Red Skies Look Old (1148 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.27 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2008-04-22 15:55:18 EDT
So our very own redskieslookfake is turning 30 today.
Like most things in England he, too, is old and busted.
That's right, people, the football-obsessed giraffe-necked gingerlover has kicked off the third decade of his life, and all I got for him was this shitty card. Which isn't really even a card when you think about it, since he can't hold it and it most certainly doesn't have a punchline.
If you have any words of wisdom for him on this most gray-sky day, feel free to leave them below. Encourage him to get his prostate checked (by a doctor, for a change). Give him the names of companies that produce decent creamed corn. Discuss how occasional dryness 'down there' is normal now.
Matthew Arnold said of aging that:
It is to spend long days
And not once feel that we were ever young.
It is to add, immured
In the hot prison of the present, month
To month with weary pain.
But I would say, instead, that getting older:
Is when your under-neck looks like an elephant's ass
And your balls hang uncorrected at your knees
Boners twice a month if you're lucky
And dribble-chin porridge and peas
But you can still bust a double horizontal
If you can deal with the visual
Of bare, ashen bits among the wrinkles
Take a whiff of that, gov'ner
So chin up, boyo. Fuck Matthew Arnold. As you can see, age has nothing to do with the ol' ability to spread 'em. I've taken the liberty, and I hope you don't mind. She'll be at your place tonight between 6:15-6:30, but she can't stay out too late because her cats expect her back by 9.
User Reviews
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2008-04-24 00:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This review is TOO funny-- http://www.ubersite.com/m/116285#2697005
Happy belated, Redskieslooksomewherearoundthirty.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2008-04-24 00:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-04-22 17:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You bunch of cunts.
27.
____________________
True. I mean, that's what his myspace page says, so...
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2008-04-23 16:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYY BIRFDAY TO JAKEY!
get crunked, or some such thing as that
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I bet your mom feels dumb now.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:18:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My mum shared a flat in london with the guitarist (Freddy?) and had to move out because she thought the cops were going to knock on the door at any moment.. 2 stories of note:
1. Lemmy still owes mum 10 pounds.
2. Mum yelled at lemmy to get a life cos Motorhead were never gonna make it big, considering they spent their entire lives doing speed and fighting.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And additionally, I was trying to be kind in the post above but Jake is really 31, not 30.
Even though he's not from the US I'm signing him up for the AARP newsletter.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:07:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-04-23 06:41:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-04-23 04:10:37 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am the one, Orgasmatron, the outstretched grasping hand
My image is of agony, my servants rape the land
Obsequies and arrogant, clandestine and vain
Two thousand years of misery, of torture in my name
Hypocrisy made paramount, paranoia the law
My name is called religion, sadistic sacred whore
----
very good
---
The use of "clandestine" in this song is just ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure Lemmy got blotto and started flipping through a thesaurus.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-04-23 06:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
four your perusal: http://www.ubersite.com/m/116239
....and happy b-day red
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-04-23 06:41:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-04-23 04:10:37 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am the one, Orgasmatron, the outstretched grasping hand
My image is of agony, my servants rape the land
Obsequies and arrogant, clandestine and vain
Two thousand years of misery, of torture in my name
Hypocrisy made paramount, paranoia the law
My name is called religion, sadistic sacred whore
----
very good
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-23 06:28:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday Fakey!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-23 05:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit he's 30? I can't believe it.
I was just round his house a few months ago. It's hard to accept, you know?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-23 04:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy birfday red.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-04-23 02:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
w000?
Yes, woooo.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-23 01:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Happy Bday Red.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-04-22 23:10:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am the one, Orgasmatron, the outstretched grasping hand
My image is of agony, my servants rape the land
Obsequies and arrogant, clandestine and vain
Two thousand years of misery, of torture in my name
Hypocrisy made paramount, paranoia the law
My name is called religion, sadistic sacred whore
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-22 22:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
happy birthday fuckwit. I tried to buy you AIDS off ebay but berty insisted I pay the postage even though he could just give it to you next time you two fags felch. So fuck him. well...you can.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-04-22 22:24:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
also, happy b-day old man.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-04-22 22:23:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
he's one of the only people around here i genuinely like.
so +2, obv.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-04-22 22:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO FLYERS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-22 19:57:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And yet he still has to grow a chest.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-04-22 19:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MEGATRON
MEGATRON
MEGATRON
MEGATRON
MEGATRON
MEGATRON
MEGATRON
MEGATRON
MEGATRON
MEGATRON
MEGATRON
MEGATRON
MEGATRON
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-04-22 19:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See?
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-04-22 19:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OLD BASTARD
Sorry, I'm -2'ing because i'm drunk. Expect a +2 to counteract NOW
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-04-22 18:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, has feety cut the cord yet, or is he still on Sac's leash? Inquiring minds and all that.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-04-22 18:41:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought the emo types generally offed themselves when they reached 25 and realized that nobody actually cares about them?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-04-22 17:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
but thank you every one
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-04-22 17:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You bunch of cunts.
27.
Honest
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-22 17:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who the fuck are you talking about
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-04-22 17:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah 30. My friends tell me I had a really good time at my 30th bday party.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:57:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday... your getting closer to my age : )
And this was funny :
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:41:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Math for poets?" That's about as useful as "Compassion for Uberers."
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:41:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Math for poets?" That's about as useful as "Compassion for Uberers."
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:35:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's the only class I ever failed, and I failed majestically.
The prof told me I wouldn't pass even if I got an A on the final, so I skated it off and just skipped that bitch. Took a 'math for poets' course the next semester writing reports on mathematicians and such.
College. What a stupid place.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:35:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Whatever. It's not like I failed calculus or anything.
(I did.)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
That IS true...Good point.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:31:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Farking English majors.
0-10 = first
11-20 = second
21=30 = third
30-xxx = FOURTH DECADE
:)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
He's pretty much a woman, Shlongy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1) How would you know this?
2) Why would you post about this?
c) Why should I give a shit?
Next time, you may want to consider saving your birthday tribute post for a broad, Orgasmo.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How could you possibly give the man a "+0" on a day like this.
Heartless spastic.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He has got 39 more years to live. I don't know fuck all about his habits or his family medical history, but have seen enough english TV/movies to make educated guesses.
http://moneycentral.msn.com/investor/calcs/n_expect/main.asp
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear LARP-EEEEEEEEEEEEE, happy birthday to you.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Additionally, please feel free to make online donations to www.redskieslooklikeoldballs.com
All proceeds will help ensure that the chap gets himself set up at a swank males-only retirement club.
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE RED....
Kinda
GO HABS GOOOO
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday,Jake.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-04-22 16:00:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
larrggghhlhaaa
milk is for babies
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-04-22 15:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday.
http://www.alzstore.com/?gclid=CMHB0Yy675ICFRUvlgod91hF3w