Ubertines '08 R1 - Anything For You (543 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: ubertines_08
Rating: 1.18 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Captain "Don't Spank Me TOO Hard" Thorns (View user info) at 2008-02-14 14:09:19 EST
Adam stood behind a tree in the fog-shrouded morning, his arm straining as he held the bow and arrow, taking careful aim at his victim. He released the bowstring. Zing! Plunk! He watched with pride as his target crumpled to the ground. Eve will be pleased. She loved to eat, that one did.
With his prize slung over his back, Adam whistled a happy tune as he strode through the forest toward their humble abode. Eve would be gone for most of the day, giving him plenty of time to get ready for the celebration
Adam sat in front of the garden and could not keep the smug grin off his face as he watched his one and only love clamor up the hill. Rising to his feet as she stopped in front of him, Adam's grin widened, causing Eve to release the apron she had been holding tightly to her waist. Nuts and berries cascaded to the ground between them, gently bouncing once before coming to rest. She looked up at her husband and noticed the gleam in his eyes.
"What are you up to, Adam?"
"Wait here, I'll be right back."
He disappeared into the rough, low-slung home that blended in well with the forest around them, with its bramble thatched roof and an opening through a tree trunk for the door.
He returned with a small carved wooden box and a bouquet of thorn-laden black roses.
"Oh, Adam, you shouldn't have." She said as she eagerly reached for the box.
As soon as she opened it, the object from the box went to her mouth. She tore at it with her teeth and looked at her husband in glee. Chocolate and blood dripped from her mouth in gruesome rivulets.
Adam grinned and put his arm around her shoulders, giving Eve a gentle squeeze for good measure.
"Anything for you, my dear. I know how much you anticipate heart and soul at this time of year."
He watched in loving satisfaction as his wife devoured the present, her hands now soaked with the same concoction as her mouth.
"Unfortunately, children from the other tribe don't venture this way much anymore. This may be the last Valentine's day we celebrate."
The two hairy-headed, pointy-eared, leather-skinned trolls sat and Eve finished her Valentine's Day gift.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-02-17 20:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-18 00:51:27 GMT (#)
Ranking: 1
meh
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-17 19:51:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
meh
Submitted by jimboruckus (user info) at 2008-02-17 19:30:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2008-02-17 19:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-12 09:13:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2008-02-11 17:06:48 CST (#)
Ranking: 2
My first time back to Uber for fucken yonks, and THIS is on the front page. Bravo! I love midgets and their crazy antics.
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Yonks, indeed! Where have you BEEN?
Anyone that can make ozzy come back and comment gets an auto +2 in MY book.
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Hey CT
You're still churning out good stuff I see. Have you been keeping out of mischief?
I'm back living in Australia and have been working far too hard the last couple of years, my friend. 50-60 hours pw, including weekends and public holidays, all in the name of $20k bonuses every 6 months. Luckily, I've seen some sense, and itend to resign mid year with a nice little wad of cash under my belt, and head to Asia for a couple of months of backpacking. (Fun way to blow $5k)
Who knows, with a new job when I return, I could end up haunting this cesspool on a more regular basis?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-02-16 10:41:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-15 08:31:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-14 17:08:15 CST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not 100% sure what was in the box.
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A chocolate-covered human heart.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-14 21:29:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...me likey.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-14 20:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice twist.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-14 20:21:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-14 19:46:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I rolled my eyes at "his one and only love" because you know what my assumption was, and I thought "what choice did he have?" Then I read on.
It's short and seems rushed, but I kind of like it anyway. Yeah.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-14 18:08:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not 100% sure what was in the box.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-02-14 17:13:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm saying this to illustrate to you the divine nature of my parentage.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-02-14 17:13:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my post took me 20 minutes.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-14 17:03:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
my post took me six hours, a box of crayons, two cheese sandwiches and a small part of me dying.
consider yourselves lucky, you ungrateful pricks. at least you still have your soul.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 16:52:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, +2 = +1 overall.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 16:51:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BRDN, I don't know if I'd call it "fair."
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-14 16:23:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:22:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not directed at CT in particular:
I love it how that whenever someone starts losing or their post didn't turn out how they expected excuses start flying out faster than O'Hare. This has happened 3 times already and it's getting stupid.
blah blah blah blah
yes, I too stated that mine was rushed. because it was. I knocked it out in less than an hour. it wasn't an excuse merely an explanation and I took responsibility for it. Eko's beatin me fair and square. word up bitchy kitty
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:46:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:22:45 CST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not directed at CT in particular:
I love it how that whenever someone starts losing or their post didn't turn out how they expected excuses start flying out faster than O'Hare. This has happened 3 times already and it's getting stupid.
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O'Hare's moving mighty slow this time of year. :)
In my case, I was serious...I didn't start this until about 12:30pm today, supposed I could've forfeited but I didn't feel that lazy.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:37:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I are teh winnar?
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:33:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That was interesting.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:22:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not directed at CT in particular:
I love it how that whenever someone starts losing or their post didn't turn out how they expected excuses start flying out faster than O'Hare. This has happened 3 times already and it's getting stupid.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:08:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I probably shouldn't have entered this contest as I've had no time to come up with anything decent, so you get what I spewed out over my half-hour lunch break today. Live and learn.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:56:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i expect better from you.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:55:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i liked it well enough but it kinda seemed.... bland? dunno, didn't really grab me as hard as I want to be.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:55:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not horrible. Not stunning. If built up a bit more it could have been better, but it still beats the living Christ out of half the shit posted so far.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:40:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Would have been +1, it's a +2 just for the plot twist.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:30:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:24:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, you should have.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:19:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I fully expect Fungah to wipe the floor with me.
Perhaps I should have gone with my alternate choice:
L is for the way you lick my bum
O is your expression when I come
V is so venereal, not antibacterial
E is epiglottal tickling right before we cuddle
Love is something I can't give to you
'Cause it's more than just a dick or two
Uber posts profess it
Though the virgins won't confess it
Love was made for me and you
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:14:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:12:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heh File name +2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:09:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
R1 hub: http://www.ubersite.com/m/114915