Ubertines Round 2 '08 - 'Love is... Saturday (1894 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.88 on 82 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orphelia (View user info) at 2008-02-19 19:28:47 EST
Love is... Saturday
"Every child is a feather on the white wing of the Universe..."
8am
I am feeding baby Alfie on my bed. My eldest child, Jake, stumbles through the doorway and flops down on the bed next to us, one eye open the other stll plastered shut with sleep, his hair in crazy, random spikes.
All three of us quietly watch Sponge Bob Square Pants on the small bedroom TV, snuggled under the duvet.
Alfie slips back into his carefree slumber, still cradled in my arms. I draw his fragile body closer to my chest. He smells of ripe peaches and sour cream.
8.30am
Downstairs for braekfast. I sit both children at the kitchen table. We plan our day as I make soft boiled eggs, toast soldiers and a pot of tea. Jake asks for cola.
"Fizzy pop before midday makes your tummy explode," I tell him. With a little more convincing, he believes me.
The radio is playing softly in the background. The DJ plays Greenday, American Idiot. Jake and I begin to mosh around the room, cranking up the volume to maximum. Baby laughs at us, clapping his hands at the spectacle.
9am
Bathing the kids together, I watch as they play with the mountains of sparkling bubbles, spreading the foam over their faces and hair. Jake pretends to be Santa Claus, it is a well rehearsed impression, I laugh anyway. We work out how many days until Christmas, despite us celebrating the last one only three months ago.
10.15am
Everyone piles into my rickety old car. Jake calls it 'the biscuit tin on wheels'. I pack the hamper I prepared the night before, and the buggy, into the boot.
As were approach our destination, my passengers anticipation rises, gleeful giggles of excitement drift from the backseat.
10.25am
Walking around the wooded gardens, the frosted earth is still crisp beneath our feet. Bluebells and snowdrops carpet the forest floor in violet and cream.
Jake spots a squirrel scampering across the path and up a nearby tree. He gives chase, waving his 'lightsaber' stick but is outrun by the grey, bushy tailed rodent.
We spot a robin on the branch of an old oak.
I tell them both to be quiet and still. "Shush and we might see some bunnies". We see two.
12pm
The play area is greeted with cheers of delight.
I push Alfie on the swng as high as I dare whilst Jake tackles the assault course. We applaud him as he completes it in record time.
He then spins Alfie and myself on the roundabout. I grasp tightly to both baby and the rail. The dizziness soon makes me feel unsteady and I implore Jake to stop, bribing him with extra pocket money. Minutes after we have come to a standstill, our eyes are still revolving in their sockets like rolled marbles.
Jake reaches for the football in the buggy basket and the 'Match of the Century' begins. I score 8 goals, Jake scores 15.
"I let you win!" I am smiling.
Jake laughs. "No way mum!"
"Really!" I insist.
1.15pm
Back at the car, I get out an old, checkered blanket and spread it across the damp grass. Stuffing our faces with sausage rolls and tuna sandwiches we listen to the birdsong. Somewhere in the distance we hear a woodpecker, tapping frantically at a tree.
The fresh air has given us an appetite we can't seem to satisfy. We end our meal with fairy cakes and wash it down with beakers of pineapple squash.
2pm
The three of us take our crusts as offerings to the ducks. At the lake, a pair of over zealous swans snap chunks of bread from Jakes hand, before I can warn him to be careful, one bites his finger and the shock makes him cry a little. I soothe him, but aware he is being watched by other children, bravado kicks in and he pushes me away, wiping his tears with his sleeve.
I'd forgotten being seven is tough.
Soon, we are surrounded by a menacing gang of Canada geese, we are out of bread and they are baying for our blood. The situation is declared 'Code Red' and we hurriedly formulate a plan. I will distract them by throwing pieces of an old tissue from my coat pocket as the eldest child makes a dash with the pushchair to safety. We are glad Alfie is asleep. He is oblivious to the desperate peril we face. The plot works and we survive. Only just.
4pm
Heading home in the car again, I glance in the mirror to see both kids eyes are slowly drooping. Within moments the motion of the vehicle has lulled them to sleep. I put on a CD and listen to the Eagles as I drive along winding country lanes and through the darkening streets.
5.45pm
We decide to order pizza and watch a movie. My half of the pizza is 'Vegetable Supreme', Jake selects 'Meat Feast'. I tell him if any meat is on my side of the pizza I won't eat it and he will have to consume it all entirely by himself - mushrooms and all. He responds by calling me mardy.
A debate on which film we will view begins. I fancy 'Bedknobs and Broomsticks' or 'Jungle Book' but both of these choices are dismissed as 'girly' and we settle on 'Labyrinth'.
7.35pm
As I pour the thick, gloopy liquid from the lilac bottle, the soothing scent of lavender fills the humid air, mingling with the rising spirals of steam. Bath time again, and the pair relax in the tub. Jake requests a story, so I read to them 'The Happy Prince' by Oscar Wilde. It is one of Jakes favourites and despite knowing the outcome of the tale, we are still sad as the swallow dies.
8.10pm
Dressed in their soft pyjamas and wrapped in fleecy blankets, Jake and Alfie peek out from behind their quilts. Alfies is royal blue, embossed with green trains, yellow taxis and red double decker buses. Jakes is black and grey and features a print of skulls and guitars.
Chatting about our day, Alfie drains the last of his warmed milk from the bottle nestled in his tiny fists. He is asleep within seconds, a deep and peaceful slumber I have not experienced in years.
Jake, his eyelids heavy and his breathing regular, reaches his arms out to me for a cuddle and as I scoop him into a hug he whispers "I love you, Mummy, but you did lose the game of footy".
I kiss each child on the forehead, their skin tastes like bitter almonds.
9pm
In the sitting room, I sit alone and stare at the fire, listening to the coals crackle and pop, watching the thick, black smoke dance and whirl as it escapes up the chimney.
I think to myself how lucky I am and how extraordinarily happy these two little people make me feel.
My heart is as warm as the glowing orange coals as I too, close my eyes and surrender myself to sleep.
Love most definitely Saturday.
"Of course I love them, they are my children.
That is my daughter and this is my son.
And this is my life I give them to please them.
It has never been used. Keep it safe. Pass it on."
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-11-19 13:14:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-10 10:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for your invaluable contribution to http://www.ubersite.com/m/116067
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-03-26 13:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awww, that's sweet.
duvet. what a silly word.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-12 21:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It was pretty good but compared to some other ubertines entries, this was boring and just a bit of fluff.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-03-12 15:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
see what I missed!!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-12 12:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-20 14:23:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was rather delightful.
Cute kid. Gigantic picture.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-03-11 12:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy huge picture batman!!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-04 17:53:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who ever you are, and you know who you are, you got the better of me.
Way to mess with a sweet pregnant lady. Weirdo. Coward. Cunt.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 19:02:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 19:02:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lowered
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-29 18:43:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So you are Linus?
*confusion, confusion*
You nOObs are odd. Said the nOOb.
Nope, I have no alters.
says the alter.
thats not an alter.
which would make me an alter of an alter to an alter....
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-02-29 12:18:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cute kid too :)
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-02-29 12:12:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aaargh!
+2! +2!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-02-29 12:09:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-02-29 12:09:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Aw thanks! You're my favourite now.
Have a good weekend x
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-27 17:46:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks. Have kids, every day is carefree.
I just had to drop out of Ubertines 'cos I ain't got time to write. Kids, eh!
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-02-27 17:42:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really nice. I miss carefree days in the park : (
Submitted by Konerak (user info) at 2008-02-26 08:53:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, yes!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-02-22 21:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
British people are weird.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-22 19:19:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is very sweet.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-02-22 16:15:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 life-size child picture.
Submitted by Little_Sally (user info) at 2008-02-21 18:45:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and yes, we know we are into round three.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-21 18:33:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh shit i meant to plus two this
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-21 18:23:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Baying for blood. It happens.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-21 16:56:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait, you already know you are through to round 3? But voting isn't over yet? I heard this was rigged but I call FIX! And i was such a fan of your work, too. It had all the elements good writing takes - suspense, drama, intrigue, sex, MURDER. I stll <3 you though, beeltea. Even if you are clearly bedding someone on the organisation team.
In other news, I can't wait for wardy to submit and blow this post to pieces. My money was on wardy from the start.
Also, I just joined myspace and have a total of one friend. I feel as sad and as lonely as the neighbors shed that just burned down.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-21 15:12:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-21 06:17:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That is indeed, a rip off on an epic scale.
Anyway, I rate beeltea a +2 for this entry. I am all for horny. Good luck in round 3!
---
you too. i'm going to need it. my third round opponent is no lightweight.
UBERTINES!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-21 12:05:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The dead dog posts annoyed me but as cheesy as this is it is real life. Nothing about it, except one child saying I love you, leans towards sentiment. But what does my opinion matter? NOT A FUCKING LOT.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-02-21 11:54:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i didn't mean someone would recognize your adorable spawn i was applying the old pearls before swine argument and all that but perhaps you disagree as to the value of the web site so we'll just part company there but as to the other point the story seemed like those dead dog posts just cheap sentimentality and all that and if you want my opinion those other mums at the park are scandalous whores to speak of absent mothers in such a way you would do well to avoid them but as you enjoy ubersite so much i don't think that advice will go over well so do as you like it's just my opinion you daft cunt
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-21 07:09:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you Drogo. Nice to see you about.
Cheeri and bigger kiss back :)
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-02-21 06:54:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cute Bambino Orphelia. Nice day too.
Cheerio (Big Kiss)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-21 03:37:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You kid is cute but this story is bullshit and pedestrian at best.
Why anyone would want a picture of their CHILD posted on this toilet is beyond me but you go girl.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh dear. Isn't your high horse tired today?
It is a baby picture, already he looks nothing like that, you are not gonna walk past him in the street and say 'OMG, orphelias kid!'
Note I didn't post a pic of the older kid who is much more grown up and who would be easily identified by the millions of people who view this post haha.
So far, not one person has said anything horrid about my babys looks and even if they did it wouldn't be as nasty as the bitches down at play group - as soom as a mum and kid leave it's all 'OMG isn't that kid fat' or 'haha what an ugly baby'.
I do not see how the story is bullshit either. These things all happen, just the best bits of many days. I read to my kids every night when they have bedtime bath, I even play my guitar and sing badly to them when they are in bed (beatles,blackbird is a fave) My life is cheesy like that, as is any parents.
:)
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-02-20 19:58:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
John McCain was schtupping a lobbyist during his 2000 run for President!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
President Obama baby!
+2s all around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In related news, Bill Clinton urges no "rush to judgment."
You kid is cute but this story is bullshit and pedestrian at best.
Why anyone would want a picture of their CHILD posted on this toilet is beyond me but you go girl.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-02-20 16:18:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
not my cup o tea but still good
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-02-20 16:00:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i was going to say
good story, very heartwarming, now show us your tits...
but after seeing a super sized small innocent child's fowtow on the bottom of it all,
it just doesn't seem appropriate.
so next time...
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-02-20 15:52:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cute kids are the new dead dogs.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-20 14:23:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was rather delightful.
Cute kid. Gigantic picture.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-20 14:15:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Croissants are not gay just very french.
I have crumpets.
Both kids are extremely happy. Childhoods should be happy.
Salad is a bit gay, by the way. I think salad is bisexual.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-02-20 14:09:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a Memphian ? +2 for that word alone...
I do eat 2 (deux) croissants for breakfast every day.
That's kinda gay, i think.
<3 that kid, he's looking so happy.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-20 14:03:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah sweet orphelia, but you see, *I* was not the one eating the aforementioned soufflé, thankfully. That would be my cohort in crime here at work. I had a Memphian for lunch...ham, turkey, roast beef, cheese, lettuce, and tomato on wheat bread. Manly AND delicious.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-20 13:55:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AUBERGINE! You crazy Yanks with your crazy food names. And it is courgette, not zucchini.
Souffle is prety gay. Go eat steak, rare, and man up! :)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-20 13:46:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-02-20 12:18:26 CST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-02-20 13:15:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe rorrims gay hehehe
i'm just having goulash for dinner. How gay can that be ?
--------------
Not NEAR as gay as eggplant soufflé for lunch, I'm afraid.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-20 13:29:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well you can plant two lips around my cock, you filthy mutt.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-02-20 13:25:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cute kid pollutin' up da earf.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-02-20 13:22:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh rorrim go rate all my posts ever and you will become as straight as a ruler. Orphelia shut ya gob ;)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-20 13:18:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Em, I think it was a dutch reference, you know tulips.
I have a very pretty garden, I am proud. The gardener works very hard keeping it neat hehe
I wish.
Enjoy your goulash, rorrim.
Em, behave!:)
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-02-20 13:18:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-02-20 13:15:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe rorrims gay hehehe
i'm just having goulash for dinner. How gay can that be ?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-02-20 13:15:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe rorrims gay hehehe
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-02-20 13:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No problem to +2 this...thank you for sharing a day.
I also like your purple (or are they pink?) tulips.
Bon apetit! Je mange goulash ce soir.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-02-20 13:10:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have kids? Riiiiiiight...and I'm in a band.
hmph!
:-) Well done!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-02-20 13:10:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good, I imagine you are a very good mum and that's the most important role in life.
Submitted by BlazinBull (user info) at 2008-02-20 12:39:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-20 11:23:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't read it, just following through on a promise
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-02-20 10:56:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-02-20 10:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
broke my little sad punk heart to see loopdeloo all upset over that, now no need for him to fret.
============================
I am not a him. I am a her. I am pretty upset though :(
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-02-20 10:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
broke my little sad punk heart to see loopdeloo all upset over that, now no need for him to fret.
Submitted by blueboy (user info) at 2008-02-20 10:41:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
happy?
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-02-20 10:21:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn it I feel like an ass!
How can I make this up to you?
I really feel like a jerk.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-20 09:59:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I had an uber streak if only for a few hours.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-20 09:46:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
:*(
Nevermind.
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-02-20 09:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry once again!
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-02-20 09:39:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So sorry.
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-02-20 09:39:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry.
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-02-20 09:39:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-19 19:33:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well everyone says he is big for his age!
=====================
Cute story. And the above made me laugh like a crazy person this morning! :)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-20 09:05:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"They" say that the best stories are rooted in personal experience. Certainly a prime example of that principle. Well written.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-02-20 08:11:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh alright
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-20 07:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please tell me why our son only has one sock on, slut.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-02-20 06:20:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwwwww...
You sound like a good mother.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-02-20 05:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brill.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-02-20 04:12:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww....
I love tuna.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-02-20 01:15:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i enjoyed this, although i was expecting something horrific to happen at the end
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-02-19 23:38:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes...
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-02-19 22:04:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
written well enough to smell
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-19 20:29:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You read your boys Oscar Wilde and let them bathe together? Do their balls touch?
Seriously though, this was very touching. Not of cocks.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-02-19 20:26:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Icky Icky Icky oooh oooh?
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-02-19 20:23:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Those days are good and pass so fast you hardly know how it could have happened.
ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY !!!!!!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-19 19:55:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha sico. In my defence, I went out in the cold with wet hair and caught a massive does of dumb :(
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-19 19:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-22 08:04:37 (#)
Ranking: 1
"Uh yes, this is the drive in, correct?"
"Yes, sir, one of the only ones left in the area, just recently upgraded to sound via radio frequency, more--"
"Yah, that's not important. Look I was wondering if I can come hook my computer up to your monitor."
"Uh, sir, why would you want to do that."
"Well I have some really cool images I want to look at, but I broke my mouse trying to scroll over to see the whole thing. It's a shame really, that this fucking cunt couldn't resize properly, cause I right like him and all. Anyhow, I'm getting off point, I just need a screen big enough to handle the image."
"Sure, I guess I don't see a problem with that."
"Thanks."
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-19 19:45:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You fucking cunt...I told you not to post a picture of our kid. I'm gonna punch your ovary so hard that you shit the next one out, whore.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-19 19:38:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Poem - Anne Stephenson
Quote - some chick, I dunno.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-19 19:35:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-19 19:33:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well everyone says he is big for his age!
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-02-19 19:33:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No worries: it was worth the scroll.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-19 19:30:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Arghhhh the fucking picture!