Ubertines '08 R1 - A Cupid Hangover (907 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.79 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sacrilicious (View user info) at 2008-02-14 13:46:50 EST
Cupid woke up to the morn
His head on fire, his diaper torn
Beside him lay his broken bow
And wine stained him from head to toe
He saw his sheets were soaked in piss
And he began to ponder this:
"What the fuck went down last night?"
He asked himself with growing fright
His mind began to clear a bit
And that's when he remembered it-
The liquid lunch the day before
And happy hour with shots galore
The six-pack at the corner bar
The flask they drank in that chick's car
The coke that showed up 'round midnight
The bong hits 'til the morning light..
He lay there in his broken state
When his phone started to vibrate
His father Ares sure raised hell
The earth it shook as he did yell-
"You better have an answer, son
For what it is I hear you've done!"
Cupid's knees did quake with fear
He braced himself for what he'd hear
"Last night your arrow's aim? It sucked!
The new lovebirds will all be fucked!
You paired Blind Bill with Deaf Diane
A stripper with a senile man
Some virgin teens from Palisades
With some ghey menz who have ghey AIDS
Foot Fetish Frank just doesn't fit
Amputee Annie, you dipshit!
It's time for you to face the truth
Before you've squandered all your youth
Now go wash off that wicked stench
You smell worse than the homeless French!
A rehab will await you then
This shit must not happen again!"
Cupid nodded and obeyed
He thought about the mess he'd made
He vowed he would not reoffend
And that this mess he soon would mend
So off to rehab he did go
And there he met a nice man Joe
Whose story was way worse than his
He'd just got out of the porn biz
But said he could teach Cupe a bunch
And why don't they go have some lunch?
He talked about a special spot
And how it would make cupid hot
He showed the kid his special toys
And how they're used to please the boys
Cupid moaned with sheer delight
And knew now it would be alright
As Joe his prostate did massage
Cupe realized why he'd sabotaged
The lovers on Valentine's Day-
It was because he was a gay!
While lovers were out celebrating
He was stuck home masturbating
In denial of the reason
He could not enjoy the season!
His brand new life had now begun
And so he knew what must be done
"Wait til dad sees me next year-
When all the lovers wake up queer!"
User Reviews
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2008-04-13 01:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how this doesn't have a perfect 2 rating i may never understand.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-02-19 01:28:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-15 01:27:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The only poem I've ever liked on here.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-14 21:29:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-02-14 20:52:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-14 20:17:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-02-14 18:46:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-02-14 18:36:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fuckin awesome.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-02-14 17:51:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know how much time you spent on this, but Bravo dear.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-14 16:26:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You may have to owe me the hummer...you know, time & distance troubles and such.
I'LL CATCH YOU LATER.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-14 16:16:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
okay, guy who emails people on uber to talk about uber and how they are mean to him, whatever you say.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 16:09:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds better, still reeks of obsession though.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-14 16:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well...'hate' may be a strong word.
how about we go with, 'try to pity due to obvious mental/emotional deficiencies of the broke ass retard in question, but can't seem to come up with anything more than disdain'?
does that work better for you
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:51:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was entertaining, but I'm storycentric, so...
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:46:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Internet hate? Wow, what a loser!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:46:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh and shlong- you're the first person to come right out and ask today, so sure.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:45:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-14 13:55:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the only entry that I will vote for.
You BETTER have written it.
PS. Give me some Valentine's Day head.
===
If I was going to steal some writing, do you think it would have been this POS?
Hadley- No joke here. Jokes are supposed to be funny.
Wardy- there sre definitely issues here. Lots of issues.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:43:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well, i didn't read this, but i hate simon = +2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:41:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:36:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is a joke, right?
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i think some slight tempo issues may have been seen throughout the poem. then again i was jerking it while i read this, so who knows.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2008-02-14 15:00:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:47:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:37:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker of all ass. For some reason I cast Ares as Shlongy, I dunno why...
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:22:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
for
"Foot Fetish Frank just doesn't fit
Amputee Annie, you dipshit! "
Submitted by BlazinBull (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:13:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:07:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
With some ghey menz who have ghey AIDS
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:02:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*Yozz lights a cigarette and nods approvingly*
*Then Yozz punches Earl Scruggs in the neck*
I've always wanted to do that.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-02-14 14:02:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks a HEAP, now I've got the song "Stupid Cupid" stuck in my head.
Well done.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 13:57:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*why I'll even
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-02-14 13:56:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to have to reread this but the words alone are great. I'm not quite sure if the scheme and tempo was there; that's while I reread and reserve the option to re-rate.
Good job!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-02-14 13:55:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the only entry that I will vote for.
You BETTER have written it.
PS. Give me some Valentine's Day head.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-02-14 13:50:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Uberteens! Yeah that's right I say it like that
http://www.ubersite.com/m/114915
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-02-14 13:50:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes.