17 Things I Would've Liked To Have Known Sooner (947 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.01 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JamOwilly (View user info) at 2007-09-25 09:32:08 EDT
1. Unless you're 6'4" or taller and/or have been in the 'livestock business' for over 5 years you are not authorized to wear a belt buckle larger than the size of business card.
2. The louder and faster someone talks, the more ignorant, insecure and scared they really are.
3. If it says 'do not eat' on it then you should not eat it.
4. Women who date men for their money will probably end up rich.
5. Men who allow women who date men for their money to date them for their money are fucking idiots.
6. Getting married before age 25 is ridiculously foolish.
7. Having sex before age 16 is a fantastic idea.
8. If considering #7, it is best to become apprised of your respective state's laws concerning statutory rape.
9. Being an Ubersite poster is like speeding drunk down a country road. If you keep at it long enough you're going to make one small mistake (post pictures of your genitalia) and get fucked for it (have someone send said pictures to your employer).
10. People who shirk responsibilities not tied to themselves (kids, wife, etc.) in favor of drug use or sexual deviance will end up in the same corner of hell as Al Sharpton and Bart Cilfone.
11. Crossdressing makes absolutely no sense.
12. Making fun of crossdressers makes all the sense in the world.
13. Sometimes it's ok to take a day off work, get on your bike (motorized or not) and just ride for a few hours.
14. Eventually, no one will know who you were.
15. The definition of 'party' changes after college. After graduation, it means going on a 'business trip' where there will be 'business expenses' you will incur which will be later reimbursed according to an 'expense report' you submit.
16. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever fuck with someone who works in waste management. They will always have more pent up anger at the world than you could ever know.
17. Halo 3 is out today.
User Reviews
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-09-26 05:29:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
but now it's too late.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-09-25 23:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
17?
Im a fan of the "power of 10"
my posts are mostly top 10's
...........and bad.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-09-25 23:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm all drunk and opiinionated.........
1. Unless you're 6'4" or taller and/or have been in the 'livestock business' for over 5 years you are not authorized to wear a belt buckle larger than the size of business card.
I'm 6'4" and I don't wear a belt.
2. The louder and faster someone talks, the more ignorant, insecure and scared they really are.
I'm actually pretty quiet in real life.
3. If it says 'do not eat' on it then you should not eat it.
Silica gel is the exception.
4. Women who date men for their money will probably end up rich.
...after the divorce.
5. Men who allow women who date men for their money to date them for their money are fucking idiots.
How does one really know this though? Suppose that you're younbg, loaded, and look like thwe pillsbury doughboy. You'd probably fall in love with every woman that paid more than 30 seconds of attention to you.
6. Getting married before age 25 is ridiculously foolish.
False.
7. Having sex before age 16 is a fantastic idea.
Only with a member of the opposite sex.
8. If considering #7, it is best to become apprised of your respective state's laws concerning statutory rape.
I guwss so/
9. Being an Ubersite poster is like speeding drunk down a country road. If you keep at it long enough you're going to make one small mistake (post pictures of your genitalia) and get fucked for it (have someone send said pictures to your employer).
Why do you think that i dont post here anymore?
10. People who shirk responsibilities not tied to themselves (kids, wife, etc.) in favor of drug use or sexual deviance will end up in the same corner of hell as Al Sharpton and Bart Cilfone.
At least I'd have 2 drinking buddies in hell.
11. Crossdressing makes absolutely no sense.
Its strictly a comfort issue, i swear.
12. Making fun of crossdressers makes all the sense in the world.
yeah
13. Sometimes it's ok to take a day off work, get on your bike (motorized or not) and just ride for a few hours.
yeah
14. Eventually, no one will know who you were.
Define eventually. It all scales on your impact on the world.
15. The definition of 'party' changes after college. After graduation, it means going on a 'business trip' where there will be 'business expenses' you will incur which will be later reimbursed according to an 'expense report' you submit.
not necessarily
16. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever fuck with someone who works in waste management. They will always have more pent up anger at the world than you could ever know.
waking up at he bottom of a landfill sucks.
17. Halo 3 is out today.
...and i dont care
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-25 18:45:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:59:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-25 11:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Halo 3? I still haven't ever seen Halo 1 or 2.
Oh yeah, that's because I haven't bought a video game console since the SNES came out.
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+1 because I will give credit where credit is due
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:50:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha @ jonnyx. if that were the case i'd quickly join some circle jerk which I never have and don't plan to anytime soon.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-25 12:48:46 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rob, attention yes, validation no.
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yeah, needing validation from Ubersite is YOUR job, rob, everyone knows THAT.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-25 15:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-25 15:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rob, attention yes, validation no.
---
Yeah?
hmmm... fair enough - I disagree but I'm no expert.
I still find you rather enjoyable, of course.
I'm just feeling punchy - don't mind me.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-25 15:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rob, attention yes, validation no.
Submitted by Marina (user info) at 2007-09-25 15:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-25 14:11:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
19) http://www.ubersite.com/u/sicosemen is the coolest uber user ever.
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If by 'cool' you mean absurdly obsessed, delusional, hubristic and more than a little desperate for attention and/or validation?
Then yup. Yer cool.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-25 14:02:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"2. The louder and faster someone talks, the more ignorant, insecure and scared they really are."
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"2. The louder and faster someone talks, the more ignorant, insecure and scared they most likely are."
9. Being an Ubersite poster is like speeding drunk down a country road. If you keep at it long enough you're going to make one small mistake (post pictures of your genitalia) and get fucked for it (have someone send said pictures to your employer).
---
Only >one< mistake?
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-09-25 13:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is for posting a link to that... IMAGE... And giving me the impression it was something other than grotesque and disturbing.
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-25 13:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-25 13:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Reminds me of a shitty email forward.
______________
Your MOM you fucking twit.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-25 13:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Reminds me of a shitty email forward.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-25 11:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In other news, a lot of these DO make sense. Not all of them. But most of them.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-25 11:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Halo 3? I still haven't ever seen Halo 1 or 2.
Oh yeah, that's because I haven't bought a video game console since the SNES came out.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Halo 3 is on my end table at home.
got it a 12:45am this morning.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
19) http://www.ubersite.com/u/sicosemen is the coolest uber user ever.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#18 That masturbating into a tissue then hiding it under your pillow is not cool. Especially when your a restless sleeper.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111965#2534235
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:19:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ranking: -2
Submitted by nicballs (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why does this have such a low rating?
_________________
That would be because ghola, shlongy and beano all have a collective hard-on for -2ing me.
Which is fitting, seeing as they're all witless dipshits.
---------------
Yup... collective hard on.. blah blah blah....
That and he's a fat cunt.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by NapalmFace (user info) at 2007-09-25 15:01:20 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Halo 3!!!!!!!!!! w00t!!!!!!!
=====
You're actually cheering a game where you get to kill what are basically cartoon characters?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty good
Submitted by NapalmFace (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Halo 3!!!!!!!!!! w00t!!!!!!!
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by nicballs (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why does this have such a low rating?
_________________
That would be because ghola, shlongy and beano all have a collective hard-on for -2ing me.
Which is fitting, seeing as they're all witless dipshits.
_____________________________
wow, thats funny. this -2 is for ignorance.
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by nicballs (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why does this have such a low rating?
_________________
That would be because ghola, shlongy and beano all have a collective hard-on for -2ing me.
Which is fitting, seeing as they're all witless dipshits.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just for Halo 3 really. What a load of shit that'll be.
Submitted by nicballs (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why does this have such a low rating? I thought it was funny.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Har Har below...
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2. The louder and faster someone talks, the more ignorant, insecure and scared they really are.
==========
then slow the fuck down and stop shouting because we can barely understand you.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
twat
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:38:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Two stupid cunts below.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
11. Crossdressing makes absolutely no sense.
12. Making fun of crossdressers makes all the sense in the world.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I bet your mom wished she had known you were going to grow up to be Oathmeal BEFORE she decided not to abort.
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111975