Early Morning Revelations (1917 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.27 on 88 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tiger Lilly (View user info) at 2007-12-19 03:51:05 EST
I rolled out of bed the other day, literally, and while looking at the fresh snow that had fallen the night prior; I realized that as a parent I can't imagine ever being like my parents. This scared and confused me all at once since I love my parents very much.
It wasn't until my mid-twenties that I realized everyone has issues to overcome and to deal with and face. No one is perfect and everyone has problems. People aren't unflawed. People are people and they make mistakes. Those who say they have no issues, no problems and no skeletons in their closets are either liar's, or are afraid to admit that they, much like many in this world, aren't perfect.
As an adult reminiscing my childhood, it was a daily challenge to live up to my father's standard of perfection and to listen to my parents constant fighting. And, in spite of how "perfect" my life appeared from the outside, the inside was another story. My parents have their skeletons.
The divorce boom in the eighties separated many of my friend's parents and yet mom and dad prevailed. They remained married. My mom worked full time for my uncle. He owned a small grocery store and my mom worked for him daily. My dad, well he worked full time in sales for Hood Beverages and at the same time attended college. On the weekends he'd remodel our house at the beach. My sister and I spent these days with my grandparents.
The teachers at school thought my parents were picture perfect. Little did they know they were pawning us off on my grandparent's every day. Still, mom and dad provided us with a life that others might envy. We lived in a beautiful four bedroom, brick colonial in middle-suburbia Connecticut. Mom always dressed my sister and me in the most darling outfits from Laura Ashley. Hand picking our outfits daily, she would complete our ensemble with perfect hair-do's parted down the middle and held back by adorable barrettes with the pink and yellow and white tassels. Every day was a show. If things look good on the outside, they must be good on the inside. Right?
Dressed to perfection the outfits were my mother's way of covering up the fact that my parents fought constantly. I can remember right before my 8th birthday, mom was ironing my pink party shirt and she upset my father. Before my very own eyes the ironing board oddly enough went right through the ceiling. That is the first fight that I can remember but there was a lot of them so don't quote me on that.
My sister was the brain in the family so dad was really tough on me. I was constantly grounded for my grades. I was a smart kid, quick, bright and I had a lot on the ball. Dad didn't take into consideration that I was ridiculed every day in school which is why I didn't bring home the best of marks. Dad would get pissed about my grades and hit me from time to time. Actually, he would hit me a lot. Believe it or not, I think he would hit me because he couldn't fix me when I was born. There was nothing he could do to make my leg better and that pissed him off. That or he was just an asshole and I was an easy target when he got pissed off. I hope it was the aforementioned.
Still, it was hard for me to get good grades. Kids were horrible when I was young. There were no rules or regulations. Hall tripping. Name Calling. Today kids will show up at school with guns and shoot people. And kids today think they have it bad.
So I think about my role as a step parent. I listen to the advice that my parents give me and I think back to my younger days and all I want to do is scream at them when they tell me how I should discipline the boys. I know they're not perfect but all they did was fight and yell in front of my sister and me when life got tough. They worked all the time and passed us off to my grandparents. They put on a façade and pretended that everything was perfect when it wasn't.
It has been years since I was a child/teen. A lot has changed and I haven't lived with my parents in years. I'm fairly certain they've chilled a bit in their old age and I'll always love them. They're two of my best friends in life and I hold them in the highest regard. I value their opinions and how they would handle the boys in situations.
In the end I take from my parents the advice that I need, leave what I don't and smile because now I'm the parent.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-20 11:16:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-20 11:16:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-20 10:18:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 12:13:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright yeah, If you gave birth to a kid but for whatever reason got seperated from the kid and then got reuninted (again for whatever reason) 6 years later do you think you would have a stronger bond than if you became a step-parent to a 6 year old kid?
According to John Woo and other notable sociologists the answer is that you can only truly bond with a child after being PERSONALLY involved in their parents murder.
Tigerlilly your course is clear. As a responsible step mum you must hire gangsters to off your hubby then join forces with a hardboiled, renegade cop to hunt down these vicious criminals and then drive off into the sunset in some manner of American or Italian sports car.
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Just woke up. Just read this. Just pissed my pants. Thank you. :)
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-12-20 01:30:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MORNING WOOD?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-19 21:55:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you masturbate while thinking about me?
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-12-19 20:42:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ka-thump
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:53:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2007-12-19 15:41:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done.
Of course, I may have to change my schtick from Method's Mom to Tiger Lilly's Dad.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-12-19 14:08:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone hides things from everone else. Kids internalize and don't share things with their parents, parents keep things guarded from their children. It's either the overlooked element that is absolutely necessary to our survival or the biggest thing holding us all back.
There was an article in Esquire a few months ago about 'living the transparent life,' and how the writer attempted to live a lie-free and completely open life for a week. There was an interview with some guy who came up with the idea, but the name is completely lost on me. All I recall is that he's had four wives (shocker) and admitted to having a dog lick his privates once. Gotta love that truth telling. I can't even imagine what the world would be like if everyone showed their cards 24/7. Maybe it would have helped you and your dad understand each other a little more, and save you from a lot of blows. Maybe not. Who knows. I'm just rambling. I get like that sometimes. Obviously. Well now I'm not even saying anything and just writing short sentences. Blah.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-12-19 12:53:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:53:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
From Wiki:
Himself a vegetarian, in the mid 1990s Stipe opened a vegetarian restaurant and juice bar, called Guaranteed, in Athens, Georgia.[8] The restaurant was not successful and the site is now (as of 2007) an ice cream parlor. Although he is not involved in its operation Stipe owns the building housing The Grit, a much more successful vegetarian eatery well-known for attracting both local and touring musicians.
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There's always been speculation about whether or not he's gay.
_________________________
There's no speculation. He's definitely gay, 100% out of the closet. I used to see him walking around Athens in a filthy trenchcoat from time to time - a very, very strange person.
Hi TL.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 12:13:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright yeah, If you gave birth to a kid but for whatever reason got seperated from the kid and then got reuninted (again for whatever reason) 6 years later do you think you would have a stronger bond than if you became a step-parent to a 6 year old kid?
According to John Woo and other notable sociologists the answer is that you can only truly bond with a child after being PERSONALLY involved in their parents murder.
Tigerlilly your course is clear. As a responsible step mum you must hire gangsters to off your hubby then join forces with a hardboiled, renegade cop to hunt down these vicious criminals and then drive off into the sunset in some manner of American or Italian sports car.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-19 11:48:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Having no biological children of my own, I have no 'love' base in which to compare.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-12-19 11:22:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, this turned into a Hallmark Channel movie, didn't it?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 11:19:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think it's bs at all that it's different parenting step children than your own. I have two step children (I'm not married, but I've been with these kids for two years now), one of which lives with me.
I always thought I knew what it was like to be a mom until I had my own kid.
I love my step kids as much as I love my own child, but it's DIFFERENT. It's much easier to make logical decisions with step children.
It's harder, too, in a lot of ways.
I find myself being much more forgiving and naturally tollerant of my own child.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-19 11:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-12-19 10:40:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You'll never understand true parenting until the kid is your own flesh and blood. Step parenting doesn't count. That's easy to make logical decisions instead of the irrational emotional decisions when it really is your own.
You never love another person's child like your own child. Ever.
That's bullshit. Sorry. It could be said that step-pareting can be harder. And to think people aren't capable of loving children not of their womb as much (or even more) as one they pushed out their body is idiotic.
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I have to agree. Sure I didn't give birth to them and sure they're not blood related but I love them very much and couldn't imagine my life without them. I imagine that parents who adopt love their children. They don't give birth to them. Do they love them any less? Doubt it. I imagine they're very capable of loving these children.
Step parenting is hard. If I didn't love them the way I do, I wouldn't have married their father. It's a whole package deal you see. He comes with them all. And my life is better now because they're a part of it.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 10:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear IHOP is hiring......bwahahahaahah bhahahahahah ahahahahahaaha, I'll shut up :(
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 10:42:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry, that +2 was preemptive...the rest sucked as well.
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-12-19 10:40:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You'll never understand true parenting until the kid is your own flesh and blood. Step parenting doesn't count. That's easy to make logical decisions instead of the irrational emotional decisions when it really is your own.
You never love another person's child like your own child. Ever.
That's bullshit. Sorry. It could be said that step-pareting can be harder. And to think people aren't capable of loving children not of their womb as much (or even more) as one they pushed out their body is idiotic.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 10:40:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your reply is deserving of this +2. Cheers...now I'll read the rest.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-19 10:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You'll never understand true parenting until the kid is your own flesh and blood. Step parenting doesn't count. That's easy to make logical decisions instead of the irrational emotional decisions when it really is your own.
You never love another person's child like your own child. Ever.
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Are you a step parent?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-19 10:18:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:51:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I got to here: "Mom always dressed my sister and me in the most darling outfits from Laura Ashley." Then I puked.
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Me too. I can't believe she made us wear that shit. Ugh. Those flowery patterns sicken me.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-12-19 10:15:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a lot more respect for my parents now I am a parent myself.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-19 10:10:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know a vegetarian. He is gay.
I think this clears up that debate.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-12-19 10:03:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks for the profundity.
how long have you been a 'parent'? Two weeks?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You'll never understand true parenting until the kid is your own flesh and blood. Step parenting doesn't count. That's easy to make logical decisions instead of the irrational emotional decisions when it really is your own.
You never love another person's child like your own child. Ever.
***
This is true.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:37:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
go to bed danger ranger
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:37:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You'll never understand true parenting until the kid is your own flesh and blood. Step parenting doesn't count. That's easy to make logical decisions instead of the irrational emotional decisions when it really is your own.
You never love another person's child like your own child. Ever.
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flawless unvictory. I have a friend who brought up two step children, the girl was the dux of her school thanks to him pushing her, and the boy learnt similarly and via missing rep football team trips because of his 'ordinary' grades that he COULD match his sister for grades AND play football.
My friend and his partner also have two younger ones (biologically his), and there is no favouritism, across the board. And it's not all academia, he genuinely loves his stepkids, and they have a very profound love for him. I recognise this is probably unusual but it disproves Entaran's hypothiesis. that and my friend - who is a big unit, would cave his head in until it was disproved because you can't take the rugby player out of the academic. unless Entaran is a she. Then he would probably just get her to bake him a pie. on a bunsen burner.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Remember that time I said something mean and you and I had little verbal spats for months on end?
That was just me preparing you for step-children. Or I am just an asshole. I prefer to think it was the "aforementioned." Or the former.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Look at it this way, maybe your dad just had apotemnophobia.
Although the "asshole" explanation is, unfortunately, probably more realistic.
Good luck with being a stepmom - stepparenting is probably the only job in the world more thankless than parenting. I'd wager that you'll do fine though. :)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:12:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
danger ranger has only got one ball the other is in the pits of hell
lalalal
lalal
lall
ala lala
Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You'll never understand true parenting until the kid is your own flesh and blood. Step parenting doesn't count. That's easy to make logical decisions instead of the irrational emotional decisions when it really is your own.
You never love another person's child like your own child. Ever.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
by cheating and being gay?
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correctomundo TL. see you in the superbowl, by virtue of your crappy division. merry christmas. don't sit too close to the fireplace. you know like legs akimbo.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 09:00:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:34:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i can't chat anymore fags, I am trying to woo my online girlfriend. She's a druid...ess, +12, and damn spunky. nice copy and paste job btw ei, suprised you could manage that with your phamaldehide hands. sp.
sure, sphagnum says hi.
:(
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How many eyes does she have? See that's the clincher you see. Get it....?
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erm, no, i don't get it. But riddle me this four-eyed peg. How did the english win a world cup in '66?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:53:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
From Wiki:
Himself a vegetarian, in the mid 1990s Stipe opened a vegetarian restaurant and juice bar, called Guaranteed, in Athens, Georgia.[8] The restaurant was not successful and the site is now (as of 2007) an ice cream parlor. Although he is not involved in its operation Stipe owns the building housing The Grit, a much more successful vegetarian eatery well-known for attracting both local and touring musicians.
===============
There's always been speculation about whether or not he's gay.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:51:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I got to here: "Mom always dressed my sister and me in the most darling outfits from Laura Ashley." Then I puked.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:49:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:35:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 13:32:11 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
veggies are gay
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Just Michael Stipe.
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Michael Stipe doesn't eat meat? I had no idea he was gay.
Also I have just learned that Brian Eno is going to be joining the Lib Dems in parliament. If a weird fucker like that is allowed into politics then the end days are truly upon us.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:35:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 13:32:11 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
veggies are gay
===========
Just Michael Stipe.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
veggies are gay
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:31:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh so now you're having a go at veggies too?! This shall not stand!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:30:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BAH....Hamburgers
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry, that was dreadfully immature.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:26:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-19 13:23:32 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hurt/Oph - Can you believe it? The gurl can spell. Sometimes.
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YOU SPOILED IT NOW!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:34:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i can't chat anymore fags, I am trying to woo my online girlfriend. She's a druid...ess, +12, and damn spunky. nice copy and paste job btw ei, suprised you could manage that with your phamaldehide hands. sp.
sure, sphagnum says hi.
:(
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How many eyes does she have? See that's the clincher you see. Get it....?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-19 08:23:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 04:30:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should raise your kids to be cops. Everyone likes cops apart from hippies and criminals....
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Best comment I've read in a long time.
Danger - I get it. Leg up. Hardy har-ho-ho.
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Hurt/Oph - Can you believe it? The gurl can spell. Sometimes.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-19 12:16:51 GMT (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy shit this was readable! Bravo!
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Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:36:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh and you're all black cunts
plus two tiger <bats eyelashes>
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:34:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i can't chat anymore fags, I am trying to woo my online girlfriend. She's a druid...ess, +12, and damn spunky. nice copy and paste job btw ei, suprised you could manage that with your phamaldehide hands. sp.
sure, sphagnum says hi.
:(
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:33:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 12:23:51 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOO HOO! Emission broke first!
That means you owe me a pint Emission. You too Hurty.
============
What do I owe you a pint for?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:23:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOO HOO! Emission broke first!
That means you owe me a pint Emission. You too Hurty.
I am genuinly worried by D_R's racism by the way.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:21:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What would a Frenchman be doing in Australia? Did he get lost on his way to Thailand?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:21:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear Aussies
Thank you for taking the time and effort of using your moronic slang that you use to communicate with each other, and reading this. It won't take you long to read this (although it may take much longer to understand the subject title of this, so i'll help you along - it implies that you're idiots), and then you can get back to crying about the cricket,taking pride in the all blacks (that's right, ride on the success of another national team)decimation of an unfamiliar and poorly coached team (the guy is now working at a football club [not soccer, you american loving convicts]) and reminiscing of the day long ago when 'we bashed that non-motivated, completely changed team of poms at their owen game in a friendly that in no way meant anything'.
Here are some reasons (don't worry, I'll keep the numbers as small as possible so you won't need to bring your sheep in to help you count)why Australians should stop 'rebelling' against a country that couldn't give a shit about your non-importnat views and your 'achievements', and why 'proudly' claiming your 'Australian and hate the poms' is almost as retarded as Australian Rules Football.
(In no particular order, just the order I think of them)
1. If it wasn't for the English you would still be chucking sticks at each other and painting on walls. I know alot of you would claim it was cruel to take away the land from the aborigines, but then you wouldn't be here if it didn't happen, so stop whingeing about how unfair the British were.
2. Sporting achievements (i.e. we grab onto any small scrap of glory we can get and hold onto it). You're getting your arse beat in the ashes; in a sport that only you a handful of countries take seriously (and one of them isn't England. No-one here cares about cricket, they jsut enjoy seeing Australians lose). And while I'm talking of the ashes, let me address the 'whinging pommy bastard' tag. Ponting is moaning about how the English supporters weren't gracious in victory. NEWSFLASH! You can't turn on the t.v. without some jumped up australian gloating about something or other. "Yeah, I won bingo last night, you pommy idiots. nah nah, I won, you lost..." And then Ponting moans about England's fielders and bowlers taking advantage of a fair and legal rule. It's not cheating, it's tactics; it's not unfair, it's jsut you're an arrogant idiot that needs to blame his pathetic leadership on something so being the mastermind that he is he chooses to blame tactical superiority. IDIOT!
Rugby: another game no-one in England takes seriously until the Australia game comes up, and a game Australia loves. And we won the world cup with a bunch of old men, most of whihc retired with a year of the world cup leaving a threadbare, inexperienced squad. But still, we beat you. And yet more evidence of 'whinging Australian bastards'. "It's not fair that you have a good kicker. We're going to complain to the Rugby governing body about this and try and change the rules to put you at as big a disadvantage as possible." Grow up.
Football: yes, you beat us in a friendly, against a team that started and ended with completely different players. Well done, now try and get to a world cup so we can beat you in a competitive game that might actually inspire the players to give a damn.
Athletics: Lets face it, people only care about the running and not swimming or the other coma-inducing sports. Boasting that a guy can do the front crawl faster than anyone - it's like boasting that you can go the longest time without blinking.
3. You're not English as you like to boast. Well done, but whilst you've been stupidly trying to prove you're not English (you're descendants were English, and only a few people can say 'we' when talking about the original Aboriginal settlers so jsut give up) you haven't noticed that you've now become an unofficial American colony. Your leader loves Bush so much he's overtaken Blair and is now constantly shafting Bush up the arse. Well done, you're now proud to be completely without identity. After all, Australian would mean you were British whether you like it or not because you're a monarchy and fly our flag whenever you fly yours.
4. I read an interesting fact recently - one third of you're people are out of the country at any one time, most of them in 'Pomland'. You Australians are so proud of your country, and us Englsih so ashamed of ours. But many Australians are over here making a living or fleeing to other countries, while the number of Britons outside the country is no where near a third.
5. Australia's economy is run by the English. English practices make up your governing and economical systems. Australia is also begging, and I mean that term literaly, for the English to move to Australia and take up all the vacant high skilled jobs that Australian society can't provide.
6. No-one cares about Australia's stance or views on anything. Australia has the political power of a koala. No-one cares about your suggestions, no-one cares about what you oppose and what you don't, no-one cares if your their ally or not. Your government wholeheartedly supported America because they probably thought 'hanging around the big guys will get me noticed'. Wrong! You still have no power or respect from any other nation in the world. I reckon you might even have good ideas, but the fact remains you have to use your place in the commmonwealth to gain some influence.
7. Heritage and history. This one always makes me laugh. Whenever I hear an Aussie say he's proud of Australia's heritage, I even see the less ignorant of his countrymen shake their heads and think of what a tosser this guy is. You have less to be proud of than the Americans, who were formed by the dregs of Europe, mostly the poorest of the poor of Ireland, who were looking for freedom and a better way of life. So at least it was formed from hope. Australia was formed as a way of getting rid of the unwanted British criminals - so you were a country formed by oppression. Yeah, you should be proud. Not only are you descendants of poms, you're descendants of the most unwanted, undesirable poms. Three cheers for Australian heritage. I'd also write something about the history but...well...this is all I can write. [However, I do want to say I acknowledge the Australians who fought with Britain in various wars, especiialy the world wars, and want to say thank you to all of you.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:17:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm failing to see the 'revelation' here.
I look at it this way...everyone fucks up their kids, how they turn out depends on what parts you fuck up and whether or not you teach them to deal with it. I spend more time speaking intelligently and logically with my 4 year old daughter than any other human in this world because it's not wasted breath, she is actually listening and soaking it up and isn't waiting for you to stop talking just so she can offer her own opinion.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:16:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy shit this was readable! Bravo!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:15:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tiger, I am sorry you have had to endure D_R's hate propaganda. It's like, all the hardships you've gone through in your life and there at the end is D_R: a lewd grin on his face & naked from the waist down with his last straw dangling in the wind.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:13:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AND WHAT THE *FUCK* HAPPENED AT GALLIPOLI ARSEFACE
oh that's right, you guys pussied out. speaking of pussying out, I used to play chess with this grizzly old frenchman in the park on lazy, carefree sundays on prefabricated benchtops with chessboards etched into them.
He used to um and ah, fart alot.
"So who do you think will win the world cup?" I asked. "Think you can fluke it and back up? check."
"I will tell you this. Without the colonies we are screwed. Senegal will beat us in the opening game, the group will be wide open like emission's mum's legs, and with Uruguay in the final group match, we are effectively screwed."
"You sure say screwed alot."
"pah. So does emissions mum."
[shrugs. back in 1992 I didn't even know who emission was.] "You don't seem worried. check."
"We french are scared about alot of things. [moving out of check] Fireworks, the Germans - Thierry Henry's lips asploding. Losing our "heritage" in Canada (he did the finger quotes thing), Algerian kiddies bonfiring our peugeots and mandatory military service, but one thing we are NOT scared of, is the english."
"what's that got to do with the world cup?"
"NOTHING."
"did you just say that because they're pussies?"
"exactly."
"checkmate."
"you Australians win EVERYTHING."
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:12:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You never used to be so racist D_R bot. Have those anti-immigration types been messing with your programming again?
Seriously though, what happened to you? Is it somehow paternaly related? Do you dread one of my people bewitching your daughter with our smooth brown skin and sweetly spiced breath? That she will be dazzled by our ancient sexual arts and whisked away to the subcontinent where she will be used as a novelty ethnic rape toy?
'Cause, you know, that hasn't been in fashion with us for YEARS.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 07:05:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah from eating barbequed badgers
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 06:54:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
we got poisoned?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 06:48:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So ummm yeah what happened in the rugby world cup you bunch of cork hat wearing, victoria beer drinking,barren landscape fuckers??
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 06:44:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<blinks>
I'll tell you what's funny you sand nigger. You guys having a grand slam tournament. We have one because we dominated the sport for so fucking long (oh there's an anomaly), the seppos for a similar reason - albeit a gay one, the french because....well i'm not sure, because of 'deuce' and William the Conqueror. If I was a swede I'd be pretty pissed off, like why isn't there a Swedish Grand Slam. Maybe that's why they beat you at football all the time, because they think you suck.
plus two tiger. rowr.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 06:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well cricket's more the one for cheating. Like that country that broke that babies arm so he'd bowl the ball in a weird way.
Ingenius really.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 06:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Its well known that Australia cheat at every sport they participate in. For example, Ricky Pointings team are really from the film I Robot with will smith. Bret Lee needs to have his spark plugs removed and replaced with jelly beans.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 06:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brown power.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 06:34:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please D_R. Scientists have proven that without significant synthetic hormonal replacement therapy white people cannot play tennis in international competative sport. They're simply to vulnerable to hereditary genetic weakness that is so commonplace in mutant strains.
Not that you'd know. Machines like you don't have genetics. Or hair.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 06:30:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 05:12:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
------
tsk-tsk.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 06:29:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you want 'chartity' bertram? For ten FUCKING years an Australian has let tim henman reach the quarter-finals of wimbledon, only to get bundled out by another. That fucker quitting isn't our fault, like beckham skying that penalty into the fifth row in portugal, although we get blamed for that too. get a haircut homo.
p.s. tiger I'm sorry to have left this on your leg. I mean post. well same thing in a round-abouts way. anyway osama bin berty started it. (please note my plus 2)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 06:29:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Berty, do be quiet, you shifty monk.
Submitted by bruzwuld (user info) at 2007-12-19 06:20:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 06:16:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Also Tiger is so fascinated by every word I say that she will not even notice her 'spoiled' (some might say blessed) rating.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 06:15:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The very concept of an Australian giving anyone charity is ludicrous. If you were to send anything to a charity it'd be a tupperware container which you'd farted into and a note telling them what a burden they are. I'm sure those fine people at the Regional Association for the Protection of Epileptics, Cripples, Uakari, Nubians & Tibetans will sorely miss your present.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 05:54:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
stupid hairy berty
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 05:53:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
berty ruined your rating btw
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 05:45:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 05:03:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Puns are the lowest form of wit D_R.
-------------------
i see how it is.
<removes rather EXPENSIVE charity present from under shopping mall christmas tree bound for birmingham welfare kiddies>
<pauses...>
<goes back and snatches less expensive charity present marked 'paki poor peoples get some traditional crusader goodwill up you'>
nevermind them tiger. I hope to see you in the superbowl. You'll be HOPPING mad if your pats don't get there on account of the team bus *RUNNING* late, not like they *WOOD* have a LEG TO STAND ON what with the tight airtime commitments and all. Maybe a pre-game wardrobe malfunction will get you off the HOOK (pirate reference - some pirates only have one leg), and NEW ENGLAND (NEW BECAUSE THEY *WIN* STUFF BERTY), can actually take the field in time for the star span*GLEd banner. (*work with me here)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 05:13:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, I dont believe they do. Odd huh.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 05:12:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Emission, does anyone actually say 'daycare' where you live?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 05:07:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Puns are awful.
Did everyone see that story on the news??
Apparently police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 05:03:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Puns are the lowest form of wit D_R.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-12-19 04:47:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always thought, you'd - you know, 'hop' out of bed. literally.
:o
:(
merry christmas to you and yours tiger. The Browns DESTROYED the bills on the weekend 'eh? Bit of a leg up for your 14 and 0 pats...
c'mon that's punny.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 04:45:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hello Berty, I am here.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 04:38:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still now I'm thinking to back when I was 15 and people were all like "DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE! GO TO UNI! GET A JOB! GET OFF MY FUCKING SOFA AND STOP WATCHING MY FUCKING TV!" so I went and started getting involved with people who listend to punk rock and drugs. The drugs were all good but those punk pricks represented a real low point for me. They were so far up their own arses that when they scratched their chins it was like Japanese porn.
Boys are the worst. I mean if it's a girl you can just raise her to be some kind of introverted weirdo and it'll all be good, but if it's a guy and you do that then the best you can hope for is some dingbat who moves to Australia to jerk off into a bucket on stage.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 04:30:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should raise your kids to be cops. Everyone likes cops apart from hippies and criminals so you'd be raising them in the right direction, if you know what I mean.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-12-19 04:29:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think as long as you can raise them to be strong and conquer their fears then you've won.
If you get to, like, 15 and they're still all "I can't achieve nuthin'" then I guess you can always send then to a seminary or the armed forces.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-19 04:09:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And Likewise to you....stay safe.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 04:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lucky me! Well have a lovely Christmas madam. It is a time for families.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-19 04:03:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sometimes I just don't feel like writing and I post nonsense. I think you caught me on a good morning. :)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 03:56:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This may sound rich coming from me but I just think you have grown up, weird thing to say maybe but you write differently now, like you are thinking about it.
Of course this will never happpen to yours truly as I am a maverick.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-12-19 03:54:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess I'm sorta likeable? Eh, maybe not.
Either way, thanks. People change. Right?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-19 03:52:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep you are the parent now. Go for it.
I used to not like you and now I like you. Go figure.