I got nothing (1166 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.28 on 72 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Anansie (View user info) at 2007-07-12 16:29:54 EDT
It's that time of year again. The time where I become needy for attention and decide to post a camwhore. Actually, it's been exactly three years since the first one. The fact that I still come here after that long kind of makes me want to hang myself.
However, in order to give this post a semblance of content, this time, I'll attach a poem that I am not satisfied with. I don't have enough perspective to decide whether the rhyming works or not.
The Dinner Contestant
You bleed onto this tablecloth
Your life's sweet duress
While the dogs of war show up
In their Sunday best.
It's here you caress
What makes others cringe.
If you had any choice
Would you let them in?
Let them under your skin
To share tea and crumpets
While the trumpets blared
A funeral song?
No. You wouldn't.
Still, do you not wonder
Why they remain and stagnate,
Sitting cheerily at your table?
They curse the bread,
Even as their eyes drop
Questions on your plate.
It's almost innate- the way you
Sit forcing that smile, that smile.
That pulls at your face,
Peels your lips back,
Sets your teeth on
The invisible bit.
Only removed so they can
Feed you their shit.
Still you sit.
You sop it up and swallow it down,
Even as you are ground,
Chewed up like the cud
Of some dumb dead-eyed cow.
So how does it taste?
Are you one of them now?
Ok, for those of you who came for a show, this is me, again, fuckers.
User Reviews
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So, either you're Supergirl doin' over 2000 miles an hour while flying, or
you've misspelled 'mark II'. I bet you're supergirl on a day off.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-14 03:31:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd hit that. +2 For the fact that i would hit that.
But i tap anything. Oh yes i do.
Submitted by AccidentalPerfidy (user info) at 2007-09-14 03:10:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Definitely more than worth a read. I liked it.
On a side note, do you smile like that and stare at someones left ear in order to freak them out?
Heh. Sparkly.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2007-07-17 00:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
almost looks like allison hannigan
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-13 04:57:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy is good, I cant smile for toffee in my photos.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-13 04:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apparently I look like a man? Oh well, my alter-ego is a gun-toting male so why not.
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yes, the resemblance to yourself and sunny G is staggering
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-13 00:00:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also also, this reminds me a great deal of Pink Floyd, specifically from The Wall era.
Have another because you got me listening to Pink Floyd at midnight. Good one.
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-12 23:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good poem. The cadence kinda changes itself up a bit, but I like that. Things that follow a rhythm too closely sound too structured to me.
IAMBIC PENTAMETER FOR THE LOSE
Also, you have very nice hair.
Submitted by hellish (user info) at 2007-07-12 22:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-12 21:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Only removed so they can
Feed you their shit.
Still you sit.
You sop it up and swallow it down,
Even as you are ground,
Chewed up like the cud
Of some dumb dead-eyed cow.
So how does it taste?
Are you one of them now?
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This is disturbing. The rest, I didn't really care for so much. Sorry I can't really help beyond that.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-07-12 21:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yup
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-07-12 20:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Absolutely perfect title .
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-07-12 20:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 because I hate poetry, +2 'cause I'd hit it.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And maybe - just maybe - that is why your alter ego is a psychotic stick figure?
Hmmmmmmm?
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:12:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's with the blood splatter on the wall behind your head? With that stare and silly grin you got on - it looks like you just murdered somebody. Maybe that is why you had to change clothes between the two pictures?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck i'm retarded.
karin. not annie.
http://www.dreamstarlets.com/features/!bios/gaby_hoffman2.jpg
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:25:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i've said it before, and i'll say it again:
you look like ray cansella's daughter annie from field of dreams.
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:15:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The poem was m'kay. You look melancholy. Head like a melon,face like a collie!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:04:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I could floss with your dick, Old Man Splinter.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can you give me a cheek job?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So how many testicles can a chipmunk fit in its mouth?
Where's a Scotsman when you need one?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alright, I'm leaving for the day. Thanks for the critiques of the poem. And the nice words. And the implications that I sound like a dude and can store nuts in my mouth. I mean like a chipmunk. I mean store nuts like a chipmunk not sound like a dude like a chipmunk seeing as how chipmunks sound nothing like dudes.
I have to get out of here.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
W.O.B - katy's just wondering what your accent's like because she's ashamed of her own New Joisey sound.
Here, test your extra syllables on, appropriately enough, this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/95841
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pen.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:55:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh noes, not where mommies and daddies have dutters that wear ahlanuh and bored whitehairs play canyastuh all the day! Not Alyaskah! Noes! I've fayuwnd that vernilla doesn't grow in those tyawuns.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:53:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look Vallerina, not everyone says "abayouwt" when saying "about" or "wudder" when talking about what's inside a pool. Deal.
===
Dyon't make me kick yer ayuss all the way to alayuskih.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:51:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know Katy. A mild country accent, I guess. It's not bad but you should hear the tapes of me when I was seven. I added ten extra syllables to every word.
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the thing you write with is it pronounced pen or pin.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look Vallerina, not everyone says "abayouwt" when saying "about" or "wudder" when talking about what's inside a pool. Deal.
And mine doesn't have any teeth. It's just pretty. It shimmers and everything. And on the quiet nights, if you listen carefully, you can hear it sing just like Ariel in The Little Mermaid.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know Katy. A mild country accent, I guess. It's not bad but you should hear the tapes of me when I was seven. I added ten extra syllables to every word.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Perhaps I'll do one tomorrow, but my voice is extremely average and I'm sure people will mock my accent.
===
More than O mocks mine? Impossible. I think you're safe.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mine is pretty.
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Mine has teeth. How do you think I get my man to stick around?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what accent would that be?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mine is pretty.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't think they were inferring that "you look like a man".
I think what they meant was that "your vagina probably looks a lot like Orgasmo's vagina."
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone just threw down the low-voice gauntlet?
Sounds like it's time for a voicewhore.
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Perhaps I'll do one tomorrow, but my voice is extremely average and I'm sure people will mock my accent.
Submitted by Bohme (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:38:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't worry, my alter ego is a little girl.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 you remind me of someone I knew a long long time ago.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apparently I look like a man? Oh well, my alter-ego is a gun-toting male so why not.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's right..... I went there.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone just threw down the low-voice gauntlet?
Sounds like it's time for a voicewhore.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:26:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You look like a real smartass in your photos.
You also look like you have a deep voice.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm jealous of your fiction... um.. what is your nickname du jour? Katy, noonie?
Orgasmatron, I'll email you about Dick and Vagina Bomb. But I'm not very funny, so maybe you could write it.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
have another +2 cuz i fucking suck at writing poetry and i'm probably jealous.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey O how about you say "these days" again in the span of thirty words?
OK!
These days I'm a fucking idiot.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:08:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If that's what the kids are calling it these days, I'm down.
It sounds like more of a throwback term though. But that's totally in these days.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:02:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...which, given the position of her arms in the first picture, she was holding during the photo shoot.
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I was petting my cat, you dirty minded bastard.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:04:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, shlongy, I have to leave in about 30 minutes, so yes, my boredom has been staved off for the rest of afternoon.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:02:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...which, given the position of her arms in the first picture, she was holding during the photo shoot.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:00:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
well, I'm fairly certain, based on the number of extremely lonely losers on this site, that you will achieve all of your attention-starved goals.
I'll give you a point for having a nice, shiny box.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:54:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well that's fair then. I thought "Eliot" a lot while reading this, actually. The references make sense in that respect.
The fourth stanza is basically perfect. I really wish I could quantify exactly why I feel that way.
But then, if I could explain it all it wouldn't be very important or enjoyable would it?
Don't scrap it, and don't scrap your form. The form is solid. I agree that you can have some fun playing with a new beginning, because if you can kick it off as well as you end it you'll be very much in business.
And I mentioned it elsewhere but I like your Avengers/Dick & Vagina Bomb idea.
It could be turned into something ridiculous.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no, it is not to be scrapped. i liked it, i just didn't love it. i didn't LIKE it like it, but i liked it.
i liked the first stanza and thought it was good, minus something that was just gnawing at the back of my mind. then orgasmatron pegged it and so i decided that i wouldn't have to write any long review because he coudl do the work and i could just sit back and be a critic without offering any helpful advice.
just listen to him. he knows what he's talking about.
i liked it.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O, the tea and crumpets and the eyes dropping "questions on your plate" were references to Eliot... attempts at allusions. While I realize the themes aren't the same, I feel there is a secondary theme of extreme politeness and people not saying what they feel in Eliot's poem. (Not that I'm comparing ANYTHING I write to Eliot's work in terms of quality.)
The polite company comment is dead on, as this poem is about the things we do not say, the things we are willing to put up with, in this instance at a dinner party setting in which the hostess puts up with people she despises in order to fulfill a social/class obligation.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lovely poem
pretty girl
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2you are very cute
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
right after the uberdirectory is always the best time to do it.
ps - you sparkle. in the scary way.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was leaving for the day but had to log back in.
you=adorable
I dont know nuthin about no poems, Thats all Orgasmatron or Puck.
+2 for effort
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Additionally there is mention of tea, crumpets, bread, and sopping. I tend to think of bread when I hear "sop" so that carries through well. Perhaps the tea and crumpets reference doesn't necessarily apply to this specific instance, and is more of a general catch-all for polite company.
I'd suggest sticking with one and working it through the piece.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:41:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I kind of feel like I should scrap the first stanza altogether. It's kind of a weak lead-in.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i didn't love it, chipmunk cheeks, but at least you tried.
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Yes, but could it be revised into something better or should it be scrapped?
And chipmunk cheeks... goddammit, like I haven't heard that my whole life.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 21:37:58 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Can you dislocate your jaw and swallow small mammals whole?
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Yes. I've got a young asian midget in my stomach right now.
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*steeples fingers* Excellent
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's almost innate- the way you
Sit forcing that smile, that smile.
That pulls at your face,
Peels your lips back,
Sets your teeth on
The invisible bit.
You sop it up and swallow it down,
Even as you are ground,
Chewed up like the cud
Of some dumb dead-eyed cow.
So how does it taste?
Are you one of them now?
These, to me, are the strongest parts of your piece. To me? To who else, jackhole? The fuck are you gonna speak for hmm? Quiet you're embarrassing us. Like that time I told people how we j/o'd into a funeral urn that one ti...
SILENCE.
Ok we settled it. All better now. Moving on.
So these are the parts I like. I don't know what it is exactly, but "sweet duress" just doesn't work for me. I know it's necessary given the rhyme - and I really do like the way you chose to present this, rhyme-wise - but "duress" though an appropriate word and appropriate rhyme just sits poorly to me. But I am just one man.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Can you dislocate your jaw and swallow small mammals whole?
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Yes. I've got a young asian midget in my stomach right now.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i didn't love it, chipmunk cheeks, but at least you tried.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Can you dislocate your jaw and swallow small mammals whole?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I JUST MADE A SEXY BOOM EXPLOSION IN MY PANTS
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lishy, you're like a sister to me. I mean that the way black people use it.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:34:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cutest.
spidergirl.
EVAR.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:33:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Marry me.
I liek the rhyme; works for me. I think
It's here you caress
What makes others cringe.
is a little awkward, but I like the rest a lot.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
By the by, I'd like someone to tell me if this poem works or not. Like, srsly.
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are SO fucking cute.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)