Berty Tries (and fails) to define the English Character (1698 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.7 on 126 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Berty (View user info) at 2007-11-16 05:56:07 EST
So yeah...
I feel I should do a follow up on my previous post about the nature of America with a post about the nature of good old Blighty and the national character therein.
England, like many places in Europe these days, is a mish-mash of cultures, races and creeds crammed into an ancient society on an ancient isle. Unlike the American national identity which is a nice simple definition of panic shone through the prisms of the states into various different hues, the English character is a far more complicated beast. It exists in layers and it is those layers that we're going to look at today.
As a starting point we shall look at the traditional English values that form much of the structure of our architecture and our past; namely the British love of stoicism and masochism. Whilst not on a par with the inhuman Russian level of self-oppressive flagellation, the British and the English are a cold nation, climate wise, and suffering is common particularly amongst the poor. You may have heard the English love of queuing remarked upon. This is a symptom of our traditional belief that we all have a duty to endure hardship in some form or another. I personally believe that this is why our transport (both rail and road) is so abominably shite.
As you may have gathered from my use of the word 'British', this is a trait shared by the ethnic minorities of Scotland, Wales and Ireland. It is not, however, shared by the Commonwealth, an integral part of English society that has manifested itself in England increasingly prominently over the last 70 or so years and has led to some... divergence from this central trait. In order to avoid offending the barbarians, shit-shovelers, seamen and thugs from the rest of the Kingdom I shall restrict myself to commenting on the English and the effects our friends from the colonies have had on us.
So yes, the Commonwealth. I suspect many foreign Uberers will have only the most basic grasp of the Commonwealth, in truth I suspect many of my countrymen also share their ignorance, so I shall briefly outline it for them. The Commonwealth is made up of the nations that either fell directly under the British Empire or under her stewardship. Due to that stoic, masochistic trend in British thinking the Empire inflicted great cruelty upon the people under her control. Not out of spite particularly, but rather a sort of unthinking brutal belief that they needed to suffer and that they would be upset if they DIDN'T suffer.
You see the Commonwealth gets on fairly well with England, in spite of the general atrocities or perhaps because of them. THIS is the true glory of the English character you see; other nations perpetrate gross abuse to populations but with the English it's so abstract that it's easy to smile along with the torturer. There's no real hate you see, just this mindless lack of compassion and general embarrassment. Why, just look at the recent troubles with Al Qaeda, Israel and all that. It's all the fault of England, we did all of that what pissed them all off yet they don't seem all that bothered by us considering it's meant to be an ideological struggle.
Besides, we trade loads with the Commonwealth and the wounds of yesterday are easily healed with lots and lots of money.
Back to England then. After the 2nd World War there was a large influx of immigrants from the Commonwealth, and the crude English were startled to find all manner of funny looking people who couldn't speak the language moving in next door. Apart from generally expanding the English diet though, the cultural impact was very slow to register. To this day, whilst we generally get along, the mingling of cultures was prevented by a chasm of awkwardness. The English have always assimilated immigrants in the past, my own family were immigrants to this great nation long ago for instance, adding their distinctiveness to the secret juggernaut that is English culture. This new wave was on a far, far larger scale though and the differences far more pronounced. Fortunately for all involved the previous 200 years had cultivated a curiosity amongst the English for other peoples of the world, so the new folks were allowed to step up from whatever poverty they had fled from to good old English poverty that had been the envy of the world for so long.
As time went by the children of the newcomers met the children of the natives, much to the dismay of everyone, and English culture was forced to change. We've been grappling with the concepts of equality, social integration and generally getting along with people for a while now. After rebuilding the ruins of WW2 under the shadow of nuclear annihilation; the stern English character has softened somewhat. Economically; we have become a nation of statesmen and bankers. Consultants and bit players.
From the punk movement of the 70's and the modern day urban scene can be seen a grimy, radical, zeal that makes up another layer in the strata of that nebulous fellow; the English character. It should not be confused with rebellion. We're all far too introverted and elitist for that. Rather it is a pursuit of change, of expression, perhaps, dare I say, of art.
From this fertile layer, nourished by the stoic mania of the fundamental order, which the greatest British trait emerges: our humour. The people of great Britain are, both on average and in achievement, the funniest, wittiest, wryest people on earth. This actually has a lot to do with our language, interestingly enough. Its Germanic routes give it a sort of rhyming flow yet is complicated enough to be used in all sorts of fascinating ways.
Now all of this is a generalisation; different areas of the country exhibit different characteristics. People from the North are generally far cruder than their counterparts in the South, who in turn are far more slimy and duplicitous than their counterparts in the north. The Midlanders tend to be unimaginative and the Easterners far more bewildered. The Westerners tend to be Welsh, which doesn't really bear thinking about at all. So there you have it I suppose, as best as I can articulate. We're complicated and simple, emotional and emotionless. We don't defy explanation; we just make an awfully big meal of it. I hope this lends some insight into why we're so infinitely awesome and so hopelessly lame.
User Reviews
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-13 15:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how very introspective... ?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-13 15:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is interesting, though I'd still like someone to be able to more than vaguely describe Wales and the Welsh character, as I have no clue about them at all, other than the fact that they exist.
In that aspect, they're reminiscent of Toucans, which I know exist, but only know that they're a bird, and they live in Central and South America in the tropics. That's all.
So I guess in conclusion, I know nothing about Wales or the Welsh, or Toucans for that matter, and have totally befuddled myself by asking about them in the first place.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-19 17:39:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nobody speak to Berty. He never replies to emails :(
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-11-19 16:26:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-16 20:25:32 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
i love all this english aussie kiwi saffa stuff. i really do.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-11-19 11:50:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanx for restoring some of my faith in my country.
I sometimes have the opinion it isn't so great, seems it is different for a visitor.
(After reconsidering some days, i still have no witty response...)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113112#2580341
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-18 10:19:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-18 10:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-17 16:13:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I couldn't get through the second paragraph because I was suffering from extreme boredom.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-16 23:25:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
good at hitting them though
i love all this english aussie kiwi saffa stuff. i really do.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-11-16 23:09:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
as for the national traits, you forgot to mention: "not very good at catching cricket balls"
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-11-16 23:07:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The people of great Britain are, both on average and in achievement, the funniest, wittiest, wryest people on earth
rubbish
the Bugnganalini people of the western desert are the funniest by far
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-16 22:14:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was very insightful, I particularly enjoyed the bit about the English language and it's great usage for the purpose of humor. I think that one of the reason's this is so is because so many of our words carry double, or sometimes even triple meanings.
English language humor is somewhat like playing scrabble, it requires wit, intelligence, and a large vocabulary.
Nice post.
Submitted by TheDoctor (user info) at 2007-11-16 15:09:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-16 14:02:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-11-16 13:56:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-11-16 18:22:59 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
BUT WHAT OF THE TEA?
Also, are the Scots, Welsh and Irish really "ethnic minorities?"
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I dont consider myself ethnic, I dislike beaded jewelery
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-11-16 13:22:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BUT WHAT OF THE TEA?
Also, are the Scots, Welsh and Irish really "ethnic minorities?" Because, well, I can't really think of a delicate way to say it, so never mind.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-16 13:17:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-16 16:21:08 GMT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm really into UK punk...
======
Bands you should like:
Crass
Zounds!
Flux of Pink Indians
UK Subs
Conflict
Oi! Polloi
Sham 69 (mainly for their song 'So What')
============
I saw Conflict play in NYC a few months ago. Are you talking about the Anti-Nowhere League song? Crass is great, but it's probably good that they broke up.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-11-16 13:07:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:07:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, apart from the poor ones from South Wales of course. They'll stab you for the loose change in your pocket.
***
hey!, that was in the "before" times cause now we got guns!
and pretty soon we'll find some bullets for them...
you'll see
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-11-16 12:54:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
would you like to see
Brittania rule again
my friend
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-11-16 12:35:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
super.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mike,
As a cruiser-style motorcycle owner, I must say that England is NOT the place for it. The roads are too narrow and windey, the surfaces too uneven, the weather too poor, and the fact you have to wear a helmet all the time totally kills the look.
I'm dumping it for a half-faired sports bike, and i'd suggest anybody who isn't a Sunday Biker to do the same.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:32:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not until he buys a snazzier overcoat. I mean I am EI and have fabulous dress sense, poor old Gordon needs a makeover, shoes with a raised heel, scarf funkily tied round his neck, drawn on moustache, a cane and finally a monocle.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:30:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:28:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sham whatever they are called are A SHAM!! ahHAhahHhAhahahaha
And Drogo you are right, I love letting other countries having things we dont want , yes I do make the decisions. Because I am EI.
--
Oh cool. When are your giving them Gordon Brown?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:28:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sham whatever they are called are A SHAM!! ahHAhahHhAhahahaha
And Drogo you are right, I love letting other countries having things we dont want , yes I do make the decisions. Because I am EI.
How we love the Falklands though.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:28:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-16 16:21:08 GMT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm really into UK punk...
======
Bands you should like:
Crass
Zounds!
Flux of Pink Indians
UK Subs
Conflict
Oi! Polloi
Sham 69 (mainly for their song 'So What')
------
i had better be getting all that. or i'll fucking stab you.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:26:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:22:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LEAVE IT ALONE ITS OURS!
--
Let them have it Em, i mean it's punk! Who really gives a shit about it? Let them take it and pretend that it is theirs then we can stop apologising for it and blame them instead.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-16 16:21:08 GMT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm really into UK punk...
======
Bands you should like:
Crass
Zounds!
Flux of Pink Indians
UK Subs
Conflict
Oi! Polloi
Sham 69 (mainly for their song 'So What')
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:25:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and stop typing in our language - use a non-commie font!!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:22:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LEAVE IT ALONE ITS OURS!
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:21:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm really into UK punk...
Just thought I'd toss that out there.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:19:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So what you're trying to say is that you're all a bunch of imperialist cunts. Or something to that effect.
And you guys aren't cold, you get warm water from the gulf stream. How many inches of snow do you get in a year?
I hear Russians are big on lining up too, maybe you should ally with them you godless communists.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:18:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2007-11-16 16:16:19 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best thing to do with Portsmouth, in my opinion.
I wonder how long you have to live outside the motherland to start acquiring foreign traits. I mean, I know I'm surely not a Yank at this point, but when do I just become "different"?
Curious.
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As soon as you start assume knowledge of everything worldwide, is when you know you have become at one with America.
Oh and also when you start wearing a cowboy hat.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:18:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:16:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We will burn you at the rubbled ruins of Portsmouth, Katy.
_________________________________________________________
Best thing to do with Portsmouth, in my opinion.
I wonder how long you have to live outside the motherland to start acquiring foreign traits. I mean, I know I'm surely not a Yank at this point, but when do I just become "different"?
Curious.
---
some of us will always smell it on you.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:16:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We will burn you at the rubbled ruins of Portsmouth, Katy.
_________________________________________________________
Best thing to do with Portsmouth, in my opinion.
I wonder how long you have to live outside the motherland to start acquiring foreign traits. I mean, I know I'm surely not a Yank at this point, but when do I just become "different"?
Curious.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:13:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
northern*
---
very close to being kicked back across the pond for that. - nice save.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:10:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Too many, witch women.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We will burn you at the rubbled ruins of Portsmouth, Katy.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
northern*
HOW MANY REVIEWS IN A ROW CAN I LEAVE?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
uk = + ireland
britain = entire sheep fucking island.
i think.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:08:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah but i don't have to pay attention til i'm actually in england.
it's why i continue to use Zs and leave out all those extra Us.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:08:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I believes in correct English.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-16 16:06:10 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
no - us commonwealthians can't stand the term 'write someone' - you write 'to' someone
they'll test you on that when you try to get in
==========
Damn right. Also on your knowledge of what is the UK and what is Great Britain.
Important stuff.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:06:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no - us commonwealthians can't stand the term 'write someone' - you write 'to' someone
they'll test you on that when you try to get in
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:02:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
um hurty, you do realize "writing to" and "writing" someone are the same thing right?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-11-16 11:01:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i meant to put you on my list.
this was splendid.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:59:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nobody can deny the British are a fucking laugh riot.
Red Dwarf, Black Adder, Are you being served, and all those other BBC shows give me an erection.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:58:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 15:52:45 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm getting you a convertible, so your hair can be free!!!!!!
yeah well, you still have a foot in the door over me. they don't want us dirty seppos :(
I'M WRITING THE QUEEN!!
========
Congratulations. You've done it.
Next time maybe write *to* her?
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:56:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:52:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm getting you a convertible, so your hair can be free!!!!!!
yeah well, you still have a foot in the door over me. they don't want us dirty seppos :(
I'M WRITING THE QUEEN!!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you Katy. Whilst I currently drive a clapped out Ford Fiesta I've often felt that a Mazarati would be more 'me'.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:45:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry.
but didn't have irish passport, so here as aussie - ready to get residency at the start of next year, and then they'll never be rid of me.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh well fuck that doesn't help at all. i was hoping you were american and moved :(
ireland already has a foot in the door.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:42:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well, thanks nellypal.
anyway, inion, i was born in ireland, but grew up in australia, and have been in uk for the last 5 years - what do you want to know - i know heaps.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:40:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
orph where are you originally fun? i may want to ask you loads of immigration questions.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:38:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:23:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*shrug*
You can buy a harley if you like Bigmike, it's your money. Just be prepared to be cold, wet and crippled afterwards. At least it'll be more economical than a car.
-----
actually one of the big harleys may not be much more economical than your car. although it will probably break down less and is easier to push up hill when it does.
if i win the lotto i'm buying you a new car berty.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:35:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:30:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
could this be the longest +2 streak ever.
England kicks ass - i love living here - you guys are weird, in a good way
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:28:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:11:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aboriginals aren't people you dork. jesus. but you keep up with the whole promised land thing captain caveman, one day the rest of the world will regress and think, oh m'kay, picking on actually authentic black people is cool. dickhead. reality check grand dragon: A DENGO TEEK MEH BEBY screamed the most likely halfcast kiwi religious zealot. what, fucking, ever.
HUH???????
Speak engrish, muhfucka....
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:24:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Red coats and desperation-heavy laughs.
That's all, that's all, that's all, that's all.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:23:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*shrug*
You can buy a harley if you like Bigmike, it's your money. Just be prepared to be cold, wet and crippled afterwards. At least it'll be more economical than a car.
You'd probably like Cricket actually. It's a lot like Baseball in many ways only with funnier chants. You'll be like a rabbit in the headlights when people start spontaneously shouting random racial slurs at one another, but you'll soon get the knack of it I'm sure.
Heh, that reminds me of a time I was in Georgia attending an Eagle Scout ceremony and suddenly everyone stood up suddenly and started reciting the oath of allegiance. I didn't have a clue what the fuck to do or what was about to happen next. I wouldn't have been surprised if the doors had been flung open and a pair of shriners rode tiny motorbikes past the audience.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:15:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:01:59 CST (#)
Ranking: 2
Das ist ja großartig!
======
Ja, großer Spaß auch!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:12:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
make that 'ethnic'. you fucking nazi.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:11:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aboriginals aren't people you dork. jesus. but you keep up with the whole promised land thing captain caveman, one day the rest of the world will regress and think, oh m'kay, picking on actually authentic black people is cool. dickhead. reality check grand dragon: A DENGO TEEK MEH BEBY screamed the most likely halfcast kiwi religious zealot. what, fucking, ever.
you have a problem with coloured and ethic people drew, own the fuck up.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:11:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:08:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bigmike, nothing provokes an Englishman to contempt-filled murder more than an outsider attempting to ape English slang. When an American, any American, tries to put an R and an E into 'Ass' it grates and squeals against the unatural positioning of the letters and causes the very soul of any Englishman in ear-shot to recoil in horror.
So don't bother. Stick with your 'ass' and your baseball analogies and we'll all get along fine.
Cool, then I can be myself, swear as I like, and not pretend to be British. Thank friggin god. WOuld I have to play Cricket though? Maybe I could just start my own baseball league there.
Oh, and I'd still but a Harley. :)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:10:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also you can drive a massive car in England if you like but everyone else on the road will hate you, you won't be able to park anywhere and you'll be bankrupt in a month.
------------------
Although having said that if you retire to London then that'd be true no matter what you do.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:08:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I drive a Jeep Wrangler. Not so big, but those new Mercedes' that are about the size of a large cat really don't do much for my largeness. Yes, that's largeness.
Maybe I'd just buy a bicycle.
Or a big fucking Harley.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:08:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bigmike, nothing provokes an Englishman to contempt-filled murder more than an outsider attempting to ape English slang. When an American, any American, tries to put an R and an E into 'Ass' it grates and squeals against the unatural positioning of the letters and causes the very soul of any Englishman in ear-shot to recoil in horror.
So don't bother. Stick with your 'ass' and your baseball analogies and we'll all get along fine.
Also you can drive a massive car in England if you like but everyone else on the road will hate you, you won't be able to park anywhere and you'll be bankrupt in a month.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:03:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:59:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now, a question:
If I move there for retirement, do I have to drive a car the size of a roller skate? :)
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the size of their cars absolutely fascinated me. i saw ONE range rover, american sized and it looked ridiculous in the midst of all these economically sized cars. it's not so bad driving a small car there. i saw a smart care, it was visible around other cars. here, i drive a honda civic, you absolutely cannot see me if you're driving a fucking chevy tahoe. i get nearly hit several a couple times every day and i have a 15 min commute on the longside because people just can't see me.
SUVS ARE NOT THE WAY PEOPLE!! STOP BEING DICKS!!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:02:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
England seemed like such a beautiful place from afar
until one day I saw how miserable things really are
all fantastic images they only are apparent
propagated just by hope
and desire to share it
beauty was the allure that brought me close to you
loneliness was the bond that made me stick like glue
all fantastic images they only are apparent
promoted by desperate hope
that things are somewhere better
I don't have a thing against fantasy
but to chase it down just doesn't make sense to me
if your only hope is simply peace and love
you end up discarding most of what you're made of
what you're made of...
all fantastic images they only are apparent
promoted by desperate hope
that things are somewhere better
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiotWu-00q0
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:01:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Das ist ja großartig!
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-11-16 10:00:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nah. My forefathers were.
While we're on the subject though, how's that whole 'Treating Aborigines like dirty, tricky monkeys and turning then into glue-sniffing, reservationed pariahs" working out for you guys?
Still going well?
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:59:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well deserved plus 2 here.
I was reading through GQ magazine the other day and I thought to myself that it might be nice to retire to England someday. They had an article on London and I found it quite to my liking.
I would however, have to learn to say things like arse and shite I suppose along with all the other stuff I can't understand why it's said the way it is.
I find the humour (see, I even used the "u") to be quite dry and cerebral at times.
Now, a question:
If I move there for retirement, do I have to drive a car the size of a roller skate? :)
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:56:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:49:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't exaggerate.
We just beat him to death becasue he was black.
Sheesh.
How ignorant.
-----------
you're a dirty racialist.
berty you are a tricky monkey.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:53:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:53:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I found this quite edutaining.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:51:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:41:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Danger, quit being such scheißkopf.
------
we got an order from germany once and they had that B thing like straBe. it took me for fucking ever that it translated to the english alphabet as strasse :(
german's a lumpy language, just like english.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:50:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like German and Germans. I found their language quite logical and easy to pick up. Well easier than French, but then i'm genetically bred to hate anything French.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:49:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't exaggerate.
We just beat him to death becasue he was black.
Sheesh.
How ignorant.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:45:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:41:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I found London in particular incredibly cold, in terms of people. The longer you stay, the harder it makes you, and I didnt like the person I was becoming.
Took me a while to notice though
-----------------
wow this is saying something. His parents banned steven biko.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:44:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:(
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:41:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I found London in particular incredibly cold, in terms of people. The longer you stay, the harder it makes you, and I didnt like the person I was becoming.
Took me a while to notice though.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:41:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Danger, quit being such scheißkopf.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:40:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I like german actually. It has an undeserved reputation for being coarse and nasty but it's actually a very cool sounding language. Just watch any documentory with old nazis saying the word Kampfgruppe and you'll know what I'm on about.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:38:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:37:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I took German in High School and at college.
----------
gnuck gnuck.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:38:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
adept
Jesus
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:37:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I took German in High School and at college. I became quite adapt at phlegm production.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:31:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:21:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always wanted to learn Gaelic. Unfortunately it isn't like I can run down to the Uni's registars office and sign up for Gaelic 101.
Rosetta Stone offers Welsh. I'm thinking about it. Problem is, to learn a language, you really should try to speak it everyday. Not a lot of people to practice on.
:(
--
Just make sure you have a good build up of Phlegm when you go for your lessons and you will get along just fine Forensic
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:30:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/Kre8rix
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:28:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:25:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:20:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're awesome.
"I personally believe that this is why our transport (both rail and road) is so abominably shite."
london metro was wonderful (except the lack of garbage cans) and the train out was clean and on time. maybe it's just birmingham?
--------------------
I think it's more likely that all the stars came into alighnment and the God of Transport accepted the sacrifice of that Brazilian boy (months late as usual) and so blessed the tube for a single, glorious day of no delays.
------
actually was 4-5 days no delays :D
proof england loved me.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:27:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:16:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nobody ever takes my serious comments seriously:(
I am gonna stick to being the token busty (albeit ugly) dumb blonde.
------------------
we've already got Kre8rix. thanx but no thanx. oh wait you said blonde. i thought you said overrated.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:27:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:21:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always wanted to learn Gaelic. Unfortunately it isn't like I can run down to the Uni's registars office and sign up for Gaelic 101.
Rosetta Stone offers Welsh. I'm thinking about it. Problem is, to learn a language, you really should try to speak it everyday. Not a lot of people to practice on.
:(
-------------------------
You'd be better off learning Latin, it'd be more practical.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:25:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:20:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're awesome.
"I personally believe that this is why our transport (both rail and road) is so abominably shite."
london metro was wonderful (except the lack of garbage cans) and the train out was clean and on time. maybe it's just birmingham?
--------------------
I think it's more likely that all the stars came into alighnment and the God of Transport accepted the sacrifice of that Brazilian boy (months late as usual) and so blessed the tube for a single, glorious day of no delays.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:21:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always wanted to learn Gaelic. Unfortunately it isn't like I can run down to the Uni's registars office and sign up for Gaelic 101.
Rosetta Stone offers Welsh. I'm thinking about it. Problem is, to learn a language, you really should try to speak it everyday. Not a lot of people to practice on.
:(
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:07:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Add Berty to my list!
I think you made some excellent observations on here. I particularly understand your view of British humor. I would dare say alot of our jokes are missed by the Uber Yanks.
------
some of us refuse to acknowledge a joke just because we know it's so painful to you thinking you're not funny.
really.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:20:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're awesome.
"I personally believe that this is why our transport (both rail and road) is so abominably shite."
london metro was wonderful (except the lack of garbage cans) and the train out was clean and on time. maybe it's just birmingham?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:18:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My one-word assessments of the peoples of "countries" (that is, differentiating Scotland) I have been to, not including my own:
1) England: Polite.
2) Scotland: Suspicious.
3) France: Impolite.
4) (Soviet) Russia: Depressed.
5) Finland: Ambivalent.
6) Canada: Non-existent. What can I say? I was there for three days and didn't see anybody. But they did sell beer in vending machines, which was just fantastic to a fifteen-year-old.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:16:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nobody ever takes my serious comments seriously:(
I am gonna stick to being the token busty (albeit ugly) dumb blonde.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:09:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you been to Prestatyn and Rhyl?
-------------
Gazuntite.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:09:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you been to Prestatyn and Rhyl?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:09:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:00:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Earth to Manic, Wales is a country. The english have a problem with cardiff, ryan giggs (who they tried to poach like the canadian hargreaves and the afrikan zola budd), and with being a massively insecure optional extra. as in a redundant pansy imperial overlord. please stay of the the weed. it's only 11:59.
--
It's a lot more simplistic than that really Danger. We are afraid of the Welsh becasue for some inexplicable reason they all think they can fucking sing, and so do so frequently.
Admitedly some of them can, Katherine Jenkins *drool*, but a lot of them just sound like loud drunk hairy welsh twats. It's fucking terrifying.
Oh and we kind of feel a wee bit guilty about plundering their natural resources and then closing it all down and making a lot of them redundant and on the bread line. But then they start fucking singing about it again!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:07:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually I love the Welsh, they're a wonderful people.
Well, apart from the poor ones from South Wales of course. They'll stab you for the loose change in your pocket.
Generally though it's just a bit of a laugh. Sort of like when we say that ginger hair is a sign of having been concieved through rape.
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:03:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:01:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you for edumacating us'n dum stooopid Amerikanz.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-16 09:00:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Earth to Manic, Wales is a country. The english have a problem with cardiff, ryan giggs (who they tried to poach like the canadian hargreaves and the afrikan zola budd), and with being a massively insecure optional extra. as in a redundant pansy imperial overlord. please stay of the the weed. it's only 11:59.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-11-16 08:35:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to ask..
What's this deal with the seemingly universal dislike of the Welsh by the rest of the country?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 08:30:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-16 08:00:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"England, like many places in Europe these days, is a mish-mash of cultures, races and creeds crammed into an ancient society on an ancient isle."
read: we were raped by vikings and germanic tribes and then a french guy came over and said well okay I'm your king.
That aside great post aladdin.
-----------------------
"Aladdin"... I like that. People have always said I've got an arabic slant to my features and I rather like the idea of my being some manner of folk hero who gets to knob a princess.
And yes your comment about foreign influence is on the money. Good thing it happened to otherwise we'd all be Scottish/Welsh.
*shudders*
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 08:27:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-11-16 08:04:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Having split my life between the north and the south, does that make me crude, slimy and duplicitous?
Knackers.
-------------------------
I'm sure I couldn't possibly say.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-11-16 08:04:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Having split my life between the north and the south, does that make me crude, slimy and duplicitous?
Knackers.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-11-16 08:00:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"England, like many places in Europe these days, is a mish-mash of cultures, races and creeds crammed into an ancient society on an ancient isle."
read: we were raped by vikings and germanic tribes and then a french guy came over and said well okay I'm your king.
That aside great post aladdin.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-16 07:03:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"ten million feet tall of awesome", indeed
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:24:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uh wow! What happened to Uber? Where's all the rape and undergarment soilage?
Although this was a bloody good read, good show old boy.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:17:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And some people put words into other peoples mouths. Nice post. Good day, Berty.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:15:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nobody is ever wrong Pheely, it's just that some people are more right than others.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:14:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
At least that's what I tell that young lad next door who's always out there smashing a car battery with an axe. Youth are the future as they say.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:13:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I never said they weren't. I just think the British have a different style of humor and sometmes neither seems to 'get' the other.
I can see it is gonna be one of those days where everything I say is taken the wrong way. I never said Yanks were stupid. I'm off!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:12:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Birmingham is actually the most racially harmonious city in the world and that combined with the incredible urban regeneration secure Brum as the beacon of light atop the scepter of global unity and prosperity.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:10:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Uber yanks are, by and large, highly intelligent and perceptive. Don't do them down, even if they do seem fixated on some manner of Benny Hill fetish.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:09:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:04:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
George Eliot, Jasper Carrott, Barabara Cartland, Tony Hancock, Ozzy Osbourne, Julie Walters, DH Lawrence, Joe Orton...
--------------------------------
Mostly hacks, really, and not exactly trailblazers. I didn't say there wasn't good stuff to come out of the midlands, I myself hail from Birmingham as you well know and I am ten million feet tall of awesome. I'm just talking about the general trends.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:07:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Add Berty to my list!
I think you made some excellent observations on here. I particularly understand your view of British humor. I would dare say alot of our jokes are missed by the Uber Yanks.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:07:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was in Birmingham the other weekend, and it was not as bad as I'd been led to believe - the inner city area was actually ok.
interesting fact, that Birmingham has more canals than Venice
but the brits are the funniest of peopel by far, as well as the irish
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:05:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very good
-------------------
Indeed. I thought my description of English culture as a 'secret juggernaut' was one of the greatest observations ever written.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:04:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
George Eliot, Jasper Carrott, Barabara Cartland, Tony Hancock, Ozzy Osbourne, Julie Walters, DH Lawrence, Joe Orton...
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very good
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:02:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:00:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
UNIMAGINATIVE?!
------------------
I draw the courts attention to Exhibits Birmingham and Coventry.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-16 06:00:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
UNIMAGINATIVE?!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-16 05:56:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart should really add a category for navel gazing. It seems we've been doing a lot of it on Uber lately.