Masturbation Is Blind (no scary pictures) (1086 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.56 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Haiku Mikoo (View user info) at 2007-08-13 18:27:38 EDT
My second fairly long short story, hopefully people like it as much as the other one (I'm sure some genius will take advantage of that quote). I tried to keep this from feeling too "Emo", and may or may not write a part two (repeat above parenthesis) that won't be nearly as "Emo", but probably just as "Ghey"
Anyways, here's a story, if you have the time.
=================
It seemed that my masturbation habits were taking on all kinds of strange forms lately, I guess this time it had been revenge.
Today was Amy's first day off her period, we had planned on celebrating with some good old fashioned, consensual sex...but that plan was sabotaged by another argument.
She had knocked my tape recorder off the desk one time too many, and now it was broken. Aside from the old Game Boy I had recently promoted from the basement to the bedside table, it was one of the few things I owned that I seemed to get any use out of anymore. She had already apologized and offered to replace it, and that should have ended the whole argument right there, but somehow the conversation had turned towards "That Night" again.
At the time we had only been together for a few months, and that night most certainly could have turned out a lot worse, but I suppose that was part of the problem.
Alcohol had led me to some random cholo's shindig somehow, while Amy was at her house during some familiar cholo's shindig. We were both taking advantage of the mass quantities of free booze laid before us.
Simon and I were sharing his last cigarette on the porch of "Random Cholo" person's house while everyone outside marveled at the fact that they had more melanin in their skin than we did. Simon was trying to get into some tweaker's pants who the only thing he had in common with was their shared anonymity. However, her attention seemed to be on me.
Apparently she had mistaken my lack of desire to talk to anyone there as a simultaneously mysterious and attractive quality. Regardless of what mistake she had made that led her to finding me attractive, she was incredibly forward. She asked me if I had ever "fucked any ghetto bitches", and offered to call up some friends and have some fun at her apartment.
Amy was having a slightly different experience.
She was actually having fun at her cholo party, but one person seemed to be having a terrible time. He was obviously in his forties, while everyone else was in their late teens or early twenties. He was made to cook food for everyone, and was being ignored at the kitchen table by himself, trying to enjoy what little remained of the bounty he had bestowed upon the party.
Amy felt bad for him, and decided she would have to take it upon herself to keep him company. She soon learned that he didn't speak any English, and her years of high school Spanish wasn't going to help her much in her drunken state. So, she figured dancing with him might cheer him up.
He was a horrible dancer, and it wasn't long before he crashed into her, toppling both of them in the process. She was now on the floor with her back to the ground, and on top of her was a forty something year old man from Mexico. He leaned in to kiss her, but she resisted. Someone walked in, and he scurried into the nearest bathroom, clearly embarrassed. In an attempt to keep anything else from happening, Amy decided to go to bed.
I was still on the porch of "Random Cholo" person's house, trying to convince a nonsensical tweaker that I wasn't interested in her, and was currently seeing someone. I had long since decided that she probably didn't really have her own apartment anyway, or any friends to call up for that matter. I tried to end my conversation with her as politely as possible, knowing all to well it is not a good idea to upset a tweaker if you can help it. I raided the nearest refrigerator and filled my Fila jacket up with as much Tecaté as it could hold. With two small pockets on the outside, and two slightly larger ones on the inside, I managed to fit six of them.
When I came back outside to find Simon, I saw him staring angrily at a group of violent looking fellows that could probably inflict a decent amount of pain on us. I hastily decided we should leave immediately and attempted to transport an obviously blacked out Simon from the porch to my car. I was supposed to call Amy that night if Simon got bored enough to try his hand at her roommate's party, and since it was clear he wasn't going to get anywhere with the tweaker, it was about time for that call.
She sounded pretty hammered over the phone, and told me she had just gone to bed, but she wouldn't mind if we came over. I figured she was bullshitting, and just wanted to enjoy a drunken night of uninterrupted sleep, so I took my highly drunk friend to my place. Besides, Simon wasn't in the best state of mind to meet my potential girlfriend for the first time, and I heard somewhere that first impressions are important.
Amy was having a slightly different experience.
The door to her room wasn't locked, and it didn't take long for the forty something Mexican man to find her. He was on top of her again, and this time she wasn't resisting. I would find out later that she was hesitant to start a serious relationship, as she had just ended one with another guy three months prior to meeting me. At least, that would be her cheap justification for what she had done.
He had started to grope her...she tried to push his hands away, but she was too drunk. Pretty soon her skirt had disappeared, but before anything else could come off, the door opened again.
It was her neighbor this time. He was also in his forties, and had four daughters. Amy was the only person in the neighborhood that didn't make fun of his speech impediment, so he was quite fond of her. He knew there was going to be a party tonight, and had stopped by to check on her. He pulled the forty something year old Mexican man off her, and asked if she wanted him to leave and lock the door. She answered yes, and fell asleep...relieved.
When she had finally told me the whole story (the first few attempts were riddled with lies), I wasn't sure how to react. I knew a lot of people who would say, "It was just one drunken kiss, it's not a big deal" and deep down, I knew they were right. But I couldn't just let it go like that. It wasn't just that I had a similar opportunity for "just a drunken kiss" the same exact night, or even that she had continually lied about what actually happened, but instead that both Amy and I knew things would have progressed far past groping had her neighbor not arrived. I knew I could never be sure if it would have been consensual...whether she was drunk or not didn't matter to me.
The sound of the toilet flushing startled me. I wondered how long I had been standing there, staring at my own semen, and watched the last bit exit from my life forever with an emphatic "Sploosh!"
I searched for a good episode of The Venture Brothers on the laptop to ignore while I took a bath, and tried to rationalize my masturbatory revenge. I knew "That Night" shouldn't matter anymore, enough time had passed and it was clear that Amy loved me. However, it seemed that it was still gnawing at my subconscious like the dreaded candirú on an unsuspecting urethra. The point had been to masturbate to the thoughts of another woman, perhaps a certain tweaker from my past, while Amy was in the other room knowing exactly what I was doing instead of having sex with her.
I came to realize that I wasn't even aware of Amy being in the other room when I had done it. I had completely tuned out any thoughts of her, of anger or love, and only thought of other women while I was pleasuring myself. I knew that I probably would have done the same thing if there had been no argument, and we had "made love" instead. At this thought, I felt a wave of guilt, followed by a wave of regret when I finally realized something...
...A year after "That Night", I was finally getting my revenge, and I could find no victory in that.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-08-15 17:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh, you know? Nothing much here, at least the way you played it. But it was well written and I like what I've seen of you.
Submitted by bigdicrick (user info) at 2007-08-15 11:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
master = One that has control over another or others. baiter = One who baits; a tormentor.
master + baiter = one that has control over the one who baits the tormentor.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-08-14 20:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i have no recollection of this comment:
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-08-13 21:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
read four paragraphs
got bored
+2 because bart gave us our shit back
Submitted by azurefroz (user info) at 2007-08-14 18:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because I strangely find you amusing. One thing you should know though, person, is that while sicosemen stole my account previously, I had it reinstated by bart by selecting the "forgot password" option on the sign in menu. From there I received a new password. Apparently this sicosemen fellow has a way to get accounts.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-14 17:08:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Honestly, I hate this too.
I was trying to write something I knew I would have difficulty with. I tried not to exaggerate what happened "that night" in an effort to keep it from feeling cliché. However, I think I only succeeded in making their "problems" seem trivial and lame.
Also, writing this wasn't very fun, I felt incredibly self-conscious about everything I was writing.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-14 09:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was not great this was not horrible. this was pretty solidly meh.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-14 01:35:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Am I to understand that you just jerked off to the thought a 40 year old drunk spic trying to rape your drunk girlfriend?
el oh el?
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-08-14 01:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 on effort alone. That's a lot of text. But sorry man, I was bored after the first couple paragraphs delving into relational problems. Don't need any more of that...
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-13 21:27:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-08-13 21:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
read four paragraphs
got bored
+2 because bart gave us our shit back
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-13 19:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
when telling a story, and employing a flashback technique, you need to 'close the brackets' so to speak on the flashback, and bring us back to the 'present'...you kinda forgot to do that.
not bad writing style otherwise
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-08-13 19:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
meh
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-13 19:13:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-13 15:58:27 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I liked it EXACTLY the same as I liked the other one.
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P.S. We're all aware you don't actually bother to read any of these posts. After all, that wouldn't make any sense considering this site was obviously made to post pictures of ourselves sucking at golf and our old Halloween costumes
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-13 19:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-13 15:58:27 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I liked it EXACTLY the same as I liked the other one.
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Oh Shlongy, are we all that different? Are we both not raging assholes? Do we both not click the same Übersite bookmark?
Then again, there is your grapefruit of a prostate, and your rotted cock has many more "memories" than mine does (by "memories" I mean "diseases"), and I'm a much bigger fan of the ellipsis, but still...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I liked it EXACTLY the same as I liked the other one.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha - nice!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:55:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Of course, those are my ex wives, and they're all whores.
dirty rotten sluts.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gosh. How much do you shell out annually on anal plugs?
Hey. I happen to know for a fact that SOMETIMES, SOME GIRLS actually like a sweaty dirty stinky guy.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, I never take it back! I'm very generous like that.
and why should attractive men like to stink?
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And everybody (except attractive men) loves you for it. I certainly know that if I were having a gas issue, I'd rather YOU shove your buttplug up my ass than almost anyone else.
I just hope you wash it after each use.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a giver...
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I see. You mean if someone is having a bad gas day, you'll kindly cram your handy dandy buttplug (I assume you keep it on your person at all times) right up their bunghole?
Aw. Crystle you are such a sweetheart.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:47:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
of course we don't.
we emit light breezes that smell of stawberries and spring, at the most.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:46:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait...
girls don't poop do they?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, you misunderstand me! It's not for me... it's for others! I keep it as a convienience to them.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:45:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh now - see, being polite is why I have the buttplug.
=================================================================
Eeeeewww. You could have an enima. Or get one of those plastic wrap around "bowel bags" old people and folks with Crone's disease get...so you can just poop at will and it goes right to the bag.
Submitted by Design (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh now - see, being polite is why I have the buttplug.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know you actually have a buttplug, sweetie. I was just being polite.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:40:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-13 15:39:05 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sadly, Director, all of those except one are true.
=====
Nevermind.
Why does my mouth taste like foot?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haiku - I don't argue
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:40:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-13 15:38:03 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Crystal doesn't masturbate. Or have sex. Or get boyfriends. Or have a buttplug. Or make ubersite lists.
Poor lass.
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Is this going to be one of those situations where I check to see what kind of reviews this has gotten, and there's just a page full of crazy internet arguments?
That's only funny when it happens to other people...I think
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sadly, Director, all of those except one are true.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually really liked this.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Crystal doesn't masturbate. Or have sex. Or get boyfriends. Or have a buttplug. Or make ubersite lists.
Poor lass.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
u masterbate?
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS
now to read. if this is less than stellar I shall change my rating accordingly