TrUberSex '08 - Suckling at the Teat of Life. (1179 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.48 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (View user info) at 2008-05-15 05:46:48 EDT
I like boobs; I like them a lot. That's not to say that I don't love all the other parts of the female form, but boobs, I don't know, some say it's a maternal thing; I just think they're fucking awesome. Think about them for a second gentlemen, ladies too (if you want), and ease yourself back in your chair with a contented sigh and a warm feeling in your groin. The following which I'm about to unfold is a story about boobs: big, milky, beautiful mammaries.
It would be fair to say that most of the sex I have had, in the UK at least, has come at the end of an evening of light refreshment in the local public house. That's not to say that I only get laid when the lady in question has been drinking, but there's something decidedly enjoyable about raw animal sex with uninhibited strangers. The night in question, a good few years back now, was one of those nights when myself and a motley group of raggedy friends had decided to get well and truly wasted. The day began with a joint shared over fried egg sandwiches and took a decidedly classless turn when we upped sticks and went to sit in a gloriously sunny local park. Classless, I hear you clamour, how so Hurty, we assumed you'd take a nice bottle of red and a picnic! Not so; the beverage of choice was Turbo Diesels.
For those not in the know, a Turbo Diesel is made up of super strength lager (in my case Tennents Super) and super strength cider (Frosty Jack for me) mixed in a class with a bit of blackcurrant juice to taste. In general, four or five pints of this hideous concoction and you're in a bit of a state. Bizarrely, on this occasion alone, I had some kind of super human drinking power and didn't feel in the slightest inebriated. I was sorely disappointed and voiced this opinion to my now passed out friends.
Well, thought I, this is a shite state of affairs. It's pub o'clock, I'm sober and the most attractive woman here has vomited on herself. Fuck this for a game of soldiers, I'm off.
And off I was, to score some cheap E's from a local salesman and hit the pub with the sole intent of getting sweaty with a woman. It didn't take long for the cheap drugs to start flowing through my veins once I'd arrived at the pub, the atmosphere was chilled and the room was, in my eyes at least, full of attractive women. I saw one of these women playing pool with a friend and promptly laid my marker on the table, looked her in the eye and said
"I'll play the winner, yeah?"
Which is basically
"I would like to do unspeakably rude things to you back in my shit hole flat."
I played the winner, fortunately the lady I had my eyes on, and soundly beat her. Casual flirting happened at the table and I offered her a drink. She accepted, and as we were at the bar asked me if I'd like an E. I replied that I was already high but would take a half. Let me tell you, the way she snapped that chalky pill with her teeth was absolutely heavenly and as she snaked her tongue into my mouth to give me my half I could have died a happy man.
As we walked to some seats in the corner I deliberately walked behind her, admiring the curve of her ass. She was wearing white linen trousers with a yellow thong underneath, which poked cheekily over the top of her waistband. Her tanned skin was smooth looking, with a light sheen of sweat from the heat of the day. As we sat I noticed, for the first time, her magnificent breasts. They were full, large and looked like globes sent from the gods. I gasped as I admired them and through my eckie filled haze said,
"Fuck me those are gorgeous!"
She smiled shyly and we began to exchange various random facts about our lives. I'm not really sure why as it was blatantly obvious where all of this was heading, but it was nice to feel at least a small level of genuine companionship. I also learned that she had recently had a baby who was at her mother's for the night (and in case Social Services ever read this, he was being fed on formula) but her man had left her. Well, I called him every bastard under the sun, as one should, and blathered on about my own life.
Discussion led to snogging, which led to some highly unsubtle groping in the corner of this bar and we decided we should probably head off. The walk back to my flat was a short one and through a relatively nice area and we walked holding hands under the stars. It was all very pleasant, as the world usually is when your brain is firing off endorphins left right and centre.
We got to my flat, and were dry humping in the lift when it arrived at my floor, stumbling across the landing we started tearing each other's clothes off until we stood naked in front of each other. Roughly two feet apart we ran our hands over each others bodies, admiring the curves and blemishes. We drew closer and hugged tightly before going through to my (mercifully tidy) room and lying on the bed. It was at this point I could no longer resist and began sucking on those massive boobs of hers, just to find out... well, I think we all know what I was looking for.
I found it. A Holy Grail of sorts, if you like, real milk, mother's milk, manna from heaven! The milk from a human breast is completely unlike any other milk, it is warm and sweet and rather thick, absolutely gorgeous. You can almost feel the nutrients flowing through your body as you drink it. She giggled as I sucked and it was obvious that she wanted the evening to progress so reluctantly I stopped and we moved into a 69 position. From there we went into all the standard sexual positions, my favourite being missionary so I could get as many shots at the teat of life as I could. Bliss, I tell you, bliss.
The sex, sadly, was pretty average, she was kind of lazy and was more about looking good than it actually feeling good, I suppose having a full length mirror opposite the bed was a bad idea, but eventually we both climaxed, practically together if memory serves, and drifted off into a bruising sleep.
That night I dreamed of great big boobies chasing me, leaking seductively from the nipple and almost drowning me with their milky goodness. It was just about the best dream I've ever had. Morning broke and I put in another shift, again paying attention to those succulent bosoms, I can't stress enough how incredible the sensation is of drinking breast milk, babies have it fucking lucky. Well, not her baby, but I was more than happy to profit from his loss.
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-06-18 17:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-05-21 16:47:22 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://springfieldil.craigslist.org/cas/681209959.html
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HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAewHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAew
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-22 08:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh dear god that's horrendous. Craigslist is actually creepier than Uber.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-05-21 19:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://springfieldil.craigslist.org/cas/681209959.html
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-19 06:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Toshi's back in town? Where are you stealing your latest post from?
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-19 06:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HerrSchniedelwichs (user info) at 2008-05-17 10:32:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 for the E
+2 for the BOOBIES
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0 Sir
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-05-16 16:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me at the first line.
Submitted by theBarron (user info) at 2008-05-16 12:05:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ALMOST FORGOT, FUCK YOU!
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-16 08:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-05-15 23:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
baba
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-15 15:55:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
if slightly repuslive. the thought of drinking breast milk is not sexy to me at all. my exes boobs were ginormous beach balls too and i just couldn't go there.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-15 15:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Feety (user info) at 2008-05-15 14:05:54 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
iapproveofthispostohyesido
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I KNEW IT!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-15 15:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
amusing
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-05-15 15:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jollydodger (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:12:05 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In fact I find everything about pregnancy to be repulsive. Especially fucking a pregnant chick. You always imagine that you can hear a tiny voice going "ow" "ow" "ow" as you poke him in the eye with your dick.
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i wouldn;t mind boning a preagnent chick or one thta just had a kid, but i have a think this feeling would change if it was my ankle biter.
I am goin to go with the +2 even though in all actuality the girl was probably a cave troll.
Submitted by Feety (user info) at 2008-05-15 15:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
iapproveofthispostohyesido
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-05-15 14:41:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yay!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-15 14:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you're lucky I'll write another tomorrow.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-05-15 14:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i could listen to stories of your sexual prowess for hours and hours
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-15 14:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Like you wouldn't believe.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-05-15 14:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you sound sexually experienced
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-05-15 13:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-15 13:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-15 12:09:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jollydodger (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:12:05 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In fact I find everything about pregnancy to be repulsive. Especially fucking a pregnant chick. You always imagine that you can hear a tiny voice going "ow" "ow" "ow" as you poke him in the eye with your dick.
--
C'mon, it's the easiest threesome ever!
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-05-15 11:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116750
all yours.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-15 10:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jollydodger (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:12:05 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In fact I find everything about pregnancy to be repulsive. Especially fucking a pregnant chick. You always imagine that you can hear a tiny voice going "ow" "ow" "ow" as you poke him in the eye with your dick.
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That was more interesting than the post itself.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-15 10:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-05-15 10:42:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Boobs: They hang off my lady's chest.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-15 10:14:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jollydodger (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:12:05 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In fact I find everything about pregnancy to be repulsive. Especially fucking a pregnant chick. You always imagine that you can hear a tiny voice going "ow" "ow" "ow" as you poke him in the eye with your dick.
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*cue feety appearance*
Submitted by jollydodger (user info) at 2008-05-15 10:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, but I find milk-engorged breasts to be repulsive. My wife's breasts swelled to the size of beach balls when she was pregnant, but it didn't do anything for me. I would have been the luckiest fucker alive if it did.
In fact I find everything about pregnancy to be repulsive. Especially fucking a pregnant chick. You always imagine that you can hear a tiny voice going "ow" "ow" "ow" as you poke him in the eye with your dick.
*shudder*
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-15 10:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Christ I cant believe anyone would willingly put super strength lager in their mouths. Do they have it on tap up in Scotland?
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Some pubs do. They are scary places to be.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-15 10:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2008-05-15 04:58:14 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Somone should take each of these stories and write the same story but form the OPOSITE persons side... you know for shits and giggles.
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That is a FANTASTIC idea.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:58:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think Feety should weigh in on this.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:49:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm Milky Boobs, not something I have tried.
Christ I cant believe anyone would willingly put super strength lager in their mouths. Do they have it on tap up in Scotland?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:31:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-15 08:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha, nah I just bunched her shirt up and fucked the puke.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-15 08:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It's pub o'clock, I'm sober and the most attractive woman here has vomited on herself."
Saw this and stopped reading, because I know that everything after this is a lie. You know you took home Ms. Pukey for some unconscious lovin, or as I like to call it "Wet Dreams."
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-15 08:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
oi!
i want in on the milky breasts thing too.
feely, i'm your biggest fan!
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-05-15 08:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh fucking--goddamn you.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-05-15 08:09:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-15 08:01:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will email you a picture of my milky breasts, you dirty perv.
Tracksuits can be cool. glc
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-15 07:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here now, I'm a respectable member of society, I don't own a single tracksuit!
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-05-15 07:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I love chav drinking stories...
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-15 06:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Poor bambino
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-15 06:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-15 11:36:49 BST (#)
Ranking: 1
It made me smile at some of the lines, but i must say on the whole, it was a tad gag worthy. Well done.
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The glory of a milky bosom is 'gag worthy'? For shame, you have let womankind down!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-15 06:36:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It made me smile at some of the lines, but i must say on the whole, it was a tad gag worthy. Well done.
Snakebite should have a shot of Gin in it.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-15 06:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto lactating +2
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2008-05-15 06:10:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The rating is spot on
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-15 06:01:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Snakebite is the pub friendly version of the Turbo Diesel.
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2008-05-15 06:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everywhere else its called snakebite and black, the favoured drink of the goths (Turbo diesels, not mommy milk)
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-15 05:59:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I haven't touched Super since I threw up three cans of it as a teenager.
Spesh, on the other hand, is a daily treat.
This began a little Irvine Welsh with all the boozing and pills.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2008-05-15 05:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure the ride up to your flat in a piss stained council estate lift must have been one of the most romantic times of her young life.
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Somone should take each of these stories and write the same story but form the OPOSITE persons side... you know for shits and giggles.