"The Haiku Mikoo Experience, Pt. 4" by Quinntheeskimo and Haiku Mikoo (436 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.12 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Haiku Mikoo (View user info) at 2007-12-14 01:45:38 EST
A couple of years ago, Quinn and I were bored at his Mother's house. We didn't feel like watching the original Star Wars or the Dollars (Clint Eastwood) trilogies again, so, I threw out some crazy ideas whilst Quinn molded them into beautiful pieces of literature. Over time, I proofed, edited, and added enough to the stories to post them on my account, with Quinn's rather sexy approval. Approval can be sexy too. There are a total of five parts, Jesus makes an appearance in part five, so stay tuned, man
Part One: http://www.ubersite.com/m/113407
Part Two: http://www.ubersite.com/m/113691
Part Three: http://www.ubersite.com/m/113712
Jim returned the following morning, dragging a severed leg at his side. The morning sun rose behind him, his dreadlocks now had a golden hue, he looked remarkably epic. He seemed to be of another world somehow; he seemed older, wiser, and with his golden hair he seemed even more powerful than ever before. Remembering ourselves, George stood and waved to Jim. Mikoo ran out to meet him. I waited patiently for him to come back to the camp, as movement was not my forte.
When Jim finally sat down, he was quiet for a long, long time. Then, he told us an incredible story:
Jim had drove for about an hour and a half until he reached the redneck village. There he crashed the truck into the first building he saw, reached into the bed, and using only a two-foot long wrench, killed every redneck he saw until he embedded the wrench into the skull of a redneck infant and couldn't dislodge it. He then tore the leg from one of the larger redneck corpses and finished the job, got into a new truck, and drove back. Sometime during the heat of battle, a bucket of golden paint fell on his head, and had dried before he had a chance to wash it out.
That part was mildly disappointing.
We packed our few belongings and began traveling again after a few days rest.
Later that day, we came to a great forest, its trees high and dark, with leaves so thick that sunlight rarely reached the ground. George used his Glam Sword to light the way, causing several small fires, which I put out with excess sandwiches those ungrateful bastards had steadily refused to eat.
We walked for hours and hours, unaware of time. We ate when we were hungry, slept when we were tired, until we finally came to a place where the road split.
"What now?" Everyone asked, turning to me.
"Huh? How the hell should I know? Ask Mikoo."
"What? Oh, right, lets go...left."
"Why?" Asked George.
"Because...going left is always going better than right."
It seemed that Mikoo's earth born powers didn't include intellect.
"That doesn't make any sense." I said.
"Whatever." Said Jim, and he started walking down the left hand path. We all followed.
Eventually we came upon a man, surrounded by tall, fair warriors. George addressed them.
"What are you doing? Is he a prisoner?"
"Go, foreigner, this is not your concern!"
"Foreigner? That's completely unfair, they're not even Glam!"
"Glam?" Asked one of the elves.
"You've never heard of Glam?" George shouted with genuine anger.
"Be gone, warrior!" Shouted another elf. "Be gone from our woods! You have no business here!"
"Fuck off, you angsty pricks! If we wanna walk, we can walk. We're with the savior of Awesome, do you really want to get the business? Do you?"
At the mention of Mikoo the Elves' eyes grew wide. Several drew their swords. I reached into the sandwich bag, and grabbed a stale PB&J. Jim took a swig of wine and turned on his AM radio. George donned his Glam glasses and drew the Glam Sword.
"One last warning!" Cried the lead Elf.
That was when I threw the sandwich. It lodged in the elf leader's throat, killing him in an instant. The battle was joined.
We wasted the elves in a matter of seconds, leaving their bodies askew and mangled. We helped the man from the cage, who then began yelling at us.
"Who the fuck are you guys? Those Elves were helping me you assholes!" The man became intensely quiet, furrowing what little brow he had. "Seriously, what the fuck?"
"Protect you?" I screamed. "You were in a cage!"
"Yeah, a protection cage! PRO-TECT-SHUN cage! Safe cage!" The man lit a cigarette, and reached into his thick, leather coat to pull out a half-pint of Jack Daniels.
His coat was an oddity. hell, the man was an oddity. He was thin, incredibly thin, like Iggy Pop after a month's worth of fasting. He seemed to be constantly smoking or drinking, or both. He had dark hair, dirty pants, and a jacket too big for him covered in all kinds of protective charms and insignia.
"We thought we were saving you." Said Mikoo. "You can't be mad if we meant to help."
"Yeah!" I said. "Also, if we could beat those Elves, then they obviously weren't very good protectors. You're better off with us, man."
"Hmmm..." The strange man pondered my words as he pulled out another cigarette. "Makes sense. Anyone got a light?" George promptly lit his cigarette with his already ignited Glam Sword.
And so, with this new addition, whose name was called Sean, we trekked on into the forest.
"So, who were they protecting you from? And why?" Mikoo asked.
"Well, I am the only person who knows the secret to eternal life. Unfortunately, I can only work it on elves, so elves are pretty much always fighting over me. It's a huge pain in the ass, and I refuse to give up my secret until the fighting ends."
"Why don't they just join each other and learn it together?" George asked.
"Elves are pretty fucking gay. Like alligators, but they can talk." Sean answered.
"Totally." I said. I knew at that moment, Sean and me would become good friends.
The day wore on in the woodlands, and as it did, we became increasingly more aware that we were being followed (which may or may not have been due to a hole in my sandwich bag, luckily Sean was a "qualified" seamstress, as indicated by his jacket). This became expressively clear when several arrows peppered the ground around us. We began fleeing from our unseen foes.
"Ah!" I yelled.
"Fuckin' shit!" Sean shouted.
We ran harder and faster, faster and harder. We could feel the elves closing in behind us. We could hear the arrows whistling by our heads, and then, in the distance, we could see the edge of the forest.
"I can see the end!" Sean shouted. "The elves are too pussy to leave the woods! We just gotta make it to the end!" We ran faster, when suddenly, George tripped on his scarf, sending sequins shrapnel flying everywhere and spraining his ankle.
"Leave me, get Mikoo out of here!" He screamed.
"Never!" I cried, as I lifted him onto my shoulders with the help of Sean. Weighed down by the Glam Warrior, the elves easily caught up to us. We could have been easily killed, but George, while clinging to my back, beat off the elves with the Glam sword, keeping Sean and me safe.
Mikoo, who was in the lead, suddenly stopped and slowly turned to face the elves. "Run." He commanded. "Run, and I will stop them."
Jim stood by Mikoo. "Uhhh...no.?"
"Jim, you have to. I can handle them, I can stop them, but you all must go, because if you don't, you will be destroyed."
"We can't leave you here, you're the savior!" I intervened.
"And maybe this is where I, like saviors before me, sacrifice myself for my followers. You guys have to go on and keep the Awesome going. Now...run!"
"Uhhh...ok." muttered Jim.
Arrows continued to land all around us. Sean, George and I finally caught up to Jim and Mikoo. Sean heard Mikoo ordering us to run, but turned to see Jim standing there, unmoved. Without thinking, he picked up Jim and carried him out of the forest. The last thing we saw was Mikoo in a single, swift motion, uproot a tree with each hand, and smash them together, creating a shock wave easily exceeding Mach 94. We were hurled to the ground far outside of the woods by the blast, panting on the ground.
We went back as soon as we could to find Mikoo, but all we could find were mangled elven corpses, or, at least what we assumed were elves...Mikoo was gone. We searched for any sign of him, but all we found were his pants, and his belt. With no time to mourn, we buried this in the deep pits left by the trees he had uprooted, and traveled on, just the four of us, walking into the unknown.
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-18 15:29:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You've got a good thing here. The writing is good and solid... very good. The plot is beyond original. The humor is on point. I'm impressed!
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-15 15:26:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Talibandrew (user info) at 2007-12-14 19:55:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, meant a +2.
Submitted by Talibandrew (user info) at 2007-12-14 19:53:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Once again, I have an issue with the whole "sequins" ordeal. Sequins is the plural of sequin. Therefore, in the part "sending sequins shrapnel flying everywhere," wouldn't it be "sending sequin shrapnel everywhere"? Just doesn't sound right being plural there. Maybe you are wrong, maybe I'm just retarded. Probably both. Still decent story.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-14 14:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-14 07:38:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this and I've come to the conclusion that there is too many inside jokes going on within this story. I will continue reading, however. How many more parts are there?
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There are, and just one more.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-14 12:01:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Well, I am the only person who knows the secret to eternal life. Unfortunately, I can only work it on elves"
This part cracked me up, for obvious reasons.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-14 10:50:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-12-14 09:46:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-14 07:38:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this and I've come to the conclusion that there is too many inside jokes going on within this story. I will continue reading, however. How many more parts are there?
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-12-14 06:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Under new management.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-14 06:20:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why not.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-14 06:20:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-12-14 11:03:23 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-14 03:27:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Because I can.
because i got laid .
===========
How was the lucky fellow?
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-12-14 06:03:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
forgot to rate xcuse me..
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-12-14 06:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-14 03:27:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Because I can.
because i got laid .
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-14 03:27:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Because I can.