Ten Tiny True Stories (967 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.68 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Caes (View user info) at 2008-01-07 12:13:04 EST
1. One of my legs is 3/4 of an inch longer than the other. This causes me minor back problems, because my one hip is always pushed up a little higher than the other, which affects my spine.
2. I was tobogganing with some neighbors when I was 3 years old. We hit a tree at one point and though we weren't going very fast, it hurt. I started crying, so they took me home, where I continued to cry. My dad threw some snow at me in a playful effort to cheer me up, but it only made me cry more. They took me to the hospital and found out I had a broken leg. It's the only bone I've broken. My dad felt really bad.
3. The first time I got drunk, I was 24 years old. I always thought drunk people were idiots, and I was afraid of the type of drunk I would be. I thought I might be belligerent, or angry, or sad, or pathetically clingy. Turns out that when I'm drunk I'm just really happy and giggle a lot, which came as a bit of a surprise.
4. I fell in love with a certain girl the first time I ever saw her well over 20 years ago, and have been in love with her ever since. She loves me back, but we can't be together, and it makes me sad every day.
5. I was bullied a lot in grade school. That bullying pretty much stopped in Grade 6 when I made friends with a new kid in school my age, who was about 6 feet tall. We're still friends today, and he topped out at 6'5".
6. The first time I went to the States, I was around 28 years old. It was the first time I ever left Canada. It was for a wedding. On that bus trip to the States we crossed the border from Canada into Buffalo and stopped briefly. I was stunned by how many Black people there were. I was also surprised to see, a little further south, how many signs were translated into Spanish.
7. I once had anal sex with my girlfriend at the time...by accident. I figured it out pretty quickly, but decided I might as well continue. She didn't complain or say one word about it. It wasn't the holy grail of doin' it, like so many guys seem to think, and to this day I don't see what the big deal is. The only other time I've had that kind of sex was by a different girlfriend's request.
8. When I was a little kid I got really mad at my dad for God knows what -- probably for smacking me because I was being an idiot -- and decided to get him back by cutting through most of his seatbelt (he was the only one in the family who drove), so that if he got into an accident it would break and he would get hurt. I cut maybe a fifth of an inch into the seatbelt before deciding what I was doing was really mean, and stopped.
9. I have never worn a helmet while on a bicycle -- even all through my youth, which was spent in the country, biking along highway roads with busy traffic. I never sustained a head injury, despite falling off my bike many times. Once, when I was a teenager, I was riding with a friend and I heard him call 'Look out!' as a truck approached us from behind. I scooched over to the shoulder. As it passed me I saw that the truck's passenger was holding a baseball bat out of the passenger window at about my head height. Never found out who that was.
10. My parents, concerned with the amount of chemical crap in supermarket foods, used to breed rabbits as a source of meat. They did this until I was about 12 or so. We had well over a hundred at a time. My dad would kill them by karate chopping them in the neck, breaking their necks instantly (he used a pipe for the male rabbits, who were a little thicker in the spine). One clean shot. Then he would skin them and gut them. I always thought it was interesting to watch, but I never did it myself.
Hmm, I wonder how these little stories come off. To me they seem completely normal, but I wonder if any of them are reprehensible or really weird. I still feel bad about the seatbelt thing.
Peace out.
User Reviews
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-09 01:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE, DAMMIT
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-09 01:47:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In my defense, it was dark and those two, uh, apertures are only about an inch apart. Also, I may or may not have been drunk. It's hard to say.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-01-08 14:59:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How the hell did you manage to have anal sex "by accident?"
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-07 20:33:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You changed lanes without signaling and she didn't honk?
Interesting.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-01-07 19:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
long time no read, kid
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:43:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:56:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3. The first time I got drunk, I was 24 years old. I always thought drunk people were idiots, and I was afraid of the type of drunk I would be. I thought I might be belligerent, or angry, or sad, or pathetically clingy. Turns out that when I'm drunk I'm just really happy and giggle a lot, which came as a bit of a surprise.
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Dude, we all get happy and giggle the first dozen times. When you've been drunk a few hundred times - that's when you start to turn into an asshole.
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When I'm drunk it's just a less restricted extension on my current mood. It doesn't change it, nearly as much as just amplify it. I think the reason some people get to be an asshole after being drunk too often is that they aren't content people in the first place, and their conscious effort to not make their anger and unhappiness obvious starts degrading.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-07 17:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 16:59:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've been drunk many times since then. I don't know about a few hundred times -- but so far, the result is always pretty much the same. I'm also one of those drunks that likes to talk about how drunk I am and confess things to people.
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hahahahha, ME TOO!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 16:59:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've been drunk many times since then. I don't know about a few hundred times -- but so far, the result is always pretty much the same. I'm also one of those drunks that likes to talk about how drunk I am and confess things to people.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3. The first time I got drunk, I was 24 years old. I always thought drunk people were idiots, and I was afraid of the type of drunk I would be. I thought I might be belligerent, or angry, or sad, or pathetically clingy. Turns out that when I'm drunk I'm just really happy and giggle a lot, which came as a bit of a surprise.
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Dude, we all get happy and giggle the first dozen times. When you've been drunk a few hundred times - that's when you start to turn into an asshole.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:20:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good question, but no. They're too expensive and I see a chiropractor anyway, so he just fixes me up every few weeks.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:20:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't trust people who don't drink.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-01-07 15:05:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you have special shoes?
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:23:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:21:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:14:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bicycle helmets are for fags who don't like brain damage
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-01-07 14:07:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't wear bicycle helmets either.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:37:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooops
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:37:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:21:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-07 13:21:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:47:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:35:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I imagine Quebec has a more lax, European view of alcohol, yes?
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like most welfare people, yes.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:38:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you interrogating him, Officer Eager?
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:37:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww, now I wanna know why y'all can't be together....
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:35:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually Caul, I think that whole dumb-ass-drunk phenomenon springs from the notion that alcohol is 'taboo' and 'only for adults' and what have you. I think most kids, if they are brought up in an environment where alcohol is explained to them a little better than "THIS IS NOT FOR CHILDREN, IT IS SPECIAL HAPPY JUICE FOR ADULTS AND YOU MUST NEVER EVER TOUCH IT", grow up to be adults who can handle their booze better and don't binge like retards.
I imagine Quebec has a more lax, European view of alcohol, yes?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:30:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:28:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:21:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wow...where are you from...Ontario? anyone gets drunk for their first time around 14-15 here.
wtf?!?
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I am from Ontario, in fact.
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i guess it explains why most ontarians don't know how to drink and why they're known to throw up everywhere and start fights.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:30:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:21:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
btw, #8 indicates you should seek help.
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Noted. But at least I don't come from a family of cousin-lovers and incestuous penis-biters. :)
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:28:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:21:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wow...where are you from...Ontario? anyone gets drunk for their first time around 14-15 here.
wtf?!?
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I am from Ontario, in fact. But most kids get drunk around 14 or 15 here, too. I was just the exception, I guess. I think it had something to do with the fact that I had a beer when I was like, 8, and it tasted fucking terrible, so I steered clear of it after that. I'd occasionally try different kinds of alcohol over the years, but it always just tasted like burning and I couldn't justify spending five dollars on a drink that tasted awful and hurt my throat. Until of course, I learned better.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, seriously?
Surprise buttsecks with no scenery chewing?
...
That's...that's pretty freakin' cool, actually.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Or rather, it sounds funnier if read in a Forrest Gump voice
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:23:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, meant to + 2 you.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:23:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
#4 makes you sound like Forrest Gump
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:21:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
btw, #8 indicates you should seek help.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:21:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
#4 makes me want to cry like a little bitch that skinned her knee!!!!!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:21:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:21:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
3. The first time I got drunk, I was 24 years old. """
wow...where are you from...Ontario? anyone gets drunk for their first time around 14-15 here.
wtf?!?
4. I fell in love with a certain girl the first time I ever saw her well over 20 years ago, and have been in love with her ever since. She loves me back, but we can't be together, and it makes me sad every day."""
i know the feeling, though in my case, the girl is my cousin :-|
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:19:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting enough, and you're a fucking freak of human engineering.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:17:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lol you're a bastard- trying to kill your dad.
I liked this a lot. It's always fun when you're open
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:17:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, this is a pretty cool bandwagon. Thanks, experima.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:17:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:15:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If I understand this sign correctly, when men drink too much they lie down dead or unconscious, where women just sit on the curb and become very foul-mouthed and confused.
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100% accurate.
You dead motherfucking shitcock.
OMG WHEREZ MY TAMPONS
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:16:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These are all so damn good.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-01-07 12:15:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If I understand this sign correctly, when men drink too much they lie down dead or unconscious, where women just sit on the curb and become very foul-mouthed and confused.