Cats Are For Suckers. (1245 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.3 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Racist Ron Paul (View user info) at 2008-02-16 13:24:15 EST
Dog: Man's Best Friend.
Cat: Satan's minion.
Men who attempt that whole metrosexual thing and get cats are not men at all. They are soulless douchebags. Cats are the most annoying creatures on earth. I'll hit one of the most obvious things about a cat: THEY SMELL. They stink up your home something awful. Yet, cat people are oblivious to this because they live in that day-to-day smell. The more cats you have, the more it smells. There is a reason god made so many people allergic to cats: They are not meant to dwell in the same place as humans.
Cats will also proceed to tear the shit out of your furniture and wood trim. Anything they jump and run over is also subject to a nice deep scratch. Don't just declaw your cats, cut their legs off up to their body so they just lay there like lumps. Then it makes it a whole lot easier to kick one when you are feeling down. I consider cats to be only good as a form of stress relief, but I have to wait until a neighbor's feline friend wanders in my yard before I do my best impression of Jason Elam.
Cat people seem to be oblivious to the fact that their house smells like cat ass, their funiture is torn to shit, and their house resembles an episode of Roseanne. They will throw blankets over furniture and rugs over anything the cat has torn to shreds in their home when important guests arrive.
Cats are worthless. I've seen cats take live mice from outside and bring them into a house. What kind of retarded cats do this? More than a few. They may intend to kill that mouse later, but now it is in the cupboards spreading hantavirus spores.
I know there are a couple of people here that love their cats. Jack_McCallum is one of those people. He writes great, has a good sense of humor, and has political views I actually agree with on the mostpart. Yet when he wears his manpurse out into Castro Street in San Francisco, I know that he is a cat person to the core. Hey Jack: Bill Clinton had a cat, too. That's right. He let his dog get run over once his tour in office was over. How convenient that must have been! Don't forget your tampons the next time you go out, Jack. Tip: Buy a fucking dog, you wuss.
"My cat knows tricks!" Idiots say. "My cat acts like a dog!" Other mindless fuckup cat owners also say. Well, if you cat can track a criminal for over 100 miles, sniff out a small package of drugs on a conveyor belt with 1000's of packages on them... I'll concede that point to you. Also, if your cat can take down a criminal with a leap and a bite meant to remove an arm or tear out a throat... I'll give you that one if you can show me your "dog-like" cat can do those things.
"Cats poo in the litter box!" Well, you can teach a dog to do that and more. I had a dog that would ring a bell to go outside and then open and shut the door upon return. I'm guessing that most people don't want to teach a dog to use a litter box because they wouldn't want a huge box inside their residence that would spread feces throughout the rooms.
Face facts. Cats are for the weak.
I know there are some men here that have their panties all in a bunch. It only drives the point home further that men who own cats are gutless, pathetic eunuchs.
Big cats are fine but they are often used to sucker cat people. Look at Apple, for instance. They name their operating system after tigers, leopards, etc. That is to get the gutless pussy people to buy into their computers. If they can't appeal to their technical side, appeal to their weak side of cat ownership. It is a great tactic because it works.
Show me a man that owns a cat, and I'll show you a man who has been left by their wives/girlfriends, have few friends that don't go to fashion and art shows, and get along with other men who share an affinity for cock. There is one exception: The neutered male that says "Yes, dear." and does whatever his wife tells him to do. What a gutless, pathetic life that is. Try turning on that football game, pal. You know it will be time you are informed to do those "household chores" while your wife eats truffles on the couch.
Fuckin' cats. Seriously! What kind of a man buys a cat? The same kind that certainly isn't allowed to play video games, watch sports, or drink beer.
Don't like what I have to say? Have a wine cooler and then shut the fuck up. And don't forget to clean your litter box.
User Reviews
Submitted by CatWoman (user info) at 2008-04-01 13:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Meet the Parents:
Jack: See, Greg, if you yell at a dog, his ears will go down and his tail will cover his genitals even if he's done nothing wrong. It's very easy to break a dog. But cats make you work for their affection. Cats don't sell out like dogs do.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-02-18 17:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i don't give a shit about Bush. it's your country, not mine.
bush looks like an incompetent tool to me and he.
i just find it laughable you blame clinton for every little detail but give your current leader a free pass on the most aberrant shit.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-02-18 12:14:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-02-18 08:24:16 CST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-02-17 16:04:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The 80's and 90's were good times and there were large economic booms in both decades (the one in the 90's being larger).
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the early 80's and early 90's were not good times.
also, stop trying to hide your deep-rooted affection for george bush, it's so obvious.
i'm not sure i really understand why you're still bitching about clinton when bush fucked up every facets of your country in the last 8 years.
get help.
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You have Bush derangement syndrome. The economy in the 80's and 90's were good to most people. The economy expanded in the 80's unlike any previous time before until the 90's did even better.
And I mention the 80's and 90's being good, and the 00's I don't mention being good...During GW Bush's administration. Maybe your English sucks, but you certainly can't read into shit.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-02-18 09:24:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-02-17 16:04:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The 80's and 90's were good times and there were large economic booms in both decades (the one in the 90's being larger).
===
the early 80's and early 90's were not good times.
also, stop trying to hide your deep-rooted affection for george bush, it's so obvious.
i'm not sure i really understand why you're still bitching about clinton when bush fucked up every facets of your country in the last 8 years.
get help.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-18 02:26:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I thought we were doing a good job ignoring each other, freak.
You get to exist in your fucked up miserable little world thinking that internet anonymity affords you the karmic luxury to be a complete and utter douchebag.
I get to carry on being a normal, happy, generally likable individual that seems to irritate sad irritable fuckers like you.
Ah well. Tit for tat, retard.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-02-18 02:06:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
here, have a negative two while i crack open another bartles and james and sift for clumps.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-02-17 22:02:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I had a cat that killed a German Shepherd puppy. Tore it's eyes out, just utterly shredded it's head. It bled out in the yard. Do not fuck with a Maine Coon. They're all nicey-nicey until you knock it off the fence.
Hidden - I like animals too. Let's hunt down Forensic.
Kidding, both of you. I kid.
Submitted by F_N_S (user info) at 2008-02-17 21:51:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ACHTUNG! Racist Ron Paul knows what his talking about
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-02-17 19:26:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hey, they don't call Chicago the Windy City because it's windy! i'm constantly amazed at the corruption and taxation i see here.
forensic- i love animals too. let's fuck.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-02-17 16:04:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hidden101: ps- Bill Clinton is awesome.
He was O.K. The left wingers hate that he signed NAFTA, conservatives hated him...because he was a democrat, I guess. I think he did what worked and for that I give him major props.
But he was in a good time. The economy was expanding at 9%+, oil was cheap, and there was a huge technological boom. Was he responsible for everything? Probably not. But he definitely went with the flow and didn't impede anything or screw with stuff too much. Granted, he probably didn't have to, either.
I do hear a lot of people bashing NAFTA and have actually talked to some people that thought it was a GW Bush thing. Haha! What a joke.
Don't forget that Bill had to work with Republicans in congress. Bush, on the other hand, ignored the democrats.
I'm probably in for Hillary in this one, but it isn't looking so good. I'd take McCain second, and Obama third. We'll see who gets the nod before I make my decision.
Illinois is a shithole. No guns, Blago sucks (the woman republican that ran from him was probably worse), and the state is in horrible debt and can't manage their finances. Chicago is even worse and Mayor Daley is a thug. Chicago hasn't met a tax they don't like. Bottled water? Jesus Chist, those guys will go after anything for tax & spend purposes. Meanwhile, welfare riders get free cable TV. That's great.
Wisconsin isn't much better. Milwaukee is going down the shitter, taxes are making Illinois look nice (except for sales tax and anything Chicago-related).
I just want to see a bigger picture to the whole thing and not just pin everything on the POTUS good or bad. There are bad governors (Michigan's bitch in charge is a perfect example.) bad mayors (I'll also point to Detroit's thugocracy in Kwame Kilpatrick) along with your standard lousy leadership out of Washington DC.
The 80's and 90's were good times and there were large economic booms in both decades (the one in the 90's being larger).
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-02-17 16:01:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus Hidden, that made me cry.
One thing that cat haters say a lot is that cats are aloof, unlike dogs. They say a dog will greet you and is happy to see you.
Well, my cat sees me off every morning when I go to work by walking with me to the door.
When I come home, she's right back there at the door. Then she makes all sorts of happy little cat noises, presumably because she's glad to see me.
I have had dogs, cats, and birds. It doesn't matter to me. I groove on animals. Wonderous creatures.
I even had two pet chickens once (hey, Midwestern gal you know).
And btw, chickens aren't as stupid as you might think. They can be quite cunning when they want to be.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-02-17 15:23:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well, all the cat owners i know are really clean people and there's never even a hint of animal smell in their houses.
dogs most certainly kill cats. once when i was young, the neighbor's pit bull broke it's chain while all my friends were over playing in my backyard. this one little girl was obsessed with me (that's right, hidden101 was a ladies man even at a young age) and she was also obsessed with cats. she brought over her new cat that fateful day...
when my dad heard all the kids screaming about the pitbull who was foaming at the mouth in the backyard, he got us all up in my clubhouse to safety. the little girl with the cat dropped her cat after it scratched her upon seeing the pitbull and the cat ran under the neighbor's deck. the pitbull chased the cat under the deck and started attacking it. my dad had grabbed a hose and was spraying under the deck to scare off the pitbull, but by that time, the dog had locked it's jaws around the cat's neck and was shaking it back and forth like a rag doll until eventually the cat's head detached from it's body.
my dad got the pitbull to leave by beating it in the face with a tennis racket. he then scooped up the remains of the cat and put it in a box. when the little girl asked my dad where her cat was, he handed her the box. she looked into the box and saw her dead, headless cat and screamed like nothing you've ever heard before. she dropped the box and the cats head rolled out and hit her in the leg. the screams of horror continued.
it was a pretty fun day.
ps- Bill Clinton is awesome.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-02-17 15:07:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And if Cake's wife is letting a woman into their bed, it is likely she was molested/abused as a child.
His odd love obsession with Clinton is warped and not based in reality.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-02-17 15:02:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-02-17 12:35:59 CST (#)
Ranking: -1
Cats are ruthless, efficient, remorseless killing machines.
You have to respect that.
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They kill mice and birds. Dogs have killed humans...even adults.
Granted most dogs are small and will back down when scratched by a cat, but there are dogs that will kill a cat in a second. I don't have any statistics on it, but I'm guessing dogs certainly kill more cats than the other way around.
And hidden is right...dogs do smell, particularly if they are wet and/or cold. But cats also smell and not everyone is a neat freak and clean up well after cats. If you have more than one cat and have carpet in the house instead of hardwood floors, it is going likely smell like cat ass.
And slaves smell bad as well.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-02-17 14:00:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i like all animals except goats, goats are evil like Richie Cunningham
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-02-17 13:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2008-02-17 05:55:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Name another president who lowered the deficit every single year he was in office (8 years straight for Clinton- he ran the table) and I'll suck your dick, because there hasn't been one.
By the end of the his 2ed term, his numbers were uniformly peerless. Besides record-high surpluses and record-low poverty rates, our economy was blazing up with the longest economic expansion in HISTORY, and the lowest unemployment since the early 1970s.
About cats, we have 3, and my wife and I share a HOT-ass 23-year old girlfriend a few times a month. About wine coolers, I just finished my last sip of Glen Ord single malt before bed.
Now go fuck a dog- which, figuratively speaking, you're probably quite used to.
(Mr. Cakes)
====================================================
i like this guy.
everytime i go to friends' houses that have dogs, they always bark and jump on me and need CONSTANT attention. they also stink, despite having regular baths. they only know how to shit and piss in the yard and if they can't get out to do it, they are doing it on the carpet. i really don't understand the desire to own one of these things. i like cats because they don't crave constant attention, they don't smell, and they know how to shit in a litterbox. i don't own any pets and probably never will, but if i had to make a choice, i'm going with a cat.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-02-17 13:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Cats are ruthless, efficient, remorseless killing machines.
You have to respect that.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-02-17 12:49:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2008-02-17 04:55:17 CST (#)
Ranking: -2
blah blah blah Clinton blah blah blah
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Under Clinton the national debt also increased EVERY YEAR. This is a fact.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-17 12:39:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If cats are for suckers, dogs are for peadophiles.
Yeah, you heard!
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-02-17 11:02:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
pets are for pussies.
get a slave motherfucker.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-02-17 10:48:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My mother told me never to trust a man who doesn't like cats. It's really the only piece of advice she ever gave me about men, and to this day, it's been 100% true with every man I've ever been involved with.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-02-17 08:27:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was in my mid-teens and fighting with a current boyfriend. Things got heated, the the fucker had the sack to try and smack me. He missed and for his troubles my cat, Caesar, attacked him. Imagine 18lbs of irate, orange feline attaching himself to the upper thigh by teeth and claws, shredding clothes and skin alike. Consider the high pitched girly scream issuing from that asshole's mouth in horror as he tried to fight off that furry terror that bit any appendage trying to shake him off.
Sure I had to clean up the blood but THAT alone was worth being a cat owner.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2008-02-17 08:02:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-02-16 23:15:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2008-02-16 19:31:41 CST (#)
Ranking: -2
Chicks dig guys who like cats.
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That's because they know they are one of those pathetic "Yes, dear." pushover mother fuckers. Women who are bitches like guys who have cats. This means you.
_____
Um yeah, ok.
And just for the record, I'm not into pushover-y guys. My daddy issues have made me incredibly submissive. Pull my hair, slap me, and force your cock in my mouth, and I'm yours for life...
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2008-02-17 05:55:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Name another president who lowered the deficit every single year he was in office (8 years straight for Clinton- he ran the table) and I'll suck your dick, because there hasn't been one.
By the end of the his 2ed term, his numbers were uniformly peerless. Besides record-high surpluses and record-low poverty rates, our economy was blazing up with the longest economic expansion in HISTORY, and the lowest unemployment since the early 1970s.
About cats, we have 3, and my wife and I share a HOT-ass 23-year old girlfriend a few times a month. About wine coolers, I just finished my last sip of Glen Ord single malt before bed.
Now go fuck a dog- which, figuratively speaking, you're probably quite used to.
(Mr. Cakes)
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-02-16 23:15:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2008-02-16 19:31:41 CST (#)
Ranking: -2
Chicks dig guys who like cats.
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That's because they know they are one of those pathetic "Yes, dear." pushover mother fuckers. Women who are bitches like guys who have cats. This means you.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-02-16 21:59:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How about a medium-sized wild cat, like a bobcat or an ocelot? Ocelots are cool. They can jump up in the air and catch birds.
Submitted by mordor666 (user info) at 2008-02-16 21:56:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow, what a misogynist, cat-hating faggot. I think I hate you.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-16 21:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Dogs are stupid and servile.
Cats fuckin' rule.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2008-02-16 20:31:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Chicks dig guys who like cats.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-02-16 19:37:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Weak.
Did your lady boot you for booting her cat?
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-02-16 18:00:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
cat hater
but I'm a girl so I'm allowed to like them
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-02-16 16:44:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sick.little.weasel (user info) at 2008-02-16 15:56:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with this statement, but it is very over the top to just complain about cats.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-16 15:53:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-16 15:24:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-16 14:41:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-16 14:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah? What about the guy who has cats AND dogs?
And hamsters, guinea pigs, snakes, white mice, goldfish, parrots, iguanas, rabbits, chickens, geese, and ferrets?
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THAT guy needs to get laid more.
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Laid MORE???!!???
C'mon, man, I've got the cats, dogs, hamsters, guinea pigs, snakes, white mice, goldfish, parrots, iguanas, rabbits, chickens, geese, and ferrets. Who has time for womenz?
___
How it reads, for real.
Laid MORE???!!???
C'mon, man, I've got the cats, dogs, hamsters, guinea pigs, snakes, white mice, goldfish, parrots, iguanas, rabbits, chickens, geese, and ferrets. DO you know how many times I get laid?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-16 15:24:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-16 14:41:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-16 14:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah? What about the guy who has cats AND dogs?
And hamsters, guinea pigs, snakes, white mice, goldfish, parrots, iguanas, rabbits, chickens, geese, and ferrets?
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THAT guy needs to get laid more.
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Laid MORE???!!???
C'mon, man, I've got the cats, dogs, hamsters, guinea pigs, snakes, white mice, goldfish, parrots, iguanas, rabbits, chickens, geese, and ferrets. Who has time for womenz?
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-16 14:46:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My roomate has a cat.
I hate it.
It scratches my FACE when I sleep.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-16 14:41:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-16 14:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah? What about the guy who has cats AND dogs?
And hamsters, guinea pigs, snakes, white mice, goldfish, parrots, iguanas, rabbits, chickens, geese, and ferrets?
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THAT guy needs to get laid more.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-16 14:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah? What about the guy who has cats AND dogs?
And hamsters, guinea pigs, snakes, white mice, goldfish, parrots, iguanas, rabbits, chickens, geese, and ferrets?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-02-16 14:11:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yes!
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-16 14:08:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-02-16 13:40:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I had a dog that would ring a bell to go outside..."
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The dog rang a bell and you jumped up to open the door. Pavlov is laughing his ass off at you right now.
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BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-02-16 14:02:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-02-16 10:40:17 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I had a dog that would ring a bell to go outside..."
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The dog rang a bell and you jumped up to open the door. Pavlov is laughing his ass off at you right now.
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hahaha
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-16 13:56:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Generally, I don't like you.
But this post really kicked ass. +2 for all my dogs.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-02-16 13:40:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I had a dog that would ring a bell to go outside..."
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The dog rang a bell and you jumped up to open the door. Pavlov is laughing his ass off at you right now.