The Bridge at Dusk (860 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.94 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tiger Lilly (View user info) at 2008-03-05 19:51:37 EST
Sitting in bed she licked and sealed the last and fifth envelope and wrote down the days events on the last page of her latest journal. She placed the five letters and journal on the nightstand and set her alarm clock for 7:30 AM. It was 10:20 PM and she turned out the light. It was the middle of June - her window ajar, off in the distance she could hear the big trucks pass over the bridge as she did every night during the warm summer months. The familiar sounds oddly soothed her and she closed her eyes and drifted off to the sandy beach oasis she would go to every night.
She fell asleep.
She awoke to her alarm buzzing in her ear at 7:30 AM. Her day started just like every other day. She woke up and let her dog Jones outside to run around and do his duty. She made her bed and brushed her teeth. Took a shower and got dressed. Let her dog in and watered her flowers. She made a cup of instant coffee and toasted and buttered a bagel.
Sitting at her kitchen table gazing out the window the sun was opening his eyes, peaking over the rolling hills creating a mixture of beautiful red and orange rays of light. One faint twinkling star could be seen off in the distance fading out as dawn became day.
A few minutes later the sun was awake and shining as clouds drifted in from the west. One cloud resembled an hourglass, the other a bird or perhaps an angel. This was her morning ritual and it never altered.
Twenty minutes later she washed her matching coffee cup and plate and placed them on the rack to the right of the sink to dry.
Back in her bedroom she grabbed the letters which were addressed by first name only, reached under the bed and pulled out an old Converse shoe box. She placed all five letters along with her completed journal into the shoe box and headed towards the door.
Grabbing her car keys off the oak dresser in one hand, she balanced the shoe box on her other while glancing at her reflection in the mirror. She put down the keys and box on the vanity and opened the dresser drawer, pulled out a brown eyeliner and lip gloss. She attended to herself, placed the items back into the drawer, grabbed the box and keys and walked back into the kitchen.
Looking around the kitchen, everything seemed to be in place. She hated leaving the house untidy. She kissed her dog on his head, put the keys in the box and opened the door.
Moments later, in the 1975 Volkswagen Bug her grandfather gave her she backed out of the driveway, the Converse box on the seat next to her. The first stop was the public library. She had books on velocity and speed along with a video to return.
Dropping the rental items into the drop box she mentally went over her list of to-do's for the day. Next up, the pet store. Jones needed food and she wanted to buy him a rawhide bone to chew on. She drove across the quaint New England town to the local pet supply store. The owner Jack had always been friendly with her. He and his wife opened up the store several years back and every time she would pick up dog food they would make small talk about the weather or local politics. Sometimes they would talk about Jones. On this day they talked about the weather.
She carried the large bag of dog food and rawhide bone to the car and put them both in the back seat.
Back on Main Street, she stopped at Jim's Gas Station. She filled the bug up with gas, cleaned off the windows, bought a Snickers Bar and ice tea, paid the clerk and drove away towards Vinny's Nursery. Her mother loved cacti and recently received a promotion so she wanted to surprise her with a congratulatory cactus.
Walking into to Vinny's she was overwhelmed with the smell of flowers. She loved the smell of flowers and could get lost walking through the rows of Hydrangea's and Chrysanthemums. She found a Daisy on the cement floor with a broken stem. Picking up the Daisy she closed her eyes and inhaled the smell of the flower and then placed it behind her ear.
Two hours later she left Vinny's with her mother's gift in tote. It was now a little past noon and she was hungry. She pulled into the local deli and ordered a turkey, lettuce and tomato sandwich with mustard on rye, paid for the sandwich, ate it in her car and washed it down with the ice tea she had bought earlier. In the car she watched people walk by. Some she recognized. Some she didn't. She grabbed one of her diaries and began reading.
"Dear Diary, Dec. 11 2002
Today was an ok day. Mom and I got into another fight. God I hate her boyfriend. He is such an asshole. He always looks at me as if he is undressing me with his eyes and I don't trust him around my little sister Meg. He just gives off this creepy vibe. He is usually why mom and I fight. That and because I don't want to go to college. I wish she would meet someone nice. She goes from one shitty boyfriend to another. I miss my dad. It was four years ago last month that he was in the car accident.
Spoke to Sammi today. She fears she's prego. I told her to buy a damn pregnancy test. I wonder if she did?
Lets see, what else?? Oh, I got a B+ on my Chem final. That was pretty exciting. I can't wait to finish school and all this bullshit. Get my own apartment. Get a job. Start my life.
I have no money to buy Christmas presents. I suck. Maybe I'll rob a bank.
Goodnight - Me
P.S. Roger flirted with me again today. I'm like, so in love with him. Just thinking about him makes me wet down there and I can feel it between my legs. Is that normal? Sammi say's it is but what the hell does she know? She's probably pregnant.
Night."
She placed the diary back in the box and laughed at how important things seemed back in those days. She started up the car and drove off towards the post office. Rent was due in a week and she was never late paying her bills despite how little money she had.
By the time she reached the post office and mailed her rent it was a quarter past three. She still had two more stops to make. She got on the highway and drove to her mother's house to drop off the cactus. No one would be there at this time and forty-five minutes later she pulled into the driveway and dropped off the plant along with the envelope with 'Mom' written on the front.
Back on the highway the sun was beginning to drop. She knew by the time she got back to town the sun would be setting. Her last stop was the bridge to watch the sunset like she did many times before.
Once on the bridge she pulled over, turned on her hazard lights and got out of the car. She loved this time of day. It reminded her of her father and when she was a little girl. He would take her to the beach to watch the sunset and the boats.
Approaching the side of the bridge, she noticed a boat off in the distance as she stepped on the small rail. Looking down at the water she saw a seagull fly under the bridge.
Ten minutes later the cops found her car. Inside were envelops with names written on the front. Later they would discover these notes were left for friends and family members. She wanted her sister Meg to take car of Jones. There were also diaries numbered 1-5 along with dog food a snickers wrapper and an empty ice tea bottle.
She jumped with the 6th diary.
They found her body the next morning.
User Reviews
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-03-13 09:28:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For reminding me I need to pick up some dog food.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-03-06 23:40:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:01:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please do more actual writing. I like your 5 questions gig, but I think you will be a good writer with a little practice. Thanks for posting this story.
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See, advice I can take. Assholeness I can't. Thanks for the advice.
I really enjoy writing I just don't do enough of it. Thanks for the vote of confidence though.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-03-06 18:29:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-03-06 18:22:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:08:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-03-06 10:15:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess in my mind when writing it I thought it to be more about how she handled all the loose ends in her life i.e. paying bills, cleaning her house etc. , knowing full well she was going to jump of a bridge.
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I saw that, and I saw that she missed her father too. There just wasn't enough...I dunno, tension maybe?... before the jump.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-03-06 16:01:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it when anyone posts serious writing. Good job.
"...the sun was opening his eyes, peaking over the rolling hills ..."
Peaking is rising to the top of something. Peeking is what a child does from behind hands, or around a corner (not being an asshole, just giving advice).
Please do more actual writing. I like your 5 questions gig, but I think you will be a good writer with a little practice. Thanks for posting this story.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-03-06 15:49:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-06 12:24:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This may not be entirely accurate but I read that some guy set a camera up around the base of the golden gate bridge and witnessed somewhere in the neighborhood of 77 suicides. What fun! I'm fairly certain that when reading this article I learned that jumping from the golden gate bridge is 98% successful. Anyone want to find this info and substantiate this for me? Kthanks
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Check youtube. They made a documentary about it, including some survivor internveiws.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-03-06 12:24:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This may not be entirely accurate but I read that some guy set a camera up around the base of the golden gate bridge and witnessed somewhere in the neighborhood of 77 suicides. What fun! I'm fairly certain that when reading this article I learned that jumping from the golden gate bridge is 98% successful. Anyone want to find this info and substantiate this for me? Kthanks
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-03-06 10:50:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As I read your last response, you should definately do a follow up on all this.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-03-06 10:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm glad she is dead. Who the fuck eats a Snickers with ice tea?!? Blech.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-03-06 10:15:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess in my mind when writing it I thought it to be more about how she handled all the loose ends in her life i.e. paying bills, cleaning her house etc. , knowing full well she was going to jump of a bridge.
And, this is based on a true story.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-03-06 09:17:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
well written and all but in the end this seems to be more vanilla than vanilla. i mean vanilla has a great flavor and smell but this, this is just plain. like plain yogurt. it's just empty and devoid of flavor.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-06 03:14:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-03-06 03:14:50 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
not very good. I wouldn't -2 this just out of effort.
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Agreed. I can see what you tried to do here, but it ended up very long and drawn out. By the time the end came, I wanted to push her off the bloody bridge myself.
Also, ignore any 'why did she do it' comments. As long as you hint at an explanation, you don't have to spell it out to the reader. I think you did that.
I had a go at a similar topic http://www.ubersite.com/m/112696
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-03-05 22:24:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFx-PyjgwJA
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-03-05 22:14:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
not very good. I wouldn't -2 this just out of effort.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-03-05 21:16:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
She booted up her computer.
She opened her browser.
She typed pure drivel.
She posted it on a SERIOUS WRITERS FORUM.
He vomited and swore never to click on one of her posts again. Until the next time....
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-05 20:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
It was boring, it never said why she jumped, a real waste of my time.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-03-05 20:50:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I appreciate you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-03-05 20:48:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I sure hope she showed some hole before she jumped.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-03-05 20:09:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Her father. Life.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-05 20:02:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nothing happened and then she killed herself. It was a nice "slice of life" piece but if she's going to jump, I want to know why.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-05 20:00:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
meh. Not bad. A killing spree before the suicide would have been nice, but you can't always get what you want.