Ubertines 08: Curry Hurry (1031 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryLabels: ubertines08
Rating: 1.45 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2008-02-28 19:09:07 EST
Baby
I miss you already
Baby
I miss you so bad
I didn't know to expect you
I didn't know what to think
When I felt my tummy go ouch ouch ouch
And my vater broke by the sink
I thought "It's probably just gas, Shakralam"
Or maybe something to do with the tandoor
But nope, I was wrong
So wery wery wrong
Because after I popped a squat
And hoped for vind I saw
Blood and mucus and you on the floor
O cursed national transit system bathroom
How simple and adequate, how toilet free
The hole in the ground, the second wagin to pass
The gaping second mother that took you from me
I blacked out, I did not have time to bite the cord
But lo, for the taste of placenta I yearn
Because that means you came slopping out still attached
And gravity and the dirty undercarriage of the train
With teeth of wiolent rusty Hindu heavy metal
Had to accomplish what scissors
Or at the wery least my incisors
Could not
O sweet Boo-Da-Doo Singh
O tragic son Wishnu protect
You laid there longtime, screaming and afraid
Wearing my insides as a coat
And I wish I had been there to love you
I vish I had known that you'd gone avay
For I'd have crawled down that poop chute
And place where men make lemonade
To find you and wrap you in my sari
Sorry, so so sorry
Baby, my love
I heart you so vucking bad
You are my heart and I heart you
So wery wery bad
I hope you live long enough to forgive me
If you do I promise I will never ever
Lose you down a toilet hole again
Inches above the hurtling, crunch-crunch earth
O babbage you are my sveet weary love
Wery love, wery bad.
User Reviews
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-03 21:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2008-04-03 20:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I still love you, Orgasmatron.
---
BEEF.
Drinks. Next week.
Snark! You sandbaggin' son of a bitch. Are you trolling around here somewhere?
Been far too long.
IVAN....
HO!
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2008-04-03 20:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I still love you, Orgasmatron.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-03-02 21:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-02-29 10:57:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The love of a child is just as valid, if not more so, as the love of another.
Consider this "Baby's First Walentine."
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-29 10:08:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The shot heard 'round the world.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-29 10:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DAMN
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-02-29 08:32:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-29 05:18:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Hindu heavy metal" saved it really. Sorry, I'm just not a fan of poems on Uber.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-28 22:17:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Greatness takes a physical form in this post.
I love fark too, BTW. Most entertaining shit on the web, imo.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-28 20:08:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-28 19:26:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw that story earlier today. Awesome use of current events.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-28 19:23:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...
You actually did it.
I thought I was a badass for c-sectioning out 7 weeks early at 3 1/2 lbs. This baby one-upped me.
Wery dopical.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-02-28 19:09:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/02/28/wtoilet128.xml
Read it. Live it. Love it.