Unwittingly the other woman (1397 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.6 on 91 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JesterLilt (View user info) at 2008-05-14 18:09:40 EDT
I fell in love with this guy when I was 16. He had a fast car, he had a good job, really, what more could I want? He used to pull up in front of my house when my mum was working nightshift and whisk me off into the countryside to do unmentionable things... He was exciting, he taught me doggy style and how to give a half decent blow job. We went out for about a month...
A few years later...
I met him in a bar, I was drunk as a skunk. I heard around town he had been asking about me. I felt we had unfinished business and I was excited about bumping into him again. I was young, he was a bit older and I always wanted for him to meet the wiser, more mature and less silly me hoping he would see there was more to me than just some young play thing.
"So, how's your sister doing, I've been looking for her." Mark said to me with a glint in his eye.
"I am her sister..." I should have realised then that this was a bad omen but I laughed it off.
He was surprised to see me. I had been away for awhile and at the time I did look fairly like my sister and I guess he could be forgiven in a drunken stupor for mistaking me for her. Just to relieve the suspicion here, my sister is not mentioned again.
We talked gibberish for awhile and in the end I decided it would be a good idea to go on a jolly out to his place in the countryside. We headed for a taxi rank and off we went. Roll on the usual drunken back seat taxi frolics.
We sat down on the couch and we were off like drunken myxomatosis rabbits on viagra. He fumbled all over me, my clothes fell to the floor. After fondling dilapidated drinkeness for awhile we moved to the bedroom.
To say I was disappointed was an understatement. When I was 16 he had felt like a wondrous exciting man. More experienced than me, teaching me and above all dangerous. Now he was just some sad older guy who picked up young girls in the pub. Couldn't even keep a hard on...
I spotted a Valentines card on his bedside cabinet... Valentines Day had been two months previously.
"Who's that from?" I asked.
He had been going out with a girl when I had been going out with him when I was 16. I didn't know at the time but after we split up the whole sordid affair cost me dearly. She cornered me in the girl's toilets at a dance with a friend of hers who happened to be the bouncer watching the toilet doors. She was a few years older than me. She went to town. It began with just a bit of name calling but then the slap across the cheek came. I hit her back.
"Are you not going to do something about this bitch?" I screamed at the bouncer.
He shrugged his shoulders, looked the other way and mumbled, "You deserve it."
We had a bit of a scrap in the toilets before it was broken up by a group of lads passing the door. I went to find the friend I had come out with and vowed to stay out of her way.
Unfortunately for me and my friend, the girl and her six hefty mates from 'the other town' cornered us outside where a legendary bitch fight ensued. Me, in my drunken wisdom launched myself at the biggest, fattest, heftiest girl on the planet vowing to take her to the floor. I bounced off her as if she herself was the Michelin Kevlar impenetrable woman wall from hell. I went down. I came round to the police pulling a horde of girls off me and my mate pummelling a wee lass into the ground. That night for me ended there. The police took me home to my parents giving them some sharp words about under age drinking.
Back to the bedroom where I'm fucking my ex two years later. Like I said, the whole experience was not pleasurable. I remembered him being more tenacious with his cock. It was a drunken fumble in the dark with nothing landing in the target zone. Needless to say, before long I lost interest and fell asleep.
Tap... tap... tap... "Mark, let me in!"
"Who's that?" I ask him.
"Erm, that'll be Kelly." He said hesitantly.
"You mean the same Kelly who fucked me over the first time when I didn't have a clue what I'd done wrong? You mean you're still going out with the same bitch you cheated on two years ago and you brought me home?" I paused for an answer thought fuck it and carried on, "You mean your girlfriend is tapping on the window twenty miles from the nearest town and you have me in your bed? What the fuck are you going to do?"
I lay in stunned silence... tap... tap... tap...
"Mark, let me the fuck in you fucking bastard!" Kelly screamed.
He didn't reply. We stayed silent hoping she would go away. Where could she go though? Twently miles from anything, dropped off in a taxi and not likely to get another.
She begged and pleaded at the kitchen window for about half an hour before everything went silent. Eventually I began to rest easy. She must have gone I thought. She must have started walking somewhere. Gradually I drifted back to sleep.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING HERE!!!?"
I felt cold, I looked up...
The duvet had been whipped off Mark and I where we lay naked and exposed to Kelly glaring at us with her hellhound eyes from the bottom of the bed.
I died inside. 'How did I get here?' I asked myself. 'It wasn't even good, I don't even particularly like this guy and he's done it again.'
I pulled my knees up to cover myself. Mark jumped from the bed chasing Kelly from the room. I reached for my clothes in mortification, shame and self revulsion.
Never again...
User Reviews
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-23 11:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
rubbish
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-18 10:02:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Orph - I did but its not the first time. I'm not sure I like it there.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-18 08:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey look, Banj, you got on most heated!
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2008-05-16 21:25:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A) Fast food places don't generally have bartenders
B) I'm sorry, are you someone important or something?
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-16 08:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Orphelia, meant to answer that. He gave me a lift, there wasn't any other way to get home. He left his girlfriend in his house. On the way back he asked if I wanted to see him again... fucking chancer! Naturally I told him where to go.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-16 08:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did you get home??
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-16 07:57:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hang on, I wrote this for a contest. Are all you people below pretty much telling me that none of you have ever done something stupid? I fail to believe you're all squeaky clean morally sound individuals that would not do something as silly as get involved with the wrong person.
I wrote this in a stupid way because I was stupid at the time. Wouldn't it be nice to live in a world where nobody made mistakes or poor choices. Wouldn't it be nice if people did not fall victim to emotions and had the ability to weigh up the consequences of their actions before they actually do something. Wait a minute... no it wouldn't, the world would be a seriously boring place.
I've enjoyed my mistakes, jumping in at the deep end and doing things the hard way. I learn my lessons and would rather live my life this way than stand on the sidelines passing judgement without experience.
Submitted by jollydodger (user info) at 2008-05-16 03:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2008-05-16 02:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This kinda--sorta happened to me once, but the chick never found out...
Newly single, I was out drinking with my girl one night, and I met this really ridiculously hot guy, we'll call him Jake. Short story shorter, I needed a fuck and he was willing to provide it. I woke up and left in the morning, and he called me a couple more times but I soon realized that while obscenely hot, he was WAY too much of a meathead pretty boy for me to be really interested in, so I stopped talking to him.
Somewhere around six months later, I got a job at a restaurant my then-new boyfriend had worked at when he had first moved to town. "There's this girl there, Denise. Huge bitch," he told me. "Funny thing," I replied, "that's my trainer tonight. I promise I'll hate her though." So I go in, and, try as I might, I can't hate the girl. I thought she was nice, maybe a little ditzy but whatever. My boyfriend hated her because she tried to screw him when he worked there, despite the fact that he had a girlfriend, and then there was a geeky but really sweet guy who liked her a ton and she was a total bitch to him, but none of those things affected me and she was super nice to me. So, I resolved to be nice to her but not make shopping plans or anything.
Halfway through the shift, one of the bartenders comes back and they make out for a minute. "Oh, you work with your boyfriend? How cute. How long have you guys been together?" She tells me a little over a year. This is where I go outside for a smoke, I tell her anyway. Really, I'm going outside to call my boy. "You know that chick you don't like? I totally fucked her boyfriend."
So, I never told her. The look of fear in Jake's eyes when he saw me was priceless, and the entire time I worked there he basically did everything he could to make sure I never had a reason to want to tell Denise that he was a cheater. I still think she's nice and i wish her boyfriend didn't cheat on her, but whatever.
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JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WOMAN! *SLAP* *SLAP*
Arrrrgh! This is retarded on so many levels. Allow me to explain.
Firstly - No one... and let me be very specific here... NO ONE cares whether you live or die... let
alone who stuck their dick in you.
Secondly - do your own post, so we can -2 the shit out of it!
Thirdly - Aaaaaarrgggh! Shouldn't you be posting on myspace?
Fourthly - look forward to a long career in FAST-FOOD!
Fifthly - *SLAP* *SLAP* *SHAKE* *SLAP* Go away!
Six...er...ly - what kind of whore are you anyway?
HOLY JEBUS! Now you've made me blaspheme! Now I'll never get to heaven. I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED!!!
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2008-05-16 02:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This kinda--sorta happened to me once, but the chick never found out...
Newly single, I was out drinking with my girl one night, and I met this really ridiculously hot guy, we'll call him Jake. Short story shorter, I needed a fuck and he was willing to provide it. I woke up and left in the morning, and he called me a couple more times but I soon realized that while obscenely hot, he was WAY too much of a meathead pretty boy for me to be really interested in, so I stopped talking to him.
Somewhere around six months later, I got a job at a restaurant my then-new boyfriend had worked at when he had first moved to town. "There's this girl there, Denise. Huge bitch," he told me. "Funny thing," I replied, "that's my trainer tonight. I promise I'll hate her though." So I go in, and, try as I might, I can't hate the girl. I thought she was nice, maybe a little ditzy but whatever. My boyfriend hated her because she tried to screw him when he worked there, despite the fact that he had a girlfriend, and then there was a geeky but really sweet guy who liked her a ton and she was a total bitch to him, but none of those things affected me and she was super nice to me. So, I resolved to be nice to her but not make shopping plans or anything.
Halfway through the shift, one of the bartenders comes back and they make out for a minute. "Oh, you work with your boyfriend? How cute. How long have you guys been together?" She tells me a little over a year. This is where I go outside for a smoke, I tell her anyway. Really, I'm going outside to call my boy. "You know that chick you don't like? I totally fucked her boyfriend."
So, I never told her. The look of fear in Jake's eyes when he saw me was priceless, and the entire time I worked there he basically did everything he could to make sure I never had a reason to want to tell Denise that he was a cheater. I still think she's nice and i wish her boyfriend didn't cheat on her, but whatever.
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-05-15 21:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-15 10:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PMN (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a stupid slut. You shouldn't even be having sex; 18 is entirely too young (let alone 16)
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I'm pretty sure than us men of Uber should unite to murder this person in cold blood. Seriously, anything that encourages women to have more sex is a good thing
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I thought the Amish weren't allowed to use computers. Now get the fuck off the internet before I tell Elder Jedediah.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2008-05-15 17:08:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ouch....maybe' you've finally learned your lesson?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-15 13:57:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2008-05-15 13:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-15 10:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PMN (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a stupid slut. You shouldn't even be having sex; 18 is entirely too young (let alone 16)
-------------------------
I'm pretty sure than us men of Uber should unite to murder this person in cold blood. Seriously, anything that encourages women to have more sex is a good thing.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-15 10:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whisk me off into the countryside to do unmentionable things... He was exciting, he taught me doggy style and how to give a half decent blow job
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I like how you said he did "unmentionable" things, then you mention them.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:41:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-15 12:55:42 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Indulge yourself Beano. Elaborate. If for no other reason than to pass the time.
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No, your replies are too lengthy.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-05-15 07:56:49 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was pretty good, but I'm pissed I was tricked into reading a post from another stupid Ubersite contest.
==================
For real? You would have rated this differently if you'd known it was for a contest? Why does that fact make it any different of a story?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-15 03:52:04 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard a story about a friend of a friend's old uni days, she was telling us about a chap who was a nice chap, sort of, but who would basically do his utmost to shag every woman he came across. Didn't matter who they were, if they were his friends girls or sisters or mothers or grandmas or what. If he was even remotely interested, he'd have a crack.
Sometimes the crack would be as straightforward as climbing into bed with a girl after she's gone to sleep and just groping them, but apparently that was acceptable.
I couldn't really get my head round any of it, around the why. I mean I like women and all but shit man random rutting is just this empty, awkward, uncomfortable, boring waste of time.
Is it like depression? Like how you get addicted to that rush of raw sensation through your nervous system when you're on a major downer? Masochism, basically. You put yourself in these trashy situations and then, well, degrade yourself basically.
Probably not, I mean I'm just trying to get it all in a context that makes sense to me. Can you throw a little light on it? Anyone?
=============================================
What you just described, my bipedally-challenged friend, is sexual addiction.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:22:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Some guys just can't resist an easy slut.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-05-15 08:56:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was pretty good, but I'm pissed I was tricked into reading a post from another stupid Ubersite contest. I'll omit my feelings about your judgemental abilities, because even if you still hadn't learned your lesson from the limp-dicked liar, you're sure as fuck not going to take life advice from an internet stranger.
Worth reading (+0)
Nicely done. Good day.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-15 08:42:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
bertdude,
its better than trainspotting.
fair enough?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-15 08:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you a braindead skank?
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-15 08:25:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
he taught me doggy style and how to give a half decent blow job.
???
I don't think that came out right.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-05-15 08:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well gee...he cheated on his girl with you once, what are the chances he'd do it again? The only surprise is that it was the same girl. You weren't "unwittingly" the other women, you were stupid to think you weren't.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-15 08:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did you get home?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-15 07:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Indulge yourself Beano. Elaborate. If for no other reason than to pass the time.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2008-05-15 07:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-15 11:02:40 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2008-05-15 05:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's fun for fucks sake Berty.
Something myabe you should give a little try.
You know... letting go.
(shit story btw)
-------------------------------
That's thing thing Beano, I have tried in the past. Didn't really like it. Found it all rather shamefull and horrid to be honest. More suffering than fun.
Maybe you're right Beano. I mean there are people that go to antarctica and walk through blizzards in appaling cold and they love it, think it's marvelous. I'd hate it though.
It's interesting though, isn't it? Why do people like that stuff? THATS what I want to know. Is it a humiliation/degradation/masochism thing or is it something else, something greater? Is it about the CHANCE of forming that bond with someone? Is it a question of status or 'the done thing'? Is it just a tentacled need for physical contact that'll lash out and ensare any old flesh that happens to be in reach?
---------------
You see Berty, you are rather naively assuming that others experience the same sensation as you EVEN THOUGH you admit that certain people enjoy things that you wouldn't.
'It's interesting though, isn't it? Why do people like that stuff? THATS what I want to know. Is it a humiliation/degradation/masochism thing or is it something else, something greater?'
Maybe they don't find it degrading or humiliating. Come on... you're an intelligent fella. Wake up.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-15 06:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2008-05-15 05:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's fun for fucks sake Berty.
Something myabe you should give a little try.
You know... letting go.
(shit story btw)
-------------------------------
That's thing thing Beano, I have tried in the past. Didn't really like it. Found it all rather shamefull and horrid to be honest. More suffering than fun.
Relationships, bonds, emotional sucure; that's all good stuff. Difficult to get sorted, but very rewarding.
Maybe you're right Beano. I mean there are people that go to antarctica and walk through blizzards in appaling cold and they love it, think it's marvelous. I'd hate it though.
It's interesting though, isn't it? Why do people like that stuff? THATS what I want to know. Is it a humiliation/degradation/masochism thing or is it something else, something greater? Is it about the CHANCE of forming that bond with someone? Is it a question of status or 'the done thing'? Is it just a tentacled need for physical contact that'll lash out and ensare any old flesh that happens to be in reach?
That's all I'm asking Beano, no need to get all bald on me.
I thought it was quite a good story as well.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2008-05-15 05:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's fun for fucks sake Berty.
Something myabe you should give a little try.
You know... letting go.
(shit story btw)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-15 05:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll take your silence as "negligable". Would anyone else like to contribute?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-15 05:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Charlton_H (user info) at 2008-05-15 05:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DON'T FORGET THE COCKSUCKING
--------------------------------
Quite Charlton, quite.
So what are your thoughts regarding women, betrayel and such? Do you have any? Thoughts I mean?
Submitted by Charlton_H (user info) at 2008-05-15 05:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DON'T FORGET THE COCKSUCKING
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-15 05:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My God Charlton, if only. Gays have it so easy; wear a pink shirt and go to some manner of street party and before you know it you'll be knee deep in mangina.
Still I guess it's not all that great; I'd have to go to the gym and shave all my body hair off. And all that dancing! Bleugh!
Submitted by Charlton_H (user info) at 2008-05-15 04:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-15 04:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard a story about a friend of a friend's old uni days, she was telling us about a chap who was a nice chap, sort of, but who would basically do his utmost to shag every woman he came across. Didn't matter who they were, if they were his friends girls or sisters or mothers or grandmas or what. If he was even remotely interested, he'd have a crack.
Sometimes the crack would be as straightforward as climbing into bed with a girl after she's gone to sleep and just groping them, but apparently that was acceptable.
I couldn't really get my head round any of it, around the why. I mean I like women and all but shit man random rutting is just this empty, awkward, uncomfortable, boring waste of time.
Is it like depression? Like how you get addicted to that rush of raw sensation through your nervous system when you're on a major downer? Masochism, basically. You put yourself in these trashy situations and then, well, degrade yourself basically.
Probably not, I mean I'm just trying to get it all in a context that makes sense to me. Can you throw a little light on it? Anyone?
IT MEANS YOU ARE HOMOSEXUAL
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-15 04:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard a story about a friend of a friend's old uni days, she was telling us about a chap who was a nice chap, sort of, but who would basically do his utmost to shag every woman he came across. Didn't matter who they were, if they were his friends girls or sisters or mothers or grandmas or what. If he was even remotely interested, he'd have a crack.
Sometimes the crack would be as straightforward as climbing into bed with a girl after she's gone to sleep and just groping them, but apparently that was acceptable.
I couldn't really get my head round any of it, around the why. I mean I like women and all but shit man random rutting is just this empty, awkward, uncomfortable, boring waste of time.
Is it like depression? Like how you get addicted to that rush of raw sensation through your nervous system when you're on a major downer? Masochism, basically. You put yourself in these trashy situations and then, well, degrade yourself basically.
Probably not, I mean I'm just trying to get it all in a context that makes sense to me. Can you throw a little light on it? Anyone?
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2008-05-15 04:11:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-15 04:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To say I was disappointed was an understatement. When I was 16 he had felt like a wondrous exciting man. More experienced than me, teaching me and above all dangerous. Now he was just some sad older guy who picked up young girls in the pub. Couldn't even keep a hard on...
--------------------
This is why I will never go back to my home town and pick up the hoochies I used to practice on.
This was funny but I could've done without the bigotry in the reviews. I had to walk through throngs of hungover, grumpy Rangers fans outside Central on the way to work this morning.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-15 03:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You live and learn. I always wish I'd had a camera to catch the look on our faces when she walked in. It would have been a kodak moment. The guy is a douchebag. I wasn't ashamed, just embrarassed to be caught without my clothes on.
Certainly didn't feel sorry for her and most certainly think said bloke is a total cock. Then again, he's responsible for a memory that will stay with me forever. Because of him, I became a little bit more sensible about my extracurricular antics.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-15 03:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-05-14 21:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Half Jewish - never even seen a Synagogue in my life, other than from a passing car- I'm an agnostic...and they DIDN'T REMOVE ENOUGH, OBVIOUSLY.
I'M HUNG LIKE MR. ED.
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The horse that 'played' Mr. Ed was a palomino American Saddlebred named "Bamboo Harvester", and "Mr. Ed", like my wife's horse Gryphon is today, was a gelding
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no,no. Mr Ed the eunuch grocer on 3rd and westminster ave.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2008-05-15 02:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't enjoy this for many reasons. I'm sorry.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-15 02:02:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this happened to me too, except the other girl threatened to break my fingers
what a laugh we had!
oh, and I didn't do the whole "baaaaaw I'm ashamed" thing. mostly it was like "fuck this fucker, I'm outta here, cocksuckers"
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-05-15 01:55:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Depressing. Raw enough to bleed, innit.
Submitted by jollydodger (user info) at 2008-05-15 01:27:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh. It never surprises me the kinds of scumbags that chicks will debase themselves with. Then they act all shocked when they turn out to be ferocious cunts.
Learning curve: _________________________
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-05-14 23:42:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's terrible Banjo. Console yourself in the knowledge that i could give you unsatisfactory drunken sex any night of the week.
If i lived in England.
Which i'm thinking of doing, because the last time i visited my grandparents in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne an indian cabbie convinced me i could make 1100 quid a week driving taxis.
I'm quite drunk but not too drunk. At 1.42pm. This is great.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-05-14 22:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate that the girl is always blamed. yea yea, don't go after taken guys blah blah - but they're the ones in relationships and should know better, he's the one with something to lose. Inevitably the girlfriend forgives the guy and then you're known as the local homewrecker slag for all time.
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Right, like their scumbag boyfriend is so irresistible, it HAD to be the other girl's fault! Actually, the loser chicks can't admit that their boyfriend initiates sex with other girls, because they couldn't stand that, but they sure as hell couldn't LEAVE him, because they would die without a boyfriend.
Women who act like doormats deserve to be treated as such.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-05-14 21:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Half Jewish - never even seen a Synagogue in my life, other than from a passing car- I'm an agnostic...and they DIDN'T REMOVE ENOUGH, OBVIOUSLY.
I'M HUNG LIKE MR. ED.
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The horse that 'played' Mr. Ed was a palomino American Saddlebred named "Bamboo Harvester", and "Mr. Ed", like my wife's horse Gryphon is today, was a gelding.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-14 20:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What's the point having a massive cock if you're ginger and Jewish?
The real tragedy here would be if you don't have massive hands to accomodate your gigantic cock seeing as there's not a hole in the world would accomodate such a sullen mutated beast.
============
Bull. Small hands make the cock seem bigger.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Schlongy, you feel rather strongly... Tell me about your parents
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate that the girl is always blamed. yea yea, don't go after taken guys blah blah - but they're the ones in relationships and should know better, he's the one with something to lose. Inevitably the girlfriend forgives the guy and then you're known as the local homewrecker slag for all time.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You'd better alert that broad that has been sharing my bed for the last 25 years or so to GET THE FUCK OUT- SHLONGY IS GROSS!
Actually, that's just the bed at home.
I share a bunch of other beds with broads who shall remain nameless but cannot, for the life of them, get enough Shlongy.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I pronounce you GingeJew with the mighty Schlongster - no woman stupid enough to go near it, so big he can't pea with it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ginger?
You have the wrong Uber asshole, Tubby.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What's the point having a massive cock if you're ginger and Jewish?
The real tragedy here would be if you don't have massive hands to accomodate your gigantic cock seeing as there's not a hole in the world would accomodate such a sullen mutated beast.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Half Jewish - never even seen a Synagogue in my life, other than from a passing car- I'm an agnostic...and they DIDN'T REMOVE ENOUGH, OBVIOUSLY.
I'M HUNG LIKE MR. ED.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:19:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was thinking somebody should remove that mighty weight from his forehead.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aren't you Jewish Shlong? Surely you've already had a dick reduction?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The only operation that I need is a dick reduction, Toots. Other than that, it's all good from my seat here in SC.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:15:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Schlongy, so bitter, so twisted... They've got operations can sort that out you know.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:11:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by PMN (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, let me rephrase: "What does a girl having sex at 16 know about anything?"
BTW, +2 for your response to Shlongy "would you like a tissue to clean your dribbles up?" pretty good!
If you thought that was "good", you must not be a day over 18 yourself, assmunch.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:08:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
well good luck with that
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A girl at 16 knows nothing. I knew nothing.
Submitted by PMN (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, let me rephrase: "What does a girl having sex at 16 know about anything?"
BTW, +2 for your response to Shlongy "would you like a tissue to clean your dribbles up?" pretty good!
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm fat, you're ginger.... Do you wanna?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-14 19:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yikes.
That's kind of sad.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:59:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not 18 fuckwit. I was 18, I was 18 when this story happened but I'm not 18 now.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:59:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
18? Wow...This broad is pretty fat and stupid for an 18-year old.
My condolences.
Submitted by PMN (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Did this fucking pig NOOB just tell SHLONGY TO FUCK OFF?
You'd better learn some manners around your Uber elders, you overweight slutwannabe shitforbrains.
-----------
Seriously, do you really care? What do 18 years old know about anything?
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-14 23:50:06 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
Did this fucking pig NOOB just tell SHLONGY TO FUCK OFF?
You'd better learn some manners around your Uber elders, you overweight slutwannabe shitforbrains.
===================
I don't recall telling you to fuck off. What am I respecting, your actual elderliness or your mental non-elderliness.
Would you like a tissue to clean your dribbles up? Bless you.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Y'all island folks all talk funnier than a bunch of monkeys.
PS: You done pissed off Shlongy. Good show!
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-14 23:47:01 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I predict I will last about 2.5 seconds. Still, I should be able to outrun all those emaciated white bread bastards anyway, and I'll have run up from the Toon anyway. The Chilli was rammed with Huns and they fucked off sharpish after the game, wahey!
============
I humbly request a decoder ring to understand just what the fuck the Scottish dude just said.
============
Translation = Oh, by jove how I love fisting myself up my own arse and sucking my monkey's penis but nothing has yet beaten the pleasure of my Aint Jessie fingering herself at tea on a Tuesday.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Did this fucking pig NOOB just tell SHLONGY TO FUCK OFF?
You'd better learn some manners around your Uber elders, you overweight slutwannabe shitforbrains.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cracking fight post Liverpool Chelski the other week. Me and a couple friends were the only Zenit fans this evening but the Huns fucked off! Hooray!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I predict I will last about 2.5 seconds. Still, I should be able to outrun all those emaciated white bread bastards anyway, and I'll have run up from the Toon anyway. The Chilli was rammed with Huns and they fucked off sharpish after the game, wahey!
============
I humbly request a decoder ring to understand just what the fuck the Scottish dude just said.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking love the Chile! Always good for some post footie fun.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I predict I will last about 2.5 seconds. Still, I should be able to outrun all those emaciated white bread bastards anyway, and I'll have run up from the Toon anyway. The Chilli was rammed with Huns and they fucked off sharpish after the game, wahey!
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:41:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The things people do for fun... Good luck with that
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HELLO, HELLO, WE ARE THE KILLIE BOYS,
HELLO, HELLO, WE'RE HERE TO MAKE A NOISE
AND WE'RE UP TO OUR KNEES IN FILTHY FUCKING HUN BLOOD.
I'm buying a Zenit strip tomorrow and running around Ibrox until I get my head kicked in.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-05-14 23:37:35 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
so are you gonna keep the kid this time?
-------------
Eh?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
IF YOU HATE THE FUCKING OLD FIRM CLAP YOUR HANDS!
===================
"If you're ugly and you know it, clap your hands."
*Method burns palms off due to clapping friction*
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:37:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so are you gonna keep the kid this time?
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hello Hello, how do you do,
We f*cked the boys in royal blue,
We f*cked the boys in ever green,
We f*cked the boys in tangerine...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Has this asshole got the sleeping sickness?
Everything you ever wanted to know about PMN
User id: 26701
Registered on or around: 2006-04-30 20:29:12 EDT
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 57
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 0
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Average rating of all messages: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
IF YOU HATE THE FUCKING OLD FIRM CLAP YOUR HANDS!
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahahaha! Yes, well deserved defeat.
I hate rangers
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK RANGERS!
Submitted by PMN (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a stupid slut. You shouldn't even be having sex; 18 is entirely too young (let alone 16)
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck you schlongy you dirty tramp. I feel if you ever did see hole you'd be creaming the inside of your already skid marked y-fronts.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hole showage, please.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
depressing
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Trubersex entry 2008, I forgot to put it in the title.