How to Break Your RA' Nose or Dorm Room Baseball Championships (675 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.76 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (View user info) at 2007-09-17 15:11:23 EDT
I used to live in this big ass, 5 person room. Floor to ceiling windows in the living room, long hallway with 4 bedrooms and a bathroom coming off it. 3 singles, one double, 5 assholes who drink too much. Heaven.
We invented this sport called "Dorm Room Baseball" using a 30 gallon trashcan lid, tennis ball, a table turned on it's side, lots of beer cans, and a make-shift scoreboard. Here's how it went;
-Batter uses the trash lid as a bat
-Pitcher hides behind the flipped over table as a shield and tosses the ball over for the batter to hit (has the option to yell, "Frag Out!" for each pitch)
-Batter tries to hit the ball to knock over strategically placed empty beer cans all around the living room
-Score is kept due to can location/can hit percentage
It pretty much turned into us drinking heavily and putting cans on top of thins like the TV and near glasses on the sink and wailing on the tennis ball (which we one time lit on fire in an advanced game called "Fire Ball Baseball", which was played only once and resulted in us getting a stern talking-to by campus police and us being on alcohol probation for a semester).
One glorious night, I was shitcocked, hitting every can in sight and we were all laughing our asses off. It was about 3am on a Saturday, and we hear a knock at the door. It was our gay RA named Ethan telling us to STFU NEWBZ ROFLZ IM TRYINZ TO SLEEPE!!1!!one!! So before opening the door, my roommate Shaun yells, "EEEEEEEETHAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!! [insert 30 seconds of dead silence] I WANT TO FUCK YOU IN THE ASSSSSSSSSSS!"
We burst out laughing, I hit the tennis ball and it rockets towards Shaun and hit him square on his ass cheek which caused him to shart a little in his pants. He rolls on the floor laughing and in the process knocks over my beer can castle that I spent 2 weekends building, complete with HeMan action figures to live in the castle. I got pissed and started throwing pennies at him until my other roommate hit me in the dick with a football. This shit went on for about 10 minutes until we all couldn't breathe anymore.
About 330am rolls around and we're playing baseball again. This time Shaun is batting. I'm pitching. I hear another knock. I yell, "FRAG OUT!" and toss the ball while opening the door at the same time. Shaun hits this fuckin ball harder than Ike Turner hit Tina. It seemed like slow motion to me. The ball goes sailing across the room, Ethan is standing there with a look of horror, and the ball hit him right square in the nose. He immediately starts to cry as blood is gushing out his nose like someone blew up the Hoover Dam. He runs, rather, skips away like a fairy with a dildo lodged up his ass, shaking his head while blood is spraying all over the walls.
In the end, we were told never to attempt a dorm room sport again and were on such a strict probation that if we violated a single rule before the year was up, we'd all lose housing privileges forever. We also never saw Ethan in our dorm building again. Mean? Yes. Did he deserve it? Yes. He was a mean spirited straight-edge twat who wanted to ruin everyones fun as often as possible. He had it coming.
That was the last year I lived on campus.
p.s. Floor-to-ceiling windows are great when your neighbors also have floor-to-ceiling windows.. and also happen to be 5 girls. That story is for another day.
User Reviews
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2007-09-19 10:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-19 06:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Surely "Fag Out!" would have been more appropriate for that last one?
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Haha! Oh if only I had a time machine.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-19 07:14:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-19 06:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Surely "Fag Out!" would have been more appropriate for that last one?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-19 06:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Surely "Fag Out!" would have been more appropriate for that last one?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-19 06:13:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You crazy yanks.
Yup.
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2007-09-19 05:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2007-09-19 04:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink cause when they get up in the morning that's as good as they're gonna feel all day."
gotta love it.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-09-18 07:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I went to college. I did plenty of cool shit in the Marines, but there's so much more you can get away with when no one can actually make you clean up your own mess.
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2007-09-18 02:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This time Shaun is batting. I'm pitching.
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Which one of you fags was "catching"?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-17 20:18:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Based on THIS tale, Ethan wasn't the only fag in the room, pal.
I added a point because at least it was about "sports".
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-17 20:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wanna play.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-09-17 19:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dorm hijinks ftw
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-09-17 18:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2007-09-17 18:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-17 18:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
and you're in college...
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Yeah. I graduated summa cum laude in mechanical engineering and I'm currently going for my masters and PhD.
Thanks for playing.
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I'm in BME, +2 engineers!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-09-17 18:25:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love your posts
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2007-09-17 18:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-17 18:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
and you're in college...
=================================
Yeah. I graduated summa cum laude in mechanical engineering and I'm currently going for my masters and PhD.
Thanks for playing.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-17 18:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
and you're in college...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-17 16:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for collegiate hijinx
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2007-09-17 16:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
made me smile
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-17 16:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
uber is sloooow today.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-17 15:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-17 15:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-09-17 15:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love college.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-09-17 15:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BLOGTASTIC!!!! made me smile though.
we used to grease up the hardwood floors of our fraternity house with dish soap and slide down the hall into beer cans like bowling balls.
goddamn I miss college.