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Submitted by Symbolic (View user info) at 2007-09-15 20:34:50 EDT

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I was surprised to see that when I tried to go there and post something earlier today. It was a good website to say the least, a spin off from uber, but good. I recall I wasn't originally going to post there; I had actually created an account on uber to write more "Serious" posts. But my past as a shit poster led Bart to deny me such a luxury http://www.ubersite.com/u/Symbolic_ which is understandable. I was actually afraid to post on there originally, afraid that I wasn't decent enough of a writer to post on there, but decided to anyway. In a lot of ways i'm glad I did, I learned a lot and think I improved the more I posted. Though I may not have been one of the better users, or well Antius (lol). I still think it was a great site and if it were ever brought back any time in the future, i'd go back and post there.

Anyways, this is kind of a "Best Of" of posts I posted there. It's kind of long so I apologize, and thank you for reading in advance.



Regret

He approached me in the dark alley of my mind and pushed me against the wall and put a knife to my throat. "Hello" was all he said at first, I started to think to myself who is this guy and why is he doing this. He told me he was Regret, and he was paying me a visit because of all the pain I felt. I asked him if he could leave me be, but his responce was. "I offer you a better life, a life you wont regret. A life that will bleed you dry and leave you satisfied." He then soon offered me his hand and said "Will you join me?" How could I resist it wasn't as if I had anything better to do and I was lamenting my life as it was. I then said "Alright, what should I do?" He said,"Obey my every command, and when i'm done with you. You will long for the days when you were sane." So I took his hand and never looked back. In that time I did have a lot of good experiences, but I also had my share of pain, hence the bleed me dry portion. I later recall meeting him again one day. He approached me with the same fashion as before, and claimed I screwed everything up it was all my fault. I wondered if it was all my fault then how come I only obeyed every order he gave? He then stabbed me in the heart and said "Pleasure doing business with you, now for my next victim." I sunk down to the floor and had tears flowing from my eyes, thinking. Regret, so powerful, so painful. It has the power to change your life and then destroy you the very next moment. I decided I wouldn't take pleasure in his company again, because I was better than that and I could survive. I got my life back on track and started doing considerably well for myself despite some discrepancies. I even found love again, and then in a familar face one more time. I later recall meeting up with my dear friend regret I asked him how he was. He told me he was doing fine, since there are so many humans in this world it's easy for him to stay in business. I told him of all my accomplishments and how I had survived his wrath. He then looked at me and I felt a sharp pain in my heart. He told me "Did you feel that?" I said "Yes." He said,"A scar is forever and deep, never forget I lurk in the recesses of your mind just waiting for your moment of weakness. And I come in all shapes and sizes, I could be anyone, anyone at all, you can never tell." He then left me and the pain went away. I didn't forget him nor did I forget he would be waiting, waiting for the day I was susceptible to his torment once again.




















The Phantom Promise.

The Phantom Promise is one given to us but is never fulfilled. Such as when a T.V. add says that if you buy this product you will be just like your hero. I believe some of you are familiar with the film Fight Club, and it more accurately describes such a promise in the following passage. "We've all been raised on television to believe that we'd all be millionaires, movie gods, and rock stars but we wont. And we're slowly realizing that." That perhaps is truth in motion because most kids dreams when they grow up aren't to be the "Systems Analyst" or the "Weekend Managers" they've become. Many want to be that guy or girl on the television.

Why do you suppose? Well it's simple, they are regarded as heroes. They are given the attention that every person so desperately seeks. And many reject the attention and turn to deviate behavior, but it only prolongs the attention. Here's another quote you might be interested in reading. "Where we once lived in a society in which men in particular participated by being useful in public life, we are now surrounded by a culture that encourages people to play almost no functional public roles, only decorative or consumer ones." The ideas of such a society are constructed around celebrity, image, glamor, entertainment, and other ornamental values. In other words the ordinary man the policeman, fireman, or the army man are for the most part not seen as heroes in many peoples eyes.

Now I realize that is usually different from family to family because some families emphasize the importance of policeman, fireman and Army personel. Some are taught that they are the most important people in the world, but the television doesn't teach us that. In my course of T.V. watching i've heard more about someone i'll never meet than the ordinary hero we take for granted. On occasion they will preach their importance, but that doesn't disregard the fact that they are nowhere near the spotlight. I realize they go with based on what sells, but they are teaching us something that perhaps we shouldn't be learning. We have crap shoved down our throats on a daily basis, and many people barely even notice.

I remember my grandfather telling me that when he was growing up many people idolized John Wayne for the war effort in WW2. Why John Wayne you ask? Well it's simple; he was in many of the movies about WW2. But it wasn't just him another man by the name of Audi Murphy, but Murphy was actualy in the War so that's a different story all together. But the point is John Wayne in some peoples eyes is credited to have been in the war and is credited as being a war hero when in actuallity he wasn't even in the war. But if the world is as screwed up, as it is I can guarantee you there is someone out there who believes he was in fact in WW2. He is the symbol perhaps but he didn't actually do anything but show us what the war might have been like. Don't get me wrong John Wayne is a great actor, he's been in some of the greatest westerns of our time, but that hardly makes him a better man than someone who saves lives on a daily basis.

I will close with this quote, I feel i've gone on too long, if you have any questions or comments feel free to ask. Thank you for your time and consideration.

"Throughout history, there has been a great devotion to creating devices that divert attention away from the concept of reality and death. There is a certain destructive element in this obsession? Humanity tends to dedicate less time to the establishment or consideration of physical things or ideas that do not attempt to draw focus away from reality, instead of embracing what is permanent and attempting to maximize the impact we each have in our short time alive."
































"While you were out"

I was out walking today and I happened upon a cup. I stared at this cup a good few minutes then walked on. Now most of you would ordinarily over look such a thing but I don't know what it was about this cup exactly that made me stare at it as I did but it caught my attention. It was opened the lid was popped off and there was a stream that hadn't dryed yet of whatever liquid that was inside. The stream went in both directions. Inside the cup there were different types of fruit from what I could tell. I saw a lemon and a few cherries but that was about it.

It looked like it had been there a good hour because the sun was slowly baking up whatever liquid had been inside. And it gave off a kind of sweet aroma you only smell from foods near you. I didn't see any bees but i'm sure in no time bees and ants will be swarming it. I kept thinking about that cup, I mean ordinarily it'd just be on the side of the road and I wouldn't have noticed it but it was in the middle of this street. I kept thinking about it though, thinking about what it potentially symbolized.

To me it symbolized someone who was being bled dry but had retained all of his or her substance. The same person also liked to rot and let their wounds get infected. They preferred self-destruction to self-improvement because they were told it was the right way to go. And it's simply how they felt. Because if you don't want to feel better you wont and needless to say you are in charge of yourself. I realize the cup was a bad analogy simply because a cup cannot pick itself up and try to regain consciousness. However there are people in this world that are like that cup, they simply lay around waiting for someone to pity them and fill them back up.




























"A piece left behind" pt 2

Today I found myself out walking again, not expecting to find anything of interest. I happened across the spot where the cup had been. It was fairly obvious because there was this stain that was very noticeable. Not to mention there was a piece of dried fruit, from what it looked like, at the same spot where the cup originally was. The stain stretched almost across the entire street and in the formation liquid would make going down hill. The piece of dried fruit wasn't crushed or smashed which you'd expect considering it was near the middle of the street.

The cup was the husk so to say of the liquid and fruit, and was picked up and more than likely thrown away. But the husk left something important behind, as do most humans, it left a part of itself. Often times we find ourselves on the ground and unwilling to pick ourselves back up. And usually such a case will cause us to change our personality to reflect how we feel. In the cups case it was being drained of its liquid refreshment. It was more than likely a sweet liquid, which the average person would enjoy very much. But it was going to waste and disappearing.

As with being a person, we discard who we are in some cases in hopes to start over new. We leave a piece of ourselves that we may consider either a mistake or simply a part of a life we want nothing to do with. That's not necessarily a bad thing to forget who you were, but it can be hard to start from scratch and become some one new. We all have the fantasy of being someone else and restarting, but in reality you are who you are and even if you shed your past it still happened. They say if you don't learn your history it will end up repeating itself, I think the same thing can be said about your past.

In the cups case it had help and was able to leave the part of itself someone once enjoyed behind. But unlike the cup we can't do such a thing, and sometimes even if we have help it isn't enough. Thank you for reading.




























"The rain forgives all sins" pt 3

So there I was, you guessed it out walking again and I came across the now infamous street with the stain and the cup. To my surprise the stain was gone, all except a faint after math of what might of been held on. It shouldn't have been a surprise to me I guess that it was gone because it had been raining last night so I shouldn't have as I said been surprised. I suppose it was routine you know, getting used to looking at that stain, not a nuisance but in wonder. It said so much to me about humanity and about how some people live their lives. Through this site though, it is Immortalized.

The remnants of the stain were the piece of fruit which looked like it was sealed to the road and a very slight remnant of the original stain. It wasn't all that noticeable but if you looked really hard you could tell. It wasn't as large as before and was fading. I'm pretty sure it won't last another rainstorm, maybe somewhat, but not enough for anyone even me to notice. Invisible to the human eye so to say. But it'll live on in my minds eye.

What this all symbolized to me I guess you could say was the passing of the old. See the stain in itself, as you've more than likely read, symbolized things we left behind or pieces of our selves we give up for some reason or another. The cup was us and wanted to forget about things about ourselves that we consider mistakes, but may have been some of our best attributes to others. Now both are pretty much gone. And this symbolizes time if anything, because in time everything is forgotten. The rain was the process of time, washing away the sins and helping us forget so that we may move on. It's an important process we all must go through, and if you don't then you'll be lost in time so to say. But to each his own, we all experience life differently and each of us moves at our own pace.

All you can really hope for is that you find happiness somewhere some time. And even if you don't you can always hope, there's nothing wrong with that. As far as the stain goes more than likely in the next few days it will be completely gone, whether by rain or simply time itself, it will be forgotten. Like the cup, the body it inhabited, it too will be long gone. Thank you for reading.






























"Ashes in your Mouth"


"People have round shoulders from fairing heavy loads
And the soldiers liberate them, laying mines along their roads
Sorrow paid for valor is too much to recall
Of the countless corpses piled up along the wailing wall"

They go on living but for what? We just end up destroying their homes and stealing their meals. Every day it's a different struggle, either against the occupation or against hunger. Which gives way to which. I've seen some sick shit in my time, I saw the natives eating one of the corpses we killed days before. They were picking at his face, when they were done all that was left of his head was a broken skull. They believe the brain has some sort of power to it and use it for medicine. That's why you never see a graveyard in these parts. What about the game in the area you ask? Either scared off by all the gunfire or hunted to extinction by the enemy or us. I do feel sorry for the natives though; at least we get supplies choppered in. They don't even have that luxury, though that gives us the advantage. We trade it for women or pot usually. What can I say the system is great.

"Melting down all metals, turning plows and sheats to swords
Shun words of the Bible, we need implements of war
Chalklines and red puddles of those who have been slain
Destiny, that crooked schemer, says the dead shall rise again"

I sniped me a few comrades on accident today, oh well no one I liked anyways. Shot down on account of friendly fire aint a bad way to go. At least the enemy didn't get a hold of them, they do some sick shit. I heard of some of their torture methods. They put two men down in a pit, they injure one first and watch until the other turns cannibal. That'd be a worse way to go in my opinion. They get so far into your mind till you can't even remember home. Home becomes a dream and reality becomes a nightmare. You dream of home but it never comes, and you're stuck in reality. That's how the madness sets in, I haven't gone yet but it's never too late from what I hear.

"Where do we go from here?
And should we really care
The end is finally here
God have mercy!"

Today a few natives died, I wasn't all that sad. One was a good-looking woman though. I felt bad for the potential fuck buddy I lost. Other than that nothing all to new. The enemy has shown up a lot more in the past few days. We got word of a possible invasion, but we were told to stay our ground. Not a problem for me, our company had enough pot to last till my leave. I only had about four more months left till my service was up. I wondered what it would be like walking down my street again. I wondered if i'd ever look at it the same way. I don't think so; I don't think I could ever look at my neighbors the same either. I'm a murderer, the only difference is it's sanctioned and i'm called a hero. But i'm no hero, i'm no better than Ed Gein, or Dhamer, or even Manson. They at least are told what they're doing is wrong, i'm idolized. In fact school children are told to grow up and be just like me. A sad state of affairs.

"Now we've rewritten history
The one thing we've found out
Sweet taste of vindication
It turns to ashes in your mouth"

They weren't kidding about that invasion. It came from nowhere. The enemy was all around us and my platoon was split up in all directions. I killed all the ones that came for me, but I ran so far in different directions I lost my way as well as my radio. I stayed low and kept a keen eye out for the enemy, I didn't know where they'd come from. I was all strung out from hiding out. I couldn't smoke because I didn't want to attract the enemy, and I couldn't send up a flare because of well the enemy. I just had to sit tight till morning. I was pressed against a tree thinking. Thinking to a point where it felt like I was thinking out loud. I thought about the past year and a half. I thought about all the atrocities I committed, and what was it all for? Self-gratification? Was it to keep me sane or was it to keep humanity as low as I could? They don't show you shit on the television, all they show you is those army guys who have never seen combat. I guarantee you they're all pussies who have only fired their guns at shooting ranges. I bet they've never even smelled another mans blood or for that matter been stained by it. It's almost like a scar, and it reminds you of what you've become. It reminds you what you kill for and who you kill for. And I kill for my country because i'm told to, and then i'm told i'm doing Gods work. What kind of God would condone such atrocities against their own species? If this is Gods work I never want to go to heaven. "Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven" as they say.

"If you're fighting to live
It's OK to die!
The answer to your question is ...
Welcome to tomorrow !"

I woke up with a bunch of unfamiliar faces jabbing at me, they had taken my gun and had about three different guns pointed at me. They were all speaking some language I didn't know. But they used one term I was familiar with "Captive". My guess is that I was to become an experiment of theirs. I had no problem; I figured I'd seen the other circles of hell what's the ninth like? They bashed my head and I fell unconscious. When I awoke I was in this pit, I was tied down and my shirt was removed. I still had my boots on and my pants. And when it came to their attention I was conscious they gathered around. They had a couple different boxes and bags. I didn't want to know. One took out this blade and made an incision in my leg. It was deep and kept bleeding, I screamed in pain. They removed chunks of fat and the bone was visible. They then placed a variety of insects I was unfamiliar with in the wound. My guess was they were going to brew up something horrid in my body. Then they sowed my leg back up. It felt horrible; it felt like my leg was tingling the entire time. I felt a weird sensation that made me sick and it was only getting worse.

My leg kept shaking and it felt worse and worse as time passed. Being tied down didn't help much. They then smashed my head till I was unconscious again. When you're out like that you feel numb. You feel this pain but it's not really there, it's diluted if anything. It's like you know its there you just don't pay it any mind. I woke up in this cage. Next to me was this bloody guy that looked like he was hanging on by a hair. I asked him what they did to him and he pointed to my wounded leg. I figured fuck this I'm not dying here, whether they come or not is irrelevant. I'm wounded and i'll end up like that guy if I don't do something. So I looked around my cage and noticed a slight break in one of the bars of my cage. So when the guard wasn't looking I kicked that bar as hard as I could and broke it. The guard ran to me to hit me but I dodged and took his gun. I annihilated his fucking ass, then took his ammo and knife and made run for it. I freed a few others and made a run for it. I figured I could use the distractions. I ran and slayed anyone that got in my way, I eventually got to the jungle and kept running. I ran so far and so fast and didn't stop.

I tripped then fell and went unconscious.

"Where do we go from here?
God have mercy!"

When I came to, I was staring down the barrel of the enemy, he said some weird shit and a guy from behind me slit my throat. That was it, not with a bang but a slice of my neck. I wasn't going home, that street I told you about it was just a fading memory. Everything I knew would soon be dead to me and all I could do was watch as the people I killed for a living stared at me smiling at my dying corpse. The blood flowed like beer at a college party. I felt death approaching and smiled, my last thought was....

"God Have Mercy!"







































"Ashes in your Mouth" Pt 2 (The version reported)

It sat in this very dark room illuminating through the darkness catching the attention of any passer by. It was the focal point of the room, and everything was facing towards it. Without it the room would be out of place and the decor would simply be tasteless. But it was that light-emanating object that pulled everything off. Upon the walls stretched the symbols of their country. They were put up in a fashion to where they drew the attention of most in the room. They were more noticeable than any other pictures in the room; it was done so intentionally because these people were very patriotic. And were taught that everything else came second. They believed so, so much that they sent their only son into harms way. That being the armed services. They told him it was his duty that he had to do it. And if he didn't they'd disown him. The father had also served and expected his son do the same. He considered it an honor more than the privilege it's made out to be.

There were only three pictures of the son in the room. One was him in his uniform, which distinctly bared the name Patterson on it, underneath a gigantic flag, and the others were him as a child. They weren't quite as noticeable as many other things in the room, but if you looked hard enough you could see that the house full of condiments had a trifle amount of food. The father was asleep on the recliner and the mother had long gone to the bedroom. They kept a periodic watch on the Idiot Box for possible word of their son. And at 3 A.M. when nobody's ears were there to hear it, the first words rang out.

The newscaster in a very serious tone says, "This is breaking news, it appears a major victory has been won in the battle overseas. An enemy camp was discovered and many prisoners freed. And it was due to the discovery of the man known as Brian Patterson. His body was discovered only days ago and then the camp was soon discovered only thirty yards away. A few of the prisoners said that Brian was a hero; he actually freed a few of them and escaped. However they assume that he was soon captured and killed on the spot where he was later found. There is no doubt however that this man was a truly patriotic person, and will be rewarded many awards for his bravery and duty to this country. More details will be given at a later time today."

The T.V. then trails off into more nonsense and the father begins to snore. All is quiet in the Patterson house, all except the box that never sleeps.

Pleasant Dreams.






































Here is some water for the dead tree.....

What is it that draws some of us to sadness? Did somewhere a long the way we perceive it as happiness? It seems logical, but still why? The only thing I can think of is perhaps because sadness is real, and happiness is always temporary. I've heard that the Gods punish those whom are full of pride and other things of that sort. Punishing them with wounds, and then letting sadness sink in. When you're sad you just know that there's no cloud to come down from. You can't really be paranoid about losing it because you want to get rid of it. It is the thing you loathe yet can always count on.

That makes happiness sound like a curse if anything. Cause you always wonder when it will run out, when your world will come crashing down and when you'll be left with nothing but your thoughts. And to be left with those a lone should be a crime all by itself. You can think such evil things when you're a lone and believe you have nothing to lose. You can think the worst about your best friend and even your own family. In some cases they may be correct, but I'd wager most of the time they are just lies. We all strive to be happy, but in reality how many of us truly are? I can go on this tangent right here and bring up the cliché "Do we find it through material possessions?" but of course that's been done to death. My question is do we find it in ourselves ever? Do we ever stop and ask ourselves "Am I happy?"

I know on some occasions I do, and despite how great something can seem from the outside looking in, it may not be for me. I'm not the kind of person that would stay in a shitty job for years on end if it served me no purpose. If I ever had a wife and kids and they depended on me to do so then yes gladly I would. Or if something similar to that, meaning someone depended on me, then yes I would. But that aside no I wouldn't. I took a job a couple months ago and quit after one day. It was basically an operator's job, and the quota was to answer one call in under 35 seconds and then move on to another person. Great pay just wasn't my thing. I remember some of the trainers that worked there. They were talking about working there for so many years and how great the company was. I wasn't interested in that, to me it was just a temp job till I could do something more interesting. I only took the job for all the wrong reasons, which led me to quit it in the first place.

The trainers were nice people and all but I don't know exactly just something about the people there. They all seemed like they had just given up, and they thought to themselves this was the best they could do. I knew if I had stayed there i'd be the same. One guy I talked to had dropped out of high school a couple years prior. So to him this job was a godsend with how great the pay was. It was 8$ an hour plus if you could call in under 20 seconds you would get 11.50$ an hour. So a lot of incentive really. But I don't know looking at all of them, I knew their acceptance of "This is the best I can do" would sink into myself and i'd become just a reflection of all that they were. And I knew I wouldn't be happy with myself if I instilled that kind of fate within me.

Well I suppose I can tell you where all of this is coming from. This somewhat I wouldn't say confession but more or less a tale. I just saw the movie "Leaving Las Vegas" and it's a very sad movie. I wasn't quite as sad this time around because I had seen about half of it when I was much younger. I suppose I was a bit too young because it had deeply affected me. I remember the scene (sorry if this ruins it for those of you who haven't seen it) when the girl was raped by the three guys. They beat her and well violated her (she was a hooker and she wanted to leave the room). She layed there taking their abuse and just looked so sad. Then she went home and took a shower, and just sat there curled up crying. I thought to myself no woman should ever have to suffer like that. I'm not saying that to score points with anybody, think what you will but that's not the kind of person I am. I'm saying that cause I mean it. She was in love with this guy who was a drunk. The guy was drinking himself to death, and he was the first guy she met whom she felt anything for. Which of course made the feeling of sadness even more intense.

She found her bit of happiness in a man that wanted to leave this world. So her happiness was fleeting of course. It's sad really because these are the kind of things that really go on in this world. We have to watch people we love kill themselves because they believe there is nothing left to believe in. It's sad but it happens, and were all just a long for the ride.

I'll leave you all with this quote I found interesting. Thank you for reading and adieu.

"In this world, anything can happen, and everything does happen all the time"











































"Back in the Day"

The past few days (from Sunday till today) I was at a friend's house. This friend lives in my old neighborhood; I often like to go around looking at things from the old neighborhood. I found myself looking at things differently every time I visit them. Somewhat in a new light and or different perspective. I lived in the neighborhood from my first years in school (kindergarten) to my first half a year in middle school. Pretty much my entire childhood, if not the majority. I can't help but somewhat stare at things in disbelief. Old paths once taken, stores I frequented, old schools, even that old millers pond. It's called as such because of a silly urban legend that a man was hanged there, i'm not entirely sure on the rest of it but i'm sure you can imagine the rest as most urban legends are the same.

On this journey I was walking to sonic to feed my friend and me for the day. We were both very hungry, and there wasn't too much in the house for consumption. So I offered to walk to sonic and buy our meals. He was hesitant at first because it was the middle of the day when the heat was pretty bad, but I assured him i'd be all right. See I like walking, and despite seeming really hot outside, it wasn't that terribly bad. It was that fading five o'clock heat, which I knew wouldn't be too terrible. And the walk itself was nothing compared to some of the walks I liked to endure, and I endure it with five pounds on each leg. It's so exhilarating. So after I explained it wasn't a problem and I would actually enjoy it, he let his guilt down and gave me his money. And I made my journey first up an old street I knew. I knew this area very well; I knew some short cuts I could take to the destination of Sonic. And one was the railroad tracks. The tracks themselves had been taken out, but the imprint was still very visible. From not only the tracks but from cars. It was a route people liked to take, a fun walk actually.

The tracks at one point give you a good view of that Millers pond I told you of earlier. I remember looking at it in wonder. I can recall a many of times being there on school trips as well as with a few friends of mine. The kind of look I give things with memories attached isn't a look I give things that catch my eye. I usually stare in wonder and have a kind of look of intrigue when I look at something like the "Mangled Candy Bar" mentioned in my previous post. No, this look was more like the unearthing of the past. The look is almost one of shock and or disbelief. It's also one that makes you feel a little weak, and usually that can be sensed by people around you. But to my luck there was no one around me. So my journey continued down to sonic. I began to think more and more about how it was "Back in the Day". I thought about the people and about how bad I felt on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong elementary was great, middle school was where I hit the snag. My middle school felt like one of those high schools you see in the cliché teen movie. The jocks ruled the schools and picked on everyone, myself included. I was considered Goth for wearing a black jacket and a necklace, that was all and I was made well aware that I was a "Freak" as it came to pass.

I thought more to myself, the kind sins that swelled in that place. It was mostly anger, anger ready to erupt. It brewed not only for my blood. But my friends as well and each other. It was the kind of anger that was unleashed for no good reason what so ever. Which left you wondering, what was wrong with them. Whether it is an abusive childhood or too many cliché movies myself and my friends were still singled out. I know it wasn't so severe as it was in many cases and in many schools. But I had my share of experiences, almost getting jumped in the bathroom a number of times and one guy's eagerness to test his blade on my throat. Of course I know how to diffuse situations pretty well, so I lived to fight another day. There was one occasion where one guy was simply angry with me for saying the word chainsaw. I would pass him in the hall and say chainsaw, and he'd get worked up for no reason. He then stopped me and said he was going to kick my ass. I then told him "Dude all i'm saying is chainsaw, it means nothing". He looked at me briefly and went about his business. That's the kind of anger I speak of, anger that is unnecessary anger that is so misguided that it is projected to any little thing. And that area swelled of it to a point where it could make you sick.

The only other sin I can think of they were guilty of down there was pride. They were so prideful of their football team. If you were on it, you were treated almost like a god at that school. And given my size I was asked to join the team on many occasions. I was asked almost every day to join up, that I'd be valuable to the team. I never accepted, it all seemed a bit evil to me. I wouldn't say evil exactly as much as it was just not my thing. There were people on that team that would jump at the chance for more material to use when they made fun of me. I figured why add on the fire, but it wasn't just that, football really wasn't my thing. The team members were treated so well that I recall one occasion where they were treated differently. There was this one time a couple of the most obnoxious members, who were in my class, were tardy. See if they were tardy more than three times they weren't allowed on the field trip. Well, what can I say both of them were at their fifth tardy. So I was happy they would be staying at school. But to my surprise they were allowed to go, because of how things worked. I was at two, and the teacher seemed intent on getting me for my third. I realize that sounds rather paranoid of me, but this school had people like that. This lady in particular hardly liked to help me out, and worst of all she was my math teacher. And i'm horrible at math. They all believed that me and my friend were going to make that school the next columbine. They believed it so much that they believed any little rumor that went around about us. Sad really.

To be quite honest, we never wanted to do anything of those sorts to that school. I mean sure we'd say things similar, but we knew we'd never do it. We had our sanctuary and that sanctuary would happen to be my friend's house I mentioned. Two of my friends were in high school, so if we ever found ourselves in real trouble we at least had some back up counting ourselves. I of course didn't appreciate this place, not just the sanctuary, but also the schools themselves for what they taught me. The people were probably guilty of all the seven deadly sins but those two always stood out. I learned so much about human nature and how to diffuse situations. It's a good skill if you want to get out of a jam and or want to lend someone a hand. So like an idiot, I left it all in hopes to start over new. But my new environment would be one that I wasn't used to. It would be that way so severely that i'd be alone and sometimes not speak a word to another person at school for days.

I remember it all very clearly, that's all I remember. I had few friends, no they weren't friends, and they were acquaintances. My only fried was my thoughts, and the occasional hope of someone saying hi. On a few occasions someone was kind but usually that never was the case. For you see a vicious rumor spread about me, that apparently I threatened to hurt some kid if I didn't pass a test. I laughed at this; i'd never do such a thing to anyone. I still wonder to this day who did that, but of course I have no leads. That moment was responsible for my ostracism and the deathblow of any hope to be "Popular" I suppose. I recall the first few days though in particular noticing how friendly everyone was to each other. How open and how the "Goths" would talk to the "Preps". It all seemed so out of place. I felt odd with how friendly everyone was. The shift in environment was not a welcomed change on my part. I learned to cope, but it was too little too late if you ask me. The usual day consisted of me going to classes and either being stared at by teachers or not knowing what I was doing. I had those I looked forward to, and those I didn't care for. I learned in my period of time to myself, to be alone. I didn't like it, but I lived and i'd sometimes go home to an empty house because I was living with my grandfather and he'd work the night shift some times which ran till 6 a.m. the next morning.

It wasn't so bad, I had plenty of food usually and a couple of games and TV. shows I watched regularly. I missed that sanctuary though. That sanctuary (my friends house) soon became more to me, I needed it more than ever and it was nowhere in sight. So I learned to cope, and fell deeper and deeper inside a shell. There were a few that cared, a few teachers. Most were just eager to get rid of me, but some talked to me and i'm glad they did. They gave me some hope in humanity and usually left me to myself to ponder. I can recall one reoccurring thought that came into my head. I wondered what it would be like if my head just fell to the desk and blood gushed from my ear. And then I just died. I wondered if anyone would notice, if they'd panic and scream. Of if they'd go about their business, until I was discovered by the janitor. It would be a janitor that would discover me, for they clean and see the things people want to forget about. Myself I suppose included on this one.

The sins I can think of, that match these people would be sloth, and envy. They weren't angry, oh no, if they were it was in a burst and then it was over. They were envious of all those around them usually. They wanted what they couldn't have, and excluded you if you didn't embody all that they wanted to be. I suppose I never really fit the bill for many people, probably because of a few strange traits I developed from Isolating myself. I suppose it can seem a bit strange to me now to constantly wear a jacket, even in 100-degree weather. I would never do such a thing now a days, but I was self conscious I suppose "Back in the day". And good old sloth, it actually served me somewhat. No one ever wants to do their work, so i'd get suckered into doing it for them from time to time. This gave me a chance to interact with my fellow students with no strings attached. Of course, I fit this bill; I fit it so well that I wasn't questioned usually. I say no strings because afterwards, I wouldn't matter again. For that brief moment i'd be their savior, but after the final judgment, I would be forgotten and put away in some cage in the back of their mind. I didn't care; it felt good to be needed. Even if it was just for something as menial as class work or a project.

The last two seemed far worse in my eyes. For they represented my being alone. At least if someone's angry, you know what to do. At least they do something, they tell you what their problem is. They don't usually go behind your back and say things. No, anger is usually pure and in the open. As well as pride, you could read pride off someone you've never even met before. They are so surfaced you can sense them with every sense at your disposal. But sloth and envy, some what hide until they are needed. They hide away and tear at you becoming different things. In some cases jealousy or another one of the seven deadly sins. Whatever the case, my dealings with people and their "Sins" have taught me quite a bit. Which most things tend to do in time. I eventually made it to that sonic, and obtained the food that my friend and I would soon consume. Both places (the old neighborhood and the current neighborhood) are buried in my heart, and neither shall be forgotten. But the old neighborhood seems to be a little more distant than what i'm used to. I often wondered what it would've been like to go back, how many people would know me, in the old neighborhood, and how different it would be. I know it would be very different because my mental state is far superior to the way it was. And it didn't take much to be considered witty and or funny at the school in the old neighborhood. Heh, well I have gone on far too long on this one, and I appreciate you reading this. I apologize if it was written in a manner not of your style, but that's my thought process for you :).

"Well that was back in the day
And if you weren't there
It doesn't matter anyway
Because you wouldn't understand"












































"Even just for a moment, please live"

I was at an AutoZone (car parts place) on an unexpected visit one day. And found myself rather bored of course and didn't think much of the trip itself. It was a detour if anything from the destination that would bring me rewards. Well upon this random visit, I noticed something. And there it lye, a mangled candy bar. Almost aching to be retold and explored. It was mangled in the sense that it was once melted and then hardened once again. It took a new shape, a mangled shape. It was a shape that could catch your eye, but you didn't want to buy it because it seemed tampered with. Which explained why it was displayed for all to see, so that it would quickly be sold off as soon as possible. I kept looking at it for a while, admiring it. For it was a work of art, now i've heard stories of different people and their perspectives of art. I think the one that really was out there to me was a picture of a macaroni and cheese box. I realize a lot can be thought of such a thing, but yeah it's still kinda out there.

The candy bar however was art because it was somewhat unique. It had brothers and sisters in the same box as it, but they all looked the same. It's brothers and sisters were all smooth, and seemed almost like virgins so to say. Which made the mangled one look like "Used Goods". That is often the perception of people, they would rather not have used goods but a virgin flower that is waiting just for them. And to find out that wasn't so could be heart breaking for some. I suppose it wants to be "The First" because the first is usually a memory maker. I mean I remember my first long walk, my first kiss, my first time mowing a yard, and my first Pepsi blue. All equally important to my development and my learning experience and none forgotten. Though I do not remember my twentieth time mowing the lawn, I don't remember most of the countless times I went on a walk, and after the discovery of making out i'm willing to wager a couple kisses went unnoticed. Each a repetitive action, and in time taken for granted.

But to go back to a different point, the candy can represent someone whom believes they are ugly. They are told by those around them and are chosen last for everything. But in truth on the inside they are sweet and loveable, but no one notices because they were told that's not what they're looking for. It's a sad state of affairs when such beauty is over looked. It's even sadder when there's nothing you can do about it. Thank you for reading.



















































New World Order

I think with the way things are going, were going to be looking at another world war. I mean I realize that's a terrible thing to say but it's very possible. All we've done so far is simply soothe the violence within. We preach peace and teach it to those around the world, but the human is not a peaceful creature. As any environmentalist will tell you we kill this planet on a daily basis. Albeit we do it in the name of survival, that's not entirely true in all cases. Waste is definitely made for sure and some deaths of species are done for no reason what so ever, just because they exist.

I recall I read once that to be wasteful is to show that you are of a higher class. Because someone with "Money" has the resources available to be wasteful, so the perception of having more and not using it is one of thinking "Oh he's rich". That's just stupid if you ask me to be wasteful for the sake of status or what not. But back to murder, death, and war. I think the problem is, as many of you probably see yourselves, is miscommunication. And one society wanting to be the dominant dogma, or set of beliefs. The problem with this kind of thinking is the world wasn't originally like this. At one point there were 1000's of different ways of life, but thus far many have been eliminated. Mainly because they were thought to be primitive or inferior.

To some extent they were, but that's no excuse for not thinking of it as a possible way of life to live. As I was saying though, there is one perception that is starting to become more dominant. And you can tell me "Oh well Natural Selection!" Well this may be true for some points, but not in this case. Diversity is a good thing, and Natural Selection is usually the excuse why a species can be wiped out. In truth there's no real good excuse for the murder of a culture or species. And you can tell me that species have been going extinct for centuries wake up it happens naturally, this is true, but in the past I believe it was hundred years, many more species have come close to, or become extinct at a much faster and accelerated rate. You can tell yourself "it's natural" so you can think all is well and you're on the "Winning Side". If that's what makes you comfortable that is. I mean how would you feel if someone nuked the pyramids, if they bombed the great wall, if they burned the museum that holds the Mona Lisa? These are all products of culture, cultures much different from the perceived dominant one.

When someone resists assimilating to that perception they are seen as "Terroristic" and are labeled as people that are against Democracy. In some cases i'm sure this is true, but if someone came into my house told me everything I thought was wrong and shoved a gun in my face, I don't think i'd like them all too much. Hell i'd probably do everything in my power to fight back if I could. But yeah there are people out there that are really focused on not only killing me because i'm American but doing so because they believe it is the right thing to do.

I understand that completely, i'm not saying I support them, but not every person labeled as a terrorist has that train of thought. They see their acts as it being the only thing to get our attention, saying "Hey, I want to live my life, and i'll defend my way of life to the death. You can tell me it's wrong, you can say i'm primitive, but i'd rather live like this." And you know to each his own. Not everyone will ever agree on what is right or wrong, those two concepts (right or wrong) are perceptions and can be bent at any time for any reason. Hell back in the 80's we supported today's members of some terrorist groups when they were fighting the Russians. You don't believe me, research it. It was also prevalent in our culture as well, hence the movie Rambo 3. In Rambo 3 Rambo fights beside the Arab people, the possible future terrorists we know today. "Todays Ally is Tomorrows Terrorist!"

Nah the one I liked the most, was "Todays Asshole, is tomorrows Hero" And that is truth in ways I can't even comprehend.

This is sort of a prelude to something I plan to post later on. Just so I can go back and make references. I'm possibly wrong in everything I say, that is a possibility and I accept this. These are just thoughts i've had and I decided to just state them and see what any of you out there in T.V. land thought. If you disagree please tell me why but do so in an intelligent manner I appreciate it.

Thank you for reading.





(inspiration for the above)



Where hath the apostles gone?
Joining hands with wicked ones
Revelation has come to pass, New World Order
will hold the mass
A book written by the man
used to control and command
All rights will be denied,
without the mark you shall die

No confession, all is known, all is known
New world order, you shall be shown shall be shown

Monitoring all wages
New world order comes in stages
Currency is obsolete
Feel the agony of defeat

Symbol of society today,
A must have or you shall pay
As humans flesh leads the mind
Just as a pawn the last martyr dies

No confession, all is known, all is known
New world order, you shall be shown shall be shown

Where hath the apostles gone?
Joining hands with wicked ones
Revelation has come to pass, new world order,
will hold the mass










































What do you want to be when you grow up?

A question everyone has heard at least once in their life, myself included. I am currently 19 years old, and if asked that question today couldn't answer you. I could probably think of a zillion excuses as to why, but to keep it short, because I haven't found my niche. I've read many stories on people losing interest in their life. Drifting, as if they sleep walk to work. They wake up one day, some middle aged, some older, and think to themselves "Is this it?". They panic and then go out and buy the shiny new car of their dreams to fill a void they dug in themselves. The scary part is these people are everywhere, some are just time bombs for such a thing, others move past it.

But i'd argue they haven't. They were told they had a midlife crisis and to get over it. But in reality they were discontent with how things were going. I'd wager that hardly anybody grew up wanting to be a weekend manager, or a bank teller. But it happens and sometimes so fast you don't even notice. And that is how a midlife crisis is born. I suppose it is my fear of that, that has made me take into great consideration all of my options. Right now you're probably thinking "You're just a kid what the hell do you know?" Enough, i'd say. When you see it, read about it, and study it anything can become your own personal common knowledge.

From time to time i've watched people live their lives. I've analyzed the looks on their faces. Everyone is usually always different, with the exception of one reoccurring trend. That discontent that gets mocked. Now there are many possibilities why people get this way but a few in particular stick out i'd say One is the feeling that they do not matter. They go home turn on the television and see people they are told to envy. They do so for so long that it becomes a truth, and then is accepted by the majority. It becomes so acceptable that this one person, out of billions, matters more than everyone else.

And it makes them sad, yet happy for a brief moment. But happiness fades when reality kicks in. And then regret becomes your best friend. Regret is a bitch, and can tear at you till you lose faith. And once that's gone that is when you're truly soul less. But still we grow up idolizing people whom we may never meet or ever live up to. And that is a reality many people face. Some accept it while others scrape the edges in hopes that they are the exception. This of course brings sadness as it would to most. I know whenever I see a beautiful woman on television I have to face the reality a girl like that may not be interested in me. Same goes with whenever I see a guy whom is in great physical shape, I may never look like that. Of course you may be saying, "With hard work anything's possible". If that's true why do so many people live in poverty?

I realize that there are many that end up that way on their own, but some work, hard. They work so long and at jobs that practically kill them. And still they almost go nowhere.

Yeah this was just something I wrote out of nowhere and thought i'd post it on pulse. I wrote it while I was away and decided not to add on. But thank you for reading.
















































What is it that makes us human?

"When a Man Lies He Murders
Some Part of the World
These Are the Pale Deaths Which
Men Miscall Their Lives
All this I Cannot Bear
To Witness Any Longer
Cannot the Kingdom of Salvation
Take Me Home"



I have been a part of this world for over 19 years. And in that time, i've had to adjust to the life of a human. In this process, the process of life, i've been exposed to many human ideals. I have thought, just as anyone else has more than likely, what the meaning of life is. I've thought about the subject of Religion as well as God. I've thought about what happens when you die, as well as what is beyond this earth of ours, this biosphere that keeps us in captivity. And yet still, I still wonder what it means to be human.

What truly defines someone as human? I know some would say, that it is our love for one another that makes us human. It is said that "Love Conquers All" and that in it's name many people have done courageous things. In the name of this love people have died, risked their lives, and destroyed in order to attain or preserve this so called love. It is that thing so many people attain and then become content within a life of servitude. It is the possible answer, but it isn't necessarily the only answer.

What about the seven deadly sins?

Greed: Uncontrolled desire

Lust: Desire of the Flesh

Gluttony: Desire of Excess

Envy: Desire of Possessions

Sloth: Desire of Avoidance

Pride: Desire of Greatness

Wrath: Desire of Revenge

Is it the practice of such said evil things that makes us human? Is it the repetition of said things that defines our existence? I heard of a religious ideology known as Khylysty, in which divine grace was attained through the practice of sin. I only heard about this because Gregory Rasputin was a member of this sect in Russia. I'm not saying that this is the correct path to take, but it is an interesting view. That through sin we attain what is considered holy. I found that fascinating, i'm not sure why exactly, but the ideology seemed so contradicting. However, this sect often participated in orgies and the Flagellation of one another (whipping). I suppose Lust would be the key sin they participated in. And perhaps Gluttony.

Some people say, we humans are a cancer upon this earth. We take, and take and rarely give back. We engineer our own doom, by becoming dependent on such transient things as fossil fuels. We allow ourselves to live lives at the convenience of others. I'm not entirely certain why we do what we do, i'm not entirely certain why we humans are so counterproductive, I mean I know it is in the name of money (greed) I know it is in the name of owning that castle everyone desperately seeks (envy, gluttony) I know it is our yearning to be known and admired (pride) and I know we do so because we want to be close to that special someone (lust) And I know some of us do so to spite one another at times (Wrath). Still, most people don't want to do anything for such things (sloth) they want such things at their fingertips. How many times have you yourself ever wished for 1 million dollars, or that you'd win the lottery. I recall being told "You can wish in one hand and shit in the other, which one do you think will fill up first?"

Still, is it this practice, this repetition of counter productivity, this repetition of all that is considered wrong what makes us human? Do we feel the need to prove we exist by halting production? I'm not entirely certain, however I think it is a possibility. I have no earthly idea what to make of anything. We humans are an interesting bunch. I've lived on this planet for 19 years, i've been alienated, i've been the center of attention, i've felt that feeling some call love, i've felt alone, i've felt surrounded, i've felt cheated, and i've truly hated and so on. I've lived pretty much as some would put it. I guess i'm still young, and have perhaps many years ahead of me to ponder such thoughts. Still, I wonder though, I wonder if any of it will ever make sense. If life on this earth, if the actions of humans will ever make any sense what so ever.

Thank you for reading.







































What happened to your humanity?

Who am I in your eyes? Am I a uniform? Am I an employee? Am I a nametag? Suddenly, because I am matter that takes up space in a marked building with a dress code, I seem to not be human in your eyes. You see me as one with the machine. I am to be screamed at and told that you are right and I am wrong. I am to be told that you are the most important being and I am the ground of which you walk upon. These are the rules that have been set, because you have your choices, and only those whom wish to sell their dignity and pride at the lowest cost will win your attention.

I'm not saying I cannot take the abuse, i'm merely saying it is of poor reflection upon you. It shows you are a pitiful human being, with no regard for your fellow man. Albeit, on occasion my fellow worker has his or her flaw in which they lash out at you, but it could be in retaliation to prior altercations with your kind. What I don't get, and this has puzzled me for some time, is how you regard me as inferior. It's not as if you could be of much higher class because if you were you wouldn't be eating where I work. You also wouldn't be driving so plain a car, or dress in such a manner that would reflect so poorly on your social status. Albeit, the rich can do as they please because they are told and tell everyone else that they're at the top of the food chain. However you cannot so you feel small almost left out of such a privilege.

But then the invention of quality items for a few hours wage. It made you feel big again, almost fit to sit at the same throne as those you admire. Albeit this throne is made of copper, and not of gold. You climb this throne, pretending to be the man you admire; you bark your orders as if you were the factory owner himself. You even try to swindle said people, and trick them from their items, claiming you never received them or they weren't made to your standards. And it pleases you to know you can manipulate a human being, it pleases you to know you can make someone do what you wish of them. And if they don't you will go above their heads to their actual slave handlers. And you will see to it they get what punishments head their way, and of course you'll hope that would be termination, for then you'll feel your word is almost that of absolute.

And you'll feel powerful for just that moment, knowing you controlled someone's life, knowing they didn't exist until you made them exist. Knowing their only purpose was your existence. And if it was not a satisfying experience, you'll let them know. And you'll proceed to strip them of their humanity, strip them of their pride and dignity, to serve you because you cannot sit upon a golden throne, because you wish to play the king for just a brief moment. And the ones on the Golden throne laugh at your pitiful attempts to mock them, for they know there isn't room at the top for you so you invented your own little way of running the world.

And so, I laugh at you too for you need a throne to sit upon. For you need to feel superior to another human being to get through the day. For you need me to exist in that building in those clothes so that you can exist in a slightly better building in different clothes, so that we both serve the ones at the top. The only difference is perhaps our age and our will to fight. You lost your will a long time ago, your aim was that Golden Throne some time ago, but then that reality died for you because the opportunities wore thin and you were told there was no more room, and someone like you wasn't permitted because of silly things like upbringing and wealth. For me, it was and never is about the throne; to me the Golden Throne is just another chair. A bit too extravagant, and impractical. What use is a Golden Throne to one who wishes to be comfortable?

Perhaps only the illusion of envy of such an extravagant item. Either way, you lost your humanity at the price of wishing to feel important. At the price of wishing to be the one on the Golden Throne. You forgot that i'm just like you and I was born the same as you and will die one day the same as you. I will feel the same emotions as you, eat the same foods as you and breathe the same air as you. But still in your eyes, i'm the man below the copper throne. The one in which you rule with your wooden fist.


















































WSP 99 Ways to Die.

This was something I wrote on a website for a contest. Just something I thought i'd add here.





"Had a dream, you were still alive."

You know, I never understood that quote and I probably never will. I mean it seems so basic, the loss of a loved one etc.. However, it just seems like there could be much more than what meets the eye. But it's a quote that stuck out to me, i'm not sure why. But now that i've made my improper introduction... without further ado...


Hello, my name is Casey (aka Symbolic on pulse). I'm 20 years old, and currently working at a fast food place. I've recently made shift leader of the graveyard shift. Some consider this an honor, I just consider it more pay and a few benefits I could live without. I haven't had many girlfriends, but I have sadly felt what some call love. And as you can tell i've also experienced the loss of such a thing. Which ultimately reminds me of another quote...

"Love is a fate worse than death."

I've often found solace in such a philosophy.

There are sometimes I feel like I hate everything, yet I want to hold the burden of the world. I'm not sure why I hate everything exactly, it's perhaps because I feel i've been dealt shitty cards by fate, or because things just don't seem like they should be. Either way, to state such a thing, you usually hear people say "You're lucky! There are starving kids in Africa!" Or they'll try to convince you they're in more pain, yet they don't show it.

I still barely understand anything, and there are only a few moments in my life i'm actually surprised and or proud of myself for.

One such occasion happened around 5 a.m. on graveyard shift. I was working with two girls and we were almost done with everything so, they decided to go outside and have a smoke. I was still inside, I think cleaning the grill or the grill parts, when they rush in telling me to call the cops that some guys have some girl down by the bridge and they're holding her against her will. Well, before I make any decision like calling cops I better see what was exactly going on.

It turned out there was some validity to their story, and it was very suspicious seeing as it was so early in the morning. And one of the guys approached me asking if we were open inside (which we weren't). After finding out we wouldn't allow him in, he proceeded to McDonalds. And it was at this point I was watching the guy and the girl in the bushes. It was so so very suspicious. And one of the girls I was working with had been chased down and raped before, so she was freaking out on me telling me I should call the cops.

So I did, though they never showed up. At around this time, the two girls came inside and told me he put his hands around her neck and chased her across the street. And it was at this point where I had had enough. I grabbed the only weapon I had (which was pepper spray at the time) and headed over to McDonalds to see if there indeed was something rotten in Denmark.

I remembered that walk. I kept telling myself to turn back, they could have guns, knives who knows what. I kept wondering what I was doing exactly and for what purpose? I thought surely, someone else would do something, especially if the people at McDonalds saw these suspicious activities... But I kept on, i'm not sure why but I just did until I approached the girl and the guy. The conversation went like so.

Me to her "Is everything alright?"

Her "Yes, why what's the matter?"

Me "Oh, well we had some customers saying they saw some girl struggling on the bridge and two guys were holding her down or something. There were people telling me to call the cops and stuff, but they haven't showed up so I came to make sure you were alright."

Her "Oh (kind of laughing at this point) no i'm fine this is my boyfriend, and that's my brother."

Me "Oh i'm sorry to disturb you i'll be on my way."

Her "Oh no thank you cause you know what if I had been in that situation, it's good to know someone would've done something."

I turned around at this point, and they told the brother who was walking back and they were all laughing. I went back and told my coworkers what the deal was and they were relieved. They said they felt safe working with me at night from then on.

I never really thought much about that night; it just seemed like something i'd do. I guess if anything, I'd want to go out in a blaze of glory. That way, all my good attributes are glorified, while anything people despised me for is forgotten. "He was a hero!" "He always put other people first!" That probably sounds egotistical, but who's to say any of our fallen heroes aren't guilty of the same?

I don't know, guess i'll always dream of being born centuries ago. Where you lived and died by the sword. Some men had a code of honor while others merely wielded their sword to the highest bidder. I'm not sure exactly where I would've fit in, but I probably would've felt I was ahead of my time.

I apologize if this didn't seem personal, but I thank you for reading.


















































A 2 Weeks notice of Sorts.

"Don't set out to raze all shrines - you'll frighten men. Enshrine mediocrity, and the shrines are razed." - Ellsworth Toohey, character from the Book The Fountainhead written by Ayn Rand.

I always liked that quote, just because if you make people believe that greatness lies within inactivity. If you make them believe that their life is better spent as just one of the masses and not pursuing some dream, but instead contributing to a greater good, or a so called greater good. You are the only one left to reap the benefits, thus is the case with a certain job I have. I have to say, it was enjoyable for a time, very enjoyable, even when my first boss and his shortcomings the job was still something you could stick to. But I think it was because there was always our Assistant manager if anything. She was sort of the glue that held it all together, the core if you will. Each person was a piece, and didn't quite fit like concrete but like that of stone. See, the way American businessmen think (something I read on 4chan) you build a wall of concrete and you convert everything to whatever you wish. But the way the Japanese build their wall is like that of stone. Each stone has it's own skill and you fit it wherever it is needed, however the stone maintains a portion of it individuality, and is thus reinforced in a way concrete can not compare.

That is sort of how our store was run. We were all stones and we all fit somewhere in particular, we were given freedoms and we were also given rules. Which is why it felt less like a job and more like a family operated type of business. Granted we had our problems, which were many, such as people not showing up and so on and so on. But regardless of that it was still something I could see myself doing in a year or so. I could imagine myself coming back to if I really needed it. Not just because of the assistant manager, who became manager, but also because of the people I worked with. Granted the majority of them weren't perfect and could've probably done better jobs, but when you do a good job for so long for hours on end, for 16 hours straight for weeks upon weeks suddenly it doesn't matter any more. I can see why a comrade would lose sight, and only do a job them deemed decent and not perfect, which is why I never thought badly of my fellow worker if they left a mess or what not.

As for me, there was always our assistant manager. I never wanted to let her down; I always did as much as I could because I knew she'd do the same for any or all of us. Which is one reason I agreed to work a double shift on Thanksgiving so she could be home with her family for a change. She was the sort of leader you read about in books, the one the hero of the story models themselves after. She would always do her job; she'd always be out helping us whenever we needed help. You'd never find her in the office during a rush when there were only a few people working, no she'd be at the front lines, in the trenches with the rest of us. I have to say, as far as people go, it's too bad what they did to her is all I have to say. She gave them over 10 years of her life, and they just spat it back at her as if she never existed. And then they try to make us believe she was crooked, they try to preach to us of evils she's committed. But there is only one evil in this world....

In the virtue of selfishness, it talks about how what is wrong with the world is this so called doing things for the benefit of society, how in the name of God and or Society we condone such things and actions, and that is why the world is screwed up. Example, the Crusades, the cause of course was to reclaim the holy land. But it was done so through means of force in which people fought and died for a cause that perhaps would've never mirrored their own beliefs, had they not been told they were doing Gods work. How it was Gods will, and that this so called Gods will should affect the entire world and dominate every other belief, assimilate it if you will. Assimilate or die as they say, Evolve or become extinct. Take no heed of this so called thing of diversity, which is why the human will always be just like that of what Agent Smith referred to us as "A Virus".

I very well could survive this upcoming apocalypse; I could survive the loads of cement they'll pour all over our former stonewall. But I just don't see the point any more. I feel it is truly an end of an era, the end of my era; i'll be there perhaps only one more month. But I can't see myself there any more, too many stones have left. And if I become one with a wall made of concrete it will be an entirely different wall all together. I know yesterday I was thinking to myself why don't I just walk out, why don't I just leave, and I kept asking myself why am I still here, and so on and so on. I was doing everything I did, every extra thing merely out of habit and for no other reason. And when it finally hit me, I took out my book and started reading. He had no objections, and if he had i'd of just kept reading and ignored.

Perhaps this is an unorthodox sort of style of a two weeks notice, but it was my first real job, one I stayed with for over a year and never called in. Today, I finally called in but I didn't do so to the Assistant manager I spoke of.
No I did so to Jack, because to him I owe nothing.

Thank you for reading.















































Do you remember?












He sits there pondering his next move, wondering what turns to take next, what forks in the road may lead to pleasure and which to pain, all the while not realizing his surroundings no longer suit him. Realizing it's perhaps too late, and he may no longer have a place to which to regard as sanctuary. It's not that big of a deal, and he could move on if he chose, however, the shift is too sudden and he's not ready for the consequences, nor the pain for that matter. Too worried to let those around him down, he must cease his evolution and continue being one of them, or he can become something that of which all would one day bow to and regard as superior. However, it is a lonely path, one that is not traveled easy or with which admiration is gained at first.

Confused and scared he sits wondering what happened, what shifted the change? He begins to go back to the beginning, remembering the past, remembering when he himself had to adjust to their surroundings. When they were the evolved. He remembers he caught on quickly and contributed as much as he could. His main fear, letting them down. He'd never dream of such a course of action, and often takes on more responsibility and more weight that that which his body will allow.

He thinks to himself...

"Foolish mortal, when will it be enough?"

"I don't know, guess i'll have to keep going till I figure that out."

As time passed, he became one of the higher ranked among them. And as more fellow comrades fell, so too did his rank increase. It didn't matter to him, nothing another man could give him seemed worthy of praise in his mind. He shrugged it off and thought it came with the territory. Eventually he was given a rank above his normal comrades, and all new recruits were told to look to him for guidance. Even to this he didn't care much, nor take heed of it. He too shrugged this off, and merely did what he knew was expected of him and usually beyond. He took no notice of all the new "Comrades" around him, and rarely acknowledged them.

A Mistake, some would say, however he didn't care. And there he was he realized, losing his place on the hill. Why? Merely because he refused to play their game, and didn't value the same things they valued. It is true he was good at taking up space and time for them so they could truly form the army of their dreams. But we all know what happens to allies with different beliefs; they become the enemy and a source of corruption for they remember a time beyond reformation. And such memories are dangerous ideas, for they are the thought

"What could've been and still could be"


Such heresy is punishable by death, however he's smart he plays dumb to the ways of the old and embraces the ways of the new. All except one factor, that of the new recruits. It is this severed connection that is the most dangerous, for any one of them looking to prove something perhaps may challenge him for his right on the hill with the others. The hill itself meant nothing to him, but for some reason he doesn't want to give it up. For some reason he feels it is his right, not a privilege. He feels he earned that spot, however others feel he's lost his luster, and look for others more vibrant, more willing to conspire with them.

It is true, he did submit to such an evil before; he did conspire just as they to attain a level of glory. However, once he realized just how deep he was, he sought out to cleanse himself of the deeds. Which was as Plato taught..

"If ever there are rumors about you, live so as nobody will believe them"

However, the possibilities of words against him were limitless, and in his minds eye he had no idea of who to suspect or for that matter what. And that of course was the worst of it all, the dread of not knowing and waiting. It is the sort of thing that drives a man to madness, long before the event, the explosion itself takes place.

He doesn't know what to do, but has an idea. He thinks perhaps moving on is the right course of action. Evolving is better than wallowing in the same hut year after year. He knows however he must act fast or he will be trapped like so many others before him. But the questions still plague his mind...

"What was said?" "Who said it?"

"Why would they say that?"

"What did I ever do to deserve such words against me?"

"Who can I still trust?"

"Who can I still call Comrade?"




"When and where did this Begin?"




Of course he has no absolute answer to any of these, only thoughts and perhaps a few hypotheses. And those can be more dangerous than the actual answers themselves.

Still, he sits looking back through the years. Remembering the good times, remembering the bad, and just remembering in general. Eventually as the years progress, he'll make believe they were all good times. There was no pain, and all those people were his friends.

Which just goes to show, time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds, but perhaps just paints over them with more suitable/memorable moments of happiness.

This of course is not a bad thing, but it just has to make you wonder how we view our own history.



Either way he thinks, he must decide what course of action to take next. But still has no idea what would be best.

"Heh, I suppose whatever happens happens"


Probably not the best attitude, but sometimes, it's the only one you can really have in such moments just to keep yourself sane.

Thank you for reading.

















































I see faith in your eyes....

It's odd to be honest. I'm currently taking sociology, and it's interesting and all, but it's painfully obvious that the people around me aren't as interested in it as I am. I didn't really care at first to be honest. Their opinions and thoughts were rather amusing for a time; however, they're just so clustered into one specific area. They only see black and white; they can't understand the reverse and refuse to acknowledge the reverse. For example, their thoughts and views on the Klu Klux Klan. As a disclaimer, I in no way support the Klu Klux Klan, nor would I ever consider becoming a member. I think they're just an extreme group with no intention other than spreading hate. There is no future in such a group.

However,

They have one minor point. White people aren't as united as many other races. When you see a group of white people out, and it's a whites only group (meaning it's a club only for white people), it's in some ways considered racist. So an obligatory black person is added, an assimilated one at that. I don't propose we start any sorts of clubs for white people; however, I just don't like how in some ways it's sort of bad to be white in some ways. It's almost as if my race did something long ago that was horrible, and i'm told how bad it was and how ashamed I must feel about it. But to be honest, I think it's irrelevant. I have no interest in repeating the past, nor do I wish any ill will on anyone of any race. But to be told my ancestors did, therefore I must, is absurd.

"For every twisted around idea or belief with intensions of hate, there exists a speck of truth. However, the truth is usually drowned by those seeking power, and looking to exploit such truth for personal gain."

I realize these sorts of things still go on, and all races do something to some degree that's horribly wrong to one another. I just don't think dwelling on it will solve anything. Fact of the matter is, things like this happen. Usually because of some propaganda someone is spoon fed from birth. About how their religion, ethnicity, sex or etc.. Have been oppressed by some other group or groups of people for numbers of years and how they have to hate these other people etc.. Then they go around calling everyone they see of that race, religion, or sex some word made up to piss those people off. Some go the extra mile and incite violence. And there was a time (and still is a time in some cases) said people got away with it.

I'm not saying this is right or wrong, i'm just saying it exists. Beyond that, it is nothing. It is a plateau that allows the individual no growth what so ever. They're stuck in what they believe their nirvana, but it is an oblivion.

All right, here's what I want you to do. The next time you see these people on T.V. the next time you hear them talk. Just stare at them, notice the differences in the way they talk and act. Then ask them "What would you do, if this race/religion never existed?" they'd probably tell you they'd be happy or some variation of that. But then alert them on how, if this race/religion they hate never existed they'd of never amassed any sort of power what so ever, and they'd lose their raison detre (reason for being). They'd lose their niche (albeit a terrible one). That girl they were trying to impress whom has the same view would no longer have any common ground with them, all their friends might abandon them because who knows maybe their friends like blue jeans and he doesn't. Their life ultimately would be nothing, and they'd only have a memory of what was, which can be lost at any given moment.

Aside from the obvious, they're also stuck though. Their only focus and goal on this planet is the (in some cases) extermination of some other people. They're not interested in truth, or beauty, or even any sort of actual advancement what so ever. We as humans have a duty to ourselves to seek out such things. And to merely throw such pursuits aside for who has the cooler God or better symbol, or better yet, who has the better looking skin, is just a waste of time.

I recall I watched an episode of Star Trek (the original series, shut up) and Abraham Lincoln was brought to life by some alien being (it was within the beings capabilities so bear with me.) and Abraham Lincoln was brought aboard the star ship enterprise. Captain Kirk was shocked and awed by his presence for he considered Lincoln to be one of his heroes. When Lincoln saw Uhura (a black woman) he regarded her as a Negro then apologized for calling her such a name. Uhura then responded "That's alright, in our time, we've evolved beyond being offended by such words." This amazed Lincoln. And wished the people in his time could do the same.

When I first saw that I was amazed. A word that so many people these days would just about kill someone for saying, meaningless in a future tense. It was almost like she said "Oh, you mean that thing my people would fight over, and your people invented to hate my people with? Yeah doesn't mean anything any more."

They had another episode where these two people, who were from an advanced civilization, were chasing each other across the galaxy and happened to find themselves in contact with the starship enterprise. One was black on one side and white on the other, the other was the same colors as the other guy except his black was on the left instead of his right. (All right, one was black on the right side and white on the left, the other was black on the left side and white on the right). These two people had been chasing each other across the galaxy for the past ten thousand years. One a fugitive from the law for starting a rebellious group (a lower class member), the other an upholder of deemed "in the right" law (upper class member). See (I can't remember which to be honest) one group saw the other as inferior for having white on the opposite side of them and black on the opposite side of them. They practically enslaved these people by giving them all the left overs, while living their life in luxury.

So the other guy started a rebellious group to expel these other people, believing it was the only way because they were the source of all hate on their planet. Which in a sense was true, however made them no better. He was captured, but escaped, and the high-ranking officer of the upper class gave chase which lasted over ten thousand years.

Kirk tries reasoning with them, but there was no reasoning. Eventually the upper class alien takes control of the ship and makes it go to their home planet (as he had apprehended the "Criminal" aboard the ship). When they get to the home planet (remember they had been gone for over ten thousand years) it was barren. There was nobody left, and signs of nuclear radiation, suggesting that the two groups had bombed one another back into the Stone Age leaving nothing except ruins. The two aliens are distraught over this; they were both the only two left of their civilization.

Would this make them settle their differences and make them realize they were being silly all along? No, the lower class alien runs and beams down to the planet, and the upper class alien gives chase and follows him to try and kill him. Kirk then says "They have nothing else, except their hatred for one another. And that's all that 's keeping them going." And they leave it a that. Keep in mind, this was a civilization of people that advanced far beyond us hundreds of thousands (if not possibly millions) of years before humans, and lived for thousands of years at a time. Had they not had such a hindrance like worrying about who had what color on what side, who knows what sort of things they could of done to better all the civilizations as a whole.

What's my point in all this? These sorts of things, the worrying of what race is better, what God is better, what Sex is better, what preferences are better etc.. Are just distractions from seeking truth. You gain nothing, and only hinder those around you by expressing such viewpoints. Which is why I found it amusing my classmates instead of learning the material, would rather dedicate entire hours to such talks on racism and how it's wrong. Which does nothing except state the obvious and have everyone agree about how wrong it is, as if they hadn't before. I realize, race is a part of sociology, however I think it's irrelevant beyond it's initial use. (meaning) it plays it's part, however, the part of who is superior and who isn't I just don't see as a pivotal roll.

Fact of the matter is, it exists, and beyond that it is nothing. An archaic ideal ready to be brushed out of existence. Probably not in my lifetime, but probably in a lifetime after mine.

"In the pursuit of truth, were often distracted."

Thank you for reading.

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User Reviews

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Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-17 13:55:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

wtf not read, etc

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Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-17 12:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1

aneurysms..

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Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-17 10:05:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-16 18:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Despite the fact that over the summer it seemed pulsehead got about 3 posts per week, I hope that the opposite of some uberers' "go fuck off to pulsehead" attitude happens here, and we get an influx of good fiction littering the front page, like a mighty, eloquent bandwagon.
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*doesn't hold breath*

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Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2007-09-17 03:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment

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Submitted by J_Man (user info) at 2007-09-16 22:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by J_Man (user info) at 2007-09-16 22:22:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-09-16 21:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

What the fuck is "Pulshead" and why does anyone give a fuck whether Gascs decided to shut the fucking place down?

I would too if it was full of bullshit posts like this one.
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He later went on to say "And what's the deal with airline food?"

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Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-09-16 21:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

What the fuck is "Pulshead" and why does anyone give a fuck whether Gascs decided to shut the fucking place down?

I would too if it was full of bullshit posts like this one.

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Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-09-16 19:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-09-16 18:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Didn't i acuse you of stealing your own pic?
funny.
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hit view user info, nczar is not Symbolic

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Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-16 18:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Despite the fact that over the summer it seemed pulsehead got about 3 posts per week, I hope that the opposite of some uberers' "go fuck off to pulsehead" attitude happens here, and we get an influx of good fiction littering the front page, like a mighty, eloquent bandwagon.

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Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-09-16 18:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Didn't i acuse you of stealing your own pic?
funny.

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Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-16 17:28:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

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Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-09-16 14:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-16 02:49:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-16 01:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

gascs was talking of reworking the whole website into something quite different.
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Did you guys get a chance to claim your work?
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I didn't read this comment, but it seems not. I tried going to my "profiles" on there and neither of them worked.

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Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-09-16 14:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i wish i could have at least retrieve my posts BEFORE it went down, but whatever. I think I saved most of them anyway.

Oh well....

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Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-16 12:17:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-16 01:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

gascs was talking of reworking the whole website into something quite different.

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Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-16 09:16:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I swear to god that I did read the reviews and SHUT THE FUCK UP.

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Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-16 08:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I SWEAR to God that i did not read hidden's review - or any reviews - before I posted MY review.

EERIE!

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Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-16 08:23:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Shut the fuck up.

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Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-09-16 06:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

shut the fuck up

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Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-16 05:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Seriously don't post about another website going down, and put your "best posts" from that site... If anything you should have posted them individualy and reaped the rewards. Smarten the fuck up.

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Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-16 02:49:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-16 01:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

gascs was talking of reworking the whole website into something quite different.
===
Did you guys get a chance to claim your work?

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Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-09-16 02:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

read a few words. lost interest. definitely not reading all that.

the big ten stinks. northwestern ended duke's winless streak, iowa got killed by the other ISU (my ISU won, hooray), minnesota and indiana stink. wisconsin stunk up the joint against the citadel and it is exceedingly possible that the wolverines are done embarrassing themselves. i just got done watching colorado give florida state the game. im watching highlights of auburn losing to missssssssippi state, and i watched the louisville house of cards fall against Kentucky. florida killed the only sec team i can cheer for, and even though i hate them, notre dame depresses me. what a shitty day of football.

the brewers won today but they are 1 back from the cubs with time running out.

i get to go watch the packers get their asses handed to them by the chargers next sunday.

ps my fantasy team stinks.

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Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-16 01:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

gascs was talking of reworking the whole website into something quite different.

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Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2007-09-16 00:56:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

pulsehead

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Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-09-16 00:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

tldr

i'll give you the benefit of the doubt though

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Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-09-15 23:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

UBER PREVAILS!

P.S. WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT!

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Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2007-09-15 23:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

the hell, i'm not reading all that.

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Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-09-15 23:01:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

There is too much content for a single post.
But +2 because it's a weekend.

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Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2007-09-15 21:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Berserk.

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Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-09-15 20:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-09-15 20:24:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

WTF im not reading all that.

break it up into easier to digest chunks man.
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sorry bout that, I just realized how hard of a read it was.

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Who spread garbage all over Flanders's yard before I got a chance to?

-- Homer Simpson
Two Dozen and One Greyhounds

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