Misery, Interrupted (691 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.26 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JamOwilly (View user info) at 2007-09-17 08:42:34 EDT
I guess you could say I've had enough with the smell of burning crack cocaine, stale piss and the sounds of hookers taking it from two men at once, just feet away from where I live.
I'm sick of the sticky residue that cakes my face when I spend any more than 5 minutes outside my front door. Breathing the air in this city is similar to having one's face stuffed into one of those billowing smokestacks you see lining the horizon in pictures of Detroit in the 50's.
And the people...good god. The people. They fester and erode and suck dry any semblance of good or sustainable positivity. If ever there is a sign of development, improvement of health, integrity or otherwise, it is immediately quarantined, laughed at and destroyed. These people would rather wade through pools of their own shit than work a hour of their lives.
I'm done with it.
I don't have much...just a few bags of clothes and a small box of my late mother's jewelry I've kept beneath the floorboards since I moved here. I'm 39, unmarried, childless and finally, on the road again. I think I'll move somewhere coastal...somewhere cleansed daily with the mist of the sea sweeping in like a gush of peace. I want the sun kissing my forehead wherever I go.
Here, the only thing kissing anything else are the lips of a crackwhore on a lesioned prick of some pimp across the way. I will not miss the disease of this place. I will not miss the grime on the curbs; I will trade all this for a blissful existence elsewhere, regardless the sacrifice.
My bags are packed. I've made my mind up and tomorrow I leave. I don't care where I end up - wherever it is, I won't be sending postcards back to this dump of a city.
I've got a little black book with my poems in
I've got a bag with a toothbrush and a comb in
When I'm a good dog they sometimes throw me a bone in
I got elastic bands keeping my shoes on
Got those swollen hand blues.
User Reviews
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-17 23:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You suck at this writing thing.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-17 15:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-17 15:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...and hey - ifn you make it up to Vancouver during your wanderings look me up - I'll happily buy you a beverage.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-17 15:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bon Voyage.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-09-17 14:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That looks like the Eye of Ireland.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-17 13:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
but, but, how will you post, Oathmeal??
I thought if you make under 55 posts a week, that you'll explode...
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-09-17 12:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-17 12:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
gastroscopy..
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-09-17 12:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just...because
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-09-17 11:57:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And the people...good god. The people
Says it all really!
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-09-17 11:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Pink Floyd quote +2.
I just moved from a relatively small town to a bigger city. You can immediately notice conditions worsen by the inch as you move from one to the next.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-09-17 11:40:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-17 10:49:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You have miles and miles to go before you're anything like Shlongy...although, as you presently stand, you're a lot like one of Shlongys' morning bowel movements.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-09-17 10:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-09-17 10:13:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-09-17 09:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If you're lonesome at 39 then that's a dang dilly of a pickle. Mayhap class A drugs are the answer?
------
that's his blanket solution to everything.
_____________
If it ain't broke...
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-09-17 10:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"And the people...good god. The people. They fester and erode and suck dry any semblance of good or sustainable positivity. If ever there is a sign of development, improvement of health, integrity or otherwise, it is immediately quarantined, laughed at and destroyed. These people would rather wade through pools of their own shit than work a hour of their lives."
--
Sounds like ubersite HAHAHAHAHA... haha.. sigh.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-17 10:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I suggest Cluedo to solve your lonesome problems, always go professor plum, he's clever.
Oh and getting rid of your ginger hair.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-09-17 10:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why would anyone think this is autobiographical? its obviously fiction.
at 39 youd hope to be avoiding writing like this. the worldweariness is that of someone who has just read him some bukowski and thinks it makes him literary, with some cut-and-pasted pink floyd lyrics tacked on for good measure, to give it a semblance of emotion.
too much tell.
its overwrought and this line in particular is terrible: "Here, the only thing kissing anything else are the lips of a crackwhore on a lesioned prick of some pimp across the way" (aside from the fact this sentence needs to be deleted, it should read 'the lesioned prick' not 'a lesioned prick' - the "a" intimates that the pimp in question has more than one prick, lesioned or not)
i guess the first few lines are ok, though again, its a little too much tell. if youre gonna take the effort of writing even a short thing like this, try to use imagery - itll work much better in a short piece also, particularly if yorue going to use a poem or song lyrics to underline the words. i would suggest not to have the speaker talk about leaving, but rather just the problems he has with where he is, then let the lyrics tell the reader what hes gonna do.
enjoy the only constructive criticism youre gonna get on this one.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-09-17 10:13:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-09-17 09:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If you're lonesome at 39 then that's a dang dilly of a pickle. Mayhap class A drugs are the answer?
------
that's his blanket solution to everything.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-17 09:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hhahaha 39 year old, old man.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-09-17 09:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Look mate, lets be honest with ourselves here. If you move to the coast all you're going to notice is the sewage outlet, if you go to the mountains you're going to get a downer from the hikers and termites.
Your real problem is that you're 39, unmarried and kind of lonesome (I'm guessing) or you're down on whatever it is that has led you to be 39 and unmarried, whatever that thing may be.
Now I'm not saying you shouldn't move, I'm just saying that you need to consider multiple solutions to your woes.
If you're lonesome at 39 then that's a dang dilly of a pickle. Mayhap class A drugs are the answer?
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-17 09:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not my favorite post, but not too shabby either.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-09-17 09:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh well in that case I'll give you a +1 over all.
I didn't like the way you seemed to cram every ounce of imagery into your words. It seemed very crowded.
Still, good job.
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This little snippet isn't about my life directly...it's just a scenario I created that represents my own thoughts.
At 39 I'm sure I'll be a LOT closer to living the good life. You know, closer to being more like Shlongy.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:45:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You life sucks. Unlucky. Mine doesn't
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've been to your city before and I fuckin hated it.
But I go back every 2 years for the woodworking show.
Anyway...head west...please.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
???
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uh oh
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FUCK.