"The Haiku Mikoo Experience, Pt. 3" by Quinntheeskimo and Haiku Mikoo (534 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.41 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Haiku Mikoo (View user info) at 2007-12-13 00:39:41 EST
Part One: http://www.ubersite.com/m/113407
Part Two: http://www.ubersite.com/m/113691
Mikoo stood alone, silhouetted against the hazy sand. The truck was almost upon him when, in a single swift motion, he tore a palm tree out of the ground and hit the truck with all of his Mikoo might. I watched in awe as the truck exploded in a giant fireball of pain and terror, leaving nothing but a spinning hubcap, a charred bro and a melted pair of sunglasses.
Slowly, George, Jim, and myself crawled out of the palms. Mikoo rested on his knees in the sand, panting. Xanadu, who had gotten lonely and come back to the scene of battle, rested in the shade of the palms.
The campfire burned low. Jim slept while George sewed more sequence onto his pants. Mikoo and myself were staring at the low hills, where dark shapes were moving.
"What are those?" Mikoo asked.
"I don't really know," I answered, "Maybe some bros grieving for their lost brother, or some rednecks poaching coyote."
"Will more...bros, come and attack us?" Mikoo asked.
"No, no. Most bros are just jerks. All talk. They suck. Balls. Hard."
"Huh. Okay."
The next morning, we set out on Xanadu's mostly loyal back across the hard pan as the unforgiving sun bore down on our backs. I reached into my satchel and grabbed a sandwich. I offered more sandwiches to everyone else. They declined.
Not but a few minutes later, numerous rusted over old trucks were spotted in the distance by George. "Hey, hey! Rednecks!"
Jim turned, and for a moment, looked nervous. George leaped off Xanadu, simultaneously reaching into his silver pants for his infamous Glam Sword as he landed gracefully on the hot sand. I felt a wave of heat across my face as he ignited the broad, hot pink sword of Glam. Xanadu stopped walking to sniff the curious looking blade, singing her nose in the process.
The truck pulled up next to us, and immediately two drunken rednecks started shouting and mocking us.
"Hey, ya damn hippies! Cutch'er damn hair!" said the lankier of rednecks.
"Heh, yeah! Cut it!" chimed in the fat one.
The rednecks withdrew from their hurtful banter for a few moments to force out disgusting cackles of laughter through even more disgusting rows of yellow, rotting teeth.
Jim sat silently. Mikoo looked confused. I yelled back "Well, you guys, you guys are just dumb. Dumbos. Dumby McDumbersons!"
"What?" Said the fat one.
"I called you dumb. So there!" I shouted.
I looked back at my friends for support, but they all looked just as embarrassed as I was. Before I had time to redeem myself, one of the rednecks started shooting. He missed, of course, being drunk...and more importantly, a redneck. George leaped into the air and, raising his sword of Glam, punched a searing hole deep into the hood of the truck, rendering it immobile.
The skinny redneck shot George point blank in the chest, but, luckily, it bounced off his now gleaming sequenced scarf. George raised the sword again, but didn't notice that the fat one had gotten out of the truck. The fat excuse of a man punched him in the back of the knee, immediately knocking George to the ground.
Jim, seeing that George was pretty much worthless in a fight, ran to his aid, and karate chopped the fat redneck in the eye, getting redneck eye juice all over George's silver pants.
George looked perturbed.
Jim shrugged as the skinny redneck crawled out of his window, ostensibly doing his best NASCAR driver impersonation, when Jim grabbed him by the collar and threw him on the ground. George slowly stood up, and cringed as he watched Jim choke the redneck until blood began to trickle out of his ears, nose, and mouth.
Jim and George walked back over to us. "What the fuck, guys! Here we are, getting shot at, almost getting killed by a pair of asshole rednecks, and you guys just sat on Xanadu, watching!"
"Hey, the only stinking power I have is a magic bag full of sandwiches. That's all I got. Yeah. What good would I be? I'm practically the Mom of the group!"
"He makes a valid point," said Mikoo. "His power is pretty lame."
"Fuck you guys." We all said at the same time.
"Whatever." We all said in unison.
We climbed back on Xanadu, and rode on through the desert; unaware of the danger that was now pursuing us.
Within a half an hour a dozen rednecks had caught up to us, shooting, shouting and drinking. We looked at them with mixed feelings of shock and anger. Soon they had us surrounded, and we stood, trapped.
"Hey, you fuggin' pussy liberals! You fuckers killed Jeb and Mack!"
"Yeah! Bastards!"
"Hey, they started shit with us!" I shouted.
"Quiet down, Quinn." George said. "Prepare yourself, you're going to have to fight this time."
"Yeah, ya fat bastard!" Yelled a redneck.
"Right...that made sense, after all, you are the epitome of fitness." Said Mikoo.
"Fuck that! Get 'em!" The rednecks charged wielding broken bottles and guns.
George blasted the leading three rednecks with Glam beams, and then drew his deadly Glam Sword as the rest closed in. Mikoo punched one charging redneck straight in the center of his face. We all paused for a moment and watched watched as his fist burst out of the back of the redneck's head. Knowing there was no time to stand around and watch the others, I reached into the poison sandwiches compartment of my magic bag, and hurled them into the gaping maws of the rednecks. George threw me a glance of approval as the rednecks writhed and convulsed on the ground, foaming at the mouth.
Xanadu charged past me, almost knocking me off my feet and ate three rednecks sitting terrified in their truck.
Then Jim stepped up.
Several of the rednecks stopped. "Hey, Nigger! Watchu gon' do, rob us to death?" They laughed. "Yeah, betcha his name is Tyrone or, or...Demond! Ha ha ha!"
The man had made a deadly mistake. Jim had in fact, been known as Demond during his dark childhood. No one knew exactly why, but if you called him by his real name, chances were it would be the last time you made that mistake.
Jim stared at the rednecks, hard, then charged. He ripped a chipped, rusty radio antennae from one of their trucks, and stabbed the closest redneck in the eye, then lifted the skewered redneck into the air and swung him into several more, sending multiple rednecks flying in all directions. Jim then pulled a bat out of one of their trucks and began randomly pummeling the rednecks about the knees and chest, leaving them battered and broken, but alive, on the ground.
It was such a grim spectacle of pure rage; all the rest of us could do was watch.
When the fight was over, there were bloody bodies strewn about the circle of trucks. Jim slowly got into one, and we all looked at him, confused.
"I have to go take care of some things." He said quietly as he turned the engine on. He flipped on the AM radio, and drove off slowly. We watched him until dusk, the sound of Jim Rome's voice growing faint in the distance. Then, we cleared the corpses and made camp within the circle of automobiles, and there, we waited for Jim's return.
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-18 15:27:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think the rednecks would miss their shot.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-15 15:23:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-13 17:06:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny you should ask that; I was watching a Steve Martin interview on PBS about his autobiography, and it occurred to me that I could probably sum up my life with a handful of summarized memories, as opposed to a 300+(or whatever number+) page book. Granted, I'm only twenty, and not nearly as interesting, but still.
I thought about posting it as a short, Haiku Mikoo Timeline, but first I have to post 4 and 5 of HME (both of which I finished about an hour ago), and another post I have in mind.
Funny how I responded like you actually care, huh?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-13 16:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What's your damage, little boy? You've got a sick and twisted world perspective.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-13 16:33:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
im getting a bit fed up with all the bitchiness on this stoopid site
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me too, old chap, me too.
CAPITAL CAPITAL
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-13 15:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Talibandrew (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:24:33 PST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think I just forgot about it by the end of the last story. Not trying to be a douche, which is quite out of character for me, that's why I didn't -2die you. Good story though.
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But of course, oh, and it was used several more times. Seriously, thanks for pointing that out, I really hate spelling things wrong. Even when stinking drunk I put a lot of effort into it, no idea why.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-13 15:36:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, this was good. I don't know if this was intentional punditry or not, but "simultaneously reaching into his silver pants for his infamous Glam Sword" was fucking great.
Submitted by Talibandrew (user info) at 2007-12-13 15:24:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think I just forgot about it by the end of the last story. Not trying to be a douche, which is quite out of character for me, that's why I didn't -2die you. Good story though.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-13 14:36:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Talibandrew (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:09:08 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
Am I the only one who notices that "George sewed more sequence onto his pants"? Shouldn't this be sequins? You did this in the last one too but I didn't say anything...
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You should have said something, I don't know if the word is even used in the rest of the series, I hope it is, so I can change it.
I prefer to have things like that pointed out to me, unless you're going to be a douche and -2 because I spelled one word wrong, and an extremely gay word at that.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:11:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sequins, unless you meant to say sequence but that would be more like Fungah
good action
Submitted by Talibandrew (user info) at 2007-12-13 12:09:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Am I the only one who notices that "George sewed more sequence onto his pants"? Shouldn't this be sequins? You did this in the last one too but I didn't say anything...
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:43:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you for heeding my advice...I'm still not reading this.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:09:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"George slowly stood up, and cringed as he watched Jim choke the redneck until blood began to trickle out of his ears, nose, and mouth."
I've had dreams like this. I usually wake up sticky in my happy place.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-12-13 06:39:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:36:57 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-12-13 01:26:54 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you feel validated now? Moaning fag.
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Its ok sure hurty will be here soon.....
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HOW HILARIOUS.
These are... I dunno. "Meh" I suppose.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-12-13 01:26:54 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you feel validated now? Moaning fag.
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Its ok sure hurty will be here soon.....
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-12-13 01:26:54 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you feel validated now? Moaning fag.
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I don't remember complaining, I think I called you a random douchebag, seems like a pretty mild insult for the internetz to me.
But to answer your question, an emphatic yes, I can put the razor down for another night...
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:31:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:30:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:26:54 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you feel validated now? Moaning fag.
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The poster never moaned, you idiot. Lordy, post something or die, whatever, your choice.
Uber, a happy place. No, you are right, that is just wrong. Where would all us assholes hangout?:)
--
Probably at my house, I'm starting a refuge!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:30:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:26:54 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you feel validated now? Moaning fag.
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The poster never moaned, you idiot. Lordy, post something or die, whatever, your choice.
Uber, a happy place. No, you are right, that is just wrong. Where would all us assholes hangout?:)
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:26:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you feel validated now? Moaning fag.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:26:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Uber would be a happier place
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Hap...happ...happy place?
Ma'am, your words frighten and confuse me.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:22:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-13 09:12:04 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ms. Orphelia, I wasn't actually angry. Whenever I say something mean about someone on this site, I try to make fun of myself at the same time to illustrate that. Yet, it never seems to work.
Perhaps it's the lack of emoticons, or maybe I simply have no tact with text.
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I tried to start an emoticons campaign, people are always taking people the wrong way. Alas, it never caught on. I formally request to Bart that in the comments section, we have a choice of faces to choose from to submit along with our comments. One step closer to becoming myspace but Uber would be a happier place. :)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:18:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
im good looking and clever, I think I maybe the WHOLE package. However I need a new girlfriend.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:14:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He can't even spell wolf right. At least my alter was a poster not a comment dropper.
I wasn't very good at the whole secrecy thing anyway. What is it like to be clever?
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:14:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 01:10:07 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
I mean whats the point in woolfe? an alter used to minus 2 this post, for gods sake people, grow up.
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Eh, it's possible it's just some random douche that genuinely dislikes my posts, but given the fact that I'm a total asshole, your theory is at least equally possible.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:12:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ms. Orphelia, I wasn't actually angry. Whenever I say something mean about someone on this site, I try to make fun of myself at the same time to illustrate that. Yet, it never seems to work.
Perhaps it's the lack of emoticons, or maybe I simply have no tact with text.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:10:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I mean whats the point in woolfe? an alter used to minus 2 this post, for gods sake people, grow up.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:07:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought the guy would find it funny.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:07:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Read all my posts, eh?
How can I ever make it up to you?
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:05:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
2 authors = twice the suckage
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
im getting a bit fed up with all the bitchiness on this stoopid site.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:03:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was a joke, sweetcheeks, I made up with a +2. Pathetic? No. Not at all. I have read all your posts, I just don't rate everything. Don't sweat it. Only a website.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-13 04:01:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't wear 'em Em. This guy really irks me. I was minding my own business, staying away from his posts but oh no! He has to drop a big fat -2 all over my ugly mug. Hehe don't mess witha girl who has a broken nose and cauliflower ear hehe
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-12-13 03:59:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-13 00:54:25 PST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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I'm not sure what's more pathetic, being an avid attention whore on the internet, or caring enough to retal.
Or maybe it's this post!
Zing!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 03:55:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
uh oh Orphelias knickers are stuck up her foo foo again
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-12-13 03:54:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-12-13 03:19:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I do like.