People who make me hate video games (768 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.57 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Han Solo <helrzr.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2008-03-03 22:13:21 EST
Before I start on this rant I think you should all know that I LOVE video games. Xbox, PS, Wii, NES, DreamCast - whatever, I'm down to play man. I was born with them and I'll die with them. And I enjoy good competition as well; it gets old stomping the computers ass on Ultra Hard after a while. There's nothing like a good slayer match or Tekken team battle that comes down to the wire, it's great. I also like some good shit talking while the game is happening, such as: Dude, what does it feel like to have your ass kicked by a 14 year old Chinese girl? Or: Hey man, just in case you didn't know; the 'x' button is the gas. It's all in good clean fun.
But sometimes you get that little cock who doesn't know when to STFU. Generally, these people tend to be 15 year old ass-hats who have nothing better to do than sit around and become demi-gods on Pokémon. I meet someone a little older than that last night who had this affliction.
We started out playing Guitar Hero, and I told him going into it that I sucked at that game. It's not that I don't like it; it's just that I don't OWN it. Every time I play against someone who does, they take my ass to school. And I don't have a problem with that; if you put the time in to be that good, you deserve to win. But stop talking shit after the game is over dude, there's no reason to relive your glory when we're outside smoking a cig 20 minutes later. Just like there's no reason to repeatedly ask me "Who do you think is going to win this?" EVERY FUCKING TIME YOU PLAY SOMEONE. I don't know who's going win! Play the fucking game and find out douche. Your Guitar Hero skills mean jack-shit to me in my day to day life, I don't sit up late at night figuring up odds on your next jam off.
After he pissed everyone off at GH we moved on to HALO 3. Now, I'd never played this game before last night. However, I've been known to kick my fair share of dicks in whilst playing HALO 2. So I figure this can't be TOO different right? Well, I was assured that it wasn't. The controls are exactly the same, they said. They lied. If you don't play you may not understand how much it can fuck you up to have the reload or weapon switch buttons moved around on you. If you DO play then you can understand my frustration at constantly running out of ammo and not being able to pick new weapons. For the first 10 minutes I'm running around with the machine gun they start you out with and he's pounding the holy fuck out me with some futuristic war hammer from hell. And the whole time he's talking the same tired shit: "Oh, I got you fag!" "You're such a bitch!" etc. I did get a few kills in, but not nearly enough to satisfy the blood lust I held for this fuck-faced schmuck. When the score was about 5-14 (his up) I figured out how to pick up weapons and really started to master the new control layout, then I started catching up. At this point I started talking shit: "Why are running away? I thought you weren't scared, but it looks like you are." "Come back, I only want to talk to you!"(As I unload dual machine pistols into his back) "High score? What's THAT mean? Did I break it?" At this point I'm getting 2-3 kills for his 1, which (imho) is amazing considering that I've never seen the level we're playing on and he's looking at my screen while attempting to set up ambushes. Even HIS friends were trying to help me by screaming whenever he was trying to blindside me, you KNOW you're acting like a total cock when your friends are helping someone they meet 2 days ago at your expense. I knew that I wasn't going to win, he just had too much of a head start on me when I finally figured out how to dance this ballet of death without falling down. It ended up being 19-25 in the end. But it was SOOO satisfying to watch him sweat those last few kills. I could see in his eyes that he KNEW I was better than he was and that if I had known this level a little better, I would've made him cry like a Girl Scout. So I'm going to buy HALO 3 with my next check and practice my ass off just to shove a plasma rifle down this fucks' throat.
The moral of the story here, kids, is that you shouldn't talk excessive shit to someone who has never played a game that you are good at. If you're on the same skill level as your opponent, then by all means, talk shit until the FCC shows up to fine you. But if you're an expert and you're playing a n00b, cut him some fucking slack man. Otherwise you just end up looking like a semen drenched fag turd in front of your friends.
User Reviews
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-03-19 23:34:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I sort of miss mistress fist.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-08 14:09:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great rant despite the lack of paragraphs. I understand your agony, but since I kick ass at most videogames (made by Microsoft) that it isn't a problem, I just don't like annoying little bitches who whine when they die.
Submitted by TheBrad (user info) at 2008-03-08 13:01:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Mistress Fist and her five twisted sisters"
That friggin killed me.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-03-05 16:00:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
For the first 10 minutes I'm running around with the machine gun they start you out with and he's pounding the holy fuck out me with some futuristic war hammer from hell
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I know exactly what your talking about.
The boom stick.
ahh.
Good ole boomy.
As for faggots that beat you at games, sticky gernades.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-04 09:09:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-04 04:54:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well at least they're my babies Berty. Why so angsty today?
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It's payroll cut off and I am extreemly busy.
Well no, busy is the wrong word. I'm not actually busy. I'm just under a lot of preassure.
Submitted by 8bithero (user info) at 2008-03-04 08:04:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU make me hate video games.
Why? Because you put any stock into them. They are just fucking games.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-04 04:54:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well at least they're my babies Berty. Why so angsty today?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-04 04:49:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-04 04:24:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
umm? This was surreal. You are trying to complain about a whiny 15-16 yr old child getting all pissy with you whilst playing a video game, something which you admitted you do to people all the time when you play. that seems wrong and sour grape like to me.
We best not go into what you are doing playing with young boys in the first place.
I dont like to offer advice but if I was to do so I would suggest that instead of wasting your pay 'cheque' on a video game that will ensure that your dick only gets to play with Mistress Fist and her five twisted sisters for the indefinate future. Why not go out and enjoy some 'outside' time. The benefits are amazing, your skin will clear up, you will probably start smelling fresher, the oposite or the same sex depending on your preference will start to find you more attractive and life will take on a rosier glow.
Failing that just go spend the money on a whore so that you can see what you are missing.
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Shut up Drogo. You smell of babies.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-03-04 04:24:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
umm? This was surreal. You are trying to complain about a whiny 15-16 yr old child getting all pissy with you whilst playing a video game, something which you admitted you do to people all the time when you play. that seems wrong and sour grape like to me.
We best not go into what you are doing playing with young boys in the first place.
I dont like to offer advice but if I was to do so I would suggest that instead of wasting your pay 'cheque' on a video game that will ensure that your dick only gets to play with Mistress Fist and her five twisted sisters for the indefinate future. Why not go out and enjoy some 'outside' time. The benefits are amazing, your skin will clear up, you will probably start smelling fresher, the oposite or the same sex depending on your preference will start to find you more attractive and life will take on a rosier glow.
Failing that just go spend the money on a whore so that you can see what you are missing.
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-03-03 23:58:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"...and then I logged off because mom told me supper was ready. <3 x box live."
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-03-03 23:28:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
The score was 5 to 14. Then you started getting 2 - 3 kills for every one of his? At that rate, you should have beaten him 25 to 22. Do the math. Your actual kill ratio from that point forward was only 1.27 to 1, half of your claimed 2.5 to 1. You suck even worse than you care to admit.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-03-03 23:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You managed to make me -2 a post I agreed with. I don't like people who act like this. That said, your post came off whiny.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-03-03 23:03:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
How does it take you any longer than two minutes to figure out the controls for a first person shooter?
Halo even gives you the option to both look at, and set the controls before, during, and after play.
Even if it did take you a while to learn the controls, you should be able to evade basic fire in the mean time. Some things, like grenades and ammunition pick up without user interaction.
You suck.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2008-03-03 22:27:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
imho you deserve a -2 for using "imho".
But I'm a nice kind of fella. I'll let the other guys here take a shit down your neck for me.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-03-03 22:25:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-03-03 22:16:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stfu noob.
you got beat and didnt like it. i bet youre a real saint when you win.
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I did have a well thought out response to this. Then I realized your handle IS A FUCKING CHEAT CODE. So arguing the point would be like screaming at a tree.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-03-03 22:17:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Um..
seriously?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-03-03 22:16:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stfu noob.
you got beat and didnt like it. i bet youre a real saint when you win.