went out with this girl in America and she was heavily into the whole bondage, S&M thing, which was really fun. She had a proper wall mounted thing to tie people to and once I found myself blindfolded and restrained by it. I heard a concerning sound of metal on metal
"Um, honey, what the fuck are you doing?"
"Giving you something to remember me by when you move back to Britain."
"I'll remember ARRRRGGGHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK?"
"Relax, the pain will pass."
"Did you just fucking stab me?"
User Reviews
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-05-23 11:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't know whether to masturbate or cringe.
This was GOLD. I am fail, but this would have been tough to beat had I posted. HOT.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-05-23 06:34:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thoroughly enjoyed this
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-23 05:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep. It was great too!
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2008-05-23 04:52:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The important question is...did you still have sex with Stabby McStabStab?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-05-23 01:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-05-23 01:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-22 18:26:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AssHoly, she stabbed me with a knife. A big, sharp, pointy one (apparently as I was blind at the time).
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Fuck my arsehole with your hard cock you little piece of shit!"
"Um, OK."
And I did.
--------------------
This made me laugh.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:34:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:15:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
actually my only good scar is the one on my belly from when i was swimming with my dog in a lake and she clawed me underwater. thats pure bullshit if you think about it.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:13:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck. never mind all that i guess. while i was writing that review, my memory of your scar was more gruesome and exciting. the real thing wasn't that bad. i am jealous though, i have no good scars. for all the stupid shit i do, you'd think i would get hurt more often. but it's always somebody else that falls out of the tree and onto the fence, always somebody else that falls off the rock face. THE ONE TIME I get lucky and crack my head on the diving board, it doesnt leave a scar. How unfair is my life.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-22 14:08:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahaha...what the fuck did she stab you with, a broken hockey stick?
i ask specifically for two reasons:
1) my friend was stabbed with a broken hockey stick and he has a scar on his chest that looks just like that one.
2) actually now the second question is immaterial. i was going to say i've never seen such a wide stabbing scar (and i have seen many!) except i just remembered my brother has a surgically repaired wrist and has a pretty gnarly scar along his forearm. still not that wide though.
what did she do? did she twist the knife? did she filet your shoulder? tell me because i am intrigued.
i've often wondered what it would be like to get stabbed. i have stabbed myself and that wasn't such a big deal but i like to believe getting stabbed by somebody else has to be more thrilling. my dad, who was attacked by a homeless man, says it's not as much fun as I think. He almost died though so really I can't count his opinion.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-05-22 13:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha. You have one fucked up sex life but its awesome at the same time.
Bless you and all your immature debauchery.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-22 13:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-22 13:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/skynews/20080522/tuk-explosion-at-shopping-centre-45dbed5.html
emission??
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-22 12:37:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I bought it in the US. Old Navy FTW. It's like The Gap for poor people.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-22 12:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you buy it in the States, or did you just do a conversion for the 'dumb' Yanks?
:)
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-22 12:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's an Old Navy hoody sadly, it was $15 and it is very comfortable.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-05-22 12:21:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-22 12:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the post
+2000000 for the filename
====================
and are you wearing a neoprene scuba suit?
who are you Diver Dan?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-22 12:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've got to admit I'm pretty proud of that particular naming effort.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-22 12:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the post
+2000000 for the filename
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MisterDevious (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Frackin' awesome. Love, romance, they're wonderful things, but you never EVER forget the freaky chicks that come through your life!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-22 16:13:24 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
I certainly didn't enjoy all of them, particularly the stabbing.
-----------------
Really? Did you come close to death?
When I dropped the tin of paint onto my foot, I swear, my life flashed before me and I was drawn to this bright, white light. Then the pain kicked in, and I moved away from the light.
It was very traumatic.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I live with a hot toned stud, I know toned when I see it.
You look flabby, I can see armpit flab. :(
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:19:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:13:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I certainly didn't enjoy all of them, particularly the stabbing.
Submitted by DrKennethNoisewater (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yep, enjoyed that!
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Many "classic" scenarios and a few unique ones. Bravo!
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BOING
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:10:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Flabby? What? There are clearly defined traps and a semi sculpted looking pectoral there. Don't make me post my torso, women everywhere would collapse.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't help the ratings system keeps getting the better of me.
Hurty, that angle makes you look flabby. :)
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, awesome. Balls touching is definitely gay.
And Orphelia you ruined my +2 streak :o(
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ugh, that is twice I have done that today! Bloody ratings thing.
:(
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like to think I have stabbing potential.
You are so gay.