What about them? (621 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.63 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FALLEN (View user info) at 2007-11-14 11:42:10 EST
I'm nuts.
I'll get that out of the way right from the start.
I always looked at things as if they had human feelings.
I make sandwiches from the pieces of bread that are next to each other in the loaf because it seems to me they were together all this time, why separate them now?
I always stop and pick worms off the sidewalk and put them in the grass so they don't bake in the sun.
I think they appreciate it.
I'm sure there is a fancy medical name for this behavior but I don't care enough to look it up. Apparently I will spend time reading the Wikipedia entry on Light saber techniques, so go figure.
The point of this is it's Christmas time.
Thanksgiving may not be here but, Santa's in the malls and there are decorations everywhere.
As I look around the stores I find rows and rows of ornaments and nick-knacks. Happy snowman and little trees, rows of garland and wrapping paper. Even now the food and drink are changing the packaging to add snowflakes and reindeer to the everyday labels.
Most of the stuff is imported crap made for pennies a day, I know, but I can't help wonder about the feeling that these items are meant to invoke. The stores are flooded with items that will never find a home, never fulfilling the destiny of bringing a smile to someone.
Kids love this time of year because they can still feel the joy and magic of Christmas. To a store, all those things on the shelf are just another SKU, to turn a profit. They don't care about the stuffed snowman family or the festive meat and cheese assortments.
What happens to them when it's over? The dumpster?
People will stock up on wrapping paper and you expect to throw it away once the gift is opened anyhow. Everyone will still drink Coke with Santa on the label in January.
How many assorted jelly and cracker sets do you buy after the holidays?
Do you run to the store in July to by a fruitcake? Or eggnog?
Are the porcelain elves just packed away in a box somewhere just staring with unblinking eyes until next November, hoping and praying that they make the cut next time around?
I hope not.
User Reviews
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-11-15 12:24:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ShonkyAdonis (user info) at 2007-11-14 21:37:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-14 19:49:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I look at inanimate objects as though they have feelings as well sometimes. For Christmas this year, my family isn't buying each other gifts, we've spent all year making them. I'm giving my father and brother and law hand-made recurve bows, and my wife is making gifts for the females by knitting and whatnot.
Those inanimate objects WILL have feelings, as I will be imbueing(sp) them with such.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-11-14 17:56:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
meh, i find the older i get, the less i care about christmas and gifts. the christmas period is only awesome because it's a great excuse to get drunk all the time and no one really judges, cos hey, it's the holidays.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-11-14 17:53:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I also feel sorry for unwanted inanimate objects.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-11-14 17:44:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't even want to think about the holidays this year. Ugh.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-14 14:16:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WE DO have great hair in common....hmmm TONY DANZA FOR PRESIDENT!
Submitted by TonyDanza (user info) at 2007-11-14 14:14:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-14 14:08:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
FRIES!! I WANT CHIPS DAMN YOU DANZA YOU AMERICAN PIG.
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Bring it, wanker. I keel your ass in the Bronx any day.
But on the other hand you DO have marvelous hair, so I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It would be a shame to mess that up.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-14 14:14:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I like this too. It isn't neccessarily a x-mas song.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=sfDMiQnpVgs
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-14 14:11:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://youtube.com/watch?v=9xa_maqPRsU
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-14 14:08:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
FRIES!! I WANT CHIPS DAMN YOU DANZA YOU AMERICAN PIG.
Submitted by TonyDanza (user info) at 2007-11-14 14:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-14 14:01:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-14 18:44:58 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-14 13:07:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate the music. Except for Carol of the Bells.
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i fucking LOVE that song.
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my mum likes that song
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DING FRIES ARE DONE
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-11-14 14:01:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-14 18:44:58 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-14 13:07:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate the music. Except for Carol of the Bells.
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i fucking LOVE that song.
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my mum likes that song
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-11-14 13:44:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-14 13:07:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate the music. Except for Carol of the Bells.
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i fucking LOVE that song.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-14 13:23:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What about them? Fuck them, what about MEEEEEE?
Submitted by TonyDanza (user info) at 2007-11-14 13:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-14 13:07:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And despite what everyone says, people aren't nicer this time of year. In fact, they become larger assholes than they were before.
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Especially in Brooklyn.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-11-14 13:07:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate Christmas. I think you might understand, Fallen. That rising wave of disgust and grouchiness that comes from going about your day and have Christmas shoved down your throat. I don't like going to places of retailing during this season. I hate red, green, and white together.
I hate the music. Except for Carol of the Bells.
And despite what everyone says, people aren't nicer this time of year. In fact, they become larger assholes than they were before.
I hate all the crappy, shitty decorations.
I hate the to-the-bone chill of winter in the Midwest.
Rawr.
Submitted by TonyDanza (user info) at 2007-11-14 13:01:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to buy Alyssa Milano some eggnog and a low-cut cashmere sweater for Christmas this year. It's a winning combination.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-11-14 12:54:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I enjoyed it, but of fucking course you make a sandwich out of the two piece next to each other. What are you gonna do, fish around in there for a different one?
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2007-11-14 12:49:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congratulations, you've just ruined Christmas for me. Ass.
I have the same thoughts about my old china dolls. They're packed in storage in my attic. And at night, I can see their unwavering sullen eyes calling out for me to release them. Nice post.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-11-14 12:21:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-11-14 12:18:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i don't kill spiders.
because they have magical powers.
did you know that?
it's a form of OCD.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-11-14 12:10:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I call it wormicide...
I rescue them...then I buy worms at the tackle shop and poke them and drown them.
I am a hippopotamus huh?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-11-14 12:09:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well yeah, them and the non-holiday-centric toys with Bitter attitudes towards seasonal goods.
Its a virtual cornucopia of mistrust and deceit. I'm glad you've brought this to the attention of the proper authorities.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-11-14 12:07:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
all the Easter bunny wrist watches in the back room tell them how long they were on the sales floor.
always starting shit with the others, they are.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-11-14 12:01:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How would they know that? The Halloween stuff and the Christmas stuff don't even run in the same circles all they really know is that they look different and per the human world...that is enough to hate.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:59:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would think the Halloween stuff is bitter because it gets less facetime on the shelf, two to three weeks tops. Christmas gets over a month.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:57:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:47:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont worry about my shoes, it's not like they have souls or.............
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Mother of God! I cannot believe you just did that.
BART BART, BAN HIM!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:53:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually I think what you should do with this is propose a secondary Holiday to every Holiday, call it Poor Peoples Christmas or something like that and it takes place roughly 2 weeks after the real Holiday and all of that stuff left on the shelves gets handed out to the poor instead of being trashed.
I wonder if there is infighting between the leftover Halloween stuff when the Christmas stuff arrives, little gang signs as they pass one another being stocked and unstocked
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:50:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. I don't know why but this really touched me....
in a special place...
No, seriously, this was strangely, really nice to read.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:48:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Do you apply these same thoughts to the toilet paper you wipe your ass with?
Or is that the idea, having sludged through your shit the TP has achieved everything it ever wanted in life.
Fuck, I'm glad I'm not toilet paper.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:47:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont worry about my shoes, it's not like they have souls or.............
omg!!
what have I done?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should totally tell your doctor and the government all this stuff about thinking everything in the world is alive and that you're worried about offending your shoes feelings or whatever. You may win a prize!
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-11-14 11:44:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i do that to worms too...